Picturing Perfect (18 page)

"You were away at school and I told her she needed to get over you. She was pissed for a while, but eventually she let me set her up with Tuck."

"Wow."

"Are you pissed?" Auden winced, stirring her drink. "I just wanted her to be happy…with someone."

"Of course not," I said with a furrowed brow. "Just a little shocked."

"She's been crazy about you since we were, like, eight." She rolled her eyes and I kinda wanted to smack her. Sometimes she was still my little pain-in-the-ass sister. But, her stance on Haddie and I being together was refreshing. I didn't expect her to feel that way. At all. Especially given our history.

"Can we change the subject? I feel like we're just going round and round and getting nowhere."

She shrugged as she wiped her mouth. "I just feel bad, that's all."

"I know." It was usually our unspoken topic. We were finally talking about it without
really
talking about it. Haddie had been our divide for a long time. But, ironically she was actually pulling us together now.

Auden changed the subject after an uncomfortable silence lingered at our table. She hated her job and was content to tell me all about it…which was really nothing new. She'd been in a mood for months. Nothing seemed to make her happy. As Auden began to retell a story I'd already heard last week at our Sunday dinner, I zoned out. Realizing how Haddie felt all along brought up so many thoughts and answered so many questions. All I could think about was the day I discovered that Haddie was dating Tucker. I would never forget that day.

It was my first Christmas home with my family after starting college. Awesome smells filled the house. My mom's famous brined turkey and garlic mashed potatoes. Cornbread stuffing and cherry pie. I couldn't wait. My school cafeteria wasn't the best and instead of gaining the freshman fifteen, I had lost weight during that first semester at school. I was homesick, yes. But, I was missing someone specific. Haddie.

It was pretty ridiculous, really. I had gone on several dates with girls from my dorm. And they were all pretty cool. But, none of them really did it for me. I would be home for three full weeks and I had made up my mind…I was going to ask Haddie out on a date. A real date. No more avoiding, no more ignoring how I felt about that girl. She was a junior in high school, and before I'd left for college, she had never really dated anyone aside from the occasional dance at school. I really wanted a fresh start with the only girl who ever really owned my full attention.

My plan was to show up at her house that night, after my aunts and uncles all went home. Auden had mentioned to my mom that Haddie and her parents were having a quiet holiday at home. It would be perfect. I'd made several mix CDs for her…songs that made me think of her while I was at school. I'd burned them on my computer and made copies for myself. I listened to them all the time.

My roommate was the one who planted the seed in my mind. He was having a long distance relationship with a girl who was still in high school. They had been dating for years and were still making it work. I'd always heard horror stories about long distance relationships, but after watching Pete and his girlfriend, I decided to be impulsive and follow my heart.

That evening, I drove to Haddie's house. Large snowflakes were falling on the ground, and I started to have visions of kissing Haddie in the snow. When I reached her house, though, I saw a car parked in her driveway. I parked the car, turned off my headlights and focused on her front door. A guy I didn't recognize was standing on her front porch, holding a bouquet of roses. I watched, my mouth agape, as Haddie answered the door. She covered her mouth in surprise before taking the bouquet and wrapping her arms around him.

My heart sank. After she took his hand and led him inside, I drove away. She'd given up on me. She'd found someone else. And for me…well, it was time to let go. Maybe I'd get another chance with her in the future. I just had to be patient.

Jason and I were spending the day together and I was terribly excited. Our friendship had grown significantly and I found myself looking forward to hearing his voice, spending hours chatting on park benches and walking through my neighborhood on lazy Sunday afternoons. He hadn't told me yet where we were going, but I was told to dress in my "Sunday best."

My hair was curled in loose waves down my back and I wore my favorite maternity dress. It was light and airy and I wore it as often as possible. Auden gave me a gorgeous jade necklace for my birthday and it sat perfectly on my chest. I was fixing my hair when I felt a familiar push inside my belly.

"Hey there, baby boy," I said, rubbing my tummy. Pushing slightly into my baby bump with the tips of my fingers, I waited for him to respond. He did, just as I'd hoped, with another nudge of his foot or elbow. It was impossible to know exactly what my busy boy was up to, but I loved that we were able to communicate.

"We're spending the day with Jason, sweet pea. You will love him…just wait and see." My son pushed against me again, bringing another smile to my face. I heard a knock and I couldn't get to the door fast enough.

When I looked through the peephole, an unfamiliar face smiled back at me. A petite woman with chocolate brown hair, porcelain skin and dark brown eyes.

"Hello," she said with a kind smile, as I opened the door. "My name is Kate Maxwell. I'm a friend of Jason's."

"Oh," I said, slightly confused. "Um, Jason's not here, but he should be any minute."

"Actually, he's not coming."

