Reckless Radiance (24 page)

In her loft he looked around curiously but still said nothing. When she closed the door at the top of the stairs, she rushed to him and buried her face in his chest. He stroked her hair before tilting her chin up to kiss her lips, her cheeks, and her jaw.

Lost in a daze of tongues touching and fabric falling to the floor, Valerie suddenly realized they were on her bed and she felt her craving for him return. She’d longed for him for months.

He kept her close, trailing his lips along her collarbone, nipping at her flesh. He lifted off of her for a moment and tugged his shirt over his head and that’s when she saw it. In the center of his chest was a lumpy scar that looked exactly like what she saw the night he was shot. This scar was pale pink like it should’ve been had he never healed completely. She touched the spot and winced. What did it mean?

Russell lowered himself down on her and looked into her eyes before kissing her. Her head swam for a moment and she was lost to him again. His touch lit a fire in her veins. His kiss evoked a hunger she begged for him to satisfy. And his adoring stare as he made love to her quelled her fears. Valerie held on to him tighter than she ever had, refusing to lose him again.

***

She didn’t let herself sleep thinking that if she drifted off, she might wake from the greatest dream of her life. His hands were still lazily tracing along the skin of her back and her forearm. The pleasure he’d given her was just as powerful as the first time and even in her blissful haze, she notice his halo hadn’t shown itself once. Not so much as a glimmer or a spark.

“You must’ve been practicing,” she mused.

Russell chuckled. “Excuse me?”

She shoved into his side playfully. “I meant your halo,” she said through a giggle. His fingers stopped drawing on her flesh abruptly.

“My what?”

Valerie tensed and sat up to look at him. She pulled the sheets up to cover herself and slid a hand through her hair when she gave him a glare.

“Your halo …” she repeated. His face was blank then his brow and mouth twitched. Her stomach sank and she repositioned herself on the bed getting a better look at him propped against her purple throw pillows.

“What did they do to you? What do you remember?” she asked.

Russell sighed and seemed to search his mind. He smiled softly and reached out to her cheek with a tender hand. “I remember you,” he offered.

She stared at him. There was something vacant in his eyes that worried her. He was lost.

“Tell me everything you remember,” Valerie breathed. He grumbled and hunched forward scrubbing his face with his hands. “We met at Penny’s and I took you bowling. I remember that stupid fight with that idiot you used to date—Henry.” Valerie stiffened at his words.
Fight? More like homicide.
He sighed and looked at her sweetly. “But then we came here and stayed with your parents. I remember it being wonderful—you were wonderful. I worked for you father and we took walks and I fell deeper in love with you. I remember the harvest moon dance,” he said with a smirk.

“You fell
deeper
in love with me? When did you
first
fall in love with me?” she urged. His sparkling blue eyes flickered with hurt then he paused and she could tell he was digging through his mind again. How was it that he couldn’t find anything? He looked at her pitifully. “Um,” he choked. “I—I know it. I just…”

“Do you remember after the dance?”

His eyes rolled and the corner of his mouth curled up sheepishly. “How could I forget?”

She couldn’t let the butterflies in her stomach flare up. She had to know what he knew. “I mean The Order. Do you remember when they showed up?”

His silence set her on edge and she couldn’t stop the succession of questions that spewed out of her. “When were you born? What was the name of your high school? What’s your blood type?” They were questions she knew he’d never have had an answer for but she still wondered if
he
knew that.

His eyes danced around the room and he folded his arms across his chest. “Valerie, you’re interrogating me like I’m some sort of criminal yet you leapt into my arms and led me up here telling me you loved me. After all this time apart I…”

She cut him off again, pointing a finger at him. “Exactly! We’ve been apart for months.
Where were you
?”

She waited for a light bulb to go on in his head. She waited for it to all come flooding back to him. Instead, she saw his eyes well up and a look of panic wash over him as he realized he had no idea what had happened.

“I don’t know,” he choked.

