Private Message (15 page)

"What?" I need to hear this again.

He drops his eyes to his shoes, puts his hands in his pockets and looks up through his lashes. "Come meet my family tonight."

I slowly shake my head. "Not yet." I say honestly. I don't want to hurt his feelings, even though he is opening up little by little, but I am not ready to do whatever it is we are doing in front of his family. I don't even know what we are yet.

"Why not?" he asks, slightly wounded.

"How would you even introduce me?"

"As mine," he says oh, so simply.

"Yours? Your what?" I'm getting a little irritated. "Look, don't worry about it, Ben. It's so soon yet for me to be introduced to your family. It doesn't feel right yet. I am sorry, but I am just not ready."

He sucks in a deep breath. "Are you seeing someone else? Is that why?"

Whoa! Where the hell did that come from? Now I am a little more than irritated. "First" I start. "I am not seeing anyone, nor have I seen anyone in the concept of dating or being someone's girlfriend, well, pretty much ever. Second, Ben, get over your shit! You have 'dated' so many women that I am sure I would want to puke if I heard the number. So let's not get all pissy with me, because you THINK I am seeing someone else." Boosh! Take that!

He grabs his keys and two helmets, opens the front door, and I grab my bag and rush past him. Not waiting for him at the elevator, I jump in and press the ground button. The doors begin to close, and Ben runs to catch it, but he's too late and I go down. His face was filled with worry and some anger, maybe even a little shock too…pfft. Probably never had a woman run away from him before.

I reach the lobby and practically run past the doorman, not allowing him to finish his "have a good day miss" spiel. Thank God it's a sunny day and not too cold. I manage about three blocks toward home in my heels when I hear the roar of a motorcycle zooming up the strip. The next thing I know, the tires of his Ducati screech to a halt just feet behind me next to the curb. He grabs my elbow and leads me into the Starbucks that we happen to be next to.

"What are you doing, Ben?" I could probably scream and have the cops here in the matter of minutes, but I think I need to get this off of my chest, because I know that if I don't now then I might never know. I won't cause a scene, but not because of him, but because

I don't feel like having any more sympathy from strangers. God knows I had plenty of that a couple of years ago...

"What do you want, Ben?" I continue. "Typically you fuck girls and tell them to get lost and then we do it and I leave before you can tell me to get the hell out and you panic?"

"I know, I know." He slumps into an empty chair and I sit next to him.

He turns his body and continues, "I am just as confused as you are, if not more. It wasn't right of me to accuse you of seeing someone else, I am sorry for that. But I have my reasons."

Oh really? "I'm listening." I urge him on with the roll of my hand.

"I was engaged once."

Oh.

He sucks in a deep breath of air. "We dated in high school. We went to the same college freshman year. We didn't want to separate, so we decided to apply at all the same schools. I proposed to her at the end of our junior year. We were engaged to be married."

Not what I was expecting to hear. "And…?"

He scrunches his face. "And…I caught her with our Western Civ professor. I was going to his office to talk about an upcoming exam. When I knocked there was no answer, the door was unlocked so I went in. I caught them right on his desk."

"Oh, I am so sorry…well, kind of." If he's looking for honesty, well, here it is.

He laughs lightly, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Yeah, I know. Better I had found out before the wedding, right?" he asks.

"Honestly, Ben," I say, and pause for a second trying to scan through what I am about to say for something wrong, but I have no filter right now. "I am glad it didn't work out with her, because I never would have had a chance with you. But I am not her. I am nothing like her. So don't ever EVER accuse me of being something or someone I'm not."

"I know." He grabs my hand and invites me to sit on his lap. I ease into the rich green velvety chair he's occupying, ignoring any stares we may be getting. I don't care.

"So, is that why you never dated or held a serious relationship? You were afraid of getting hurt again, weren't you?" I ask as softly as I can.

He nuzzles my neck and I can feel him breathe in my hair. Taking my breath away from me, making me feel something I have never felt before and it's not just the lust I feel for him, but something more.

"I think so. I think that's why I haven't ever attached myself to anyone before. Do you know what it's like to lose all faith in one group of people? I think I lost my trust in all women, until I met you. That scares the shit out of me, Tess. I don't want to be hurt that way again. I gave my whole being to Nicole and she tossed it aside like a scratched CD."

And I do know exactly what he means and how he feels. I had no faith or trust in any straight man other than my brother.

I nod and caress the sides of his face with my hands, and look him in the eyes. "I do."

