Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) (8 page)

Lulu
     Sorry.

Brian
     This isn’t – we’re not in a supermarket or, or a disco. Music like this, you listen.

Lulu
     Yes.

Again they all settle down to watch the video. After a while,
Brian
starts to cry, but even more so this time
.

Brian
     Oh God. Oh God. God.

Lulu
     He’s very good.

Brian
     You feel it like – like something you knew. Something so beautiful that you’ve lost but you’d forgotten that you’ve lost it. Then you hear this.

Lulu
     Play like that when he’s how . . . how old?

Brian
     Hear this and knew what you’ve . . . l-l-l-ooost.

Brian
starts to sob heavily
.

Lulu
     Look, I think I’ve got one.

Robbie
     A handkerchief?

Lulu
     Yes. A handkerchief. In the bedroom.

Robbie
     Shall I fetch it?

Lulu
     Well – yes. Yes, I think you should.

Exit
Robbie
.

Brian
     Because once it was paradise, you see? And you could hear it – heaven singing in your eyes. But we sinned, and God took it away, took away music until we forgot we even heard it but sometimes you get a sort of glimpse – music or a poem – and it reminds you of what it was like before all the sin.

Enter
Robbie
, offers handkerchief to
Brian
.

Brian
     Is it clean?

Robbie
     Yes.

Brian
     Again – is it clean?

Robbie
     Yes.

Brian
     Again – is it clear?

Robbie
     Yes.

Brian
     Look me in the eyes. Straight in the eyes. Yes?

Robbie
(
does so
)     Yes.

Brian
     And again – is it clean?

Robbie
     No.

Brian
     Then why did you offer it to me?

Robbie
     Well –

Brian
     Dirty handkerchief. Offer a dirty handkerchief.

Lulu
     Darling –

Brian
     Handkerchief for your nose.

Brian
punches
Robbie
.
He slumps to the floor
.

Robbie
     I’m – sorry.

Lulu
     Take it away.

Robbie
     Yes. Sorry.

Robbie
crawls out as they settle down in front of the video
.

Brian
     His teacher says – and it’s a religious school, very religious school – his teacher says ‘It’s a gift from God.’ And I think that’s right. Think that must be right because it can’t be from us. Doesn’t come from me and his mother. I mean, where does it come from if it’s not from God, eh? Kid like that, nice kid – his father’s son – but nothing special, picks up a bit of wood and string and – well – grown men cry.

Lulu
     You must be very proud.

Robbie
enters
.
Brian
removes a pristine handkerchief from his top pocket and carefully wipes his eyes
.

Brian
(
to
Robbie
)     See. You don’t wipe your eyes with something that’s been up your nose, alright?

Robbie
     Yes. Sorry.

They continue to watch the video
.

Brian
     Think of the life he’s gonna have, eh? Think of that.

Pause
.

Because he doesn’t know it now of course. But when he’s older, when he knows about sin, about all this, then he’s gonna thank God he’s got this, isn’t he? This little bit of purity.

Lulu
     It is amazing, isn’t it?

Robbie
     Yeah. Yeah. Really – amazing.

Lulu
     That it just looks so effortless.

Brian
     But there is effort.

Lulu
     Of course.

Brian
     Behind it all is effort.

Lulu
     Have to practise all the time, don’t they?

Brian
     His effort – yes.

Lulu
     For like – hours a day.

Brian
     His efforts – of course – but also my efforts.

Lulu
     Of course.

Brian
     Because, at the end of the day, at the final reckoning, behind beauty, behind God, behind paradise, peel them away and what is there? (
To
Robbie
.) Son, I’m asking you.

Robbie
     Well –

Brian
     Come on, son.

Robbie
     Well –

Brian
     Answer the question.

Robbie
     Well – a father.

Brian
     Sorry?

Robbie
     You’ve can’t have them without a sort of a dad.

Brian
     No. No. Think again. Try again.

Robbie
     Well I –

Brian
     Think.

Robbie
     No.

Brian
     No, no. That’s not good enough – no. Behind beauty, behind God, behind paradise –

Lulu
     Darling . . . ?

Robbie
     Money.

Brian
     Yes. Good. Excellent. Money. Takes a few knocks, doesn’t it, son?

Yeah.

But we get it knocked into us don’t we, eh? Learn the rules. Money. There’s boarding fees and the uniforms, the gear, the music, skiing.

Which is why I run such a tight ship you see? Which is why I have to keep the cash flow flowing you see? Which is why I can’t let people FUCK. ME. AROUND. You understand?

Lulu
     Of course.

Brian
     Which is why, right now, I feel sad and sort of angry. Yes?

Lulu
     Yes.

Brian
     I don’t like mistakes. I don’t like my mistakes. And now you tell me I’ve made a mistake. And so I hate myself. Inside. My soul.

We have a problem. Three thousand pounds of a problem. But what is the solution?

They sit for a moment and contemplate this. Finally,
Brian
gets up, ejects the video, puts it back into its case
.

This could be a stalemate. Unless one of us concedes. But would you concede? Could you concede anything?

Lulu
     No.

