Rebel Rockstar (12 page)

I
can’t believe
how amazing this party is! The planners (who, to be honest, did most of the work) did a fantastic job throwing this together. I never would have been able to do this alone. After everything I’ve been through recently, it’s nice to be able to let my hair down and enjoy myself—although I have been holding back when it comes to booze. I can’t afford another mistake like that again! I’ve finally gotten to a place where I feel happy and settled with my life, and it’s nice to be able to recognize that. Even things with my new album are going much better than I expected.

The only problem is that I haven’t seen Jem for a while now, and she’s the only one I really want to be with. It’s nice seeing everyone else, but it’s her that I want to be spending this party with. The last time I saw her she was heading toward the bathroom, but that was a long time ago. I’m not
worried,
exactly, because I know she’ll just be gossiping with someone somewhere, but I can’t help but miss her. After spending so much forced time apart, I hate to have her far away from me.

As I scan the room again, I feel a hard tap on my shoulder. I spin around to see Cole standing there, glaring at me. “Oh, hi, Cole.” I smile at him warily, wondering what he’s doing. I only invited him to be polite. I never expected him to actually come. Especially after his fights with Jem, and the fact that he’s representing Lola. “Thank you for coming…” I say it like a question. “I appreciate it.”

He grabs my hand tightly and hands me a business card. “If you ever need some new representation after the fucking mess your last management team got you in, then give me a call, okay?”

I open my mouth to tell him that I’m quite happy with Paul, thank you very much, but he’s already gone, so I shove the card into my wallet, ready to throw it away later on. I’d never go to Cole, even if I didn’t have Paul—he’s weird and sleazy, and Jem would kill me. There’s just something very unlikable about him, and I doubt that would do very well for my career.

“Nate?” A soft female voice takes me from my shock. Lola is unexpectedly standing in front of me. I was sure that she wasn’t coming, but I’m so glad she did. I don’t ever want her to feel excluded from any of our social events—especially after she saved my freaking life. She’s dressed in a demure, sweet black dress, as if she’s trying to represent a more somber version of herself, and her face is wet with tears. It’s obvious that she’s not sure she should be here, and I hate that. We all want her here. No one blames her for what happened, least of all me.

“Oh, my God, Lola. Thank you so much for coming.” I pull her in for a hug, trying desperately to reassure her. “Are you okay?” She nods quickly, saying nothing. “Thank you so much for what you did for me in court. I can’t believe that you spoke out to defend me like that. I’d be in prison if it wasn’t for you.”

“I’m just sorry that it went that far,” she practically sobs. “I never wanted any of that to happen. It was all Cole. He went crazy, wanting money and publicity, and I was powerless to stop it. He’s just such an overpowering person.”

“It’s okay. I know how it is.” I try to interrupt, not wanting her to feel bad about herself, wanting to show her that my management can be a bit of a nightmare too, but she doesn’t stop talking.

“He told me to lie at the trial, but I couldn’t do that to you.” That explains the weirdness that crossed her face as she stood up in the stand. I understand it now—her dilemma. Wreck her career, or stand up for me? Hopefully she’ll be able to rebuild herself, just as I have. I imagine the first thing she’ll need to do is get away from that waste of space Cole, but now isn’t the time for me to say that. “I’ve been feeling so bad ever since. I’m sorry I even kissed you. I was in
such
a bad place at the time…”

“Do you…do you want to talk about it?” I try again, but she shakes her head emphatically. “Okay, well, let’s just put it behind us and forget about it. We’re friends, and I would love it to stay that way. I don’t want all of this to push us further apart.”

“Okay,” she says, nodding. “Put it in the past—I can do that.” She’s trying to sound brave, but I can definitely hear uncertainty in her tone.

“So what’s new?” I don’t want her to leave just yet. I want her to realize that I’m serious about being friends. That I’m not just saying it to be kind. “What’s been going on with you?”

“Well, I went back home for a while.” A small smile spreads across her lips. “And I managed to reconnect with my old boyfriend, Ben. He’s the
one that got away
, you know? The ultimate love of my life. We had to break up when I was taken away from him to start my career, but we spent some serious time together and we’ve decided to make it work.” She sends me a bright grin, showing me just how happy she really is. “I’m sure it won’t be easy, but hopefully we’ll manage to get past that.”

