Our Chance (26 page)

“If he can’t?”

“Then it’ll be sad and you’ll cry but you’ll both be okay.”

“Would you be okay if you and Logan broke up?”

She looked away and bit her lips together.

“See. I may not have first hand experience, Chloe, but I’m not stupid. When you really love someone you open yourself up to all sorts of heart breaking things that can change you forever.”

“You sound so much like me before.”

“I know I do. It’s really annoying actually. Hey, maybe I’ll get to where you are one day.”

“You will. Just take it one day at a time and
please
just consider talking to Damon.”

Smiling, I nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

I wouldn’t. I
couldn’t
.

Damon

Going out getting fucked and
getting fucked
was all I cared about right now. Doubt chipped away at my very core. What if she would’ve come around? If I knew she’d be ready in six months, hell a year or two even, I would’ve kept going the way we were. But there was no guarantee and I couldn’t spend another second out there in the unknown.

I sat at my desk counting down the minutes until I could leave for the day. I’d made so many mistakes today and been somewhere else completely that I’m surprised I didn’t get a warning about my performance.

“You alright?” My manager, Richard asked. He hadn’t said anything but he knew there was something up.

I pushed my swivel chair out and ran my hands through my hair. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I’ve just had a shit couple of days.”

“I hope everything’s okay.”

It wasn’t and I couldn’t see a way out. Right now there was just endless darkness. “I’ll be fine, Rich, I just need to pull my shit together.”

“We all have things troubling us in our personal lives from time to time. Try not to be too hard on yourself. If you need to take a few days…?”

I shook my head. “I don’t, but thanks.” My relationship with Nell had screwed my personal life but I wasn’t going to let it affect my professional one. Not from Monday anyway.

“Okay, we’ll go through the Cecil and Graham account next week.”

“Did you want to do it now? I’m fine to,” I said. Rich shouldn’t have to wait until I was on top of my game to discuss a campaign. If I wanted the option of going into partnership I had do better than I had been.

He held his hand up. “Sandy wants to go kitchen shopping this afternoon so I’m leaving a few hours early. There is no way I’m wasting all weekend on it. If you need to leave a bit earlier, too…”

“Thanks, Rich.”

With a smile and a nod he turned around and left. I think he saw a little of his young self in me. He’d said a few times that we had the same drive and determination. Right now I bet he was regretting taking me on and giving me the responsibilities I had right out of Uni.

I pulled myself together long enough to put an hour of decent work in and then I left an hour and a half early. Rich had already gone but I knew it wouldn’t be a problem – he’d offered after all.

Taking the steps down to ground floor two at a time, I prayed no one would stop me to chat. I’d not been here long but most of the people that worked in the building were very friendly. Right now I wanted cold beer and easy women.

Driving home was quicker out of rush hour. I come to a crossroads and wanted to turn right to Nell’s but I forced myself to go left. Running back to her wouldn’t do any good. She would probably just tell me to do one anyway. I hated that we were both in very different places right now. Why couldn’t I have met her years on when she’d dealt with whatever was holding her back? Why couldn’t I suck it up and stick it out until that’d happened?

I pulled into my drive and a surprise was sitting in a car next to mine. “Steph?” I said, getting out at the same time as she left her silver Mini. “What’re you doing here?”

“I beat your brother. He’s meeting me here in about twenty minutes.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” I said, slamming the door shut.

“Lance and Ivory are coming so we can cheer you up, obviously. I’m sorry about what happened with Nell.”

Shrugging one shoulder, I locked my car and lifted my chin towards my house. Steph followed, her high silver heels clicking on the concrete floor. “You guys didn’t have to come all the way here, I’m doing fine.”

“Being honest here, you don’t look fine, Damon. You look like shit.”

“Thank you, Stephanie,” I said over my shoulder as I let us into my flat.

I knew I did. Sleep abandoned me for most of last night. I’d lain awake for hours playing over my conversation and goodbye with Nell. My bed felt too big and I couldn’t sleep on my side since she’d claimed it.

If this was what everyone went through after breaking up with someone they loved, then I didn’t understand why people took the chance again with someone new. Then I realised that perhaps that was how Nell felt. Had something happened before me? She’d not mentioned a guy but why would she? Chloe would know though, surely?

“Do you want a drink?” I asked, flicking the kettle on so I could make a strong coffee before going out.

“I’d love a tea, thanks.”

“So what’s the grand plan then? How are you lot
cheering
me up?”

“Well,” she said, taking an apple from the almost empty fruit bowl and spinning it in her hand. “We planned to surprise you, get you fed on takeaway curry, and then get you hammered at a club.”

“Sounds very similar to what I was going to do anyway.”

“Yes, but now you don’t have to be quite as pathetic since you won’t be doing it alone.”

“Compliments just keep rolling in with you, don’t they?” I said sarcastically, leaning against the worktop.

“Do you want to talk about what happened with Nell?”

“Nope.”

She rolled her eyes. “It helps to talk things through.”

“Didn’t with her.”

“Are you sure you can’t work it out? There’s not much you can’t work through if you both want to.”

Raising my eyebrows, I shook my head. “Won’t happen. The only way we could go back to the way it was is if I settle for casual sex.”

“Most men would love that,” she said bitterly.

“I used to love it. Things change. People grow. People who aren’t Nell that is.”

