Rebel Rockstar (27 page)

S
he is
the queen of mixed signals. For a second there, I thought she still loved me.

She must.

She has to.

Even if she doesn’t…

Fuck. I’m a father. I just know I am, even though she wouldn’t come out and say it.

“You knew about him cheating,” my voice comes out colder than I’d expected it to.

Sabrina was the one to tell me everything, to lead me to the dress rehearsal in the first place, so I could find Faith. I wonder if she knew about Jason, but didn’t want to be the one to say it. I don’t ask.

We’re standing in Faith’s apartment, except this time I’m a lot less drunk and I’m making different mistakes. I shouldn’t have kissed Faith, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. And as hard as I’m trying, I can’t make myself regret it.

Fuck it.

“I did,” she raises an eyebrow at me, imitating the motion I’d greeted her with when she opened her door to me. They are roommates. It gives me hope… Faith still wanted to be independent, even with being engaged to Jason. She’s such a strong woman.

“And,” Sabrina waves around the room, “I knew you’d be here.”

She smiles loosely, unable to keep her lips as tight as she’d tried to when she opened the door. With a content sigh, she plops herself down on the couch I’d woken up on just a few nights ago. How fucking different everything was. I hadn’t been in a fight in ages, and as much as I long for the ring, I am so tired. My phone beeps, and Sabrina glances in its direction, looking at me.

I just shrug. Running off and chasing after true love hadn’t been in the plan, and my coach – and some groupies probably – are blowing up my phone wondering where the fuck I am.

Giving Sabrina another shrug, I reach for my phone, turn the damn thing off, and then just throw it to the floor.

Hopefully, it doesn’t break.

That is my third one so far, and that is this year.

“Nice,” she drags the words out, throwing her arms out on either side of her as I join her on the couch. “So, Mister Mystery, what brings you here?”

“I’m not letting go this time,” I say determinedly. “She tried to push me away. I ain’t letting her.”

Sabrina laughs.

It isn’t fucking funny at all. I am pissed at Sabrina, even though I know I shouldn’t be.

“How do you feel?” she wants to know next.

“Shitty.” It’s the truth.

“There are drinks in the fridge if it’ll make you feel better,” she adds.

“It won’t,” I’m being short with her, and she’s getting pissed, too. Great. “Faith mentioned you guys are leaving the country.”

“And you’re going to beg me to let you come with.” Not a question. She isn’t far off of my thought process, though. We never talked much and here this girl knows me too well. Except…

“I don’t beg,” I raise an eyebrow at her, mocking her imitation earlier; my arch higher than hers could ever hope to be. She laughs – not the reaction I expect. Or want.

“Well, luckily for you,” she pushes her body off the couch mid-sentence, the motion seemingly effortless. I watch as she goes searching for a bag on the other side of the room. I only know she’s doing that when she emerges carrying a huge tote on wheels, her face triumphant. “I thought ahead.”

She wheels the suitcase to the center of the room and continues talking. “Faith is already there. She picked up Dawn from day care and went right to the airport after work.”

“The flight takes off in two hours. And we’re,” she checks her phone absent-mindedly. “Leaving now.”

“I don’t have a ticket.”

Like that would stop me.

“Actually,” she flips through her phone again, revealing it to me to show me an airline site. “There were some last-minute passengers canceling their flights. And a certain boxer who needs a ride...”

I laugh, thanking her, telling her I didn’t expect her to do anything for me.

“Neither did I. In fact, you owe me. Around $1,800, specifically,” she says, hefting her bag. “And you’re going to carry this. Let’s go.”

I’m too stunned to object. I just take her bag as she leads me outside and we sit inside a cab. The airport it is…

To go to my Faith.

And sweet baby girl Dawn.

* * *

B
eing
in airports so many times doesn’t mean you get used to how fucking annoying the lines can be, especially when you’re looking for someone. ID? Check. Any metal on you? Nope. Blah, blah, blah. None of the heads in these rows around me belong to Faith. I would recognize the slope of her hair and her frame anywhere, and none of these people…

Fuck.

