Resolution (Saviour) (39 page)

He kisses my nose and turns and grabs his overnight bag and briefcase and leaves
. I treat myself to another coffee, grab my newly acquired Kindle and head back to bed.

Jemma has been cutting and colouring my hair since I was about fifteen, hairdressing is all she has ever wanted to do since the very first time that I met her when we were about thirteen and I had just arrived from England, it was Jemma that finally convinced me to embrace my auburn curls, which, I’ve got to admit I spent most of my early life hating; my hair had been the cause of so much name calling and so many nick names that I was determined to change the colour as soon as I was old enough so for about a year I became Jemma’s guinea pig, I was blonde, I was black, I was a strange shade of bluish black when her experimentation all went wrong one time, I was copper orange, which sort of defeated the object and eventually we got it back to my original reddish, auburn by cutting it all off and starting again, it’s the one and only time in my life I have had short hair and I hated it, anyway, it grew back and I decided then and there that I wouldn’t mess with the colour that mother nature intended for me again. Aside from the half head of foils that I have had done twice a year for about the last ten years now, and that’s exactly what I was booked in for today.

Jemma had got herself a hairdressing apprenticeship straight from
school; she had gone to college, served her time and qualified with bells on. She worked as a mobile stylist when the kids were little and then when they had started school her and Max had taken out a massive loan on the house and set her up in her own salon, fifteen years later she has three salons and employs over fifty people; all of her salons now have beauty rooms attached, where you can get anything from an eyelash tint, cosmetic tattoo, to a plain old manicure and business is booming.

I have my hair cut and coloured, I have a mani, a pedi and both sets of nails painted with shellac in a nice shade of dark red, I get my eyebrows waxed and both them and my eyelashes tinted; by the time I leave, four hours later, I am feeling like a million dollars and I’m chilled out to the max; Gabe called earlier to let me know he had landed safely and that he missed me, Jemma kindly took a photo of me with tinfoil on my head and sent it to him
.

He messaged back
.

You look
beautiful, I love you

Twenty seconds later Gabe calls my phone, I don’t even get chance to speak. “Lauren, are the chemicals in that hair colour safe for the babies?’

“
What? Yes.” Shit… I have no idea!

“
You’re sure? I’ve googled it; I can’t really find anything that says it’s dangerous or safe.”

I pass the phone to Jemma
. “Please tell Mr Neurotic that my highlights aren’t harming the babies.”

She looks at me confused and shrugs
. “Hey Gabe, I’m using a low odour, ammonia free, hair lightener. Yes Gabe…. Gabe, I’ve been doing this a long time, I have coloured the hair of pregnant women before. No, I know the others aren’t your pregnant woman but your pregnant woman happens to be my best friend so all due care will be taken.”

She shakes her head and smiles as she passes the phone back
. “Gabe, you really do need to chill out a little bit, we have another seven months to go and I would prefer you to be alive and well when these babies arrive and not to have worried yourself into an early grave.”

“
I’m sorry, I, it’s just… I love you, keep your phone close, I will call you after my meeting.”

“
I love you too.”

I smile to myself as I recall the conversation while walking around the supermarket later, I pick up a few essentials and head back to my car still wearing a stupid grin on my face
, and walk straight into Jason. My stomach churns a few times, then drops to my toes, he speaks first.

“
Lauren, how are you? You look a lot better than the last time I saw you, take it you’ve fully recovered from your accident.”

He doesn’t, he looks terrible.
I smile the best I can, I actually feel a little sick and a whole lot guilty, have I done this to him? This whole situation is surreal, I’m standing at my local shopping centre, having an awkward conversation with a man I have shared half my life and two children with, but I barely recognise him, he’s lost so much weight, he almost looks gaunt, why didn’t Ryder tell me about this? I pull myself together and answer.

“
I’m good thanks. Just the wrist to heel completely, then everything will be back as it was.”

I raise my arm and show him the cast around my lower arm and wrist
. His eyes instantly land on my engagement ring. He reaches out and pulls my hand towards him and looks down at my fingers, he studies my ring for a few minutes before his eyes roam back up to my face. Eyes that I used to know so well, eyes that have seen each and every part of my body, eyes that have watched me walk up the aisle on my way to becoming his wife, that have seen me give birth to two children and eyes that have watched me cower on the floor, in fear of what he was going to do next to cause me pain, but they don’t look the same, I can’t see him in there, it’s almost a vacant look he gives me, like he’s looking through me, not at me.

“
Nice ring. Is it an engagement ring? Did you get engaged?”

I smile nervously, what should I tell him? I’m standing right next to my car
. He has to know sometime, I should just tell him and then get in my car and leave.

“
Yeah. Yeah it is, we did, just this weekend.” I move towards my car and because it’s keyless, as soon as I’m close enough it unlocks.

“
New car too Ren? A whole new life. You really have moved on.”

I put my bags on the passenger seat and close the door back up while trying to think of what to say; I really don’t want this to turn into a confrontation
but, he’s still my husband, he was once my world.

“
S’pose that number plate just about sums it up.”

I turn around and meet his
gaze; he doesn’t look angry or confrontational. He looks sad, defeated, empty and I know that I shouldn’t but I feel sorry for him, I want to go to him and make it right for him, but doing that would just make everything else in my life so very wrong.

“
Jase. Please… I’m sorry, I.”

“
When’s the wedding? Do the boys know?”

Shit
. I really do not want to be having this conversation. Especially not while standing in the middle of Woolies car park. I should have called him. Should I? Do I owe him that much. I know how I should feel, but I just. Shit, this is so confusing.

