Only Yesterday (73 page)
I
Balak went inside and lay down to sleep. He lay down wherever he lay as the wind roamed around and called, Do Vilna, Do Vilna, as the wind is wont to do while roaming in a windmill and it seemed to be calling Vilna Vilna. Said Balak, Why are you rattling To Vilna To Vilna, when I’m from the Hungarian Society? And he immediately considered himself very important as if he were receiving Hungarian Distribution.
There was an old night owl there, Lilith, who knew the world and knew everything that was done in every house, under every roof. She flapped her black wings and told him, Aren’t you Balak that the whole world envies because you are feeding at the table of that Prussian? And even though Richard Wagner who owns the brewery is
from Würtemberg, they called him a Prussian, like the Arabs of Jerusalem who call every German Gentile a Prussian. Said he, I am he. She said to him, Does your table lack something that you came here? Balak groaned and told her, My table lacks nothing, but I lack a lot. She said to him, There isn’t a creature in the world who does-n’t lack, like the proverb they tell in Jerusalem, one person lacks an eighth thread in his ritual fringes and another one lacks the heart for a ritual garment. And you, my friend, what do you lack? Balak looked all around to see if anyone was listening. He whispered, Meah Shearim I lack. And he was immediately filled with valor and added, Tomorrow I am going there. The night owl looked at him out of the corner of her eye and said, Meah Shearim you lack? And I thought that Meah Shearim doesn’t lack creatures like you. But let me hear why you want to go to Meah Shearim of all places. Said Balak, Why? Because I want a meaningful life. Said the night owl, And so it is signed, sealed, and delivered in your mind to go there. Said Balak, Signed and sealed. Said the night owl, I’ll tell you something, think about it on the way and you won’t get bored. Said Balak, If the story isn’t long, I’m willing to listen. Said the night owl, The story isn’t long, but your mind is short. Said Balak, May your house be destroyed, you clump of feathers, behold the wisdom she took to herself. He swallowed the curse in his mouth so as not to increase his foes, for he was dejected and he feared every creature. He stretched his legs to show her that he was eager to go, but was willing to do her the satisfaction of listening. The night owl smiled and said, Put down your feet and load your ears, as Ben Sira said, There is no cure for the proud man’s malady since an evil growth has taken root in him, and Solomon said, The ear of the wise seeketh knowledge. And may I not be one of those who holds the ear of a passing dog. Balak barked, Arf arf. Said the night owl, Throw away your arf arf, Balak, you won’t get any meat with that. Said Balak, Didn’t you want to tell me something? Said the night owl, Be patient, Balak, lest you perish before you hear. Balak softened his tail and put his head between his legs. The night owl flapped her wings and said, Are you sleeping, Balak? Perhaps we should ask the Lord of Dreams to come and show you a good dream? Said Balak, I’m not sleeping. Said the night owl, Then listen.
Once upon a time, there was a hyena who passed by the door of Arzef’s house in Eyn Rogel and found him busy stuffing a fox. The hyena asked Arzef, What’s that? Said he, A fox. Said the hyena, And his bones and his flesh, where are they? He told him he threw them away and took straw and stubble instead. Asked the hyena, Why? He told him, As long as your flesh exists you’re considered dead, for everyone wants to eat your flesh and break your bones, and if you are saved from the foes and you die in the hands of Heaven, your end is dust and vermin and worms, which is not the case if you threw away your flesh and tossed off your bones and put straw instead of flesh and bones, for then you live forever and exist for eternity, and moreover, they put you in a museum and everyone desires and yearns to see you.
Said the hyena to Arzef, Mr. Arzef, I know there is no flaw uglier than envy, as we learned, envy and lust and honor take the per-son out of the world, and so King Solomon, may-he-rest-in-peace, said, Envy the rottenness of the bones, and the Talmud said, He who has envy in his heart, his bones rot away. And every person has to re-move envy from his heart and to make do with what he has and rejoice at the good fortune of his fellow man, for He is the Rock, his work is perfect, and whatever the Merciful One does is good. But there is envy that is good, that is the envy to do good, and all who would lengthen his days and his years will have time to do commandments and good deeds. And so may it be your will Mr. Arzef that you do with me as you did with that fox. And I swear to you by my teeth that I will not rob you of your fee and I will bring you meat for the Sabbath.
Arzef glanced at him and saw that he was a great lad and his skin was bristly and fine. He told him, By your virtue and by virtue of your good deeds and by the charity of your honest and innocent forefathers I am willing to be gracious unto you and bring you to life in the World-to-Come. Arzef went and brought an Egyptian rope and tied the hyena’s legs and picked up a knife and slaughtered him, as he had done with the fox. He took out his flesh and threw it wherever he threw it and filled his skin with straw and stubble and set big glass eyes in his face.
A few days went by and the hyena didn’t return. His brothers saw that their father was worried. They said to him, Father, don’t worry, don’t you know that your son has become the leader of a gang of searchers of sin, and he is surely busy with the evil instincts of oth-ers. The hyena’s father was happy for his son who became the leader of a gang of searchers of sin, but his heart feared for his son lest the transgressors overcome him and harm him. His sons told him, Fa-ther, do not fear the transgressors, even though they are many they cannot do anything to him, for transgressions sap the strength of those who practice them and even a small fly can overcome them, but tonight is the time for the Sanctification of the New Moon, tonight we shall go out and greet him.