They need to move.

“Calm down,” Sabrina is right next to me, poking me with her finger. I guess I’m visibly angry. I don’t give a fuck. “She got here a little before us. She’ll just be on the other side.”

The airport is large and divides in two: pre-check in and safety shit, post-check in and waiting to get on your flight. Sabrina drags me with her, and I don’t object. She’s the best friend with the plan.

She knows where to find Faith – and Dawn, I remind myself. It’s hard to think of her that way when Sabrina expressly forbid me from mentioning it, and Faith pretty much implied I wasn’t not welcome when she sent Dawn away.

She’s sitting on way too much luggage when we find her.

S
he is so fucking stunning
.

And she is so mad.

Her eyes stab daggers into me, and I swear I can feel the heat of her on my skin – and not in a sexual way. I’ve thought of her heat on my skin hundreds of times. This time, it is like she wants to slap me.

I was surprised she hadn’t when I kissed her.

The fact that she hadn’t only made me want to do it again, harder. Longer. Deeper. Leading into… More.

She stands, and I’m convinced she heard my thoughts and is coming to tell me that I should be ashamed of myself. I probably should be, to be honest.

But I never was and refuse to be. Faith is the type of girl you think about naked. And here she is, feet away, walking towards me –

Her eyes rise above and past my shoulder. She is looking at something behind me. I don’t want to turn and find out what it is. I only want to stare at her.

“What the f—“ she catches herself mid-curse, not even turning to stare at our daughter in shock as I expect her to. I see Dawn behind her, resting on the luggage where Faith had so carefully placed her. I give her a small wave and Dawn waves back with a shy smile.

In the next second, Faith’s slapped my hand away and is glaring at me.

She is a loving mother.

Becky would be a horrible one.

I fucking wish I could tell Faith that… wait, Becky. I hear her high-pitched, annoying voice in my head. Or is she actually here?

I whip around, tearing my eyes away from Faith.

And she’s behind me. I can tell by that shit shrill voice of hers as she tries to talk down to Faith, and, so help me, if she weren’t a girl, I’d clock her.

“Hello, Faith,” she says, her voice bitchy as usual. Not as bitchy without other clones surrounding her, I notice. As if it makes much difference. Her voice turns sultry, and she runs a hand down the muscles on one of my arms. “And River.”

“Fuck off, Rebecca,” I use her full name and the full word to Faith’s terror. Dawn is nodding off on the luggage. It’s not like she’ll know.

“You were always the one to make bad decisions. I don’t know what anyone ever saw in you, actually,” she backs away from me, turning to hide with…

“Jason.” Faith’s voice is cold. She’s trying to pass herself off as indifferent and unhurt. She’s better at it than she was at that party, but her arms are still shaking. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Going to Greece,” Jason smirks. “You left me with a plane ticket, remember? And there were some last minute cancellations, so… Guess my new girl is coming with me.”

Jason looks triumphant. Becky is staring at us with glee. And Faith is shaking, shaking so much.

She doesn’t need me to defend her.

I just want to.

I can’t help it. I haven’t fought in so long and I haven’t had Faith in so long, and all the anger and tension in my body build up into a filthy rage. I raise my fist like I’m up against an opponent in the ring, but this douche isn’t expecting it and he has no way of defending himself.

Jason falls to the floor, out cold.

I’m sure the bastard has never gotten in a fight before in his life.

My eyes turn to Becky, and my arms are around Faith like she’s my girl, because she is.

And unlike that night, this time I want Becky to know it.

Not just that Faith is better than her, but that Faith is mine.

But Becky isn’t looking at us, and it’s not like she’d have heard anything over her stupid shrieks as she held onto Jason’s shirt. He isn’t dead, of course, though I’d gladly take care of that. He had taken Faith from me and hurt her.

“Well,” Sabrina drags me a little farther away from Jason, like she’s scared I’m going to hit him again. “I guess we should get going. The flight’s in a few minutes anyway.”

