Authors: Monica Miller
But maybe if I had married her, I wouldn’t be here. And then maybe I’d get to hate her for not pursuing my dream. So this way it’s better. For the both of us.
I was fully aware of that. But being aware didn’t stop the urge to call her and tell her I missed her like hell even though I saw her a few hours ago. And I couldn’t see her anymore. I couldn’t see her amazing smile, her beautiful face being the first thing I see in the morning…
I sat on a chair in the huge airport and pulled out my phone and dialed her number. One ring. Two. Three. I waited and waited, there was no answer. I tried again once, twice, third times, but she never answered.
And I still had no idea if what I did was the best thing or the biggest mistake I’ve ever done.
*
I just started to get used to the crazy rhythm of New York and missing Monica wasn’t that hard anymore. It was almost bearable. The job I had now was actually amazing and the first four days I still couldn’t believe that there’s where I’m gonna work and those were the people who were working for
me
now. Everyone was amazing and even though I got lost in the huge company at least five times in the first week, they all helped me and no one was arrogant or anything.
And then Emma called.
Of course I was surprised to hear her voice, because we never actually shared something important, she was just the girl Matt liked - even though he never decided anything, and I still hoped he wouldn’t, because he’d ruin anything - and my girlfriend’s best friend.
Her voice seemed weaker than usual and I tried for about ten minutes to find out what was happening. She was all saying that she wanted to know what I thought about New York and how was everything going, but what was weird was that Monica
never
answered my phone calls, and Matt stopped answering too for about a week now.
“So, Emma… Why did you call, again?” I asked trying to be as polite as I could be. Hearing her sound like that couldn’t make me anything but curious. Maybe something bad happened to Matt, because he didn’t answer my phones.
“Um… Just wanted to…”
There was a long pause and I decided not to push it. It didn’t seem like she was too keen to talk about it.
“See how is everything there.”
“It’s great. Yep. Really, really great,” I answered and nodded as if she was standing in front of me. “Are you okay, Emma?”
“
Yes,
” she said and her voice sounded more like a whisper. “
No, I’m not and it’s…
”
“You know you can tell me, right, Emma?”
“
Yes
,” she said again and sighed. Okay, I was getting worried. “
I have no idea if it’s my right to tell you this, but considering you… I think you don’t know yet, right?”
“Know what?” I asked and my voice sounded harsher than I would’ve intended.
“
Matt and Monica are dating now,”
she whispered and I felt a nod in my throat. What?
“What?” I asked out loud and laughed as if she said a bad joke. A really bad joke.
A million images came through my mind but none was credible. How could Emma say such thing? There was no possibility Monica and Matt could be dating. They had nothing in common except… me.
I heard Emma sigh again and my heart ached. Was she seriously being serious?
But I left nearly a month ago! My longtime girlfriend couldn’t just hook up randomly with my best friend. After a month! With my… best friend! That was stupid.
I checked the calendar and it showed 10th March. Nope, it wasn’t April’s Fools. So Emma had no motive to joke. But she couldn’t be serious. We are talking about Monica, the woman I’ve loved for six years and I knew her, she wouldn’t do that! And Matt… God, I can’t even picture that! Of course that’s stupid, Matt’s my best friend.
“Okay Emma, now would be a great time to tell me you were joking. It’s the worst joke ever, but I don’t blame you. Matt never had a great sense of humor so I guess it’s contagious.”
“
I’m not… I’m not joking about that, Ben
,” she said and I held my breath until she spoke again. “
I found out about a week ago… So… Yeah, it’s…
”
“But that can’t be!” I yelled and sighed. “I mean, they have nothing in common. That’s not possible! Monica loves me. And Matt… Well… Matt loves…” I paused before ruining everything.
“
No, he doesn’t. I have no idea who Matt is anymore,
” she said and I could feel the pain in her voice. It was almost palpable.
So she felt the same about Matt, but then Matt hooked up with my Monica? What’s the matter with him? How could he give up the opportunity of dating Emma, since that was what he wanted in the first place? He moved in Los Angeles for Emma!
“
I’m…”
“Emma, I’m sorry,” I said and she didn’t reply immediately.
