Read My Lips (23 page)

Are women who use tampons no longer virgins?

Most people define virginity based on whether or not they have had “sex” with another person. In that sense, if you have not had sexual intercourse or penetration with a partner, then you are still a virgin whether you have used no tampons, one tampon, or five thousand tampons over the course of your life.

Of course, “sex” can be defined in many ways, but we have not met many people who define it as tampon insertion. That being said, we recognize and respect that people may define different terms in diverse ways. For some people, virginity means never having had vaginal intercourse. For others, it means never having had any kind of sex, such as vaginal sex, anal sex, or oral sex. And for other people, virginity may mean having an intact hymen. Even if you don’t believe this, you may have wondered: Is there any validity to the suggestion that those women who have used tampons cannot be virgins? Several researchers at Children’s Hospital and Harvard Medical School were apparently curious as well.
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They included three hundred young women in a study investigating this question. The young women were split evenly into three groups based on their previous experiences: Group 1 reported that they had never had sexual intercourse and only used pads during their periods; Group 2 also reported that they had never had sexual intercourse but used tampons; and Group 3 reported that they had sexual intercourse in the past. The researchers found that the hymen differed for those women who had a history of sexual intercourse and those who did not. Conversely, there were no significant differences between the groups of women who did or did not use tampons. They did find a difference in something less expected: the participants’ perceptions of their speculum examinations. Only about a quarter of the pad-using participants in Group 1 felt that the exam was easy as compared to over half of the young women who reported using tampons.

To summarize, tampon use doesn’t “de-virginize” a woman, and it doesn’t make her hymen look different from those of women who don’t use tampons. Tampon use may, however, help women to become more comfortable with vaginal penetration and thus more comfortable with gynecological exam procedures, such as a speculum examination.

Because of the lack of skill building around tampons (and other period devices), I was very uncertain how to work with my genitals for a long time. There should be more of this information given and skills worked on early on, so people don’t get negative impressions of their genitals through these things. They definitely had a negative impact on me, until I met a sexual partner who was much more positive.

—
M
ERCEDES,
28, New York

How do I insert a tampon?

Every woman probably has a slightly different method for inserting a tampon. Some lift a leg, others prefer squatting, and others just stay right where they are sitting. The best method will be the one that works best for you. Inserting a tampon is very different based upon whether you use tampons with or without applicators (see the following section, “Choosing a Tampon That’s Right for You”).

If you use a tampon with an applicator, resist the urge to pull apart the pieces when you open up the package. The tampon stays in the top component and is pushed through by the bottom portion. If you use a non-applicator tampon, try to press your fingertip against the bottom of the tampon, where the string is (not all the way—just enough to be able to push it) and push it in. It may take a few tries, but you’ll get it.

How do I know when a tampon is in right?

Women commonly say that they know they have a tampon in far enough when they can no longer feel it inside of them. If you are having a difficult time with it, don’t be too hard on yourself. Every woman and every tampon is a little different, so don’t be afraid to give something new a try!

Can my tampon get lost inside of my body?

The good news is that your vagina is not like the pipes in your house. You cannot get something lost in it, and you don’t need to get it “snaked” if there is something stuck in it. The vagina ends at the very small cervix and a tampon cannot get through the cervix. So no, your vagina is not a black hole in which things can get lost forever, and no tampon (or any other reasonably sized object) will get lost inside it.

What happens if I forget that I have a tampon in and leave it for too long—like, for several days?

Although tampons can’t get “lost” inside the vagina (it’s not that big and it ends at the cervix), it is true that some women forget to remove a tampon and may leave it in for days. This is not a good idea, but it happens sometimes. Maybe your mind is elsewhere when switching tampons and you insert a new tampon before remembering to take out the first one. Or maybe in the heat of the moment, you forget to take it out before having sex. Or maybe you just forgot it was in there at the end of your period and went on with life, until one day things felt or smelled funny, and you stuck your finger in your vagina to check things out. These things happen. If it happens to you, don’t panic. Start by trying to get the tampon out. The string may have gotten lost but that just means that you are going to have to insert your fingers into your vagina and, as we say, “go fishing for it.” Before embarking on the excavation, start by washing your hands thoroughly. It also can’t hurt to give your fingernails a quick look to make sure there are no sharp edges (file them down if needed).

Forgotten tampons usually come out without a hitch. But in case it doesn’t, here are some tips. You may find that it helps to try a few different positions to get the right angle. You may feel more comfortable lying down with pillows to prop you up, standing with one foot on the counter or squatting. Using a bit of water-based lubricant on your finger or around your vaginal opening can ease the process. If you have the benefit of a partner or open-minded friend around, it may help to enlist his/her help. If you feel nervous about it, you may want to offer him/ her a pair of gloves (latex gloves or similar—not winter gloves!). If neither you nor your friend/lover/open-minded someone is able to find it, do not assume that the problem has mysteriously resolved itself. Try to get into your gynecologist’s office as soon as you can. Don’t be embarrassed! Many gynecologists have told us that they see this kind of thing all the time. People have lost far more unusual things inside their vaginas.

In order to avoid having this happen to you, we recommend practicing inserting a finger inside your vagina. It only takes a second to do, and if you get in the habit of doing it every now and then—and most definitely in the days following your period—then you will be far more likely to catch a stray tampon if you forgot you had one up there. If there’s ever a good reason to become more comfortable touching your vagina, this is it!

