Rose (Suitors of Seattle) (9 page)

“Exactly.”  He was pleased she understood.  “So I went to dinner, and you were pretty, and I didn’t dislike you, so I agreed to court you.  Doesn’t that make sense?”

“So you agreed to court me, not because you loved me, but because you didn’t dislike me?  You agreed to court me because of a lack of emotions rather than because you felt emotions for me?”  Her face was livid, letting him know she didn’t understand nearly as well as she’d let on.

“Well, I guess I liked you some, but I really didn’t even know you.  I thought we’d get to know one another better while we courted.”  He turned his hands up in an unspoken plea for understanding.

“And did we get to know one another better during our short courtship?  You couldn’t wait another few weeks to figure out if you loved me before proposing?  You were the one to ask me to marry you
, if you’ll recall.”

“I didn’t see a point in wasting any more time.  I hate wasting time.  It’s tiring to work all day and then spend every evening, or almost every evening, with a young lady.  I knew I liked you.  You were a good woman who would make a good hostess for
the parties I wanted to throw.  You’re part of the Seattle social scene in a way that I, moving here as an adult, wouldn’t be without you.  We both wanted children.  Why wait?”  To him it was all perfectly logical, and logic had been something that had always ruled his world.  He could never understand the men he’d gone to school with who would fall for a woman and let their emotions rule them.

She stood up, obviously furious now, and began pacing the room.  “You don’t think I deserved to marry a man who loved me?  Who respected me?  Who thought I was more than someone to carry his children?”  She stopped and glared at him.  “Do you have any idea how many men have declared their undying love for me in the past four years?  Any idea at all?”
  Her voice was a shriek at this point, but she didn’t care.  All the hours of practicing keeping her voice calm were lost in the face of her new husband.

He shook his head helplessly. 

“Dozens.  Dozens of men who would have done anything for me and told me they loved me on a daily basis.  And you?  You thought I was good enough because you liked me and I could probably throw a good party?”  The last words came out as a scream.  She couldn’t believe he was so uncaring.  What was it about him that had convinced her she was in love with him?

“I’m sorry.”  The words were spoken sincerely.  He was sorry.  She was a decent young lady, and she did deserve better, but it was too late now.  Their marriage had been consummated. 

“You’re sorry?  Sorry that you’ve turned the day I’ve been looking forward to since I was a young girl into a farce?  Sorry that you’ve doomed me to spending the rest of my life in a loveless marriage?  Sorry that you have no feelings or emotions?  Sorry that you have the consideration of a rock?”  She turned and stormed from the room, running up the stairs.  She took her small carpet bag from the floor in his room and went to the room next door, locking it behind her.

From downstairs, Shawn heard the slam of the door.  He sighed.  “I really didn’t make that any better, did I?”  He climbed the stairs to ready himself for bed.  His lonely bed that he would sleep in alone.  Again. 

*****

As Rose readied herself for church the next morning, she decided she would sit with her family and pretend she didn’t have a husband.  He wouldn’t care.  It wasn’t as if he loved her anyway. 

She couldn’t believe everyone had allowed her to marry a man who had all the tender feelings of a frog.  Wasn’t that why Aunt Harriett had made her wait until she was eighteen
? 
Wasn’t that why she’d investigated every man Rose was interested in?
 
Why hadn’t she been able to find out about Shawn?  In her mind, Rose had already dropped the Doctor.   It was a term of endearment and respect to her, and he no longer deserved it.

She wore a pale pink gown, and put her hair back in an elaborate twist.  She was just leaving the room she’d chosen to sleep in when she saw Shawn coming her way.  “Are you ready for church?”

She nodded, refusing to look at him.  She wasn’t going to tell him of her plan to go home with her family either. He didn’t deserve to know what she was thinking or feeling.  She walked beside him through the quiet streets, passing a few people she knew along the way.  She waved in greeting, but said nothing, unwilling to answer questions about how happy she was.

Once they reached the church, she started toward her family’s pew, but Shawn caught her arm. “Where are you going?  I usually sit over here.”  He pointed to a spot on the right side of the church, but her family sat on the left.

Her chin rose and her eyes met his in defiance.  “I’m going to sit with my family.  They love me.”  She shrugged off his hand and moved toward her family again. 

He caught her hand this time.  “No.  You’re my wife and you’re sitting with me in church this morning.”

“I have no desire to be your wife.”  Her voice was a hiss, but she kept it low, because she didn’t want to have people talking about her.

He dropped his lips down to her ear.  “But you are my wife, and you will behave like it.  You are not a spoiled brat, which is what you’re behaving like right now.  You will sit beside me and pretend you love me just as much as you thought you did yesterday.”

“Let go of me!” she hissed.  “I want to be with my family.”  She tried to tear her arm from his, but he wouldn’t let her.

“We’ve been married for less than twenty-four hours. You will stay with me.”  He pushed her to her bottom in the pew he had chosen and sat beside her. 

“I hate you!” she whispered venomously.  Why wouldn’t he even allow her to sit with her family?  Was he so lacking in love as that?

He shrugged.  “You’re still sitting with me.” 

She sat beside him through the singing of hymns and the long sermon.  After the service was over, people gathered around them.  Her uncle Max reached out to shake hands with Shawn.  “I’m surprised to see you two here today.  We figured you’d take your one whole day off before you go back to work to be together.”

Shawn shrugged.  “I’d planned on it, but she wanted to stick to our normal routine.”
  He smiled down at Rose as if there was nothing amiss between them.

Max nodded, his eyes shifting between the newlywed couple.  “That makes sense to me.”

Harriett stood beside her husband holding their son. Her eyes searched Rose’s.  “Why don’t you come over for lunch at my place tomorrow?  Around noon?”