“That’s amazing news!” I’m happy for her. She really deserves to find someone decent. “Is he nice? Does he treat you well?” I can’t help but slip my big brother pants back on. After all she’s been through, the last thing she needs is some shitty boyfriend in her life.

“He’s the best. You’ll love him.” Her eyes shine with love—this guy must be a good one. “I didn’t want to bring him tonight, because I wasn’t sure if I was going to come myself, but I’ll definitely introduce the two of you soon.”

She pulls out her phone and shows me some pictures of the pair of them hugging and doing cutesy couple-y things. He really does look like a nice guy, with sandy blonde hair and green eyes, but I’ll have to have a talk with him when I see him, just in case. I’ll need to make him understand that if he fucks with Lola, I’ll be on his case.

“He looks like a nice guy.” I smile widely at her. “And I’m sure that Jem will be excited for you too.”

“Where is Jem?” Lola asks, flicking her eyes all over the room. “I need to speak to her. I feel like I have a lot of explaining to do. I really want to get things back to normal with her.”

“I don’t know,” I laugh. “I’ve been looking for her forever!”

“Well, come on, I’ll help you find her.”

It’s difficult to locate someone when you keep getting stopped to talk every two seconds, but eventually I manage to spot her coming out of the bathroom, arm in arm with Tonya. I shoot Lola a glance and she looks just as confused as I feel.

“Let’s go,” I say to her. “Let’s find out what the hell is going on here.” This is too weird for words.

T
onya sits
me down on the toilet lid, allowing me a moment to catch my breath. I’m still a little blown away by what happened with Cole, and that combined with champagne is causing my head to spin wildly.

At least I know for sure that I’m safe in here. There’s no way that Cole could get anywhere near me. Tonya’s presence makes me feel safe, too—surprisingly, after all that’s happened.

“Are you okay?” she asks me with genuine concern in her voice. “Can I get you a drink of water or anything? Are you hurt? Are you sure you don’t need anyone?” She’s actually panicking about me, which is strangely nice. I never thought I’d get to a place where Tonya Becker cared about me, yet here we are.

“No, I’m all right, I think,” I say, trying my best to give her a grateful smile. I take a second to look her up and down, examining her amazing outfit. Although I thought I looked pretty good tonight, it’s nothing compared to her. She has a rocking body like you wouldn’t believe, and in her tight, body-con red dress, she looks absolutely amazing. As I look at her, I feel a swell in my heart, one that wishes we’d managed to form a friendship early on. We’ve been in the same business for the same amount of time, and we’ve experienced a lot of similar things. It’s such a shame that jealousy over Nate kept us apart. If he wasn’t in the equation—much as I’m glad that he is—I wonder if we could have been friends.

“Are you okay to talk now?” she asks. “Are you feeling all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you again for saving me from that prick.” I try to smile, but I can’t deny the tears in my eyes. “I really do appreciate it.”

“All right. Then…I have something to ask you.” Tonya stares at me with an intensity that makes me uneasy. I wonder where the hell she’s going with all of this, what she knows. I wonder what I’ll admit to her if she just comes out and asks me. “I’ve seen you with Cole a couple of times now, and it looks like he’s been acting very inappropriate with you. Did he…did he ever abuse you? When you were younger, I mean?”

I glance down at my feet, emotions washing over me. It’s true. She knows the truth. I’ve probably been giving off abuse-victim vibes the whole time, even though I’ve been desperately trying not to. I’ve spent my whole life trying to hide that side of me, but it seems I’ve done a terrible job.

“What I mean by that is…” Tonya continues. “Did he abuse you too?”

“What?” I practically scream as my entire world shatters around me. What does she mean? Tonya waits patiently for my mind to decipher her words in a way that it really doesn’t want to accept. It’s bad enough knowing that my youth and early career was ruined by that horrible sleazy bastard, but to know that he did it to someone else too is killing me.

In that moment, it all comes rushing back—the fear, the intimidation, the terror. Him, his hands, his abuse of my body. I shudder wildly as the memories come out from their locked-away hiding place to infiltrate me. Just the
thought
of him doing that to someone else…

“Are you…?” I gasp. “What are you trying to tell me?”

