Our Chance (7 page)

“Yes, I can,” I said, closing the front door behind us. “Right now Nell’s just a friend and I don’t know if it will go anywhere. When I know I’ll tell you.”

She signed and nodded towards the conservatory. “Everyone’s in there, I’m just going to put another pot of tea on.”

“Alright,” I replied, heading out the back.

Sure enough Steph had planted herself right between my dad and grandparents. Her mum was here too. We’d known her family for years and my mum and hers had grown close after the death of Steph’s dad when she was seven. I’d always known that deep down Mum would love for me to be with Steph but she’d never force it.

I also knew that the second she meets Nell she’d understand why Steph wasn’t an option for me.

“Hey,” I said, moving further into the room.

Dad was up first, followed by my sister, Cara, and then Steph and her mum, Greta.

“Hi, son, how was the drive?” Dad asked.

I gave him a quick hug. “It was fine. Hey, Cara, how’s school?”

“I hate it,” she replied, barely looking up at me from her phone. Cara was eighteen and addicted to her mobile phone. She was studying for her A levels and planning on attending university in September.

“Hey, I’m so glad we could make it over the same weekend you’re home,” Steph said, leaning in for a hug.

“Yeah, me too, it’s been a while, huh?” I took a step back. “We should hit the bar tonight and see who’s about.”

“Sounds good but your mum has this big meal planned.”

Great. “Beers here then.”

“Absolutely.” Steph’s blonde hair was considerably shorter now and quite choppy. It used to be long but now it was above her shoulders. It suited her. Her eyes were pale green, the opposite of Nell’s striking colour.

Jesus, I had to stop thinking about Nell. She drove me crazy even when she wasn’t around. Something was going to end badly there. Every day I thought about her more and more.

We settled down with the first of many mugs of tea my mother would make. I think she genuinely believed the hot drink could solve all. I stayed with Steph, catching up on what I’d missed from the last eight months, or however long it’d been since I saw her last.

“So, you’re loving your job? Your mum mentioned you have the chance at co-running the place.”

“I love it but I’m a little way off buying into the business. I’m not sure if that’s the direction I want to go in yet. I might get more experience and go it alone a few years down the road.”

“Wow, that’s exciting.”

“You’d know. How is the new line?”

Steph had always been into fashion and made all of her own clothes from the age of fourteen. She had some of her designs in local independent shops and boutiques as well as selling on her website.

“It’s going fantastic! Next week I’m meeting with a rep from ASOS. I love every second of it.”

I made an appropriately surprised and impressed face.
What the fuck is ASOS?

“I’m sure they’ll love your designs.”

She bit the side of her lip. “I really hope so. Enough about me, how’re things with you?” That felt like an ‘are you single?’ question.

“Things are going good. I move into a new place next month. Now I’m working full-time I can afford somewhere nicer and closer to work.”

“That’s good. It’s my plan too, but Mum has a huge house and I need a lot of space for stock and dressmaking. Hopefully things will really take off and I’ll be able to afford to buy my own place.”

“It’ll happen.”

She nodded. “So do you keep in touch with anyone from school?”

“Not really. I keep up with everyone on Facebook but you’re about the only person I properly talk to still.” I kept more in touch with the people I’d met at university than high school.

“Yeah, me too. We should make more of an effort to catch up more often. It’s been far too long.”

“I know but living two hours away makes it hard. We’ll try harder, though,” I said. Me, Steph and my brother Lance played out a lot together since we were the only kids on our street.

My phone rang in my pocket, giving me the opportunity to slip away for a second. “Sorry, I’ll be back in a second.”

“Of course,” Steph said, turning away and heading for Cara.

“Hey,” I said, stepping to the side so I’d actually be able to hear Nell.

“Hey, are you having a nice time back home?”

“Yeah, it’s good. What’s up?”

“Okay, this is going to sound weird but I’m just going to come right out and ask. Chloe and Logan are going to Scotland to look at a wedding venue and she wants me to go, too. No way I’m being stuck with the love birds for two nights though, so do you want to come with?”

Finally! Chloe had told me about that a week ago. I was starting to think that Nell wasn’t going to ask.

“Sure, I’m in. When is it?”

“Next month. It’s going to be absolutely freezing.”

Turning away further, I muttered quietly down the phone, “I’ll keep you warm.”

“I’m sure you will. So you want to share a room.”

“Nell,” I said and laughed. There was no point in dignifying that with a reply.

“Right, okay, stupid question. I’ll go and tell Chloe we’re in and let you get back to your family time.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow night,” I said.

“Do we have plans?”

“We do now. Bye.”

I hung up and noticed Mum had caught me saying Nell’s name. She watched me with a giddy smile.

“What, Mum?”

“How is she?”

“She’s fine.”

“Perhaps one weekend you could bring her with you?”

I would love that but I doubted that would happen anytime soon.

“Maybe,” I replied.

Mum scowled and went back to talking with Greta.

“You never mentioned a girlfriend. How long have you been together?” Steph asked.

“We’re not together. Me and Nell are…” Now how did I explain fuck buddies nicely so that if my mother overheard she wouldn’t be disgusted?

Turned out I didn’t need to. Steph’s eyes widened with understanding. “Oh, I get it.”

“Yeah. We’re
friends
.”

“You’re not happy about that?”

“No, I am. I’m cool to be friends and see how things go, but somewhere down the line I want more.”

She ran her index finger around the rim of her almost empty wine glass. When did we move on to alcohol? “And Nell?” she asked.

Sitting down, I took a deep breath. “Nell is complicated. She’s so convinced that she doesn’t ever want a relationship and I know a lot of people say that about all sorts of different things but she’s so determined that I’m not convinced she’ll change her mind.”

“What if she doesn’t?”

