Resolution (Saviour) (44 page)

“
Fuck yeah.”

He turns his head and looks at me and I’m pretty sure I sigh out loud
. He is hot.

“
You… Need… To… Stop…Swearing.”

“
What?”

“
You Lauren, you need to stop swearing so much, the babies will be saying fuck as their first word if they listen too much to you.”

I actually feel a little offended
. Why does everyone keep giving me advice on parenting, they obviously all feel like I’m not that good at it, despite having done it twice before.

“
Fuck you.” I say to Gabe as I put my empty cup on the drainer and go to fill the kettle to make another cup of tea.

“
And such an adult too.” I pick the cup up and throw it, it skims past his head and smashes on the wall above. “What the fuck Lauren? What is wrong with you?”

“
What is wrong with me? Will you stop, please, telling me what to do around these babies, stop with the top twenty tips from Practical Parenting? I know what I’m doing, I’ve raised two beautiful, well-adjusted boys, I’ve brought them up to be loving, caring, well-mannered men.” I start to sob as I speak, I feel entirely useless as a wife and as a mother right now and Gabe’s little digs are really not what I need to be constantly hearing. “I’m not a bad mother.” I finally get out.

He’s up, off the sofa and has me wrapped in his arms in seconds
. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry, I was joking, I was just joking with you.” He picks me up in his arms and carries me back to the sofa and sits me in his lap. “You’re boys are credits to you, especially in light of today’s events. You are an exceptional Mum and I couldn’t choose anyone better to be the mother of my children. Please believe me, your boys, these babies and Ava are all so lucky to have you, please Lauren, it was a joke that is all. If all this bullshit hadn’t have gone on this morning with Jason, you would have thrown more than just a cup at me. And I would have deserved it, I’m sorry; it was thoughtless of me, but don’t let the actions of that prick, make you doubt your abilities as a mother Lauren, don’t let him doubt your ability to achieve anything in this life. You’ve come so far these past few months, don’t let his life choices impact on ours now. You heard what Ryder said, you’re the best Mum. Fucking hell, we don’t employ idiots Lauren, he’s a smart boy and no doubt Sonny is the same.”

I wipe my t
ears and my nose on the sleeve of my hoodie. “Shit, I have to ring Sonny now and ruin his day too.”

I leave Gabe to clear up the mess I made with the cup and go and call my eldest child. I cry myself back to sleep after wards, thinking that today will be marked off as one of the shit
tiest of my life.

The next few days are spent dealing with solicitors and accountants from both businesses; because Jason has been sectioned, power of attorney is switched to me. I don’t want to sell his company out from under him. Especially not to Gabe’s families firm but if I don’t, there probably will be nothing left to save within a matter of weeks so by Wednesday it’s a done deal. I have left all of this to the boys to deal with and have just concentrated on getting the Palmers place finished. I will be handing everything over to them on Thursday, then on Friday I am booked into the hospital at ten to have the CVS testing done, I am absolutely terrified of what they might find and this has helped in some part keep my mind off the fact the procedure, may well be painful.

Gabe has been an absolute rock where Jason has been concerned and as soon as the psych unit are prepared to release him, he has booked him into a hospital in East Malvern for a twenty eight day
rehab program, he has liaised with the police, who have said they would be happy for Jason to complete the course before they bring charges against him. Obviously they would prefer a non-addicted prisoner on their hands than an addicted one; we have been advised that Jason has asked to see me but for one, at the moment he’s not allowed any visitors and for another, Gabe has completely forbidden it. I will see him at some stage, rightly or wrongly, I want to help him through this, I want to support him but I will be up front and honest with Gabe about it and make sure I don’t put myself in danger in any way, he will no doubt crack it big time. Despite everything, I still feel it’s the right thing to do, Jason is after all, my boys Dad and has been a part of my life, it’s just not in me to abandon him, I feel responsible, but very little else.

Gabe takes Thursday morning off to come with me up to Redhill, he’s never seen my work in person and I feel more nervous showing him around than I do about showing the Palmers the finished job. We arrive at around ten, which gives me an ho
ur before Karen and Steve are due to arrive, I don’t want Gabe here when they are, I know it’s petty but I don’t want him and Karen in the same state, let alone the same house. I walk him through without saying too much, just watching his reactions to each room, despite all of the distractions I’ve had during this job, I personally feel it’s one of my best yet. It’s a sunny but cold day as we go out onto the balcony and look down at the newly landscaped pool area and the new pool house which Gabe’s team are responsible for.

“
Come here” He says very quietly, I stand in front of him, squinting from the sun. “Do you know how fucking proud of you I am right now?”

I shake my head
. “Tell me.”

H
e shakes his head in return. “I could have fucked this up for you completely. Anyone else would have run a mile from this job but you held your held high and just got on with it. I was so ashamed Lauren.” He closes his eyes for a long moment and wraps his arms around me, then steps back and looks at me. “That day I came up here and you knew, within seconds you knew what had gone on in the past. You looked at me with such disappointment. I felt, I can’t begin to tell you how I felt; I had never been ashamed of my past until that moment. I wanted, I wished in moment, that right then, that there had only ever been you. But that’s… That wasn’t the case; that day, putting you in that position made me want to be a better person. I know I’ve fucked up since, but every day, that’s all I want, I want to be what you deserve, you’ve had so much shit to deal with and you just get on with things, you don’t use the hand life has dealt you to fuck up, you’re good and kind and even now, I know your worrying about that prick of an ex of yours and I know you will want to go and visit with him, because that’s just you Lauren and I want so much to be what you deserve.”

