Resolution (Saviour) (29 page)

“
Alrighty…You can sit up Lauren, Michelle, would you get Gabriel a seat please.”

Oh shit, this is going to be bad
, Gabe is squeezing my hand tightly with both hands and leans in towards me as I sit up and he sits down, his closeness calms me down just a little bit and it strikes me, just how much I need him right now.

“
Well, Lauren, Gabe. You are most definitely pregnant, I would say around seven to eight weeks.” I let out a sob and cover my mouth with my plastered left hand. Seven to eight weeks, that’s perfect, so, so perfect; anything else he has to tell me I can handle.

“
And I am absolutely 100% sure that you are expecting twins, congratulations!”

Except that, anything accept that there that he just said, those words I cannot accept those
. What. The. Fucking. Fuck? Gabe makes a noise a bit like ‘Huuummm’.

“
Are you sure?” I ask.

“
Yep, I can show you both the heart beats, they look very tiny on the screen right now but there are most definitely two there.”

“
What about the dates, are you sure about the dates?”

“
These machines are state of the art Lauren, they may be one or two weeks out, especially with twins, as they tend to be smaller but I’m pretty happy with those dates, we will know more after the next scan but I would say you are looking at a delivery date of around June next year.”

I’m having twins
, but on the upside, they’re Gabe’s twins, did I mention that I’m forty-five and pregnant, with twins no less. The doctor goes through the procedure again and we watch the two tiny little dots on the screen as they thrum with life. Gabe kisses me again as he laughs, I cry.

“
Twins Lauren, we’re having twins are they boys doc? Can you tell yet?”

The doctor laughs
. “No, I can’t tell you yet, not till about twelve weeks but I am pretty sure they are not identical so you may get lucky and have one of each.”

The nurse, doctor and radiologist give us their congratulations and leave us alone, I put my undies back on and we go back out to the reception area; Gabe settles the balance of the invoice that the insurance doesn’t cover and we walk back out in
to the sunshine. We are barely out of the building when Gabe wraps me in his arms and kisses me.

“
Twins Lauren, we are having twins.”

“
Yes Gabe, I was there, I heard it too.” I can’t help but smile, he’s ecstatic.

“
Why aren’t you happy?”

“
I don’t know what I am right now Gabe, I’m shocked, there’s still a lot to consider, my age is going to throw up a lot of problems, added to that I still have a coil in place, add to that the complications that can go with having twins, there’s just so much to take in, so much that could go wrong. I’m scared Gabe, I’m terrified.”

I look up into his
face, his smiling, handsome face and allow myself a moment of happiness. “It will all be fine, I just know it. I love you Lauren, so much and to think, I could have lost you and them and Ava, oh my god, Ava is going to be, shit, how do you think Ava will take this?”

He kisses me deeply
without giving me a chance to answer and I can feel the stares of people walking in and out of the hospital and I really don’t care, I’m pregnant, with Gabe’s babies, not one but two, I’m having twins and until we are told different, we will assume they are healthy and enjoy this time. We head off to Harba, our favourite place to lunch and we celebrate and discuss our news and our ten week anniversary, ten weeks that have rocked our worlds.

It’s late afternoon by the time we pull the car into the drive and despite the in depth conversations we have had over our extended lunch regarding my pregnancy, my head is still swimming, to say I’m overwhelmed is an understatement, I feel on the verge of an anxiety attack all of a sudden and can’t get out of the car quick enough, I need air
.

“
Let’s have a walk along the beach.” I suggest to Gabe as he climbs out of his side of the car, he’s looking at me with a frown.

“
I wanted to go in and get naked; I need some skin on skin time with you baby.”

He comes around to my side of the car, wraps me in his arms
and grinds his hips into me. “I need a walk Gabe, my head is spinning, I really need to try and calm myself down.”

I wrap my arms around his neck as he bends his knees so that we are eye to eye
. “What are you worrying about now woman? You are going to make yourself ill, I thought we just spent the last two hours talking about all of this?”

His eyes wander all over my face, god, I hope our children are as beautiful as he is
. Our children, we are going to have two children together, two babies, twins, we are having twins, and did I mention I’m forty-five?

He cups my face with his big strong hands and gently brushes his thumbs over my cheekbones
. “Tell me Lauren, I can hear that overthinking brain of yours whirring from here, tell me what’s worrying you now.”

“
Let’s walk and talk.”

He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head, then leads me by the hand and across the road to the beach. We spend the next ten minutes in total silence, walking with our shoes off, the icy cold water of Port Phillip Bay washing over our feet
and the sounds, the sensations, the view and his presence all help to calm me down. Gabe leads me a few steps back from where the water can reach us and sits us down; he pulls me between his legs and presses my back into his chest.

“
Talk to me Lauren, don’t shut me out like this, total honesty remember, we don’t lie to each other. Do you not want to be pregnant? Tell me the truth.”

I hate sitting like this, I’m not close enough to him so I turn around and straddle him, the beach is deserted so there’s no one to f
rown at us and even if there were, well they can go swivel, I’m comfy.

“
If I’m being totally honest Gabe, I wouldn’t have chosen to be pregnant, not at my age, but it is what it is and the fact is that I am pregnant and we are having a baby. Babies and I, shit Gabe, what if something goes wrong because of my age? What if me being old causes them problems, the risk of downs syndrome and spina bifida is so much higher in women my age.” I was so determined not to cry and I think the shock has held the worst of my tears at bay for most of the day but now I just can’t stop them.