“I mean I suspect that he abused you.” She speaks slowly, trying desperately to get her message across. “In the same way he abused me.” I nod, the tears spilling down my face. I grip Tonya’s shoulders, hugging her tightly as she weeps too. The moment is sad and tragic, but at the same time I feel a little element of closure inside of me. I’m relieved to have been able to tell someone—even if it is under the worst circumstances ever.

“How…how far did it go?” Tonya asks nervously, trembling with the implication of her words. I grab hold of her hands, wishing I could do anything to make her pain go away. Whatever I went through, whatever I experienced, I would do anything to take that haunted look from her.

“Never rape,” I whisper, feeling vomit rile up in my stomach. “A lot of other stuff, but never that. He only tried the once.” I gulp, remembering that awful day. “I managed to escape and the very next day I demanded that he end my contract with him.” As I speak, I can feel myself returning to the young child he abused. I feel small, vulnerable, and terrified all over again.

“I wasn’t so lucky,” Tonya sobs, leaning against me. I can tell by her face that she’s losing herself in the bad memories the same way that I am—but hers are so much worse. She didn’t manage to get away like I did. She had her innocence stolen by that pig.

I start to understand why she’s always been such a bitch to me—I hated other people when it was happening too—but I feel like that’s coming to an end. I feel like this might be a turning moment for us, and that we might be friends from now on.

“Why didn’t you go to the police?” I ask, pulling her into me.

“For the same reason you didn’t,” she admits. “I was terrified. I’m still terrified. Who is going to believe the word of someone so young, over such an established manager? I had to consider how it would make me look, how it would affect the career that I was trying to build.” I nod, knowing exactly what she means. That’s exactly how I felt at the time too. I thought it was better to brush it under the carpet and try to move on.

Of course, back then I had no idea that he was doing it to other people. I might have seen things differently if that was the case.

“What do we do now?” Tonya asks, straightening up and wiping away her tears. “It feels like we should do something now.”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “Things are different now. It was so long ago. He’s even been to rehab in that time. What if we went to the police and he managed to twist it around on us?” All the horrible possibilities flow through my mind. Anything could happen. I know that. Seeing how Nate was treated during his court case has put me off a little. I’m terrified of going through the same scrutiny that he did.

“How is he these days?” Tonya asks me curiously. “How does he treat Lola?”

“I’m not sure.” I shake my head, feeling that hopeless desperation overcome me once more. “She hasn’t said anything to me. I tried asking a little, but she just shut down.”

“We need to find out,” she replies decisively. “I don’t really know the girl, but she reminds me of us back then—young, naive, scared. She’s desperate for a career, and I wonder how far she’ll take that.”

“I know. I agree,” I muse thoughtfully. “I just wish that she was here so I could speak to her. I’m scared she’s staying away because she’s afraid of how I’ll react.”

“She’ll be okay.” Tonya nods, smiling at me. “You’ll get your chance to talk, and you’ll sort things out.” She pauses for a second, just looking at me. “You really are a good friend, you know, and a good person. I’m sorry I was a bitch to you for all that time. I guess I just felt like you got everything—the good career, the boy, the easy life. I didn’t know then…”

“Of course you didn’t. I completely understand,” I say to reassure her. “If anyone can understand you, it’s me.”

“Come on,” she finally announces. “Let’s go back to the party. Nate will be wondering where you are.”

“Thank you,” I say. “I’m so glad I have you, and I’m really grateful to you for looking out for me the way you did.”

“Friends?” she asks sincerely.

“Friends,” I confirm, happy to start this new chapter of our lives.

“
A
re you okay
?” I ask nervously, watching the two girls walk toward me. I can already tell that they’ve both been crying, but I wonder if it’s one of those happy-cry things girls do. The ones that lead to a rebuilt friendship. It would be nice to see the girls friends after all this time, especially since Tonya came to support me in court. She really didn’t have to do that.

“Yeah, we’re good,” says Jem, and she sends Tonya a little glance that I can’t quite read, but I try not to read too much into it.

“Okay. Well—Lola’s arrived.” I smile happily, stepping aside so they can both see her. “I think we all have a lot to say to one another.”

