quintessence. (15 page)

I wanted people to see me with her, and it was the first time I’d had that feeling in years. I didn’t care if others saw me, I just wanted to smile and remind them they were present. With Margaret, I forgot about all the things that came before. They were part of me, but they weren’t wounds anymore. They were scars, but they were healing. They were making a new gathering of skin that was still tender to the touch, but was no longer open to the air.

“Maggie—Karl!” Hannah said as she ran up to us with Smee in her arms.

She pulled Margaret into her with her free arm and kissed her temple. “How are you doing?” Hannah asked.

“I’m good. First time out in a while, other than at Gabe’s, so I kind of feel out of my element. It’s funny how something that was my usual now feels odd,” Margaret said, looking around the bar.

I put my arm around her shoulder. “It will be okay. Remember, most of them will be drunk within the hour or at least halfway intoxicated. Then, every joke you say will be hilarious and the ones that aren’t won’t be remembered.”

She laughed and held my hand as it rested on her shoulder. Hannah looked between the two of us and smiled.

“Maggie, will you come to the bathroom with me—like old times? Karl, take Smee and when you see Wynn, you can hand him over. No big deal, you just hold him close to you. I’ll be a few minutes.”

Hannah put Smee in my arms. “It’s okay, I can handle him. Can’t I?” I asked the little boy.

He was a couple months old now. I looked at his little face and his eyes were wide open, watching me. He had dark hair like Wynn and light eyes like Hannah’s. In the past, like many men, I never found myself interested in babies. But, I found myself seeing them as a sign of hope after everything I’d seen.

I was in awe of him. Smith was the name given to him at birth. Both of his parents were readers—the kid’s name was Smith Bradbury Hawthorne. I assume he had a big future ahead of him with a name like that.

“Wow, Karl. Look at you, man,” Mason said as he came to stand next to me and play with Smee’s hand. “This is one awesome kid.”

“I agree. How’ve you been Mason? I’ve not seen you since your pep talk at my car,” I said.

“I’ve been well. I’ve taken the time off from work to finish some songs and paintings. I started spray painting murals for pay now. Apparently, there are some places that thought having meaningful things on the side of their buildings was good for business. There’s a coffee shop across town I will work on next.”

“That’s great. I can’t wait to see it. What are you putting up?” I asked.

“I haven’t decided yet. I have to meet with the guy who owns it next week,” Mason said as Margaret and Hannah walked back toward us. Hannah took Smee from me with a smile.

“I guess your daddy is still waiting for Uncle Blakey, isn’t he?” she asked as she nuzzled his cheek. “I need to go feed him; you want to come with, Margaret?” Hannah asked with a wink and Margaret blushed. They must’ve had an interesting conversation. Hannah hadn’t called her Maggie, so I assumed she and I were discussed. I felt myself blush at the acknowledgement. I also felt proud.

It made me smile—her talking about
us
.

“Sure,” she said with a smile.

They both left again and Mason crossed his arms next to me.

“Well, good sir, I did not anticipate this,” Mason said with the tone of a British professor.

“What might you be speaking of, Mason?” I asked. He and I found ourselves speaking in this manner often. When you’re working on a roof, doing a repetitive job with someone, you do off the wall things to pass the time and your thoughts.

“Well, you and young Maggie ,of course.” Mason rested his elbow on his other forearm, and placed his index finger against his temple. He nodded continuously as I spoke.

I laughed. “Yes, me and young Maggie. I didn’t anticipate it either, but there it is. She’s astounding.”

I watched her sitting next to Hannah as Hannah fed Smee. Hannah was free with it. I liked that she just sat in the chair and fed her child as she spoke with her cousin. It was a beautiful scene, deserving of a box.

“You two seem to be moving fast. What about Toby?” Mason asked, losing his false accent.

“It’s been four months. He will be back in a few weeks. I don’t think they’re in a relationship anymore—other than friends. At least in her mind.”

“Yeah, I talked to him the other day, I’m sure it’s over; they just have to say it,” Mason said.

“Yeah, I spoke with him the other day too. I don’t want to say something to him I shouldn’t. I know he needs this, and she’s the one who’s not told him. But, I can’t believe he’s that clueless to what is going on with her. I kept the topic on what he and I needed to discuss. I didn’t even bring Margaret up,” I said.

“He’s kind of on a high; finding out what it was he needed to do with his life. He’s feeling life for once. He’s doing what he’s meant to. Remember that feeling? You told me yourself we all need to find that one thing that makes us feel alive,” Mason said on a laugh.

I looked at Margaret and knew that my art and creating made me feel alive. But, she was the one that made it brighter. She brought the joy to it.

“I need to go now,” I said to Mason with a nod. I wanted to get back to her.

“Okay, later man,” Mason said as he turned toward a group of people.

I walked across the room and sat in the chair next to Margaret. She continued to speak with Hannah and I put my arm behind her chair. She turned to look at me with a brief smile and touched my cheek.

I sat in silence as I listened to the inflection and tone in her voice. I noted the lightness of her laugh as she and Hannah reminisced about a time when they were younger. It didn’t matter what she was saying; I would listen just to hear her voice.

Hannah lifted Smee to her shoulder as if to burp him and handed him to Margaret instead. “I’ll be right back, Maggie,” she said.

She bounced him on his toes and a smile formed on his face as she leaned him onto her palm and rubbed his back, sitting him on her lap.

“You’re such a sweet baby,” she said, smelling his head.

I picked up his hand and rubbed his palm. “He’s not just sweet; this kid is destined for greatness. What is he wearing?” I asked.

Margaret laughed. “Hannah made that.”

The onesie had a hand drawn picture of a bear with the words, “Ring Bear.”

“She said if he could walk he would’ve been one, but there was no wedding, so he’d just have to wear a cute onesie. She thought the play on words funny.”