Chapter Thirty Five

She did the only thing she could think of. Instead of trying to explain it, she handed him her journal and told him to read it. Valerie got dressed and made a pot of coffee while he sat hunched over the spiral bound notebook. She let go of a breath each time he loudly flipped a page. Her head was clouded with questions but as she took a sip of rich coffee, she told herself the only thing that mattered was that he was back.
He was home.

She set a mug of coffee on the bedside table for him but he didn’t lift his eyes from the page. Part of her felt self-conscious knowing he was reading her deepest thought about him. She’d written about every touch and every kiss and how he made her knees weak.

When he was finished he closed the journal and sat quiet for a moment. He’d downed his coffee while devouring the story of their time together. Russell dragged his hands through his hair and finally met her eyes.

“An angel,” he said starkly.

Valerie was leaning against her dresser drinking her second cup, thinking it might calm her nerves but it was doing just the opposite. She nodded at him and gave him a pained smile thinking of how she felt when she first learned what he was.

“And they just dropped me back on Earth,” he mused. “Why would they do that?”

She wished she had the answer. A deep breath filled her lungs as she looked at him sitting on her bed with the partial record of his life and suddenly she realized, maybe she did have the answer. “Because I prayed for it,” Valerie replied.

***

Russell stood in the bathroom examining himself in the mirror. His fingers jabbed at the lumpy scar in the center of his chest. He sighed and took his eyes off of it. He remembered it as a scuffle. Henry spouting off some drunken slurs at him and Valerie and then it was fuzzy. Her journal read like deja-vu. Parts of it were clear as day to him and he knew he’d been there while other parts were either missing or incredibly blurry.

All he knew of the last few months was an aching feeling that was finally squashed the minute he gripped her in his arms. He didn’t know where he’d been or how long he’d been gone. He just remembered the searing pain in his heart caused by being separated from her.

There was a knock at the door and he jumped. He opened the door a crack and saw her apprehensive smile. “I don’t want to rush you but I think we should go see my parents. Who knows what my mom is thinking by now,” Valerie said with a soft laugh. He drank in the sight of her and relished the loss of the ache in his chest. Wordlessly, he reached out to her and pulled her close to him. She felt rigid in his arms and he looked down at her worried face.

“I’m still me. My head’s a little jumbled and I can’t explain much but I’m the same,” he said. He knew he didn’t need to tell her and that her worries were caused by simple confusion. But one part of him needed to say it out loud for his own ears.

Valerie’s hazel eyes locked on his and he felt a shudder run through him. He wondered if she’d bewitched him in the same way—before.

Her hands reached up and cupped his cheeks sweetly. Her mouth twisted into a grin as she rubbed at the five-o’clock shadow along his jaw. “You’re better,” she said.

***

It was as if he never left. Their life together didn’t miss a single beat. Valerie quickly dismissed her curiosity over where he’d been and chalked it up to faith. Wasn’t that what he had told her in the first place?
Have faith I will find a way back to you.
He’d found a way back. Memories or not, it was good enough for her.

The first few days were spent trying to piece together as much as they could. Russell kept telling her he knew he was no longer an angel but she had a hard time believing him. Much to her dismay, he demonstrated for her that he was as human as she was by slicing his finger with a kitchen knife to prove he wouldn’t heal on his own. Three stitches and a trip to the emergency room later and Valerie changed her mind. His exam at the hospital showed normal blood pressure, a healthy heart and a slightly damaged finger.

The contents of his wallet were all they had to go from. He had a birthday and a last name. The Order, or whoever was in charge, had managed to give him not only the mercy she’d prayed for but also the humanity she’d selfishly wished for as well. They’d sent him to her and even gone as far as putting him on the grid. It was baffling but she refused to cling to any doubt. Faith had returned him. Faith had reunited them.

Russell worked all spring with her father planting crops. She continued with her classes and started waiting tables in town. Everything about their life was normal to the outside world. Valerie alone bared the burden of the unearthly events that led them to their normalcy. She was the only one who remembered Russell waking from death and lighting up the barn with his halo. Some days she was fine having those images all to herself but other days she wished he knew more than just her written account.