“Well, I’m not going to have half a relationship forever.”

“Maybe she just needs time. You’re both still young. I assume she’s our age?”

“Yeah, she is. Time is all I got.”

“I hope things work out for you, Damon, you deserve to have everything you want.”

“Glad you think that because right now I’d like to get drunk in my mother’s kitchen. Want a top up?”

She laughed and nodded. “Definitely, and I think you moving onto beer now will do the trick.”

Fucking right.

Nell

Damon was at his parents’ house and there was a girl there. A girl whose hair I wanted to rip out with my bare hands, strand by strand. We weren’t together in any real way but I selfishly thought of him as mine. A random on a night out or holiday was nothing; he’d never see them again. A girl from home was a whole different story.

Chloe and I sat in a bar drinking cocktails. “Who do you think she is?” I asked.

Obsessing. Yep, I was obsessing. It was irrational and downright annoying but I was.

She rolled her amber eyes. “I think she’s a friend of his from back home.”

“Yes, of course she is! We fucking know that, Chloe, but a shagging friend or a non-shagging friend?”

Laughing, she folded her arms on the table. “Um. Shagging probably. Yeah, definitely shagging.”

I narrowed my eyes at her and wanted to throw up all over her nice new dress. The cow said that on purpose. “No.” That wasn’t it. Shaking my head, I replied, “No, I don’t think so.”

“Oh really? Why’s that?” she asked, grinning wide and clearly loving every second of this. What was there to love? What kind of a backward best friend enjoyed things like this?

“I just don’t think she is. He would’ve said something to give it away even if he didn’t mean to. She’s just an old school friend that’s also a friend of the family.”

She shrugged. “Okay.”

“Do you even understand how annoying you’re being right now?”

She grinned again. “Uh huh. Sorry, but I’m
really
enjoying this. I didn’t think I’d ever see you get all worked up about a guy.”

I held my finger up. “I am not getting worked up.” I was. “I just want to know if I need to demand he goes for another sexual health screening.”

“And do you actually believe that?” She did a double take. “Wait, another one?”

“Never mind, he’s clear, and I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

Yes, I bloody do.

I clapped my hands together. “I vote that we get me shit faced tonight.”

“She’s just a friend, Nell.”

“Good for him. It doesn’t matter what he does. My desire to get drunk has nothing to do with Damon and his little friend.” She raised one eyebrow. “Fuck off. I don’t care what he does.”

Wisely she didn’t say anything but the little cow didn’t need to because this time both perfect eyebrows rose. The thin strips of hair on her face told me exactly what she was thinking: It does matter. Deep, deep down I knew that it did but I couldn’t let feelings like that bubble to the surface, it was dangerous and the last thing in the world I wanted when it came to a man was danger.

“Have you decided what dress you want me to wear for the wedding? Nothing puffy
please
.”

Laughing, she slumped back in the seat and pouted. “But I’ve seen this gorgeous peach floral dress with the most adorable ruffles and lace edging.”

“I would wear it, Chloe, but I would never forget it. Remember that being the first one to get married sets the precedent for how I choose your bridesmaid dress.” I wanted to add if I ever get married but that would only make her talk at me about how stupid I was being.

“You know I wouldn’t. I’ll have to steal you away from Damon to try some on.”

“Hoes over bros, Chlo-Chlo, you know that. Name a date and I’ll be there. You’ve probably not got long…”

Her eyes widened. “Don’t I know it? Logan wants to do it as soon as possible and so do I but he’s not the one organising everything. There’s so much to do, I feel like I’m going crazy already.”

“You’re a wedding planner,” I said dryly.

“Yeah, I know. That’s what I thought, too. Oh it’ll be easy because I do this for a living. Not so bloody easy, actually!”

“Have a drink. I’ll help wherever I can. Do you honestly think she’s just a friend?”

Chloe started laughing. “Oh, you don’t care at all. Open up and let him in, Nell. I have a feeling you’ll be so much happier when you do.”

“To start with maybe.” My parents were great at first. I was young when things were all happy, dancing unicorns and glitter but then it changed. I wasn’t confident enough that I wouldn’t change the way they did.

“What does that mean? Come on, talk to me. You’ve said yourself a million times that we can discuss anything. What can’t you tell me?”

What I didn’t want to tell her wasn’t going to be spat out over drinks in a bar. I didn’t ever want to talk about it. I liked that she only knew the (mostly) strong Nell. Having someone know how messed up my head got sometimes made me feel sick.

“Look, both sets of my grandparents had a lot of issues, my parents did too, and I’m not willing to go down that road. Love can be so fickle, you only have to watch The Jeremy Kyle show to know that. People that were once madly in love can turn against each other. I’d rather not do that, especially with Damon. We’re friends and I like having him around, why would I want a relationship to screw that up?”

“What if it didn’t?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I can do that.” It was too risky. “Anyway, you absolutely suck at getting me drunk.”

She took my conversation change the way she was supposed to – shut up about my relationship quirkiness. Ha, I bet she’d put it differently.

“Alright, prepare to wake up with a mouth drier than a dessert and a marching band in your head,” she said, shuffling out of the booth and heading to the bar. Oh well, at least I’d have something to do tomorrow then. Spending the day dying with my head over the toilet would take my mind off my absent
special
friend.

When Chlo returned I raised my glass. “To spending tomorrow feeling like I’ve just deep throated a cactus.”

Two shots and three cocktails later I was off my face and Chloe was trying to keep me under control. Once or twice the staff had looked over when I laughed a little too loudly or stumbled my way to and from the bathroom.

“Honestly you get a little tipsy and everyone thinks you’re crazy,” I said, dropping myself back in the booth.

“Probably because you can’t walk in a straight line and your skirt is tucked into your knickers.”