Reckless Radiance (21 page)

For a man of few words he sure had some good things to say. His guidance stunned her and instantly rang true. She was nodding absently as he continued.

“When Russ suggested I remodel the space above your mom’s shop for you, I kind of assumed I would be remodeling it for the two of you…” His statement faded out and Valerie shot him a glance.

“Stuff’s complicated right now,” she muttered.

Her dad let out a hearty laugh as he turned down the main road that led to their house. “You two showed up in the middle of the night a few weeks ago, he didn’t even have a shirt on his back, we don’t know a thing about him and whatever happened the night of the dance has put you two at odds … it’s safe to say it’s always been complicated, Val.”

Her tears returned at the ruminating thought of sharing a home with Russell but her father’s blunt retort made her laugh despite her worries. As he drove up the gravel driveway, she noticed another car parked outside what was formerly the garage, now her mother’s hair salon. Valerie looked over at her father and gave him a soft smile.

“I think I’m going to stay,” she said.

Her father nodded and let a grin turn his mouth up on one side. “Whatever makes you happy, kiddo,” he replied. Valerie hopped out of the SUV and headed into her mother’s shop. She was hit with the faint scent of rotten eggs and when she saw Patty Granger sitting under the hood dryer with her hair wrapped tightly on yellow perm rods, she scrunched up her nose at the smell.

“How was the hardware store adventure?” her mother asked from the sink. Valerie made her way over to her mom and avoided her question. She didn’t have time for small talk.

“Have you seen Russell?” she asked.

Her mother’s lips set in a thin line for moment before she dried her hands off on a blue towel. “I’ve been in here with Patty for close to an hour but before that I passed him in the kitchen and he was headed outside. I think he had a headache or something. He didn’t look good.”

Valerie’s stomach lurched and she turned as fast as she could, bounding out the door and around the side of the house. The chilly wind blew her hair back as she ran toward the tree line. She didn’t know why but something told her if he was still around, he’d be there. The crisp, cold air put tears in her eyes as she bolted to the woods but the sight of him standing with his back to her truly made her cry. He was as she’d always think of him, dressed in all black from his slacks to his wool coat. Her feet pounded the ground as she slowed. He hadn’t turned to her yet and she tried to catch her breath before she choked out his name.

Russell turned and the look in his eyes sent a shiver through her bones. He didn’t say a word. He moved to her fast and scooped her up into a firm embrace nearly lifting her off the ground. Her breath was still coming out in huffs, forming in the air as a ghostly cloud over Russell’s shoulder.

“I waited too long,” he said into her neck, his words tickling her skin. Her head was swimming. She couldn’t string a sentence together fast enough to even ask him if he’d been called before she felt a familiar gust of wind break around his body. Russell’s arms went slack and he turned to look behind him. Valerie moved beside him and saw the three ethereal women standing among the trees with stoic faces. She stepped in front of Russell trying to shield him with her body.

“Please don’t take him,” she blurted. Their faces remained unchanged as they took three steps forward. She tried to catch one of their stares but they were looking through her to Russell. She turned with her mind full of questions and curses. Her hands reached up and she touched his face. First she noticed the glow emanating from his skin where she touched him. He’d given up the control he’d worked so hard to achieve. Then she saw his glazed eyes. Those mesmerizing sapphire windows that had drawn her in the moment she first saw him were wet with tears and wide with terror. His gaze shifted from the women behind her to her as she tried to hide her fear.

“I didn’t want to leave you. Not after what I said. I didn’t want those to be my last words to you.” His words were nearly suffocated by the emotion in his voice. She continued to stroke his smooth cheek and watch as the glittering beams radiated off of him. She didn’t know if he would vanish from under her touch at any moment. She had to say it before time ran out.

“Russell, I love you,” she said.

“Brother Russell …” Kalliope started and Valerie spun to meet her eyes angrily.

“Did you hear me? I love him!”

Kalliope’s face seemed to change. It was barely a tick but Valerie saw something wash across her expression. It might’ve been sadness but it looked like regret. Valerie felt Russell’s hand slip down her arm and she met his forlorn stare.