Valerie was headed to the barn to see Russell when her eyes caught a glimpse of something at the tree line. Her breath caught in her chest at the sight of the flowing white gown amidst the evergreen trees and blooming wildflowers. Her face went hot with rage and she stormed at Kalliope with a ferocity that startled her.

“What are you doing here?” she barked. Kalliope’s angelic face remained unchanged. She hadn’t even backed away from Valerie when she charged her. Valerie had half a mind to deck her but she didn’t know what a human’s punishment for assault on an angel would be.

“I asked you a question,” Valerie snapped. Kalliope’s passive silence caused her hands to clench into fists.

“How is he adjusting?” she asked.

At the mere mention of him, Valerie shook with a swirling mixture of fear and fury. Every instinct within her told her to protect him. She’d do anything.

“You can’t have him,” she said, stepping close to the picture perfect, ethereal blonde. Kalliope finally flinched and lowered her eyes, almost in submission.

“I am not here to take him,” she replied.

No, you’re not
, Valerie thought defiantly. “What do you want?”

Kalliope’s eyes drifted to the barn then back to Valerie who was still close.

“How is Russell adjusting?” she repeated coolly.

Valerie didn’t want to answer her. “He’s fine. He doesn’t remember a thing but he’s fine. What do you expect me to say? What game are you trying to play by showing up here?”

Kalliope’s face fell into a look of concern. “There is no game, Valerie. I came of my own accord today to see that he found you and to offer you answers.”

Answers?! That’s rich coming from the cryptic queen
, Valerie thought with a snort.

“What would you like to know?” she added.

Valerie huffed and looked around the woods not knowing whether she wanted to scream or cry. She wanted to know a million things.

“What is he?”

“He is now and forever more a human. He will live and die just as any other man.”

“What happened to him and why did you let him come back?” Her voice quivered as she asked the question that had been burning in her since the moment he was back in her arms.

Kalliope smiled faintly. “Russell was held in a solitary cell in our realm for a period of time then he was held before our Judge, one of the many voices of the Creator.”

Valerie was shocked to see her loosen a bit. Her shoulders relaxed and her hand fidgeted at her side as though she didn’t quite know how to use her limbs.

“I was present at his judgment and it was the single strangest moment of my existence. I watched Russell stand before our second highest leader and beg, not for absolution or forgiveness, but for the continued protection of you. He spoke words about you that no other angel in the room understood. They were human feelings. It became clear that Russell had already willed himself a replica of a human soul and for reasons I may never understand, our Judge granted him humanity. It was—unique and historic.”

Valerie’s mouth was slack as she pictured the scene as best she could. As she’d been praying for him, he’d been praying for her. He didn’t try to save himself in the end. She doubted he even thought to. And just as she’d let go of her own selfish need for him, so had he.

“Is there anything else you would like to know?” Kalliope asked.

Valerie didn’t have to think long about her next question. “Why does he have that bullet wound?”

“His scars were given back to him as a reminder to you that he is now as fragile as any human. He is the only one of his kind—angel turned mortal. His memories were taken for the safety of our kind, not out of spite. There was much debate of whether or not your memories should be taken also.” She paused a moment and her gaze became intense. “You both were granted a gift far beyond your comprehension…do not waste it.”

A blustery wind whipped around Valerie and Kalliope was gone in a blink. Her chest ached to see Russell after hearing what he’d gone through and the miracle of the mercy he was given. She took off toward the barn and though she knew Kalliope didn’t intend on taking Russell with her, she still felt anxious to see him, to prove he was still there. She came around the large, open door of the barn and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Russell and her father each sitting on gallon drums clearly taking a break. Russell threw his head back laughing and her father slapped his blue jean clad knee at whatever the joke was.

Russell saw her by the door and headed over to her. She remembered a moment similar just hours before he confessed to her he was an angel. His mouth turned up in a grin and he took her hand in his without hesitation. She knew she’d no longer see the gold glow of his halo. She looked at their hands and felt a flood of calm throughout her mind and body. It was impossible that he retained his Serenity to offer her. It was simply the way he made her feel. Valerie looked into his eyes and beamed up at him.