I shook my head with a smile.

Hannah returned and took Smee from Margaret. “Okay, Wynn just texted. They will be here soon. I’ll go wait for him by the door.” She turned and walked back to the front door

“I need to say something,” Margaret said, as she put her arm in mine, watching Hannah walk away. “I must say, I think you might be the most achingly real and genuine person I’ve ever met. You held him in your arms like it was nothing. Few guys would do that.”

“I’m sure any guy that has gone through what I have, would.”

“Not true. You walk around with a sincerity rarely found now,” she said, resting her temple on my shoulder.

“You can find it with anyone who has faced their death and known what it would feel like to know you might take your last breath. When you’re in that place, you know that everything is important and beautiful. Nothing is taken for granted because everything is so much more. So, I’m not one of a kind. There are others like us out there; you just have to wait for them,” I said, turning to kiss the top of her head.

“You said us,” she said.

“Yes, I said us. Us—those that know it all could end in a moment, so you don’t worry about the crap thrown at you. You live because that’s what we’re supposed to do.”

She smiled up at me as feedback resounded from the stage. We both looked to see what was going on. I put my arm around her waist and she leaned into my shoulder more.

Conall, Brecken’s nephew and my friend, took the stage and accepted the microphone from one of his band mates.

“Good afternoon, everyone. I’m glad to see all of you here on a Tuesday. As we all know, Blake and my Aunt Brecken will be on their way here in a bit. So in the meantime, I’m just going to sing some songs.”

I let go of Margaret’s waist to clap; then I turned to her and offered her my hand. She took it and as Conall sang a soft, slow song, we danced.

“This is an easy start. Good choice for a song to dance to,” she said, putting her hands around my neck.

“I figured it’d be a good warm-up. Pinch my side if you catch me staring at the wall over your shoulder in embarrassment though,” I said.

She laughed. “That’s funny. I will definitely pinch you. It
is
a good warm up though. By the end of the night, I hope to do a tango,” she said with a crooked smile that she tried to keep straight.

“Oh definitely, but just so you know, it’s been years for me. The last time I did ballroom dancing was with my grandma at the Park District Rec Center when I was ten.”

She slapped my shoulder. “I was kidding! You can’t, can you?” she asked with a smile.

I nodded with a proud expression. “You’d be surprised Margaret Presley. You’d be very surprised.”

__________

“Congratulations, man,” I said, hugging Blake.

“Thanks,” Blake said with a huge smile on his face. “It’s surreal, but it’s awesome you know. She’s perfect.”

He watched Brecken as she spoke with friends and family. They both looked happy.

“I’m happy for you. I knew it when I first saw you two together. It just made sense. But, just remember it will always be my rear she saw first,” I deadpanned.

Blake laughed.

“You’re something else, man. How’s the house?” he asked.

“It’s good. I have a few things I want to do outside of it, and I’m thinking of putting stairs up to the loft instead of the ladder. I just have to extend the wall, but I think I can do that and keep it structurally sound,” I said.

He nodded. “Yeah, that shouldn’t be too hard. So, I should ask again—what’s going on with you and Maggie?”

I smiled as I found her in the crowd. Brecken had stopped to speak with her. “There is more going on than anything I’ve ever had going on, but then in the sense you’re thinking, there is nothing going on.”

Blake shook his head. “You’re everywhere in conversations, man. But, that’s what I love about you. You guys. You should hear Mason talking about some chick. It’s crazy. You’re all a bunch of deep mumbo jumbo guys. But if that’s what it takes, I understand. I’m just not like that. But, I like what you said. With Maggie, being the cousin of my best friend’s wife, I hope your intentions are pure.”

He stood with pride and tried to hold in his laugh.

“Nah, I’m kidding. It’s not like I have any place to say anything,” he said. “As a close friend, I should speak with Maggie to make sure her intentions are pure with you. Not to mention whatever happened with her and Toby. He’s my friend, too. I hope he isn’t going to be pissed,” Blake said with a tight lipped smile.

“I spoke with him the other day. I didn’t talk about Margaret; it was other stuff. But, she needs to focus on her right now and not worry about men,” I said.

“You’re too adult about everything. You’re this contrasting, strange, person. I’m kind of envious of you, dude. You’re the most adult person I know—you seem older than Brecken even. Don’t tell her I said that,” he said as he finished his beer. “But anyway, you still have this innocent child-like quality. It’s awesome. I am like a teenager that wants to always have fun, but you’re like this kid that still looks at the world with wonder.”

I laughed. “How much have you had to drink, Blake?”

“Quite a bit, so yeah. But you’re amazing, man.”

“You always say you aren’t a mumbo jumbo guy, but Blake, I believe you are one of the best.”

He laughed. “Only because I hang out with you,” he said as he put his arm around my neck.

“Okay, we’re going to take a short break,” Conall said from the stage. “Let’s listen to some of Blake’s favorites. He said this is what to play during breaks.”

A Michael Franti song played over the speakers and Blake yelled.

“Oh holy shit, I need to find Brecken.”

Blake started toward the dance floor and Brecken met him just off it. I smiled as I watched them. I’d never seen them happier.

“Hey,” Margaret said as she leaned toward my shoulder and kissed my ear. “Come on, dance with me.”

I took her hand and did a slight bow, just so I could see her laugh. She put her hands in the air and did a roll of her shoulders as she did a funny step forward and back to the slow reggae flow of the song. She was having fun, and I loved seeing her smile instead of the sad expression she had a few weeks ago. I knew she’d take this with ease. It was difficult, but she’d take it and with her determination, she’d turn it into something beautiful.

I pulled her in close to me and she moved with fluidity to the song. She knew the words and began to sing them to me. I understood why this was a favorite of Blake’s now.