“Of course!” Jem pulls Lola into a hug, and for the first time the young girl relaxes, her body language making it clear she’s relieved to be back with her friend again. “Are you okay?”

“I…I think so,” she replies with a wobble in her voice. “I just feel so awful about everything that’s happened.” She starts crying again, but Jem stops her.

“Stop it, Lola. It’s not your fault. I
know
that you wouldn’t have done any of this if you were in your right frame of mind.” She holds Lola’s face in her hands, giving her a very sincere look. “You’re my best friend. You have been for a while now, and I
know
that you’d never do anything to hurt me.”

“I’m so sorry, Jem. I really am. I totally respect that Nate’s yours.” She shakes her head in fear, desperate to get her words out. “I just had some stuff going on, and it made me act crazy.”

“What sort of stuff?” Jem narrows her eyes, obviously sensing a problem just like I am. Luckily, she’s much more direct about it. “What’s going on, Lola? Please tell me.”

“I…I can’t. It doesn’t matter now anyway. It’s over. It’s done.”

Jem glances at me with distress in her eyes before speaking once more. “Trust me, Lola, you can talk to me. I know what’s going on…”

“So, are you glad to have your freedom?” Tonya talks loudly, drowning out the rest of the conversation. I strain my ears to try to keep listening, but it’s hard to focus on two things at once, so I find myself forced to pick Tonya.

“It’s good, thank you. I appreciate you coming to court, by the way.” I smile at her, wanting to show my gratitude.

“Yeah, well, I came as soon as I could.” She nods at me. “Despite all that’s happened, I think of you as a friend, Nate. I might not always have acted like it, but I value you in my life. I apologize for all the shitty things I’ve done. I hope we can move past it now.”

“Of course,” I insist. “What’s done is done, and since you’ve made friends with Jem, maybe we’ll get to hang out more.” I want to press her, to ask her more about this, but I can sense that it isn’t the time or place. I’ll delve into the complexities of those two later on.

“I’d like that. I really would.”

Jem finally interrupts our conversation, pulling Tonya’s attention back to her. “Come on! Let’s all go and dance.” They head toward the dance floor, leaving me behind. I watch them move together, laughing and joking, and I wonder if this could be the future for all of us now. If you’d asked me a while ago if the four of us could have been friends, then I would have laughed and shaken my head, but now…
anything
could happen.

* * *

A
s we arrive home
, more than a little tipsy, I’m on fire for Jem. I’ve been desiring her all night from a distance, and now I absolutely cannot wait to get my hands on her. Being so close to her—but not quite close enough to touch—is damn near torture.

“You look so beautiful,” I murmur, already claiming her with my mouth, pushing her back against the wall. Even half drunk, I’m already hard and all I can think about is taking Jem into my room and doing wild things to her. “I can’t believe you’re mine.”

My mouth drifts across her throat as she moans in excitement. “You aren’t so bad yourself,” she gasps. “I’m lucky to have you too.” But I know that I’m the
really
lucky one. I’m the one who always seems to bring trouble for us, and it’s a miracle she’s still here.

I’ll never take that fact for granted.

As my lips find every inch of her neck in a way that I know will drive her wild, she claws at my jacket, at my shirt, needing them gone, and I’m more than happy to comply. The material that we’re wearing is the only thing keeping us apart, and I’m glad for it all to be gone. The more naked I can get Jem, the better, as far as I’m concerned.

I pick her up as if she’s light as a feather and wrap her legs around me, giving her a feel of just how much I need her right now. She squeals lightly in excitement, making me chuckle, and I proceed to carry her up the stairs in the direction of my bedroom. Of all the places we’ve physically expressed our love for one another, this is my favorite. Having sex here, in my home, makes it feel much more real.

“Will you move in with me?” I ask on a whim, knowing that my life won’t be complete until we’re together permanently. In fact, thinking about it now, I can’t believe that it’s taken me this long to ask. “You’re here all the time anyway…” I know that she has her own home, but this one is bigger. I’m sure she would much prefer it here.

“Really?” She pulls back to look into my eyes. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I can’t believe you have to ask!” I exclaim jokingly. I know she’s only being careful because of all the trials and tribulations we’ve been through, but the fact that we’ve come out of it much stronger has to tell her something, surely.

