Reckless Radiance (9 page)

“Babe?” A man’s voice said from the second dressing room.

“Zach, look who I found!” Emily squealed. As soon as she said his name, Valerie snapped back to high school and his face was as clear as it had been in her yearbook. Of course, Zach Clemens and Emily Buchanan had been dating since sophomore year. Zach made his way over to them and quickly had Valerie in a swift hug.
Apparently it’s a hugging kind of day.
He released her and gripped Russell’s hand as they introduced themselves. Zach tilted his chin up to Russell before he spoke. “Girlfriends just can’t keep their opinions off our wardrobes, can they?”

Russell was overcome by a hearty laugh and shot Valerie a look seeing the color drain from her face.

“We aren’t….” Valerie corrected Zach. Russell was trying failingly to hide his smile.

Zach laughed it off and apologizing for assuming. Emily leaned into Valerie’s ear as the guys started chatting. “Unless he’s gay or your cousin, you’re nuts,” she whispered.

Finally she cracked a smile and playfully shoved Emily’s shoulder as if no time had passed since high school. Looking over at Russell, she got lost for a moment taking in his face as he so easily fit in yet again.

Emily glanced at her phone. “Zach, we need to hit the road. We need to pick up the programs from the printer.”

“Programs?”

“Yeah, the wedding is next week,” Zach replied.

“Oh wow. I had no idea. Congratulations you guys,” Valerie said.

Emily scoffed sounding only slightly irritated. “It’s not our wedding. Pastor Clemens and Alicia Jarrett—” She stopped as soon as she said the name. Her eyes closed and her lips went tight.

Valerie’s chest tensed and she forced a smile. Alicia, Gabriel’s mother, had been on her mind a lot since she’d left Greensburg. She worried about her being alone. The thought of her finding love, especially in Zach’s father, Pastor Clemons, pleased her. Alicia deserved to be happy.

Zach chimed in. “They’re really sweet together. When we lost my mom I didn’t know if I would ever see love in my father’s eyes again. He was counseling Alicia after ... well, and they ended up falling for each other. Heaven sent. Meant to be. All that mushy stuff.”

“It was really good to see you, Valerie. I hope we can catch up while you’re in town,” Emily said as Zach went to pay for his clothes. She put a hand on Valerie’s arm before hurrying off to Zach’s side. She took a seat near the dressing room waiting on Russell to change again and her mind started to wander. Second to her immediate family, Alicia Jarrett was the only other person Valerie felt immense guilt for leaving behind. During Gabriel’s last few months, they’d spent countless hours together both caring for him and leaning on each other during the roughest days. As much as it made her feel like an elephant was sitting on her chest, she knew she needed to reach out to Alicia.

“Are you all right?” Russell asked. He’d changed back into her father’s ill-fitting clothes and had an arm full of black and gray items he was ready to purchase.

A sigh escaped her lips and she met his gaze.

“I guess,” she replied.

His lips turned up on one side. “All things considered, you are holding up rather well.”

All things considered
, she thought,
you don’t know the half of it.
She watched him pull out his wallet and saw a shocking amount of bills. He thumbed through at least ten one hundred dollar bills before finding a mass of twenties, handing the cashier enough to pay for his new wardrobe. She was sure her mouth was open staring at his loaded wallet when he turned to her. Her eyes tightened on him as he lowered his head.

“I’ll just add that to the list of things you can explain to me later. You know, when
you
feel like it,” she retorted. She turned her back to him and headed to the car. When he got in the passenger seat she heard him swallow hard. “Valerie …” Russell’s voice died out as quickly as it sounded.

She glanced at him before turning the key. “I’m gonna drop you off at the house. There’s something I need to do,” she said icily. She waited for him to object. She thought maybe he would probe her for details but clearly her tone told him enough.

When they pulled up to the house he looked over at her and Valerie saw worry in his eyes. “Are you angry with me?” he asked. She breathed slowly and shook her head. She wanted to be angry with him but she couldn’t bring herself to be. Storming away from him into the parking lot had done nothing but make her want to run back to him and let him wrap his arms around her. They had touched so few times she barely even knew what that might feel like but she desired it nonetheless.