“I must go,” he whispered and took a step toward The Order.

“No,” she begged, her voice strangled by tears. She grasped his hand and tugged him back to her. Tears slipped down her cheeks freely and she felt the fear rippling through her body as his eyes told her fighting was no use. In a split second she saw Cassandra snap forward without a step and her breath caught in her already aching chest.

She watched in horror as Cassandra’s hand reached out to Russell.

“I love you,” she said again through her sobs. He smiled softly and told her the same. It was a truth she knew but was still relieved to hear. Cassandra’s hand landed on his shoulder and Valerie saw the panic in his eyes. She reached out to him and caught his hand.

“I will come back for you,” he said panicked, with tears in his eyes. “Have faith I will come back for you.”

Then his words were the only thing that remained. Russell and The Order disappeared from her sight. Her hand was still outstretched but she had only air in her grasp. Valerie dropped to the cold, hard earth and covered her face with her hands.

Chapter Thirty One

Blinding light scorched Russell’s vision as he was pulled into the angel’s realm. He’d never experienced it like this before. His mind felt weak and his thoughts were scrambled until finally there was silence around him and his eyes adjusted. He glanced around and saw he was alone. His chest felt tight when he realized where he was. The four white walls, white floor and ceiling with nothing but he and his thoughts. It was a space he’d only ever heard about. A holding area
. A prison.

Russell looked down and saw the glowing gold bands around his wrists and his throat felt dry. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t already imagined but he wasn’t sure he could handle the reality of it. He was a prisoner in his own home. Hands bound, placed in solitary confinement. Ripped away from the life he wanted.

He wondered how long they’d make him wait before his judgment. He wondered how much time would pass on Earth for Valerie while he was away. What if it was years before he could get back to her? She would move on. She would meet a nice man and get married, have children. Then what? Would she even know him in a decade’s time? Would she hate him for taking up the few weeks of her life he’d stolen?

A noise sounded and the white of the room seemed to grow brighter for an instant as someone passed through the wall into his cell. When he glanced at the face of his fellow angel, his heart sank. The appearance the angel wore was the same one he’d donned on Earth only his hair was full and grown, his cheeks were no longer sunken and his eyes had lost their dull exhaustion.

“Hey, man,” Gabriel said easily.

“You ascended,” Russell noted. Gabriel’s misty form nodded and a soft smile bloomed on his face. Russell suddenly felt a certain amount of pride looking at Gabriel knowing he’d had the privilege of knowing an Ascended before his ascension.

“I am not surprised. You were a remarkable human. You must have proven yourself quickly to be here so soon,” Russell said as he continued to look Gabe over in awe. Russell only knew of a small handful of Ascended angels. They were all once human and due to either their life on Earth or their actions within the confines of The Gates, they were granted an angel’s soul in the realm. The title was incredibly rare. Russell truly wasn’t surprised that Gabriel had been given the honor.

Gabriel glanced down at Russell’s hands bound by golden beams of light and shook his head. “I told them the chains were overkill. Sorry, man,” Gabriel said. Russell looked at his wrists and shrugged. It was just one more thing he was holding against his brethren.

Russell took a deep breath and met the eyes that nearly matched his own. How much did Gabriel know about why he was there? Maybe Gabriel was a part of his jury.

Gabriel let a hand rub roughly at the back of his neck. Russell knew it was simply an action he had turned into a nervous habit as a human and not something he felt the need to do as an angel. He mused at the Ascended for an instant. They were the same. Gabriel was shedding his human persona for that of an angel and Russell was doing the opposite. Their roles had reversed.

“What I asked you—it wasn’t exactly fair. But what you did wasn’t exactly what I had in mind either. I get it, though. And I knew you loved her before I died. She’s amazing and beautiful. But,” Gabriel stopped and exhaled as he ruminated on something.

Russell felt suddenly uneasy in Gabriel’s presence. There was a hint of exasperation in his voice. He might’ve even been angry. Russell straightened and waited for Gabriel to continue.