Brian
     So what you’re saying is – you’re asking me to concede.

Lulu
     Yes.

Brian
     You think I should concede?

Long pause
.

Seven days. To make the money.

Lulu
     Thank you.

Brian
     You understand? Son?

Robbie
     Yes. Seven Days. Yes.

Pause
.
Brian
produces a second video
.

Brian
     I’d like you to have a look at this. Camera’s a bit shaky. Some people will tell you it’s about ‘production values’. But really . . . ‘production values’? They’re nothing without a good subject.

This one was recorded a couple of months ago. 11.53am. On a Wednesday.

He inserts the video, presses play: a Black and Decker being switched on
.

You can’t see the face, of course, but the hand belongs to one of my group.

Now a shot of a man with insulation tape over his mouth
.

The man with the tape over his mouth is someone who failed his test.

The drill is moving towards the man’s face
.

There is so much fear, so much wanting. But we’re all searching.

Searching aren’t we?

Exit
Brian
.

Lulu
and
Robbie
watch as the video continues
.

Flat
.
Robbie
is on the phone
.

Robbie
     Come on. Take it.

This is . . . it’s a golden opportunity. We could change the course of history.

A mobile phone starts to ring.
Lulu
enters
.

That’s what I say. Standing in the Garden and it’s: All of humanity, the course of history. / Look, I’m offering it to you. Because we are the first, we are the only ones. And I want you to take it.

Lulu
(
on mobile
)     / Hello. Hello, Terry.

No. You call as often as you like.

Oh good. Yes, that’s a good idea. A cord that reaches the bed.

Now, if you give me the number again. Yes.

And the expiry date. (
A second mobile rings.
) Yes.

Now I’m taking you into another.

Yes. I’m taking you into the bedroom.

Exit
Lulu
.

Robbie
     Here in my hand. Skin. Core. Red. Red skin.

And there’s juice.

And you see the juice and you want to bite.

Bite. Yes. Your tongue. The apple. Good. The forbidden fruit.

(
Answers second mobile.
) Yes? For the . . . ? If you can . . . ? She’s just. Yes. Coming. On her way. Yes.

(
To phone.
) And it’s like you’ve never seen before, you’ve never looked at my body.

(
To second mobile.
) If you can wait, if you can hang on. Because we’re really very . . . sure, sure. A couple of minutes.

(
To phone
.) My, my cock. It’s hard. And what’s there between your . . . yes . . . because oh look you’ve got one too . . . that you’ve never noticed . . . yes. Your own big cock.

(
To second mobile.
) Still there? Still holding? So, you’re done. Another time. Of course.

(
To phone.
) And you want me and I want you and it’s man on man and I’m Adam and you’re Adam.

The second mobile starts to ring again
.

And you want to take it right up the . . . yes . . . oh yes . . . / up against the Tree of Knowledge.

Enter
Lulu
, still on first mobile
.

Lulu
     / Smack. Smack. Smack.

Good. Good. Yes. Yes.

She puts down the first mobile and answers the second mobile
.

Hello?

The name?

And the number.

Ah. Gallop. Yes.

Gallop apace you fiery-footed steeds towards Phoebus’ lodging! Such a waggoner as Phaeton would whip . . .

Yes . . .

Spread thy . . .

Good, that’s right

Come, civil night. Come, gentle night. Come, loving black-browed night. Come, Romeo.

Yes, nearly oh yes.

Oh I have bought the mansion of a love but have not possessed it, and though I am sold not yet enjoyed.

Dirty fucking cunting fucker.

Yes. Yes. Good. Good. Bye then. Bye.

Robbie
(
on phone
)     This is, I tell you this is Paradise. This is Heaven on the Earth. And the spheres are sphering and the firm . . .

Good good.

And now we’re in the . . . ? Tower of . . . I see . . . the Tower of Babel. All the tongues in the world. Splashinsky. Mossambarish. Bam bam bam. Pashka pashka pashka. Alright then. You’re done? Good good. That’s good. You take care now. Yeah.

(
To
Lulu
.)     Nine hundred pounds and seventy-eight pence.

Lulu
     Why are there so many sad people in this world?

Robbie
     We’re making money.

Lulu
     Yeah. Making money.

Robbie
     We’re gonna be all right.

Changing room at Harvey Nichols
.
Mark
is trying on an expensive designer suit
.

Gary
(
off
)     How’s it going?

Mark
     Yeah. Good.

Gary
     Do you want the other size?

Mark
     No. This is great.

Gary
     Alright then.

Mark
     Have a look if you like.

Enter
Gary
.
He is transformed: top to toe designer gear and carrying bundles of expensive shopping bags
.

Gary
     Oh yes.

Mark
     Like it?

Gary
     Oh yeah. It’s you. Suits you. Do you want it?

Mark
     I don’t know.

Gary
     If you like it, you have it.

Mark
     I mean, it’s not like I’m ever gonna wear it.

Gary
     You don’t know that. You’re starting over.

Mark
     I do like it.

Gary
     Could be anything. New life, new gear. It makes sense. Go on.

Mark
     You sure you can / afford . . . ?

Gary
     Hey. None of that.