He takes a deep breath in and tucks a strand of my hair that’s blowing across my face behind my ear
, his eyes scan the view of the Mornington Peninsula that’s laid out behind me, I know he’s struggling to put into words how he’s feeling so I give him a minute. “No one gets a second chance like this, you, the babies, our life; it’s so much more than I ever dreamed of, even now I have it, every day, every moment is more, is better than I thought it could be and I just need you to know, that I’ve resolved myself to let you know, to make you know, every single day, that you and our life together are my world now, I’m sorry for my past crap but I can’t change it but our future is what we want to make it and I’m so grateful and honoured and so fucking proud that you have chosen to be with me Lauren, to love me so much more than I deserve.”

“
Gabe, don’t go there again, you deserve to be loved, to love, to be happy, neither of us is perfect, I proved that just last week, I could have destroyed us by going to Jason’s, we’re too fuckups together, we’ll find our way, whatever gets thrown at us, we’ll get through it, as long as I have you beside me I will fight anyone and anything that tries to come between us, I’ll fight for us. I love you”

His hands are gripping my shoulders as he kisses me gently on the
mouth; he pulls me with him as he leans his back against the rails of the balcony…

“
Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

“
Shitting myself.” I admit. “But more about the results than the procedure.” He looks away from me again and nods.

“
But we are on the same page right. If the results aren’t good, we won’t panic, we’ll discuss our options with the doctors?”

I nod my head
. “Like I just said, whatever life throws at us, we’ll discuss and decide on our choices together.” He plants a kiss on my forehead.

“
I love you future Mrs Wilde.”

“
I love you too future husband.”

Gabe leaves before the Palmers arrive, I show them around as I did him and they are more than happy with everything, I’ve been sending Karen picture updates as each room has been dressed for the past week so she had an idea anyway, she tells me an interiors magazine want to do a feature article on the place and
that she has given them my name and number. She pats my hand in a patronising gesture. “It will be great publicity for your little business Lauren; you will probably get lots of work from it, I will be sure to tell everyone what a great job you’ve done.”

I should keep mouth shut
, but I can’t, it’s just not in my nature. “Actually, I’m going to be pretty busy for a while, Gabe and I have bought a large block of land together, we’re going to subdivide and put townhouses on it, he will handle the build, I will deal with the interiors, then on top of that, I have a wedding to plan and the birth of our twins to look forward to.”

Her jaw hits the floor
. Good, I hope it hurts, but she probably didn’t feel a thing, her face is probably numb from all the Botox that’s been pumped into it. Thoughts of the film ‘Flubber’ enter my head and I imagine Karen’s face bouncing from wall to wall and from floor to ceiling and in the end give up my attempts to wipe the smile off my face.

“
That’s right, you’re engaged to the youngest Wilde boy aren’t you Lauren? I still forget you’re not with Jason anymore.”

Steve Palmer says
. “Didn’t think anyone would ever tame him, Wilde by name and nature, been the same since he was younger that one, although I have heard rumours that there’s been a few that have tried to tie him down.”

He looks pointedly at his wife
. Fuck, he knows and yet he still does business with Gabe’s family? Her mouth opens and closes a couple of times but nothing comes out. “He just never met the right woman.” I say with a smile.

“
Apparently not.” He replies. “Glad it’s all working out for you, twins you say? You’re really going to have your hands full there, still you’re young, you’ll handle it.”

“
Don’t be silly darling, Lauren’s only a few years younger than me.” Karen comments.

I’m pretty sure Steve Palmer is aware of this; his hands are dug deep into his suit pocket as he turns around and winks at me
. “No, I’m not having that, what are you Lauren, thirty five, thirty six?”

“
I’ll be forty-six in March.” I reply.

“
Bloody hell. You really need to find out what her secret is Karen, perhaps not having Botox every other week is the way to go.”

When I get home
, after my little detour to the shops on the way, I find a massive bouquet of my favourite Australian native flowers sitting in a vase of water with a note propped up against them.

Congratulations my clever beautiful girl
.

Hope you like the flowers, they reminded me of you, orange for your hair
,

red for your passion and your temper
!

I fucking love you
future Mrs Wilde x

PS
: Didn’t go into work, surfs up so gone to the back beach with Zac,

I will pick up dinner on my way home, put your feet up and rest
up coz I plan on getting naked and wearing you out later baby xxx

I admire the flowers for a minute; I love the colours, all reds and burnt oranges, lilies were always my favourite when I was with Jay, I even had them in my wedding bouquet, then the very first time Gabe bought me flowers, the bouquet contained Bottle Brush, Banksia and Proteas and I had loved them, they epitomised the two different great loves of my life, the lilies being straight forward, basic if you like and the natives being wild and untamed fire and passion, I smile to myself as I walk off to the bedroom to get ready for the little surprise I have in store for Gabe later.

I shower
and put on the outfit I had bought earlier along with the accessories, I am feeling a little shaky, as brave as I had got lately, I still struggle when it comes to being the one to initiate sex, I still have this irrational fear of being rejected or laughed at and I still have major body image issues, especially now, being pregnant but Gabe constantly reassures me and I am making a concerted effort not to be too whiney about it.

I put my b
athrobe on over my outfit and sit on the edge of the bed, swinging my legs while I scroll through my Facebook and Twitter accounts; I feel him, sense his presence and look up to see him leaning in the doorway, wearing boardies and a pinkish coloured T shirt, he has colour in his cheeks and his hair is still damp, his blue eyes bright and sparkling as they look me over, he’s noticed my stockings and killer heels and his teeth rake over his bottom lip.