Pieces of Me (11 page)

“I’m
pretty sure that's my call to make.”

Then
he doesn't wait for me to speak again, he leans in, slowly enough that I can
stop him if I want, and his eyes never leave mine as his lips brush softly
against the corner of my mouth. He pulls back, eyes searching for some sort of
response. I lick my lips and watch his eyes drop down at the movement.

“Can
I just say, it drives me crazy when you do that? Because, seriously, it drives
me fucking nuts.”

I
automatically wet my lips again, a reflex at his words. The groan that escapes
his lips surprises me and my eyes widen slightly.

“Hey!
We going to finish this game some time tonight?” Grace demands from the
doorway. “Or sit outside and stare at each other all night.”

Cole
raises one hand, flicking her off, which only makes her laugh.

Chapter Thirteen

I
dress with care Wednesday morning before my history class. A pair of jeans with
a dark blue hooded sweatshirt that hugs against my body. I add extra curl to my
hair, something I have only ever done twice in my life before now, but I hate
the results so I yank it up into a messy bun on the top of my head. I opt to
leave my contacts out and slip on my black framed classes instead.

I
don't want to look like I put any effort into my appearance, while still
managing to look presentable.

Though
that moment on the porch seemed to have changed things for Cole and me, he
hadn't made any further attempt to kiss me the rest of the time we spent at his
parents’ house. If it had not been for the occasional brush of his hand against
mine, I would have thought I had imagined the entire thing.

I
had ridden back with Grace and Grant, grateful that Todd had found another
ride, and Robby had just assumed he would ride with Cole. Grace had waited
until we were settled back in our room, just the two of us, before she said
anything at all about what she had seen on the porch that night.

“A
week ago you said you weren't interested.”

“I
know.”

She
was laying on her bed while I laid on mine. Every once in a while the sound of
footsteps sounded outside our door as other students returned to the dorms. I'm
holding my breath while I wait to hear what she has to say. She is the first
real friend I've had in a long time, and I want nothing to ruin that for me.

“Okay,”
she finally says. “Okay, just don't screw with him, okay?”

“Okay,”
I say softly, nearly drowning in guilt as I thought of how I was already
screwing with him, because I haven't been honest. There are so many things I
should say, so many reasons for him to run away from me as fast as he can.

When
I step out of the dorm to head to class I find Cole leaning against the wall of
the building. My heart trips at the sight of him, and I start to smile until I
see Red Nail Polish Beth heading in his direction.

He
doesn't see her until she lets out that annoying squeal as she gets closer to
him, and when his eyes land on her I can see the surprise there just moments
before she wraps herself around him. She does it with ease and familiarity and
it makes my stomach turn to see them. At the same time

I
find my hands balling into fists at my sides.

I
take a couple of steps towards them and then stop. Had he been waiting for her
and not me? It doesn't seem likely but what do I know? Maybe that is why he
hadn't tried to kiss me again.

Maybe
he's decided to take my advice and not waste his time with me. Maybe the fun,
flirty, easy Beth is more his speed.

I
am just about to turn around when I see Cole untangle himself from her. He's
talking, I can hear the low rumble of his voice, but can’t quite make out all
the words. I do hear my name, see him nod in my direction, and then Beth turns
to me with a hateful glare on her over made up face.

Seconds
later she is storming past me and into the dorms.

“I
don't think you're ever going to be on her Christmas card list.”

I
glance up as Cole comes to stands next to me. The now familiar heat he causes
spreads throughout my body when he reaches over and laces his fingers through
mine. “Ready to head to class?”

With
a quick tug of my hand he holds in his we are moving across the campus.

“You,
ah, came by just to walk me? Isn't that totally out of your way?” Because I
knew this was his first class of the day and the commuter student parking was
on the opposite side of campus.

“You're
never out of my way.”

I
nearly choke on a laugh. “Laying it on a little thick, aren't you?”

“Really
I wanted to get you alone for a few minutes to see if you wanted to go out
Friday night.”

“Like
on a date?”

“Exactly
like that.”