“
Gabe, I don’t know what your thoughts are on abortion but I’m telling you now, if there is a chance of problems, if we have the tests done and something shows up, I will have no hesitation in ending this pregnancy and I’m so scared that’s not your view.”

There has never been any reason for Gabe and I to have a discussion on this topic and I
have no idea what his views are. I admire anyone out there who goes ahead with a pregnancy, even after being told there are issues, but that would not be my choice and I am a strong advocate for choice and if Gabe doesn’t agree with my views on this, it could potentially be the end of us and that thought terrifies me! He holds my face again, looking right into my eyes.

“
Whatever decisions need to be made, we make together, we will do all of this together and if that is your choice, then I will back you 100%. I spoke to Rachel earlier, before we knew we were having twins and she said that there is a test they can do after ten weeks for Downs Syndrome, that’s in just two weeks’ time and if any problems show, well then we will go from there but I’ve gotta say Lauren, I just know, I just have a feeling about this and everything is going to be just fine, trust me.”

I nod my head, He’s not a doctor so he can’t possibly know but I want to believe him so I nod my head anyway
, and then another horrible thought hits me.

“
Ohhh God.” I groan.

“
What? What’s wrong?”

“
I am going to get so fat, I’m gonna look like the back of a bus, you are so paying for a tummy tuck after this Wilde and possibly even new tits.”

“
You will not be getting fat, you will be getting more pregnant, you will be growing our babies in that little belly of yours and it will have to get bigger to give them the room they need to grow strong and fit and healthy, you will be perfect Lauren, beautifully pregnant and perfect and I couldn’t be any more stoked. Well, I could but there’s nothing I can do to change things so I can live with that.”

Ugly old insecure me makes an appearance and I move my head back and look at him with a frown
. “What would you change?”

He shrugs and looks up at me through his wasted on a bloke lashes
. “I wish we could be married before the babies come Lauren, I wish that already, right now, this minute, you were already my wife.” He shrugs, “But I can’t do anything to change that so I will just wait and look forward to the day that you will be Mrs Lauren Wilde.”

“
You are such a freaky weirdo Gabe; most blokes would be running for the hills when they found out that their bird of nine weeks is eight weeks up the duff.”

I actually shake from the vibration of his laugh, he throws his head right back and laughs some more
. His eyes are sparkling as he looks back down at me and kisses my nose, my belly flips. God I love him and I love that sound and I love that look; he shakes his head and gives me that smile, the one that reaches his eyes and says.

“
Don’t mince your words, will ya darl. Lauren, my love, my life, you are so much more to me than my bird, as you so eloquently put it and as weird and freaky as you may find it, I am over the fucking moon at your up the duff condition. In all honesty, it was the last thing in the world I was expecting to hear when we walked into your doctor’s surgery this morning; I was shitting myself that something was seriously wrong, we’ve had so much shit happen these past weeks, well the whole fucking time we’ve been together really, we just seem to have rolled from one drama to another and I really was prepared for her telling us more bad news, but her telling us that we’re pregnant, I’m…” He swallows hard and I can feel my tears spilling over as I watch him struggle with his words and his own eyes fill up. “I’m blown away Lauren, I honestly and truly could not be happier, despite everything, all that’s happened, those babies have survived, they’ve been in there, tucked away inside you and they have survived it all, they’re a pair of tough little nuts, just like their Mum and I love them so much already and cannot wait to meet them.”

I brush his tears away from his cheeks
. “Now seriously, I need to get you home and naked before I fuck you right here on this beach and we both get arrested for public indecency or whatever the charges are for getting your up the duff bird naked and sexing her in public, on a beach.”

He stands up with me still wrapped around him
. “You won’t be able to do this for much longer. I will soon be big and fat like a heifer and stretched beyond recognition, I’ll be in need of a crane just to get me out of bed in the mornings. Oh god, I’m going to be so big and lardy and you won’t love me or find me attractive and you’ll go running back to the lanky blonde skank and I’ll be left to bring up our babies by myself.”

I throw my head back in despair and look up at the sky as I unwrap my legs from around his body and stand on the sand
. He slides down my body onto his knees and kisses my belly.

“
Can you hear your mother? Do not listen to a word that she says; the woman is delusional, now I want you both to grow big and strong and don’t worry about making her belly get bigger, because as far as I’m concerned, the bigger her belly, the more beautiful she will look, just wait till you get to meet her, you will see what I mean, you little blokes are so lucky, you have the strongest, most beautiful Mummy that you could ever wish for, even if she does talk shit sometimes, oh and she talks funny but don’t worry about that, I will make sure that you only ever speak with a true blue, Aussie accent.”

He wraps his arms around my hips and presses his face into my belly as he talks, I run my fingers through his hair, laughing at his words, I grab a handful and pull it so that he has to look up at me
. “Blokes? We don’t know yet what they are, there could be a Shazza and a Sheila in there. Imagine, two more, just like Ava. Oh shit Gabe, what are we doing?”

He stands up as he speaks
. “Nope, at least one will be a little dude, I just know it, all the twins in this family are one of each.”

“
All the twins?”

“
Yep. My Mum has a twin brother; you met Uncle Joe at the funeral, my cousin Lisa has twins, boy and a girl and Cooper has Ethan and Talia, boy and a girl. So I think the chances are pretty good that we will have a boy and a girl.”

“
Far out.” Is all I can think of to say, it never occurred to me that there were more than one set of twins in his family.

I look at him with a grin and say in my best Aussie accent
. “Strewth! Bruce and Sheila it bloody is then mate.”

“
What is that accent, are you suddenly from South Africa? And just so we are clear. No fucking way are our kids being called Bruce and Sheila.”