“I
want
to tell you but …” his words faded and he turned his eyes from her.

“So tell me,” she pleaded.

“I don’t know how,” Russell replied. She gave him a sidelong glance and saw him twisting his fingers in his lap. As frustrating as it was, she felt sorry for him. This tall, brooding man looked like a frightened boy whenever she delved for answers. What was he so afraid of?

Valerie looked out the front windshield and saw her father near the side of the house. Once he caught her eye, he started a series of hand signals. He pointed at Russell overtly then waved his arms toward his body, motioning him over.

She looked over at Russell and saw a faint grin as he watched her father’s charades. “I think you’re being summoned,” she teased. Russell turned to her and searched her face with his magnificent cobalt eyes.

“Will you be all right?” he asked.

She stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Russell had a way of asking her something simple while making it seem like the heaviest question she’d ever been asked. With a strained smile she nodded and he quickly accepted the wordless answer. She watched from the car as Russell caught up to her father. She saw their friendly exchange and her father’s acknowledgement of Russell’s two large shopping bags. The two men walked off together toward the house, falling into a conversation Valerie wished she could hear.

A stab of fear hit her in the gut as she remembered where she’d decided to go. With a labored breath she shook the fear and pulled out of the gravel driveway heading to person she knew she owed a visit.

Chapter Fourteen

Just when he thought quelling the sensation in his chest was getting easier, she’d give him that look. The eyes that told him she was confused and maybe even angry. And it was completely his fault. He never imagined the human emotion he would be trying to foster for her would be courage. But that was what he needed. He needed the nerve to say the words. Of course it would start simply.
I am not what you think I am.

Was that true? Was she keener than he knew? Surely she didn’t still think him human. So what then? Was she afraid of what he was? To ensure she wouldn’t be afraid he would have to tell it all.
I am an angel.

The familiar twist of his mortal insides begged him to stop thinking about it. He would tell her soon. Valerie’s father was waiting for him near the barn. George had already shown him the barn, the cow pasture, the chicken coop and the field of corn beyond the house. It was almost harvest time and Russell felt gratitude toward George for allowing him to stay with his daughter. The least he could do was help him with his work.

“We’ll get to working on it in the next few days. I don’t mean to pressure you but if you’re stayin’ I’d like the help. If not, I’ve got a group of guys who I’ve used in the past who I can call,” George said as they each carried a feed bag down the path to the chicken coop.

“I am happy to help as long as I’m here,” Russell replied. He took care not to mention a definitive timeline for his stay. He wasn’t in charge of that and he knew it. Valerie could ask him to leave at any time and he would obey her. He feared she would be sick of his silence soon.

They reached the fenced-in, weathered wood hut that housed the birds when George turned to Russell. He set the forty-pound bag at his feet and wiped his brow with a rag that came from his back pocket. “Look, Russ,” he started.

Russell’s chest twisted and tightened but he didn’t comprehend why until George continued.

“Val really seems to like you. Hell, I like you. So I’m gonna overlook the circumstances of how ya got here. I don’t know how well you know my girl but you should know she’s been through the ringer and the last thing she needs is to be hurt. If you can’t understand that then you shouldn’t stay,” George said. His eyes left Russell’s but he didn’t move. Russell hid a smile. He’d never before experienced the kind of nervousness that came from a conversation with a girl’s father. He knew exactly what George meant though. He knew all about her past, a fact that was just one of the many secrets hanging between them. He had found her to protect her. He couldn’t imagine hurting Valerie but it was a father’s duty to present this warning.

“I understand. I will be staying as long as she’ll have me,” Russell said.

George smiled and Russell noticed that Valerie and her father shared the same eye color. It was a hazel that was a lovely mixture of green and blue with slight slivers of brown bursting around the pupil. He followed George in through the waist-high fence where large hens roamed through the grass, pecking at the ground.