“Of course!” she says excitedly. “I’d absolutely love that.” We return to kissing with more vigor than before.

I make it up the stairs. I’m a little uncoordinated and unsteady on my feet because of the alcohol coursing around my system, but I make it all the same. Jem’s excitement level seems to be increasing with every single step, making it much more difficult for me to control myself.

By the time we make it to my bedroom, I tumble, dropping Jem, but she lands on the bed beneath me, just where I need her to be.

“Sorry,” I mutter, but I’m barely focusing on my words. All I can think about is her skin, her lips, her tongue. She’s all over me, and driving me absolutely wild in the process.

She kisses me lightly along my collarbone, then sucks on my earlobe, sending an explosion of sensations racing through my body. I find it difficult to concentrate, but I do manage to work my hand up her legs, and I begin to explore her hot, wet desire.

“That’s what you do to me,” she whispers into my ear as I gently massage her with my fingers. “You make me so wet for you.” She’s normally so coy, so polite, that hearing those dirty words leave her mouth makes me even more insane. I feel like I could explode at any given second.

“Oh, fuck, Jem,” I groan. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

She cheekily slides her hand down my body, freeing my cock from its prison, and proceeds to find out for herself. I tremble under her sweet fingers as they explore me in new and exciting ways. Being with Jem is so much better than anyone else. Not only does our love make her body feel that much better against mine, but her cute innocence and her desire to try new things make her the most exciting lover I’ve ever had.

I can’t take it anymore. I need to explore her breasts. I sit her upright, slowly sliding the gorgeous dress from her body. As I unhook her bra and it falls from her body, I see the pale white skin and the red, hardened nipples I spend so much of my time thinking about. I lay her back down and begin flicking my tongue all over her. I even tug and tease a little with my teeth, seeing if bringing a tiny bit of pain into the bedroom does it for her. Much to my surprise, it does. She thrashes, she bucks, and she arches her back beneath me.

I need to be inside of her. I need her right now, so I flip her over until she’s lying on her front, causing her to squeak in shock. We’ve never done it from this angle, and I can’t wait to try it. I pull her up onto her knees, giving me the most amazing view of her ass, then I explore her insides with my fingers for just a few more seconds, getting her used to the new position. When she starts pushing back against my hand, wanting more from me, I know that she’s ready and I tease her entrance with my cock.

“What do you want?” I ask her, watching her head loll to the side with pleasure.

“You,” she replies simply.

“Beg,” I demand. “Plead for it.”

“Please?” she tries pathetically, but I don’t give in, continuing to tease. “Please give it to me. I need you.” Still I do nothing. “Oh, God, fuck me, Nate,” she screams. “Now.”

I reward her obedience by sliding into her, my excitement growing as I get deeper in, feeling more of her than ever before. I move slowly at first, but as Jem’s intensity grows, she begs for me to go faster, harder. I like this new erotic side of her. I’m glad that I’ve awoken this hunger in her. She’s a very sexual woman, and I’m glad that I get to explore that side of her in a way that no one else ever has, or ever will do.

Her hips move wildly and I can feel my climax coming much too soon. I can’t wait for it, but at the same time I never want this moment to end. I try to hold off, to keep it in until the very last second, but then Jem’s body caves and I just lose it. We ride our orgasms together and crash, laughing and happy.

We gaze into each other’s eyes for a while, waiting for our heart rates to return to normal, and then Jem speaks. “Are you sure you want me to move in? You weren’t just saying that in the heat of the moment?”

I cup her face in my hands. “Jem, I love you so much. More than you could even imagine. You’re the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, so why not start that life now? I know I’m never going change my mind about you, so I need you to move in. I want to be with you all the time.”

I grin as she nods happily, having had my emotions confirmed. “I love you, too,” she replies. “And I want all of that as well.”

“Good.” I kiss her head lightly. “Then I’ll get your stuff picked up tomorrow, and we’ll go from there.”

After a while, her breathing becomes heavy, proving that she’s fallen asleep, but I no longer feel tired. I simply lie and watch her sleep for most of the night, dozing off myself in the early hours of the morning.