“Then we’re going to hop on a cruise to get the rest of the way to Greece?”

She nods. I grin, turning my eyes to Faith, daring her to argue with me. “I’m coming with.”

To my surprise, she’s not fighting with me. She’s… smiling.

“After the way you hit Jason, you probably shouldn’t stay here,” she concedes. She goes to pick up Dawn and her luggage, but I grab her bags first, the way I always wished she’d let me carry her books back in high school. And she lets me do that, too, leaving us the only challenge of getting to Gate 42 before security comes.

“Who is this man, mommy?” Dawn asks Faith doubtfully, glaring at me.

Faith looks at a total loss for words, and I jump in, smiling my trademark grin at the little girl who might just be my daughter. “I’m a friend of the family. Name’s River. What’s your name, little girl?”

“Dawn,” she says, sticking four fingers up at me. “I’m not little. I’m this much years old.”

I grin at her. “Four? Well, you’re practically an adult.”

“Yes,” she replies, looking pleased with me as she turns to her mother. “Ok, he can come.”

Faith looks at me with exasperation as I smile a shit-eating grin at her and take the luggage after the three women heading for the terminal.

Originally, I don’t get a seat next to Faith, but the man sitting next to her recognizes who I am.

He’s a huge fan, he says.

We switch seats.

T
he flight is faster
than I could have expected, but I stress out the whole time. I still don’t know how to feel about River being back again, or what this could mean for us. There’s something different between us now, though. I just don’t know what.

He’s sitting in the seat beside me; Dawn isn’t old enough for her own seat yet, so she’s on my lap. She’s the excuse I use – I’m just checking to make sure she’s comfy and nothing might be poking against her, or anything – every time I turn my head to the right of me to look at River.

Sometimes I swear he’s looking back.

We haven’t talked yet, not really. He tries a few times, but I cut him off.

Maybe I shouldn’t do that.

Especially because he uses every opportunity to chat up Dawn instead, and she’s busy chattering away to him.

I turn to him, about to open my mouth when a voice comes over the speakers. There haven’t been too many announcements this flight, and by the time the words the woman is saying get to me, the plane is descending.

I look over at River again. He doesn’t pretend to be looking away, though, if he ever was. This time, he stares back, his eyes meeting mine. I want to refuse to look down, but I can’t help it. My eyes dart down as I feel his eyes still burning into my skin, and I wonder exactly what he’s thinking –

The plane lands.

Everyone stands to take their bags out of the overhead bins, and then we boarding off. We’ll take a car to get to the cruise. I didn’t plan for River to come with us… There won’t be enough seats. I look at him, blushing, and duck my head again, wondering if this means I’ll wind up sitting in his lap.

It’s going to be a long ride.

But not as long as the cruise, and not just length-wise. The car ride is maybe two hours. The cruise lasts five days, going through Italy and a bunch of islands on its way towards Greece. The car ride goes through some roads with some trees on the sides and… That’s about it.

And in the end, it’s either me or Sabrina who’ll have to sit on River’s lap. I shock myself by volunteering.

A
t least the
car ride didn’t have Jason and Becky there. They’ll be there every other step of the way, though.

And it’s ruining everything. I can see them just ahead of me as we board the ship, and I’m about to go up to them and say something when I feel a strong hand touch on the small of my back and pull me away.

“Don’t,” River says, smiling down at me comfortingly. It’s funny, since he was the one to hit Jason when all he did was show up…

Not that I’m defending Jason, but this should be the exact same thing. It is the exact same thing. I wrench myself away from him, knowing that with the difference in our sizes and strength that the only reason I got away from River is that he chose to let go of me.

I scowl, watching his offending hand drop down to his side.

Not that it didn’t feel good against me, even through the fabric…

“You. Are. A. Hypocrite,” I punctuate the words with a finger pointing to his chest, and it only infuriates me more when he grins at me. Just a day ago, these roles were reversed. Why had I let him come?

I know why.

I refuse to talk about it.

Or even think about it.