Russell would never know what it was like to have a parent. His eye color was a choice. His smile was organic, not learned or given to him. The pull he felt toward Valerie was keeping him with her but he also knew there was nowhere else for him to go. Since the moment he defied his angel brethren, he became alone in the world. He’d orphaned himself by choice for her.

Chapter Fifteen

Her eyes locked on her trembling hand as it rose to knock on the red door. The last time she’d seen it it had been pale blue. Somehow red looked better but the change made her stomach twist at yet another realization of things moving on. Two quick raps on the wood and she felt short of breath. The sound of footsteps within the house sent a chill through her bones.

The door opened and there she was. Valerie stared at Alicia and took in how different she looked. Her face had filled out and her short chocolate colored hair, though specked with silver strands, had a brilliant shine. She no longer wore the tired eyes that seemed to define each of them for a year. Words didn’t come to Valerie quick enough but her tension faded when she saw the tender smile that formed on Alicia’s face as she recognized her.

“Hi,” Valerie said.

Alicia stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her causing Valerie to nearly melt. Pulling back, Valerie saw Alicia’s eyes had grown glassy with the threat of tears. She smiled wide and waved her inside. “Come in, please,” she said.

Walking into the house was like stepping into a dream. Things had been moved and rooms redecorated. “Emily just called and said she ran into you. I was really hoping you’d come by,” Alicia said. She led Valerie to the living room and they sat down.

She tried to shake the remorse that tickled the back of her mind telling her what a terrible person she was for not coming home sooner.

“Congratulations. I heard you’re about to be a bride,” Valerie said with a timid smile.

Alicia laughed and absently looked at her left hand. A sparkling diamond on a gold band perched on her ring finger. It was simple but stunning. Valerie glanced at her own bare left hand out of reflex and felt her throat tighten.

“It’s funny how it all worked out. I never expected to love another man after Gabriel’s father but I guess what we need comes to us at just the right time. My fiancé would say
the Lord works in mysterious ways
,” Alicia mused.

A flutter rolled through her chest at the mention of his name and she smiled. For so long Valerie believed she’d never love again. Gabriel had been her one true love. But she wondered … maybe there was room for two. Maybe what Valerie needed had come to her at the right time. She’d lost her faith long ago but for a moment she thought maybe Russell, with all his mystery, was a part of
someone
looking out for her.

Alicia sprung up and fixed them each a cup of coffee asking how Valerie’s parents were doing. Their conversation flowed from there at a comforting pace yet with no more mention of Gabriel for which Valerie was thankful.

She sipped the sweet, French vanilla flavor as a silence fell between her and Alicia. The blue eyes of the mother of the love of her life lifted to meet hers and she sighed.

“Emily mentioned you were out shopping with a friend,” Alicia started.

A breath escaped Valerie’s lips and she averted her eyes, tucking her hair behind her ear.
A friend
, she thought
, yeah.
Alicia’s hand reached out to Valerie and landed gently on her knee. It took her back to all of the consoling moments they’d shared during those awful days of watching Gabriel slip from their grasp. She knew why the house was different, why the door was now a shiny, cherry red instead of weathered gray-blue. If the walls could talk they would share an unimaginable story of loss. Brightening things up, shifting the space, would be the only way Valerie would be able to survive it, too. But instead she ran. She wanted to apologize but the words stuck in her throat.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry
, she thought, hoping Alicia could hear her through the silence.

“He would want you to be happy. I hope you know that,” Alicia said hesitantly.

Valerie felt a familiar sting in her eyes and a lump growing in her throat. She knew what Alicia was getting at. And she knew it was true. Gabriel had told her not in so many words to go on, to love and be happy.

“When I lost Gabriel’s father, I had it in my head that even though he was gone, I would be betraying him if I met another man. But I was wrong. Jim would’ve wanted me to meet Dave Clemens just as much as Gabe would want you to find love again,” Alicia paused a moment before a smile settled on her face. “In a way, we’re lucky. Two great loves of a lifetime is more than most people can ever dream of.”