Perfect Match (34 page)

“Look, Emma, it just happened, okay?” Monica continued and her voice seemed a little nervous. “We… I think was this thing with Ben that brought us closer and…”

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

My whole body was trembling now out of rage or disappointment or betrayal, I don’t know. I felt the tears in my eyes and all I knew was that I had to leave her place and stop expecting Matt to say this is just a joke. It seriously wasn’t.

I shook my head and made my way towards the door and heard Monica calling my name just when I shut the door behind me and let the tears streamed down my face.

Chapter 26

Stupidity

~
M
att
N
icholls ~

I didn’t move from the exact spot where Emma pushed me as she walked past me and I stood there in the center of my office, completely surprised by my stupidity.

How was that even normal to say such thing? She was my girlfriend, but that didn’t mean I could act like a total jerk with her and say something so stupid.

Yeah, you definitely don’t act like that with the person you love, Matt!

And man, I love her. But then I didn’t do anything right away. I didn’t followed her and beg her to understand I say stupid things because Ben left and that I feel completely abandoned by my best friend or that I can’t act like a normal person because the only mature relationship I had was with Katerine and she was really understanding. Of course, if I brought Katerine into discussion, Emma would totally freak out because no current girlfriend wants to hear about an ex.

So I stood there for about five minutes, completely stunned then I convinced myself to go talk to her. I knew she’d understand, after all she was Emma. She loved me, or so I wanted to think.

I walked out my office and I noticed she wasn’t at her office. Her jacket was gone and so was purse.

“Sabrina. Have you seen Emma?”

“Yes, she stormed out of your office and took her things and just took off. Why? Did you guys have a fight?”

“Stop being gossip girl, Sabrina, it’s none of your business,” I hissed and returned to my office.

So, yeah, congrats, Matthew, you blew it.

*

I couldn’t focus on anything anymore, except the fact that I blew it completely and that Emma hated me. I tried calling her a few times, but her phone was off after the first three attempts.

So I had to give her time.

It was entirely my fault for being the jackass I am and I had to give her time because we were still trying to figure this thing out. Us being together. It was complicated and beautiful at the same time, especially when I didn’t ruin everything.

I couldn’t go home right away so I decided to go to a bar before going home and making things okay with her. That way she would be calm and I could have the guts to tell her how much I love her and that I’d do anything for her and that I didn’t mean it to sound like that.

Avoiding Destiny’s, I walked into a random bar near our usual place and I ran a hand through my hair. Now the only thing I wanted was to drink all night and forget how stupid I’ve been. I acted like a total jerk with my best friend who is now my girlfriend and I said something we’ve both been avoiding for so long and I couldn’t even remember if it was real or I just made that up.

I was still wearing my suit, because after Emma left the office I felt like a jerk and buried myself in work, even though I couldn’t concentrate on anything. All things considered, I think today I spent over four hours working after the schedule. I never do that on purpose, it seems like a waste of time and if you finish a job the current day, what would you be doing the next one?

So after I finished everything it was 10 o’clock. I wanted to go at Destiny’s at first and maybe find Emma there and apologize, but the plans were disturbed by the bar I’ve seen first.

I took a few steps towards the bar while considering my options. Should I start with whisky or just go with tequila and vodka? Decisions, decisions.

Then I saw a familiar face looking right at me. She smiled when I noticed her and I smiled back, walking towards her.

“Monica,” I greeted with a brief smile and she nodded.

It was weird seeing her in a place like this, since she was one of the classiest people I’ve ever met. Her golden hair shone through the dark light of the bar and her beautiful figure was clearly noticeable through the crowd. You could tell she didn’t belong here, because even with a pair of shorts and a white blouse that showed her curves, you could tell she was better than most people.

She has always been beautiful, but now she looked like a mess. She had bags under her blue eyes and she seemed more exhausted than during her final exams.

“Whatcha doin’ here?” I asked and sat next to her as I unbuttoned two buttons of my shirt and loosen up my tie.

“Couldn’t sleep. I can’t stay in there on my own,” she sighed. “I’m a mess. I just miss him so much!” Monica said.