When I was in 8th grade, I didn’t know what the word “pussy” meant. This boy in my class started bothering me about it asking me to tell him what it meant. I lied and said I did know, which just made him egg me on all the more. When it was clear by my face that I had no idea what I was talking about, he said “You idiot. You don’t even know what you have.” Then he told his friends. I inferred what pussy meant and was so humiliated. This doesn’t necessarily have to do with my physical perceptions of my genitals, but his mean, caustic attitude towards me and my genitals filled me with shame, which extended into my emotional feelings about my genitals. It took a long time to get over.

—
A
MBER,
23, California

What’s the deal with TSS?

TSS stands for toxic shock syndrome, a scary name that has likely sent fear into the hearts and vaginas of many tampon users over the years. The truth of the matter is it is very rarely associated with tampon use. You can read more about TSS in Chapter 2: A Healthy, Happy Vulva.

CHOOSING A TAMPON THAT’S RIGHT FOR YOU

Just as women have options to choose from in terms of shoe styles, condom features, and phones, there are various options to choose from when it comes to tampons, too.

Size

Most tampons, regardless of the brand, will come in several different sizes. Don’t worry; this is not like your shoe size, so there is no need for measurements. Some women have a difficult time inserting a large tampon and other women have a tricky time keeping in a smaller one. However, for most, tampons are one-size-fits-all.

Instead of choosing a tampon for comfort, women will often pick their tampons based on their menstrual flow. While some women always have heavier periods, other’s menstrual flow never seems like more than a trickle. For women with a heavier flow, the choice is relatively clear: bigger tampons are often more absorbent. For many women, their flow will start heavier and slow down as the days progress. For these women, there are mixed packages. A relatively recent invention, we were super excited to see these in our regular tampon line-up available in many drugstores. The packages we’ve seen will give you approximately equal numbers of three different tampon absorbencies to “go with the flow.” Although some women find that they run out of one type before the others, it is still a great idea. They are also good for women who are new to tampons and not really sure which size is best for them. Don’t be afraid to try them out and find the fit that is best for you!

Shape and Materials

There is not much variability in the materials used for tampons. They are typically made from rayon and/or cotton, and organic tampons are normally made from 100 percent organic cotton without the bleach used on other tampons. One of the most important ways that tampons differ is in the way they extend as they absorb. Some tampons will extend lengthwise, while others extend radially (width-wise). The ones that extend radially tend to have little grooves in the sides. Each method has its advantages/disadvantages.

Tampons that extend lengthwise can start to “pop out” if you leave them in for too long (sounds a little like a pop-up turkey thermometer). This can be a little uncomfortable if you are not in a place where you can change it. The radial ones, on the other hand, can start to make you feel uncomfortable as well, but it may be a little less obvious. Some find that they get slight stomachaches when they leave these tampons in for too long. So, while neither one is ideal, both work great. It is just a matter of which is the least distracting/uncomfortable for you!

Applicator

If you ask most women to divide tampons into two groups, many will differentiate them based on whether or not they have an applicator. An applicator can come in many different materials (e.g., cardboard, plastic) and essentially includes a smaller tub inside of a larger one. The tampon sits inside of the larger tube and is pushed out when you press on the smaller tube. Some women like an applicator because it prevents you from having (or “getting,” depending on your point of view) to insert the tampon into your vagina. Non-applicator users are often very committed to their cause. It is not only better for the environment; some women simply prefer the “fit” or the convenience of being able to carry smaller tampons around in their purses.

Recently, the primary non-applicator tampon brand, o.b., disappeared from many store shelves across America. For many women, it was a catastrophe and was dubbed by some in the media as the “Tamponcalypse.” According to the manufacturer, there was simply a pause in the shipping, which caused the problem, and they promised that they would be back out soon. This did little to reassure fans who panicked when they couldn’t find their treasured tampon. They quickly became a black-market item, with women paying in excess of $100 for a few boxes found online. When o.b. tampons started to slowly appear on shelves again, women were overjoyed and united to find a place to purchase them. There was even an online treasure map for women to mark where they were able to find the tampons once they came back on the market. Sound like commitment? Well, that’s nothing. In the midst of the Tamponcalypse, we happened across a lonely o.b. sitting on the sidewalk while walking back from lunch one day. At first, we wondered if this was perhaps one of those jokes that little tricksters play, where they drop a valuable item on the floor and then pull it away or glue it to the ground for giggles as the poor sap tries to pry it off the floor. It felt like finding a $20 bill on the ground. After staring at it for some time and trying to justify the fact that it
was
still wrapped in plastic and thus likely clean inside, we decided to walk away and leave it on the ground. Would the story have been different if we both had not already stocked up at home? If we thought it was the only o.b. left on the planet? Would we have fought each other over it? Perhaps. However, the alternative ending to the story would have been less likely to find its way into the book. I mean, who wants to tell the world that you’ve picked up a tampon off the ground and may use it later on in the month?

MENSTRUAL CUPS AND SPONGES

This section would not be complete without discussing some of the other options on the market: notably, menstrual cups. As with pads, your use of tampons may have you feeling concerned about the impact on the environment (particularly if you use plastic applicators) and/or the cost of frequent tampon use. If so, consider using menstrual cups.

There are several brands of menstrual cups including the Keeper, the Moon Cup, and the DivaCup. Although the idea of a tampon alternative may sound new and novel, they have actually been around since the 1930s. Shaped like plastic (technically silicone) bells, the bell end is folded twice and inserted into your vagina. As with a bell, there is a stem at the top that can be used for pulling the menstrual cup out when you are ready to change it. The menstrual cup holds approximately an ounce of liquid, so it is good for both heavy and light days. To change it, just pull it out, empty it and wash or wipe it off. Ready to reinsert! They are supposed to last upwards of ten years.