Authors: K. S. Augustin
She wanted to go back to her world. Continue her research. Lecture.
Find a man?
She tried to dismiss the question but that wasn’t fair. Intimacy was as much part of the human condition as acquiring knowledge. And Carl Orin….
Her gaze roamed his face again. She was still so mad at him she thought she could nail him a good one but events in cyberspace had moved too fast to allow her her dose of righteous anger. And, damn him to hell, besides being hellishly good in bed, he was also one of the smartest men she’d ever met. She hadn’t come across that combination too often.
Finally breaking eye contact, she looked down at the disc at her belt, pondering it for several long minutes. When she clicked open the lid, she was surprised that her hands weren’t shaking. The small screen showed the packets of data, indicators of her position and status, travelling back to Basement Five. Using the small thumb keyboard, she entered the command to terminate the tether.
“You have to enter it in twice, you say?” she asked, not looking up.
“Twice.”
Tania confirmed the shutdown the first time and one of the icons along the upper rim of the disc’s lid flashed amber. She took a deep breath and typed the command in again. When the second confirmation flashed on the screen, she hesitated only for a second before committing to her decision. As the icon blinked red, the silver line vanished from her belt.
For better or worse, she had terminated her tether. She just hoped to hell she had done the right thing.
As Carl watched Tania, a delirious form of joy filled him. He had missed her so much. Missed the feel of her body next to his, warm and soft from sleep. Missed her acerbic wit and the not unpleasant way her personality rubbed up against his. Missed the sharp intelligence that lurked in her tawny eyes.
Back when he was young and stupid—oh, maybe a day ago real-time, he admitted wryly—he thought life was a game and the object was to amass as much prestige and money as he could. There was nothing and no woman Carl Orin couldn’t coax around to his point of view. He was the first guy in his high-school class to get laid, one of the first hackers to crack into his bank’s systems, and the first computer specialist to enter the Blue. He was Basement Five’s poster-boy and he had lived up to that image even in cyberspace, viewing the information landscape around him as nothing more than one more puzzle for him to conquer.
It had taken enforced solitude, and a few visits from a friendly yet insistent giant white rabbit, to make him see the truth. What he needed was not to be the
richest
man he could be. Or the most
attractive
. He needed to be the best
man
he could be. Which was why he was still in cyberspace, rather than trying to find a way back to the lab. The Rhine-Temple botnet was more than a semi-sentient accumulation of infected processing cycles. It was his test. His trial of fire. The ultimate ordeal, and an opportunity to prove to himself that he had really grown up, that he was worthy of calling himself an adult rather than an over-eager, oversexed teenager.
And, as if he was part of some mythic quest, Tania Flowers had dropped into his home at exactly the right point, just before he was about to commit suicide.
Carl watched Tania enter the shutdown commands in her tether and, no matter his noble intentions, he couldn’t force himself to stop her. He might be condemning her to an accelerated life in the Blue, but he needed her with a yearning that was almost physical.
He would make it right for her, pay her back for this sacrifice, he promised himself that much. He would find the time to transfer all his assets to her name, launch her back to reality, and wish her all the best in a world he would never be part of again.
Because by the time she made it back, he would be dead. That was the only way.
A flash caught his attention and he saw the tether wink out of existence a split-second after Tania jabbed a button on the small thumb keyboard in front of her. She looked up at him but, behind the defiance, he saw a tremor of fear. He didn’t blame her.
“Now what?” she asked.
“Now we relax, while I fill you in on what I’m planning.”
He got to his feet and she followed suit.
She looked at him in disbelief. “
Now
we can relax? We couldn’t have done that before? You couldn’t have taken time out of your busy schedule to fill me in on the grand plan before I terminated the tether?”
He knew the heat in her voice had more to do with apprehension than anger.
“Not while the tether was alerting every random seeker bot out there to your presence,” he said. “Now that it’s gone, we can take our time.”
He launched himself from the roof of the tall grey block and, with all the grace and presence of a sharp-eyed raptor, she followed. He wasn’t used to the company, to the feel of someone next to him as he soared through cyberspace. It felt..
good
.
There was little hesitation in Tania’s movements as they arrowed in on his apartment/lab and Carl realised he was proud of how fast she was acclimatising herself to the Blue. He was sure it had taken him longer. He remembered the days of intense loneliness and aimless wandering before he had discovered the genesis of the Rhine-Temple botnet. He had watched the botnet grow, originally drawn by its uncharacteristic structure, then fascinated and repelled when he finally figured out what it was trying to do. When the first spiders from the botnet detected him, Carl knew he had no choice. It was either activate the tether and flee to the safety of Basement Five. Or break it, stay in the Blue, and try to find some way to destroy the monster.
Every now and then, he’d meet someone. A person who managed to stay in cyberspace long enough to clock up and carry on some meaningful conversation, but such episodes were few and far between. And between his innate stubbornness, the Rhine-Temple, and the occasional distraction, it had taken years before he realised what was missing from his life.
Tania.
She had started out as his rival and a potential conquest. The woman he needed to best, both mentally and sexually, in order to win the prize as the world’s first cybernaut. Did he have something to prove? Of course he did. He was the
enfant terrible
, the self-taught hacker who had progressed from being almost a high-school dropout to owning his own high-tech consulting business. He knew he didn’t have the qualifications of his rival, Doctor Tania Flowers, nor the in-depth knowledge of how information slotted together. Where Tania had logic, he operated on intuition. It was good enough to land him a spot at Basement Five, but the lack of formal education had made him feel defensive through the entire period of tests and trials.