“Imagine what she’s feeling now that you’re gone,” he said solemnly.

Russell shot Gabriel a look and felt his own reactive anger spur. “I wish I could tell you I was sorry. But I will not apologize for loving her,” he retorted.

Gabriel’s face fell and he nodded barely. “Then I’ll leave you to your solitude, Brother,” he said. His harsh emphasis on the word
brother
was not lost on Russell. He watched him turn his back but he couldn’t hold in his last question.

“Do you know what they plan to do with me?” he asked.

Gabriel looked at his former Guardian with tight eyes. “It’s above my pay grade. I’ll pray for you,” he said before gliding through the wall and out of Russell’s sight.

***

Russell had never paid much attention to how time seemed to pass in the realm but it felt different now. There weren’t true minutes where he was. An hour couldn’t be counted by three thousand six hundred seconds or two intervals of thirty minutes. There was no clock so he tried to count by the beat of his heart but he always lost his place and had to start over.

Russell’s body didn’t require food on Earth but he’d found long ago that he enjoyed the ritual of eating meals and he was rather fond of quite a few foods. The realm had nothing close to sustenance. It was seen as an unnecessary act. He’d always been taught that the only reason to partake in the act of ingesting food was simply to blend in with the humans.

The first time he took a sip of sweet orange juice he wondered why none of his teachers had ever mentioned that some nourishment might be enjoyable. There were so many things he’d tried and tried again. He had favorites as well as dislikes. He even had preferences about certain food. He liked a steak cooked medium. He liked mashed potatoes without gravy. He preferred raw carrots to steamed ones. He seemed to have what was referred to as a sweet tooth but he could never understand why it wasn’t called a sweet tongue since teeth clearly didn’t do any tasting.

Russell could’ve written a book for his brothers and sisters telling them all about the pleasures of the world they could enjoy during their time walking among mortals. The light of the sun felt good on bare skin. Warm water is relaxing while cold water can be refreshing. Flowers have the most amazing and diverse fragrances. He could go on and on but he knew no one would listen. His rambling would only damn him further. His ramblings were that of a man. That of a child, really.

He smirked to himself. That’s exactly what he was. He was a child discovering the beauty of the world, forming his opinions and developing his morals through the help of the people he’d surrounded himself with.
Valerie.
A sigh fell from his lips as her name rolled through his mind. He pictured her face and his heartbeat intensified. It was a sensation he’d never experienced before meeting her and he even had the fleeting thought of whether or not it was possible for his human form to react that way in the realm. Maybe it was all in his mind.  

Everything was so different in the realm. His body and mind didn’t work the same as they did on Earth. He missed dreams. The first time he dreamt was in a dilapidated motel just outside of Greensburg while he was searching for Valerie. At first he felt fear flood him when his consciousness seemed to elevate though his form was at rest. But then he simply watched. He watched as Gabriel walked away from him through a field of golden wheat only to turn back with a smile and wave. The image was simple and nothing he’d ever seen in his waking hours but it filled him with such relief. Dreams continued to come to him and he was grateful for them. He dreamed of Valerie a few times before he found her. Some dreams were random while others seemed to have meaning. Though he didn’t require sleep in the realm, he forced his mind to shut down every now and again while he awaited news of his trial. Dreams never came.

He tried to let his mind stay peaceful during the days, or whatever they were, but they seemed to never end. Russell just wanted to know something. He wanted to hear what his fate was before the white walls caused his shifting mind to go insane. He stopped and glanced around the void-like space then down at his bound wrists. His wrists seemed to ache from the bindings and again he wondered if his pains and physical symptoms were phantoms. His mind began to race. What if
this
was his fate? What if he’d been sentenced to eternity alone in a cell with only his human thoughts to haunt him for infinity?

He gulped for air knowing his lungs didn’t need filling in the realm. His hands trembled before him and as the sensation of a brick sitting on his chest set in, he felt himself losing faith. He did the only thing he could think of to hold on to his hope that he would be given mercy. Russell began to pray.