We
close in on the Clarkson Building and I see Robby coming from the direction of
the commuter parking lot. He spots us and turns in our direction. Cole shakes
the hand that is holding mine to get my attention.

“Well?”

“Yes,
Friday night. Okay.”

“Your
enthusiasm is overwhelming, Del.”

I
can hear Robby now as he closes in on us and I bite down on my lip to keep from
yanking my hand out of Cole’s. He leans over just before Robby reaches us. “By
the way, the glasses? Worse than the fucking lip licking thing. You're going to
kill me.”

Really?
That's good to know.

“Okay,
so I just ran into Marcy, and she told me you were a total asshole to Beth.”

“Well
that news traveled fast.”

We
slide into our usual seats in class. “Girls,” Robby says, “always call their
best friends to bitch about guys the moment after something happens. I don't
get it.” He tells me. “But Marcy was yelling at me like I had something to do
with Cole being an asshole.”

“I
wasn't an asshole.” Cole says, “I just told her she was wasting her time.”

“Well,
according to Marcy, and I'm pretty sure Beth, you're an asshole for leading her
on, and apparently I'm supposed to agree with them or I'm an asshole.”

“I
told you she thought more about it than I did,” Cole tells me. “Girls are
weird.”

“No,”
Robby says as he flips open a notebook. “Girls are fucked up. Because honestly,
this is like the first time I've seen Marcy since school started, and I'm
pretty sure she sought me out just to tell me about your asshole-ness.”

Just
before the professor comes in Robby says, “By the way, this?” He waves has hand
at the two of us. “About fucking time.”

****************

“He
said casual, right? But what kind of casual? Like sweatshirt and jeans casual
or something slightly dressier?”

I'm
standing in front of my closet, chewing on my thumbnail as I stare at my clothes
hanging inside. Grace is standing next to me.

I
think she might be more nervous than I am.

“Okay,
you absolutely are not wearing a sweatshirt on your first date; I don't care
what he told you.”

“Did
he tell you where he was taking me? Because maybe that would help calm my
stomach, if I could prepare myself a little.”

Grace
shakes her head. “Sworn to secrecy.” She looks to me. “But, I promise, it's not
over the top.”

“Well,
that doesn't help me. What am I supposed to wear?”

Grace
reaches in and grabs a pair of blue jeans, and a white t-shirt. She hands them
to me and waves me to the bathroom.

“Isn't
this just as casual as a sweatshirt?” I ask.

“Just
change. I've got more, but if we don't make a decision soon you're still going
to be half naked when he gets here. Not that I think he'd mind.”

I
step out of the bathroom in the clothes she’d handed me and find that she has
pulled out her brown leather jacket, a brown belt, and brown boots. “Here, let’s
see how it fits.”

I
pull everything else on and then head to the full-length mirror. I study my
reflection with a critical eye. My hair is down, sliding around my shoulders in
loose waves, and I had opted for the glasses again, since he seemed to have
liked them so much.

Grace
comes up behind me. “I think it's perfect for a first date.”

I
meet her eyes in the mirror, and mine are wide with nerves.

“What
do I say to him?”

Grace
blinks, reaching up to run a hand through her pixie short hair.

“I
can't tell you what to say, Del, just be yourself. Just like every other time
you've been together. He obviously likes you since he asked you out.”

“Yes,
but I didn't think I would ever actually go out with him. And honestly, your
brother is the first guy I've ever talked to without nearly passing out.”

She
doesn't need to know that he is also the first guy I've voluntarily let touch
me in the last four years. I think what she's seen is enough, any more and
she’d probably try to have me committed.

“We
seriously need to get you on some medicine for this phobia thing. It's screwing
with your life, Del.”

“No,
no medicine. It makes me feel fuzzy. I'm getting better on my own. Slowly.” I
adjust the jacket just a little, it's almost too short in the arms, but it will
do for tonight. “So, pretend it’s like every other day, only it's just the two
of us, which it hardly ever is, and I'm pretty sure he's expecting at least a
kiss at the end of the night.”

“He’s
probably hoping to strip you naked and have his way with you, but he'll settle
for a kiss on the first date. Delaney? Delaney, what happened?”