"I don't understand," I said. I was disappointed. So disappointed…not to mention confused.

"Jason sent me as a gift. He wanted to surprise you with a maternity photo session. That's where I come in. I'm a photographer," she said, motioning to the large camera bag around her left shoulder.

"You're kidding," I said, aghast. When would this man stop surprising me?

"Nope, dead serious. Here," she said, reaching into her bag, "this is for you."

A simple unmarked envelope was placed in my hands. Quickly, I flipped it over, pulling the white card stock out of its envelope.

"Wow," I muttered, staring off into space, trying desperately to wrap my mind around the kindness and generosity that Jason continued to show me.

"He's got it bad," Kate said with a devilish grin.

"I'm starting to see that," I said. Gesturing for Kate to come in, I looked down at my dress, a little bit panicked. Was I dressed right for this?

"You look gorgeous," Kate said. "And based on your outfit, I have the perfect spot in mind."

"Really?" I had no idea where she was thinking we'd go. I knew nothing about photography.

"I arrived early and scoped out your neighborhood. There's a small wooded area behind your complex. I thought we could get some beautiful shots out there. I also brought a backdrop in case you'd like some general studio-type shots."

"Natural sounds good." I followed Kate out of the apartment, thinking only of a man named Jason Kelly.

Two hours later, Kate and I made our way back to my apartment. As Jason predicted, I was exhausted. But, that wasn't going to stop me from calling him. I was practically giddy at the thought of seeing him, hugging him tight and thanking him for his incredible gift.

"I'll go through all the photos, do some editing and send them to you in an email. Sound good?"

"Absolutely," I said, rubbing my stomach gently. "Thank you so much."

Kate smiled warmly. "It was my pleasure. Jason's a great guy. You make him very happy."

"Oh, um…we're not dating," I said, suddenly embarrassed of my baby bump. How ridiculous she must think I was, carrying another man's baby as we discussed Jason's feelings for me.

"That doesn't matter. He's crazy about you." She raises an eyebrow and I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks. It was getting harder and harder to deny my feelings for him.

Kate smiled as I shrugged my shoulders, looking all kinds of embarrassed.

"And I him," I whispered.

"I can tell." She smiled again.

"But, how could he…never mind." I waved my hand dismissively in front of my face.

Kate looked concerned, so I did my best to gather my thoughts before speaking. I barely knew this person, and yet, I felt if I didn't tell her how I felt about him, it would be a betrayal of some kind. That I would be denying him somehow. And that was the
last
thing I wanted to do.

"The baby isn't his," I said simply.

"I know. And I know how confusing that must make it for you."

I nodded in response. My cheeks were hot. Thank goodness she had finished taking the pictures.

"I know what it's like to be without the person you love. My husband and I were apart for a long time and it was awful. I don't want that for Jason. Nor you."

"You barely know me," I said, confused again.

"I know that Jason is smitten and I know he's felt this way for a long time."

"But, how could he love a baby that isn't his?"

"He already does."

"He does?" I couldn't believe my ears. It had never crossed my mind that Jason would be falling in love with the baby just as I was.

She smiled gently. "He loves you
and
he loves the baby. Can't you see that?"

I shook my head back and forth, almost in denial. I knew Jason had feelings for me. I'd known that since the night of the Valentine's Dance. But, the thought of him actually being able to love my baby had to be the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. I couldn't get my hopes up. It wasn't fair to the baby…or to me. I had to stay strong for the two of us. I couldn't allow myself to have a broken heart.

"We're friends." I shrugged. "Right now, that's all we can be."

"Okay." Kate's eyebrows knitted together as she gathered her things. "Well, I should go. I hope to see you again, Hadley."

"Thank you again for this wonderful gift. I can't wait to see the pictures."

I walked Kate to the door, shutting it behind her, terrified to pick up the phone. Ten minutes ago, I couldn't wait to see Jason, but now…now, I was an overwhelmed mess. I needed to do the right thing for the baby and I didn't know what that was. I had allowed my naive self to get wrapped up in a relationship that could blow up in my face. My focus should be solely on the baby. Becoming a mother was such an incredible responsibility and I needed to honor that. I had to focus on the boy whose life was entirely in my hands. I refused to screw that up.

Reaching for the phone, I dialed Jason's number, hoping for voicemail. He answered right away. Damn it.

"Hey, how'd it go?" He sounded so happy, so satisfied, so proud. It killed me to have to do what I was about to do.

"It was great," I replied. Silence filled the air. "Thank you so much."

"Of course. I want you to have memories of this. You're radiant, you know."

"Thanks," I whispered, pressing my eyes tight, pulling on the strap of my dress.

"So, are you hungry?" His voice was eager.

"I'm actually really tired. I think I'm gonna lay down, maybe go to bed early."