Hearing her name rings a bell immediately. I remember the bimbo at Chatz. He never did explain who she was…he distracted me with his sexiness. "That was Nicole at Chatz last night, wasn't it?" I ask him.

He looks at me and nods slowly. "I guess I never did get to that point of the story that night, did I?"

I purse my lips. "No, you didn't. Instead you distracted me with your…well, you know."

"Yeah, sorry about that. It wasn't my intention to distract you from the situation. It's just that you make me forget all about that pain. You make life that much more bearable. You make it amazing."

I don't say anything for a moment. He softly rubs the small of my back. "Think we should order something before they kick us out for inappropriate touching?" He winks.

"Sure, I haven't come nearly close to my daily quota of caffeine intake." I giggle as he tickles my side. He takes my hand and leads me to the counter.

Leaning in, he asks, "What'll it be, Punky?"

I scrunch my face. "Punky?"

He gives me an ear-to-ear grin. "You heard me." I roll my eyes at the nickname. Damn Erin.

I speak in a low, sultry voice. "I'll take a tall, dark with a triple shot with caramel and whip cream on top." I end with a lick of my lips.

He closes his eyes. "Keep it up," he growls in my ear, "and I'll have you in a Starbucks restroom."

Oh my.

He then places his order: "I'll just have a venti black coffee."

He looks back at me. "I'm simple, unlike someone I know who has to list off twenty things just for a cup of coffee." He winks and bumps my shoulder.

"What can I say? I like what I like, and I am not afraid to get it." I tell him, and I know he knows what I mean.

We get our drinks and sit. "So tell me about your sister," I say. "You spoke very highly of her the other day."

His loving smile crosses his mouth. I like seeing him at ease and happy. "She goes to a private school here in the city, straight A's, and a little fashionista in training. She designs all of her clothes, never buys anything off the shelves. She has this sense of drive just like me and my father; that's how my mum was too. I like to look out for her and protect her. She calls me every other day to keep me in the loop. Now how many little sisters do you know that would confide so much in their big brother?"

"I do know what that's like. I am close to James.

I hope I meet Caroline one day."

He grunts and shifts his weight. "I invited you over today and you declined." Oh, right. Crap.

"Ben, I am sorry. It's just like you said about learning to trust someone. This is all new to me as well. I need to figure it all out." I feel like total shit now.

"What do you need to figure out? I am crazy about you. I am trying here. I am gaining faith and trust in you, in us."

I sigh. "I know. Please trust me?"

"OK." I know he means it just from the tone in his voice and the look in his eyes. This man cares for me, just as I do for him. We are both slightly broken and with enough faith we can mend our wounds together…once I can work up the courage to discuss my battle wounds.

He walks me up to my door and kisses me on the forehead. "I am going to call you tomorrow. No hiding."

He rushes me with a full-blown, knee-melting, mind-twirling, heat wave kiss. Then pulls away and smacks my butt playfully. "Bye, Punky" he says. Winks, and he's off.

I swoon.

When I get in, I notice that I didn't even unlock my door.
What the hell?
I remember locking it up, didn't I? Nothing is messed up. I take a look around. All of my electronics are here, TV, stereo, CD's and DVD's. Maybe I just forgot to lock up.

I text Erin, I need girl time. Wanna hang?"

"Hell's yeah! Let's go shopping!"
Erin replies. Oh, it's been a while since I have gotten a new outfit.

She'll pick me up in twenty minutes. I change into some jeans, a gray thermal shirt with a cute royal blue scarf, and my black over-the-knee boots.

We decide to hit up the mall since it's raining now. Damn Seattle weather and its mood swings. At least at the mall, it's dry and warm.

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on?" Erin says.

I go into all the details about going backstage, meeting the band, taking some photos, and then going back to his place.

"Did you?" she blurts out, causing a few passers-by to glance in our direction.

"Did I what?" I play innocent.

"Oh, you know what I mean, girl! Spill it! Like right now!"

I smile from ear to ear. "Yep," is all I say, and she screams loud enough to make the nearby people go deaf.

"How was it?" She bounces with excitement.

I sigh. "Really,
really
good."

All she says is "nice" and I willingly give her the juicy bits she was looking for, but she didn't have to ask. I trust Erin, which is a major thing for me.

We continue to talk about my sexcapades while skimming the racks for good deals. "When are you seeing him again?" she asks.

"I don't know. He invited me to his family's house for dinner tonight, but I told him no. I'm not ready for that yet."

She nods like she understands, and she probably does. "Well, in that case let's get you a smokin' dress, so when you do know you're going to see him again you'll knock him dead."