Strip,
girl. On your stomach this time. Don't fight me. I don't want to have to hurt
you again.
The
words dance like ghosts through my mind.
Take your shirt off, it's in the
way. Hurry up.

“Delaney.”

I
shake my head, and find Grace watching me with a concerned look on her face.
“I'm fine.”

“Bullshit.
You went ghost white.”

Get
it together, I think. It was a long time ago, and you're far enough away that
nothing from that time in your life is going to hurt you.

“I
haven't eaten today.” I hear myself say. “Too nervous. Guess it got to me.”

“Are
you sure that's all it is?” Grace eyes me suspiciously. “Because Cole would
totally understand if you didn't want to go tonight.”

I
give a strangled laugh. “No he wouldn't. I'm pretty sure it's three strikes and
I'm out.” I run my shaking hands through my hair, drawing in a deep breath as I
shove the lingering edges of the memory away. I won't let him, or what he’d
done to me, ruin tonight.

My
cell phone chimes and even though I know it's from Cole, I still look at the
text before sliding the phone into my purse. Grace is watching me carefully and
I don't think she totally believes me. I wouldn't either, but then again, I
know I'm lying to her.

“Okay.
Wish me luck.”

“You
won't need it. Have a good time, don't come home to early.” The worry fades
away as she shoots me a wicked smile. “Grant is coming over.” She wiggles her
eyebrows up and down suggestively and I'm still laughing as I make my way to
the front of the dorm.

Cole
pulled his truck up in front of the dorm, and he's standing next to the
passenger side door when I come outside. He looks...gorgeous. Blue jeans with a
navy V-neck sweater that makes his eyes look even darker. I think he tried to tame
the curls, but they lay every which way around his handsome face.

He's
smiling when I reach him, the dimples on full display.

“You
wore the glasses.”

“You
seemed to like them so much.”

He
opens the door and I slide into the cab of the truck. Seconds later and he's sliding
in next to me. “Ready?” he asks.

“Sure.”

Laughing
he says, “You don't sound sure. It’ll be fine, Del, I promise.”

“Where
are we going? Grace wouldn't say.”

“That's
because I wouldn't tell her.”

“What?!
She told me she knew but had been sworn to secrecy, that bitch.”

We
are off campus now and heading through the sleepy little town right outside of
our school. When we reach a red light Cole looks over to me.

“All
I've heard about for the last two days is how Grace is going to kick my ass if
I screw this up. I wasn't about to tell her where I was taking you, she'd
probably show up to make sure you're having a good time.”

The
light turns green and we start moving again. But almost as quick as we get
started, he's turning into a gravel parking lot in front of a pizza place I'd
overhead some of the other students talk about.

“Now,
here's the question.” Cole turns to look at me. “Dine in or carry out?”

“What?”

“It's
Friday night, so it's going to be crowded, and the last crowd we were in,
didn't work out so well for us. So, we can order a pizza, head back to my
place, and watch a movie. Holden is staying with Ally tonight. Or we can stay
here and eat. I'm good either way.”

He's
totally serious. I feel my nerves start to settle as I study him in the fading
sunlight.

“I'd
like to order a pizza and go back to watch a movie,” I say softly. “I think I'd
rather have it just the two of us for tonight.”

“Okay.
What do you want on your pizza? I'll run in and place the order.”

“I'll
go in with you.”

He
was right about it being crowded inside. He pulls me in closer against his side
as we make our way through to the counter to place our order.

“Anything
but anchovies,” I say wrinkling my nose. “Or black olives. Or ham.”

“Anything
else you don't want?”

“No,
I'm good with the rest.” He leans over to place the order.

“Oh
wait. No onions.”

Laughing
Cole turns to me. “Would you like to order?”

“No,
I'm good. You go ahead.”

“You
sure?"

I
nod my head and listen as he orders a pepperoni pizza and a couple sodas. I
shake my head at the drinks. “Can I get bottled water instead?”

He
turns back, adjusting the order with a smile. The girl behind the counter is
flirting with him, but he doesn't seem to notice. Just like I don't think he
noticed that half the girls in the place were staring at him. When done
ordering he turns all his attention back to me.