Rose nodded gratefully.  She did need to talk to her aunt.  “I’d like that, Aunt Harriett.”
  If no one else in the world understood how badly she was being treated, her aunt would.  She was grateful to have her in her life.

Shawn slipped his arm around her shoulders as if there were nothing wrong between them and gave Harriett his best smile.  “I’m sure she’s going to get lonely without her family to surround her.”

Harriett nodded solemnly.  “I had a hard time when I was first married, because I felt like there was nothing for me to do.”

Shawn nodded.  “I’ll try to make sure she’s always got something to occupy her time.” 

Mary rushed over and hugged Rose tightly.  “It felt strange not having all my chicks at home last night.  You should come for a visit tomorrow.  Do you want to have lunch with us?”

Rose laughed softly.  “I’m having lunch with Aunt Harriett.  Why don’t I come to your house for tea?”
  She would need to explain to her mother why she was leaving Shawn before the news got out. 

Mary nodded.  “Sounds good.”  They didn’t always do an afternoon tea in the house Rose had grown up in, but they did when they’d have company.  She looked at Shawn.  “Would the two of you like to come over for luncheon today?”

Shawn shook his head, giving Rose a loving look.  “I’d rather spend the day alone with my new wife, if that’s okay.  Maybe next Sunday?”

“Of course.  I should have thought.”  She gave Rose another quick hug.  “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.” 

Once they’d left the church and were on their way home, Rose looked at Shawn.  “Why did you act like everything is fine between us, when you know it’s not?”  She couldn’t seem to control the bitterness in her voice when she spoke to him.

Shawn shrugged.  “No man wants to admit his wife is already angry with him when they haven’t been married a full day.”
  How could she not understand something as simple as that?

“Because he doesn’t want to admit he deserves to have his wife angry with him when they haven’t even been married a full day?”

“That’s part of it.  Mostly, though, it’s just a pride issue.  It makes it look like I couldn’t satisfy you in bed, when we both know that wasn’t the case.”  He watched her face carefully for a reaction to his words.

She stopped walking and stared at him in shock.  “I can’t believe you’d throw that back in my face.  I thought you loved me!”
  Deep inside, she wondered if she’d have reacted the same way to his touch if she had known he didn’t love her.  She really didn’t want to think about it.

He shrugged.  “Love or not, you liked what we did together.” He walked toward their house, now within sight, without waiting for her.  He grinned as soon as he knew she wouldn’t be able to see it.

“I’m not going to stay with you.  You’re an insufferable oaf and don’t deserve someone like me to marry.  I should have married Steven Johnson.  He’s been in love with me for years!”  She half ran to keep up with him as they walked up to the house.

“Maybe you should have.  Obviously you didn’t want a husband
; you wanted a lap dog.  Someone who would follow you around telling you how much he loved you on an hourly basis.”  He opened the door and walked inside.  One of the maids was waiting just inside.  He handed her his hat and coat.  “Do you know if lunch is ready yet?”

She nodded.  “Yes, Dr. Shawn.  It’s ready to serve.”

“Good.”  He walked into the dining room without Rose, leaving her to trail behind him.  He was seething with anger over her plan to sit with her family at church.  If she loved him like she said she did, why did she want to humiliate him like that in front of all of Seattle?

He took his spot at the head of the table and wasn’t surprised when she sat at the foot of it.  The long expanse of table between them would make conversation impossible.  He didn’t care.  He was so angry, he knew it was best if nothing was said between them for a while.

Rose ate her roast beef in silence.  The meal was excellent, but she could barely taste it.  She couldn’t believe he’d forced her to behave how he’d wanted at church.  The man was a cad through and through, and she couldn’t wait to get out of his house.  She was sure once her aunt heard how he was treating her, she’d be invited to move right in.  Or her mother.  And if neither of them wanted her, she’d move to the battered women’s house.  Surely the way he was treating her qualified for living there. 

She hid her secret smile from him.  He would get home from work to discover her gone.  She wished she could be a fly on the wall to see his face, but she knew it wasn’t possible. 

Oh well, just so she was gone and treated better was all that mattered to her.  Life would be back to normal once she got her divorce.  She shuddered as she thought the word.  Surely her parents would understand the need for a divorce in these circumstances.  She was a battered woman just like all the others.  Of course, they would support her.  She needed all the love she could get after what she’d gone through as Shawn’s wife.  The man was impossible to live with, and frankly, impossible to love.  She ignored the little voice that told her she still loved him.

*****

During the short walk to Max and Harriett’s house late the following morning, Rose practiced what she’d tell her aunt.  She needed to make her understand just how bad things were at her house.  She needed her aunt to want to give her a home, and she needed Harriett to feel guilt over what had happened with Shawn.

She knocked on the door when she arrived
, and one of the maids took her into Harriett’s parlor where she was holding her son, Simon.

Rose sat in the chair perpendicular to the sofa where he
r aunt sat and sighed heavily.  She waited a moment for her aunt to ask what was wrong, but when she didn’t, she sighed again more loudly.  Surely she’d get the hint this time.

“Is there something troubling you, Rose?”  Aunt Harriett’s voice sounded almost amused.

Rose nodded.  “Shawn doesn’t love me.”  She said the words as dramatically as she could, hoping her aunt would understand how deeply the lack of love was affecting her.

“No, I never thought he did.”

Rose turned to her in shock.  “But you let me marry him!”  How could Harriett do this to her?  She’d ruined her life and she didn’t even care?

Harriett shook her head.  “You told me it was him or no one.  You said you loved him.  My job was to make certain he didn’t have a history of abusing women and to make sure he didn’t need money and wasn’t marrying you for your wealth.  I did that.  I never claimed he loved you.  Did he tell you he loved you?”

Rose shook her head.  “Well, no, but he acted like he did!”