And now?
He looked at Tania as he ushered her through the front door of his “apartment”.
Now, after more than a decade of self-reflection, Carl decided that he didn’t like his real-time self any more. The sooner it was gone, the better, and he saw his impending death as a form of atonement. The ultimate apology. He only hoped she appreciated it.
She turned to face him the moment he shut the door.
“You said you had a plan?”
Had he ever been that impatient, he wondered, and conceded that he probably had.
“We have time.”
Strange how he had needed to speed up in order to learn how to slow down.
He moved through the lab, tidying up but, in reality, just keeping his hands occupied while he tried putting his thoughts in order.
Her voice drew his attention. “How much time?”
“You won't give up, will you?” He smiled to soften his words. “Okay, here goes. At the beginning, the Rhine-Temple moved very quickly. I didn’t think I had any room to move at all. I’d watch it in the morning and, by the time I paid a repeat visit in the evening, it would have doubled in size.”
“What I failed to realise,” he said, moving to his small pod of living room space, “was that the first growth is always phenomenal. Like watching embryonic cells divide.”
He sank into a plush chair and gestured for her to do the same. After a slight hesitation, she cautiously accepted the invitation.
“But then it becomes like that game of cellular division. You know, when cells die unless a series of conditions are met.”
Tania frowned. “Do you mean the game ‘Life’?”
She was so quick. She knew instantly what he meant. At one time, their being on the same wavelength scared the hell out of him. It made him want to dominate her. Now, he just sat back and smiled, a small curve of pride on his lips.
“Exactly. How does it go again? Cells divide but with constraints. If they can’t find food in an adjacent cell, they starve and die. If they’re surrounded by similar cells, they also starve and die.”
“Yeah,” she said, “something like that.”
He could feel the impatience rippling off her and hid his smile. “So, when I first cut the tether, I thought I had been watching months of incredible growth and I made the incorrect assumption that it would continue at the same pace.”
“But it slowed down instead?”
“Right. The botnet had to move in order to expand and, as you’ve noticed, there isn’t much of an information highway
between
levels in this universe.”
“Just flat layers, one on top of the other.”
“Flat layers,” he repeated, nodding his head. “Not only did the Rhine-Temple have to expand and
not
cannibalise itself, but it also had to create its own vertical ‘streets’ to go from one layer of the Blue to another.”
“And that took time.”
“Lots of time. Lots more than I had expected.”
Enough time for him to come up with a plan. It wasn’t perfect, but it was the best one he had.
Suddenly, his hands ached with the need to hold her. It had been so long since they’d embraced and she had consumed almost every waking thought of his that hadn’t been focused on how to destroy the Rhine-Temple.
Knowing he was taking a chance, but unable to stop himself, Carl moved to her chair. He saw the surprise and wariness in her warm eyes and the flush that heated her cheekbones under her luscious tanned skin, but he continued to draw closer.
Expecting a rejection, he was surprised when she shuffled over, giving him some space on the cushion.
Now what was he supposed to say?
Sorry I was such a bastard to you, but a decade and a half of almost solitary confinement has a way of sharpening a man’s thoughts?
I knew you had to be someone very special for me to obsess over you as much as I did?
Gah!
He had heard better lines on comedy shows.
“Do you know what I remember about the moment I first met you?” he asked.
She shook her head, mouthing a word at the same time. “No.”
“I remember being scared.”
She hadn’t expected that. He could tell from the way her eyes widened, letting him in. How had he ever thought she was an original ice maiden? Right now, he thought he might happily bask in her warmth for all eternity.
“You knew so much more than I did. I read up on you when I was told we could be working together, and what I learnt scared the shit out of me. I could only go by the look and feel of a situation. You knew, inside out, why something behaved the way it did. Without even knowing every detail, you could find a way to circumvent every problem Basement Five threw at us.”
He hesitated. “If it wasn’t for that trick I pulled on you that morning, I’m positive you would have been chosen to be the first cybernaut.”
Carl saw remembrance spark in her eyes and braced himself. It might have been stupid reminding her of how selfishly he’d behaved, but he needed to have the situation out in the open, especially if he wanted to make peace with himself.
“I wanted to apologise,” he said. “I behaved like a complete bastard.”
“Why did you do it, Carl?” Her voice was soft with hurt and that made him feel even worse. He thought he could deal with rage, bounce off it and perhaps rouse some righteousness of his own, but her quiet vulnerability undid him completely.
“Because,” he stopped.
No, he had to do this. He had to be honest with her. She deserved no less.
“Because I knew I would’ve lost if I hadn’t.”
She frowned. “And being the first was so important to you?”
He looked straight into her face. “It wasn’t to you?”
She was silent for a while then she smiled. “Maybe we’re not so different after all,” she said.
Had he heard that right?
“
I
thought we were as different as zero and one. On and off. You, the expert with all the information at her fingertips. Me, the self-made guy who finds out how things tick by kicking them. You, the favourite of Basement Five’s director. Me, the dude who almost scammed his way to success.”