“
Of course the boys know.”

I can’t mention that Ryder was pa
rt of our celebrations, that would just be spiteful and cause trouble and despite everything, I don’t want to hurt him. I look over his face, the face that used to light up my life, his brown eyes are looking at me longingly and I hate that there’s still a pull. Not sexually, I seem to be immune to other men’s sexiness these days. Apart from David Gandy and Henry Cavill of course, but that’s a given right? Other than those two, there’s not a man out there who holds my attention, makes my insides clench or inspires naughty thoughts. Not even for a second. Nobody other than Gabe, but there is still something there for Jason, even if it’s just the desire not to cause him pain.

“
Well good luck with it all Lauren; I hope he makes you happy. We erm… We need to get together and sign some paper work, for the house, and I need you to come and have a sort through some stuff you still have at home. Clothes and some old photos and stuff, if you want them, that is. Is there any furniture or anything that you want? I’m moving into a two bedroomed unit so I won’t have room for everything. Just come round and take whatever you want to take. I don’t mind. Let me know and I can make sure I’m out or I can be there if you prefer whatever you want to do.”

I feel sick to my stomach
. I’ve been so swept away with Gabe and our new life that I’ve not really taken into account that I’m in the middle of a divorce. That I have this whole other life that I still have to deal with, whether I want to or not.

“
Well I have a bit of time on Friday, could I come round then?” Better to get this out of the way and done while Gabe’s away.

“
Friday’s fine, what about the paper work. When do you want to deal with that?”

“
I…Erm.” I don’t want him in the house while I’m there. I don’t trust him enough and plus it would just feel weird.

“
It’s ok Lauren. We can deal with the paperwork another time. I have put a lot of your stuff into boxes already but you still have stuff everywhere. Just go through everything. It’s still your house. You have keys right?”

“
Yeah. Yeah I still have keys. Right, well I will be there first thing Friday and try to take most of my stuff, I can’t really remember what’s there so it may take a couple of trips.”

“
First thing as in nine am or first thing as in midday, you’re kind of first thing?”

He smiles as he speaks and
it knocks ten years off of his handsome face and I can’t help but smile back. “Come on Jay. I can tell you I will be there at nine, but you of all people know full well that it will be closer to twelve.”

Shit
. Why did I say that?

“
Some things never change, do they Ren?”

I shake my head and fight back tears
. Shit. Shit. Shit. Why am I getting tearful? “No they don’t Jay.”

“
Look Lauren, there’s a lot we need to talk about. Would you have a coffee with me, in public? Not back at ours I mean.” Gabe will kill me. I shake my head.

“
I can’t Jay. I have a girlfriend coming over tonight, we are going out for dinner, I need to get myself ready.”

He nods at me slowly
. “You look beautiful as you are Lauren, you’re glowing. Gabriel is obviously good for you, I envy him.”

“
Don’t Jay. Please, let’s just keep this pleasant.”

“
I’m being pleasant Lauren, I was paying you a compliment. I was paying you both a compliment, Gabriel’s obviously doing something for you I couldn’t. You look really well, radiant almost. I miss you Lauren. So fucking much, I’m jealous, I would do anything, give anything to have you back.”

I can’t listen to this
. I don’t want to hear it and I hate hearing him saying Gabe’s name. Like he knows him, like he knows us, about us. He has no idea; I’m not Lauren East. I’m Lauren Day now and he has no idea who she is and what she’s about.

“
I have to go Jay, let me know if there is a problem with me coming by on Friday. It’s good to see you.”

I walk around to the driver’s side but he grabs my arm before I get the door open
. “Is it Lauren? Is it really good to see me? If you really wanted to, you could see me every day. You could put a stop to all this and just come home. I’ve said I’m sorry, over and over I’ve told you, I don’t know what more I can do to convince you to put a stop to all this. You’re a forty five year old woman. Not a fucking teenager, you need to stop with all this bull shit and come home.”

I pull my arm from his grip and get into my car, slamming the door behind me
. I have no idea how to lock the doors from the inside. Fucking stupid new car. I press the button and start the engine, take a deep breath and start to reverse, I can see him still standing behind the car in my reverse camera. I beep at him and he steps to the side. I avoid making eye contact with him and pull away. I’m so fucking angry with myself. When will I learn? Every time. Every time, he starts off pleasant and says all the right things and I feel sorry for him and then he just can’t help himself. He still just doesn’t get the fact that it’s him that’s in the wrong and not me and I don’t think he ever will!

Stella and I have a lovely evening
, until she questions my lack of alcohol consumption. I blame it on the fact that I’m driving but she argues that I can have a couple, especially as I will be eating.

“
What has got into you and Gabe lately darl? He has driven me mad this week, making sure that I was definitely coming over to stay with you, and he’s rung me like six times today, telling me we are not to go to Main Street and you are not to drink and then perhaps it would be better if we just stayed home with a takeaway. What is going on Lauren? Has your ex been making threats again?”

“
No, no, he just worries when he’s not around. He’s just over protective and paranoid Stell, its best just to humour him, you should know that.”

“
But why the no drinking? He won’t even know, I won’t tell him. Strewth, it would be more than my life’s worth.”

“
He just knows what you and I are like when we have a drink together. Look what happened the last time I went to Main Street with you and without him. We’ve been together just over ten weeks Stell. I was attacked by my husband on the night I met him. Then again a few weeks later, actually in Gabe’s home. And then the accident up at the lake. He’s just worried something else will happen. I have been a bit of a disaster zone lately. Poor bloke, he really must wonder what he’s got himself into.”