“Whoa,” she said. “That came from a bad place, you’re not usually like that.”

“Sorry, I don’t take rejection well.” That wasn’t true. This wasn’t the first time I’d been rejected, but it was the first time I was rejected by someone I loved, someone I wanted more than anything else in the world. Yeah, that was harsh and it made me harsh.

“You’ll be okay, Damon, we’ve all had our hearts broken before. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, remember that.”

Like that bullshit was going to help. I knew I wasn’t going to keel over just because Nell didn’t want me, but that didn’t mean I was okay. Fuck, I was sick of thinking about it all the time.

“You got any single friends?”

“Damon…”

“What, you want me to move on so help.”

“Rebound isn’t moving on.”

“Of course it is. Rebound is the first stage.”

She shook her head. “If you think I’m letting you use one of my friends like that you’re seriously mistaken. Sort yourself out.”

Grabbing the JD out of the cupboard, I took a swig from the bottle. She was right, getting into another casual sex situation with someone else was a fucking stupid idea. There was no way I wanted history to repeat itself.

“Fine. I’m sorry, okay.”

She sighed, put the apple down and grabbed the bottle from my hand. “Lance and Ivory will be here soon.”

“They can’t see me drink?”

“No, they can’t catch us doing this.” Slamming the bottle on the worktop, she captured my lips in a frantic and domineering kiss. I stood still, frozen as she gripped my shoulders. It was strange kissing her and I didn’t want to but that didn’t stop me.

I grabbed her around the waist, turned her around and lifter her onto the worktop. Steph wrapped her legs around my waist and stuck her tongue in my mouth. The kiss was all over the place, I had no idea what she was going to do and I didn’t particularly like it. She wasn’t a bad kisser she just didn’t kiss like Nell.

Leaving her hips, I trailed my hands down to her skirt and shoved it up. Moaning, she arched her chest against mine and my dick finally woke up. Tugging on my jeans, she managed to get them to fall to my knees. That gave me enough room to move.

“Condom,” she muttered against my lips and reached over for her handbag. With her mouth away from mine it gave me the time to realise what I was about to do. Steph was a friend and not one I could have a casual relationship with, even if I wanted to.

She tore the packet open and rolled it down my erection. It was her that made the first move; she understood what I was looking for so I didn’t feel bad for thrusting forwards and filling her.

“Oh God, Damon,” she groaned, tilting her head back.

I compared everything to Nell, every kiss, every time Steph muttered something, the way she’d cling to my shoulders without digging her nails in. I loved the sharp cut of nails in my flesh when Nell got wild. It was the hottest thing and never failed to get me off.

Steph cried out as she came and I followed, tucking my head in her neck. I stayed there for a minute while she held on around my waist.

Fucking her was nowhere near unpleasant but I felt guilty.

Feeling bad for doing nothing wrong pissed me off. I was mad at Nell. I wanted to shout at her, smash something, anything, and move away where I’d never have the possibility of running into her. I wanted to forget she existed but I knew I’d never be free of her.

I pulled out of Steph and dumped the condom in the bin.

“There,” she said. “Rebound sex over, now can we get on with the night?”

Smiling through gritted teeth, I nodded and swallowed the sinking feeling. I’d just made a big mistake.

Nell

It’d been three days and I was so mad at Damon for changing things between us. Everything was perfect before. Well, it was as perfect as that situation could be. He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with me – no one was.

Work sucked even more because I wouldn’t get naughty texts from him at random points throughout the day. All that was gone. Everything was gone and I was living in a Damon-free zone. I hated it.

“Nell,” The Ogre snapped. He’d really picked a bad day to step up his arsehole after his standoff with Damon. “I need that file now.”

“I gave it to you this morning,” I replied, trying not to shout back too loudly. Stepping into his office, I used every ounce of self-control I had and smiled. “It should be at the top of your in-tray.”

He snatched it off the pile and his mouth thinned. “Got it.”

No apology, he dropped his eyes and opened the folder.

I need my job. I need my job. This is temporary.

Man I wish I didn’t need to eat because that wanker would be getting yelled at right now. Ignorant bastard. As soon as I found something new I was going to tell him to stick it. Today I would follow up on the applications I filled in and emailed off. I would beg if I needed to.

It was five minutes to twelve but I couldn’t wait another second, I grabbed my bag and headed out for lunch. I’d not eaten at work since my first week, as soon as Reg showed his true colours – Ogre green – I spent every second out of the office that I could get away with.

I called Chloe on my way to KFC. Today I was eating fried chicken and two portions of chips. It was necessary and I didn’t care. Counting calories could fuck off too.

“Hey, Nell,” she said all cheerful. I was happy her world was all sunshine and rainbows but I still wanted to cut the bitch.

“Hey, you free for lunch today?”

“Sorry, I can’t do today, I’m on my way to meet a bridezilla.”

“Ha! Have fun with that.”

“Oh, I’m sure I will. How are you?”

“I’m perfect,” I replied sarcastically.

Chloe laughed. “Things will work out if you work on them.”

“I’m supposed to be the strong one and you’re supposed to be the weird, emotional one. What happened?”

“You are strong but even the strongest people have weakness, Nell. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, everyone struggles and everyone makes mistakes as they go. Look at me! You’ll work things out in your own time, there’s no rush.”