Or even think about anything besides the way he crosses his arms over his hard chest, which makes his biceps press against the sleeves of his cotton T-shirt, and it’s frustrating in a way that doesn’t have to do with the heat rising up through my…

Ugh.

I groan, and he knows he won.

“Come on,” he says, putting his hand on the small of my back again. His other hand is carrying our bags, which an employee from the ship grabs in the next second.

River’s hand finds Dawn’s and he easily guides her aboard the ship. I’m in awe watching them. Dawn’s blabbering away, busy telling some story to the man she has no idea is her father.

But I’m too annoyed to think about that, as I see my least two favorite people in the world right ahead of us.

I groan again, looking at Jason and Becky, wondering if they’ve even noticed us.

They haven’t.

They’re engrossed in something, Becky leaning to look at something while Jason stands behind her, his arms around her the way he usually did with me.

River turns my body again, steering me away from them and onto the ship. It’s beautiful and white, just like I expected from the photos I saw on the site when I booked the trip with…

“Stop it,” River narrows his eyes at me, telling me with his silence that he knows exactly what I’m thinking and that I need to “cut the shit.” I wasn’t even going to think of Jason and Becky, or how they will be cuddling just a deck’s length away. I just didn’t expect Jason to have the same idea as me, and to bring her along with him.

“I said to stop it.” River’s tone is even deeper and more authoritative than it usually is, and I’m shocked. I don’t want to twist away from him, though, I just want to obey. “Don’t make me punish you, Faith.”

The words send chills up my spine and I wonder exactly what he means by that. I know it won’t be sexual, although knowing River it probably will be…

“Look,” he’s still talking and I fade back into the conversation, wondering if he knew exactly just where I disappeared to in the few moments between what he said and what I heard. He hasn’t said anything about it, though, and River wouldn’t just let it disappear to the background to be polite –

He winks at me.

He totally knows.

“Let’s do dinner,” he says, and I nod. Somehow we’re in my room together and we’re sharing our meal. I’m glad for Dawn being here because I don’t know how I could handle being in a room alone with River. He tells me he’s going to get food from the buffet he saw on the way in – I didn’t even notice it, I was focusing too much on… Other things – and I nod dumbly, and then he’s away.

And then he’s back.

Somehow he’s found apples, a knife to cut them with, a loaf of bread, ham, grapes, and some cheese. It’s not much, but at the same time, it’s everything.

I’m suddenly so tired I can only smile up at him. He cuts everything for Dawn first, I notice, and with the way he’s looking at her…

I should tell him he’s her father.

I should have, a long time ago.

He needs to know…

Now isn’t the time. So I just watch – the slices he cuts for us are thick and chopped down like you’d expect them to be, but Dawn’s are cut into small little squares so she doesn’t choke. The care he shows for her does nothing to get this smile off my face, especially when Dawn giggles up at him as he keeps the loaf of bread from her.

“You’ve got to reach it first,” he says. Is he really this good with children? I hadn’t expected it from River Xavier, of all people. I saw his tense jaw earlier, and felt the muscles in his body contract as he pulled me away from Jason and Becky.

He’d been angry, too. But he was playing peacemaker… And father.

He keeps the bread loaf just out of reach of her little arms as she goes for it, and he shakes his head at her. “Like this,” he says, and he puts the loaf just far down enough for her to reach it. Her little teeth dig into the dough and she squeals with excitement.

She doesn’t even eat bread. She’s so picky.

Dawn tries to take a huge bite out of it before he takes it from her, and pulls it into little pieces.

And then he passes me the small, messy sandwiches he made for me just a second ago, and we all eat together. Somewhere, distantly, I feel the boat start to rock as it moves through the gentle waves, but my attention is on…

“I need to check something,” River says, and I wonder if I should be concerned, but I’m not. He smiles at me, a gentle smile, not the same type of movement as his trademark smirks but just as lovely. I nod to him, letting him go. “I’ll be right back.”

And I’m not concerned.

Until I hear the shouts just outside our door.