I looked into her eyes and realized she meant it. I knew Ben and Monica were a great couple, and they dated for over five years and it was hard seeing her like that. I hated Ben for leaving, too. He was my best bud and I came to L.A. to stay with him. Yeah, and I wanted to find Emma, or to find a good job, but I wanted to be near my bro. And yes, it was selfish for me to hate him and want him here because he was happy now. He had the opportunity of his life in New York.

And just how happy he’s been when he told me about it… Man… He loved his job. I don’t know if he loved advertising more than he loved Monica, but he wasn’t here anymore, wasn’t he?

“That’s my excuse,” I heard Monica say and she smiled. “What’s yours, Mr. Nicholls?”

“Ben,” I answered immediately. “And Emma. We had a fight today,” I told her and sighed.

This was going to be a long night.

*

I opened my eyes and I couldn’t recognize where I was. This was definitely not my room. The bed moved and I turned to look at Emma, and I noticed…

“Monica!” I almost yelled and her eyes widened and started at me in surprise, pulling the sheet closer to her… naked body?

What the hell happened last night?

The imagines came to my mind in a complete blur and I remembered how I walked into that bar, found Monica alone, started talking about how miserable we felt because Ben left and I easily forgot about the fact that Emma and I had a fight. It wasn’t even a fight, I was…

Emma!

Did I just… Fuck, fuck, fuck!

I cheated on Emma with Monica, my best friend’s girlfriend?

“What… happened… last night?” Monica managed to say as she started at me in shock.

“I… I don’t remember,” I managed to say and she closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. “This can’t be happening,” I whispered and she nodded. “I’m so sorry, Monica, I…”

I looked at her and noticed the tears streaming down her face and she seemed really devastated by this. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

“Monica, hey, I’m…” I started to say as I touched her shoulder awkwardly.

“I can’t believe I did this!” she said and wrapped her arms around me.

Not a smart move. We were still naked, in her bed. How did we even get here last night?

I patted awkwardly her back as she cried and said something like “this is so wrong”. Yes, I agree with that.

Emma would totally hate me. How am I supposed to explain to her that I cheated on her with her friend? God. I knew it! I knew I’d just blow everything. And I did. Maybe if Monica decided to not say a thing about it… No, that’s not right. I can’t cheat on Emma and then lie to her about it. God, I’m stupid.

After a few minutes Monica decided to get dressed and I told her I will make something to eat while she took a shower. I needed time to think, I needed to know what I am going to say to Emma now. How was I supposed to make it right? I can’t make it right because there’s nothing wrong about this.

“This was a stupid thing,” Monica said as she entered the kitchen and I gave her a cup of coffee. “Thank you, Matthew.”

“Welcome. Yes, it’s stupid. Because you dated Ben and now you’re just…”

“He freakin’ left me!” Monica said and sat on a chair and ran a hand through her wet hair.

She really looks hot in any situation.

What
?
Stop acting like a horny teenager.

“Monica…”

“I can’t believe he actually left. He told me about the job a few weeks ago and I laughed about it, because I knew there was no possibility he’d actually take that offer. He loved me. He said that. I… And now he’s gone.”

“I know. It was really fucked up.”

“Yes, it was. And now I… we…”

“Hey, it’s okay. I understand, you’re confused and we shouldn’t have…”

“What if there was a part of me that actually wanted this?” she asked and my eyes widened.

“Then…”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” she said sarcastically and I sat on the chair next to her and held her hand in mine.

“I am not like Ben, okay? I’m no Ben at all.”

“I know,” she said with a sad smile.

“But I’m here for you, Monica and-“

I didn’t get the time to finish my sentence because I felt her soft lips pressed against mine and all I did was to kiss her back as she wrapped her hands around my neck.

*

At first I thought Monica would realize how messed up this was, but we talked for two hours that day and I promised her I won’t leave her like Ben did and she seemed just so grateful.

When I decided to leave, the reality struck me.