“
Yeah, me too,”
Emma finally said and hung up.
*
All I could think about the next few weeks was that Matt was dating Monica. And he didn’t even have the guts to tell me. How could he possibly say he was my best friend if he was dating my girlfriend now and he didn’t even tell me?
I never called him or her again. I knew she wouldn’t pick up anyway.
Rick was the one I talked most and who was actually even more pissed than I was. If that’s possible. How could that be possible? I knew how much he fancied Monica, but I always thought he’d somehow get over it. I never saw them together, because I knew Monica and I were a great couple. But then I left and I had no idea she’d get over me that fast. With Matt. That was impossible.
What surprises me most was that I woke up this Saturday early because my phone was ringing like crazy. I sighed and saw that the one who was calling me at this early hour was Rick. At 5:36 in the morning.
“
So, I’m on JFK now. Come pick me up,
” Rick said with an excited voice.
What? JFK? Where is JFK? What’s a JFK?
I looked outside the window and it was still dark. And I was in New York! Oh! JFK is the airport, right! And… Rick? In New York? What?
“Dude… Are you being serious?”
“
Yes, Ben, get out of bed and come pick me up. It’s weird standing here. I just landed half an hour ago. I needed to drink a coffee and I got you one, too. From Starbucks. So are you coming?
”
“No,” I said as I returned in bed.
“
Yes, you are. Don’t be a dick. I needed some time apart, okay? And you are the only one apart from the L.A. madness. Come. Pick. Me. Up!
” he ordered and I sighed.
“I’ll be there in half an hour,” I murmured and he agreed then hung up.
I jumped out bed and went to take a shower. Obviously hanging out with Rick would be exhausting and I needed all the time I could get. The traffic wouldn’t be that bad at this early hour so I could take my time and wish I could get there on time.
Despite the fact that was completely weird that Rick came here without saying anything, I could understand him.
“Hey, man,” Rick greeted me and handed me a cup of coffee. It wasn’t warm anymore and it tasted pretty shitty, but I appreciated the gesture.
“You could’ve warned me or something,” I said nodding towards the exit of the airport.
“Then where would’ve been the surprise?” Rick asked with a grin as he followed me through the crowd.
“Yeah, right,” I said with a harsh tone and he laughed.
“Look, I really needed to be away from Matt. I know he’s your friend or… I don’t know, but you have no idea how it’s… Um… Emma’s really, really bad, you know? She’s actually in Connecticut right now. She needed time apart from him, too.”
I sat in my car and ran a hand through my hair. Of course Emma would feel bad now! And I never really thought of her these days.
Even though I always told Matt he shouldn’t try and date Emma, somewhere deep down I knew they were perfect for each other. And now he didn’t think at her at all. It made me wonder if he had a thing for Monica all along or it just happened.
“He was like… all the time saying that I shouldn’t even think about Monica because she was dating you and that’s a rule between bros and I know that,” Rick said. “But then what’s the first thing he does? He dates your ex-girlfriend and breaks my sister’s heart! I wanna kill him just for the sadness in Emma’s eyes. You should see her to understand it. I never saw her like that. The last time I saw her really sad was after her Prom and I’ve found out that was Matt’s fault too.”
“I know,” I replied and Rick nodded. “I’m sorry for her. I… I always told Matt he shouldn’t get involved with Emma because she’s out of his league, you know?”
“That’s true. She’s better than him, and then again she’s heartbroken now and I can’t do anything. I can’t stop her from crying all day and night, I can’t make her to eat anything, I can’t cheer her up, I can’t kill him because the law doesn’t allow me to… I’m all tied up.”
“I… I never talked to them after I moved here. I thought Monica was still upset, because she didn’t even walk me to the airport or anything and Matt… I thought Matt would be Matt. But when Emma called and told me…”
“Yeah. It fuckin’ sucks.”
I agreed and then we stood in silence until the sun came out, hoping the sun would take away every bad feeling I had.
Chapter 29
Back to what we know
~
M
att
N
icholls ~
I think it has been over two months since I’ve last seen Emma. And that was at work.