“Twenty
minutes. There's a table over in the corner.”

He
moves until I am in front of him, his hand on my hip as we make our way through
the crowded dining area. We settle into the table and I feel all the nerves
that had left earlier settle back in my stomach.

My
entire mind has gone blank. I can't think of a single thing to say to him. I'm
not sure I even remember how to talk, or if I'd be able to with how dry my
mouth has suddenly become.

Luckily
someone he knows comes over to say hi, and I have a few minutes to try to pull
myself together. Cole introduces me to someone named David that apparently he
went to high school with. I hope I offer all the right answers, because now
there is a roaring in my ears.

What
was I thinking?

Obviously
I hadn't been, or I wouldn't be sitting in a crowded pizza parlor struggling to
get air into my lungs.

I’m
going to pass out, I think, as the room starts to spin around me. I'm going to
totally embarrass myself, and Cole, and fall flat ass out on the floor.

I
feel the warmth of his hand as it lands on my knee. Just as at the frat party,
I begin to feel the edges of the panic attack start to recede the moment he
touches me. I draw in a couple of deep breaths, and my lungs hurt at the sudden
invasion of air.

When
I finally open my eyes it's to find Cole staring at me. I flush in
embarrassment. “I'm so sorry,” I whisper. “I thought,” I just shake my head,
“I’m sorry.”

“Are
you okay now?”

I
nod my head.

“They
just called my name, so let me go get the pizza and we can go. I'll be right
back.”

I
shake my head. “I'll come with you. I'm okay.” I see the concerned, but
skeptical look on his face and add. “I promise.”

He stands up, waiting for me. I let my hand slide into his, because for
whatever reason Cole Marsh doesn't scare the hell out of me. In fact, he seems
to have quite the opposite effect on me.
He makes polite conversation with the girl ringing us up, and does he not
realize all these girls are flirting with him?

The
moment we step outside I draw in another deep breath of air. We slide into the
truck and are immediately surrounded by the smell of pizza, which Cole has placed
on the bench in between us.

“I
told you we didn't do well in crowds.”

I
give a slight laugh, grateful that he isn't going to bring more attention to it
than that.

Ten
minutes later and we've pulled up in front of his townhouse. As promised,
Holden is nowhere to be seen when we step inside. Cole gets plates and napkins
and settles us on the couch.

“Alright,
I only have action movies and comedies, so I hope you weren't expecting a chick
flick or anything.”

“I
hate chick flicks,” I say before pulling a piece of pepperoni off my pizza and
popping it in my mouth. “I like movies where things blow up. A lot.”

“See,
I knew you were perfect for me. I think chick flicks should be illegal.”

“Oh,
and all the ones that are already made can be put in a big pile and blown up.”

Cole
laughs. “You have a bit of a violent streak there, Delaney. I never would have
guessed.”

He
pops in a movie then settles on couch next to me. We are merely moments into
the opening credits before I turn to him. “Die Hard?”

“You
said movies where thing blow up.”

“Yes,
I did.”

We
settle in to watch the movie. I only eat one piece of pizza while Cole packs
away over half the box. Once he finishes the last of his pizza he leans back
against the couch, one arm spread along the top, his fingers just barely
touching my shoulder.

His
fingers lay there for a moment before they tangle into the ends of my hair. He
doesn't move them after that, and he isn't touching me in any other manner, but
I feel the familiar heat slide through my body. My entire body seems to be
tingling.

Then
he shifts, just slightly, and his shoulder and leg are brushing against me now,
and all the heat seems to shift inside of me in response, moving quickly to
settle in between my thighs. I find myself shifting as well, with the familiar
pull that my body has to his.

The
simple movement causes my jeans to rock against my core and the heat kicks up
and is now a slow burn.

I
close my eyes, and my tongue flicks out and rolls across my lips.

“Don't
do that.”

My
eyes shoot open as my head turns. Cole isn't looking at me. His gaze seems to
be focused intently on the TV screen.

“What?”