Especially the fact that I didn’t think about Emma at all and that Monica was now thinking we have something we actually didn’t. But how was I supposed to explain that to her since she was clearly a mess right now?

I decided to tell everything to Emma when I got home, but finding her on the couch with that exhausted expression and the way she threw her arms around me made me feel like a complete dick. Not that I wasn’t. God, I didn’t deserve her at all.

My insides physically hurt because of the way she looked at me or how she was holding onto me. Yeah, even though I said I loved her and I do, with all my heart, I was just like any other guy - stupid. I did the worst thing and now I got to see her worried for me, then we had that fight and then… Well, I never thought I’d get to sleep with Emma and especially after what happened last night with Monica.

Not that I thought about anyone else besides the fact Emma said she loved me. And she really did.

I forgot completely about everything else, about Monica, Ben, Rick, the entire world because all that matter was that Emma was with me now.

And then the storm started.

Monica thought we were seriously dating and I couldn’t say anything that would be as bad as it actually was, and then she wanted to tell Emma. And she did.

Emma’s expression, full of disappointment and hate broke my heart. I couldn’t do anything, considering I acted like the worst monster in the whole world. I swore I would protect Emma and I kept myself away from her precisely trying not to hurt her and after all those tries I did. I hurt her. Badly.

I followed her out of the apartment when I felt capable of moving after Monica told her and I after I got all my senses back. I had no idea what I should do or say to make it better, because this couldn’t get better. It was just a stupid decision I made while being drunk with a drunker Monica, and I know that’s not an excuse because now it came to haunt me.

“Emma, wait!” I yelled after her and she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk until I reached her. “I…”

She lifted her head and I could see the tears in her eyes and felt my heart break into million pieces. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair in despair and tried to find something clever to say. Clever? There’s nothing to say and you know it.

“I’m sorry, I… That wasn’t my intention…”

“Just… Don’t,” Emma said as a tear rolled down her cheek.

I took another step closer to her and my heart stopped in my throat as I wiped away the tear from her cheek and she lifted her head and looked into my eyes with her eyes full of disappointment. I couldn’t stand this or the tears that were streaming down her beautiful face. All because of me.

Even the city around us stopped moving for a moment and all that mattered was that Emma and I were done and I couldn’t do anything because I knew from the start I’d screw everything. And I did. Gracefully even. I’ve always known I wasn’t worthy of Emma, that she was greater than me and so much better to even look at me the way I wanted her and now it was all over.

I slowly leaned into her and her eyes never met mine until my lips touched her and she placed her hands around me so fast I thought she’d reject me. It surprise me the way she wrapped her hands around my neck pulling me closer to her considering what happened early on.

She kissed me back so fiercely like she would think it all go away and I wanted to think that everything that happened since last week was just an error, except the part where Emma told me she loved me. I hoped it was my stupid imagination playing me that I slept with Monica and she thought something was going on between us. I wanted to go back to normal, the normal I had with Emma.

Because for the first time in my life I had something worth fighting for, but I had no idea how could I get the nerves to do something that would make Emma forgive me. Because I knew her and she wouldn’t just get over this. She was better than that.

Everything happened so fast and I couldn’t believe all those things were going through my mind while kissing Emma. I had my hands around her, holding her close to me and I was enjoying every touch of her soft lips until she broke the kiss way too soon.

“Matt…” she started and her voice was more like a whisper and I sighed taking her hand in mine. “It’s… just… It’s 1
^st
April today or something?” she asked as she tried to smile.

“Um…”

“Because… It’s hard to believe Monica. I mean what the hell, right? You were right there and Monica was saying all those stupid things and that’s just… Not true, right?” she said as she took a step closer to me and I avoided looking at her. “Matt?” she continued a few seconds afterwards. “You know, this is… getting really weird,” she whispered and I nodded. “Because… I don’t… want to think I didn’t listen to you or something so… Say something, Matt, please,” she pleaded and I looked at her and realized she was more vulnerable than I ever saw her and I hated myself for doing that to her just because I couldn’t stop at the right time. Or explain to Monica we were nothing.