She refused to see me and it’s understandable that she rejected my phone calls and she asked Rick and Gabrielle to take all her things from our apartment. I have to admit that the last time I saw Emma wasn’t that great because I was drunk and during the night I called my current girlfriend “Emma”.
And of course Monica had to make such a big deal out of it! She yelled at me for two days and hung up on me about ten times and closed the door in my face a few times, too. I was trying so hard to get over Monica’s insecurities it just was so weird that someone as amazing as her would be that insecure about something. Or someone.
But coming back to Emma, it was Saturday when I had so much to work considering I had no one to help me with my documents and stuff, Monica had to go to Chicago for the weekend with her colleagues for some important thing and since Rick didn’t talk to me anymore, I was kind of left alone. So I opened my e-mail account and I noticed an e-mail from… Emma.
I was pretty reluctant about it at first, because I knew Emma’s talent at writing emotional e-mails so I ordered pizza and watched an episode of
Arrow
before pulling myself together to read Emma’s e-mail. Yes, I was terrible but even though the curiosity was totally killing me, I didn’t actually want to know how much she hated me right now.
Only the thought of Emma hating me made me cringe. After all what happened I had to ruin everything and push her away…
At first I was a mess and I think Monica noticed it and I hated that I was doing this to her. She has been amazing and I couldn’t enjoy more her presence. She was brilliant and amazing and we had so much in common, even though she wasn’t Emma.
It has been pretty tough to stop comparing Monica with Emma cause it’ll just drive me crazy, but at the beginning was all I could do. Obviously, I tried not to show her how much I wanted Emma to be instead of her.
But after a month I found myself stop thinking about Emma (all the time) and I was surprised to acknowledge the fact that I was actually missing Monica every time I left her in her apartment. And it was cool, because I knew she enjoyed being around me too. And everything between us became great that we moved together about a month and a half after we hooked up. Started dating. Same thing. I’m a guy, cut me some slack.
So after my ego pretty much dropped after seeing Stephen Amell shirtless for about 10 minutes in the entire episode, I decided to go jogging on the beach and made myself plans to start going to the gym again every day. I mean, Monica goes jogging every single morning and she has this amazing energy and it’s mind blowing, cause I am always tired after working out and obviously I have to be as hot as she is. It’s amazing to go out with her cause there are always guys turning out their heads to stare at her and she’s so beautiful and so mine that I can’t even picture my luck. Ben was a lucky son of a bitch who didn’t know how to make a good choice. I would’ve give up on every single job in New York just to date Monica one more day. And yeah, that sounds pretty corny but I do like her. A lot. A lot meaning… I might love her. Someday. Because right now I am pretty sure I am still in love with Emma. I mean, even though I live with Monica and so, my first thought in the morning is still related to Emma and my last one also about Emma. So… yeah.
And that leads us to her amazing e-mail.
After jogging on the beach for two hours and talking to Monica on the phone for another half an hour, I took a long shower and made a sandwich then returned to my laptop. The e-mail was still there, unopened and I made such a big deal about it because the subject was “
I have a question
”. She really knows how to make herself sound intriguing.
I clicked on it and immediately turned my head to the other side of the room, feeling like a stupid asshole cause I couldn’t read an e-mail.
It’s an e-mail it won’t kill you, Nicholls!
my mind joked, but I didn’t mind.
From
: Emma West
Subject
: I have a question
To
: Matthew Nicholls
Is the job still available?
Emma West
That was it. Just one question, like the subject said. I really thought she’ll write a lot of mean things and I would’ve deserved that, but she didn’t. She just asked about her job, which obviously was still available and it leads us back to the point of why I was working in a Saturday afternoon.
Of course, right now was past 9 PM cause I took the day off doing all those things to avoid reading Emma’s sentence. It was just one sentence, for Christ’s sake! Not even a hello there. Nothing. And maybe she just needed the job and that’s it. Nothing else. Until she can find something better. But I never even thought of giving someone else the job. It wouldn’t be there same. The CEO asked me if my secretary quit her job and I said ‘no’ instinctively. I wanted her to come back to working with me cause she made my work day better.