“Don't
lick your lips. We've talked about that.” His gaze flicks to me now. “And you
do that while you're wearing those,” he gestures to my glasses. “Yeah, the
little restraint I have is about to crumble.”

“What
restraint?”

“Exactly.”
Cole says, as on the TV screen a loud explosion of bullets erupts.

His
eyes are on mine, and I am mesmerized by the intensity I see in them. Before I
can think about it, I roll my tongue out against my bottom lip.

“Fuck.”
The hand still tangled in the edges of my hair slides ups, grasping the back of
my neck, and he brings the two of us together.

He
stops just short of kissing me, our lips so close that when he speaks, they
brush against each other.

“Are
you sure?”

Seriously?
Does he honestly think I'm going to pull away from him now?

“Delaney?”

Shoving
self-doubt and the slight tingle of fear aside, I cover that last bit of
distance between us and lay my lips on his. His lips are soft and warm beneath
mine, and I feel the heat of them slip down to join the fire already burning
inside of me.

He
takes the lead after a moment, after I sit there unsure of my next move. He
tilts his head, dropping his eyes closed as he lets his lips move over mine.

It
is everything a first kiss should be. Sweet and soft, while bordering on the
edge of something more.

His
tongue flicks across my bottom lip, much like my own has done that drove him
crazy, and I gasp in surprise, allowing his tongue to slip inside. Instinct
takes over, though my moves are not as sure as his.

All
I can think about is him, the weight of his hand on the back of my neck, where
his knees are brushing my hip, and the delicious warmth of his tongue as it
explores my mouth.

This
is what I had been avoiding?

I
feel his other hand come up, brushing over my jaw, cupping it briefly before it
moves again. His fingers skim down my side, following the curves of my body
without really touching any of them. His hand finally settles on my hip.

He
licks his tongue over my bottom lip before pulling back, his eyes hooded and
dark as they meet mine. Smiling, he untangles his hand from the hair at the
back of my neck.

“See?
No restraint.”

The
hand at my hip comes up, tapping my glasses where they sit on my nose. “These
should be illegal. Or come with some sort of warning at least.”

“I'm
thinking about wearing them every day,” I whisper, making Cole laugh.
***************

It
is nearly midnight when I slip into my dorm room. Despite how incredibly quiet
I try to be, Grace rolls over and faces me, wide awake, the moment I close the
door behind me.

“You
should be asleep.”

“Seriously?”
She sits up in the bed, drawing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms
around them. “Did you seriously think I was going to be asleep?”

I'm
still floating on a cloud of happiness as I lean back against the door, my
fingers touching my lips where I can still feel the heat from his.

“I
know that look.”

“Hmm?”

Grace
laughs. “You got your kiss. Tell me everything.”

“It
was everything my first kiss should have been.”

“What?”

I
blink slowly, still in a haze. Her tone has sharpened, and her eyes have
narrowed as she watches me. What happened? What did I miss?

“What,
what?”

She
has shifted on the bed, moving down closer to the edge. Her short hair is
scattered messily around her face, clearly tousled from sleep, but her eyes are
clear, bright, and direct as they meet mine.

“You
said it was everything your first kiss should have been,” she says slowly. I
fight to keep the panic off my face. Had I really said that? Surely not.

“No?
I really said that?” I try to make my voice light, try to bring in a hint of
laughter. By the look on her face I can tell I'm not doing a good job of
either.

“You
said you’d never been on a date, Delaney, that you'd never been kissed.”

“I'm
all turned around, Grace, that's all. I think he melted my brain. I misspoke.”

“You
misspoke?”

I
make myself move now, draping her jacket over her desk chair, sitting on my bed
to pull off her boots. I can feel her eyes on me; can practically hear the
wheels in her head turning while she watches me.

Earlier,
I think, oh my God, earlier I had slipped, had gone back before I could stop
myself and she had seen. She had questioned then. Now? Now, she would dig in.

“Grace.
Seriously. Stop watching me. You're creeping me out.”

I
yank my hair up on top of my head before stepping into the bathroom to brush my
teeth and change into my pajamas. I take my time, studying my suddenly
incredibly pale face, my too wide eyes.