When they went out, they smelled meat. They followed the smell until they came to Eyn Rogel. At that moment, the moon shone and the eyes of the stuffed animal were gleaming brightly. His brothers stood still in amazement and said to him, Our brother, son of our mother, son of our father, please tell us where did you get that light and what was your merit that your eyes come to be so gleaming? Arzef heard their voice. He made his voice sound like the voice of the hyena and said to them, Who are you, mortals, race of wretched hyenas, today you are here and tomorrow dust and vermin and worms, who are you that you assembled to annoy me. Don’t you see that I live and exist forever and ever? And moreover, I expect to be put in a museum and all the painters of Jerusalem will come and make a picture of me, and moreover, they’ll publish my picture in textbooks, and everyone who wants to study will come and look at me. They said to him, Our brother, what things are you saying and what tales are you telling? Please explain your words, for our soul is dying for them and we long to hear. Behind the back of the hyena, Arzef replied to them as he had replied to their brother.
When they heard his words, they began whispering among themselves, Woe unto us from our brother who will live forever, for he inherits our legacy. Envy entered their heart and they discussed what they would do. They flattered the stuffed animal and said, Aren’t we your brothers, are you not of our flesh and bone, why are
you estranged from us, why don’t you give us the secret that has made you become what you have become? Behind the back of the stuffed animal, Arzef answered them, Tell the artist who made me live forever, perhaps he will do to you as he did to me. Arzef came and stood before them. They greeted him and prostrated themselves before him and said, You are Arzef who dwells in peace with all creatures, by your life, we will not budge from here until you make peace between us and our brother. But as long as we expect to die and our brother lives forever, there is no peace at all. So we ask you, do with us as you did to our brother so we will be equal in this world and in the next. And if our brother swore to bring you meat on the Sabbath and holidays, we also swear to bring you meat for the nine days every day you finish a tractate of the Talmud. Arzef agreed and granted their request.
After the night owl finished her tale, she went on, Rise up, Balak, and hear; hearken unto me thou son of barking. It wasn’t a parable I told you and it wasn’t made up words I made up. But I shall ask you, Tell me, instead of flesh what will you wish and instead of skin what will you desire? Either stones of the streets or a furious rod. And now shut your eyes, Balak, maybe you’ll rest. And I am going to my place and I shall not see your misfortune. The night owl flew off and left Balak.
I
Balak folded his paws and shut his eyes and lay and thought of the same thing all the scholars of all generations are toiling to discover, What are we and what is our life, and are all the sufferings and pains and insults and grief that come to us worthwhile for the sake of a lit-tle bit of ephemeral pleasure. Especially me, since I don’t have even a bit of pleasure, but I do have many pains, and on top of every pain comes an even harder pain. Black bile overcame him and he wanted to die. But death is wont to come when you don’t want it and not to come when you do want it. With so many thoughts, Balak’s brain grew weak and his mind was about to go mad. Nevertheless, Balak did not tend to the opinion of the philosophers who say that madness comes from black bile and not from demons, but he did admit their
error, that the cause is black bile, and the black bile itself comes from the demons who inject their venom and give rise to black bile. There is no doubt that that black bile that clasped him like scabies and bubbled up all over his body came from them, from the demons in the windmill, for as is well known, nothing in the world can endure emptiness, and since the windmill is empty of humans, demons came to take up residence in it. And he didn’t know that in the sign of the month of Heshvan black bile dominates. Balak began to be frightened and wanted to run away.
When he was about to run away, his legs became heavy. Even the spleen that attracts the waste of the black bile ejected by the liver, to purify the blood, also stopped acting right. Black bile overcame him and all kinds of evil thoughts were born in him, until he was filled with them and couldn’t lift himself up, not to mention to run away. Even though dogs are creatures who walk on their toes, and walkers on toes are light and nimble, and easily raise their legs off the ground, not like those creatures who walk on soles of their feet, like the bear and the human, who roll the soles of their feet from the heel to the toes.
Balak saw that he was doomed to stay here. He pretended to join the three philosophers who deny the reality of demons, as if he didn’t know that the Ishmaelites and the Greeks and—quite the contrary—the Children of Israel had all agreed on their complete reality. And even though he saw them with his senses, he denied their reality here, because they were composed of air and fire, and here there was complete darkness, while if there were a demon here, his fire would be seen, and since his fire isn’t seen, that we must conclude there is no demon here. And when he denied their reality here, he also completely denied their reality altogether, for as is known, demons are invisible, and if they are seen they aren’t demons.
Suddenly a noise was heard and the sound of words. His bones were shaken by a tremor and he was scared and shocked and stunned. The fear that paralyzes the body and makes it heavy as lead, suddenly behaved differently and made Balak as light as a feather. He took off and fled for his life. And he flattered himself that his wis-dom stood him in good stead to run away before the demons could
harm him. And when he retreated from his error and admitted that there were demons, he began envying them for the length of their days, for from the day the world was created until now, only three kings had ruled them, Asmodeus and Hind and Bil’ad, and Bil’ad who is still alive. But here Balak saw something and was wrong. That sound wasn’t of demons but of a man, for there are human beings who want to study secular wisdom, but they are afraid to study in pub-lic because of the zealots, so they go to hidden places to study in se-cret. Now too, there was no demon here but one of Isaac’s comrades, who came every night to the empty windmill to study foreign tongues.
Balak fled outside and raised his tail in freedom, as if no dread or fear were facing him. And in fact, he had no need to fear, for even if a son of Israel had passed by him, he wouldn’t have seen him, for the Land was black and darkness and gloominess was over it. He opened his eyes wide and looked once here and once there. The darkness suddenly burst open and lanterns began running ur-gently and hastily like meteors, running and appearing as if they were falling down to earth. Balak who was neither an astronomer nor an astrologer, but who was expert in matters of Jerusalem understood immediately that they were carrying a corpse to be buried, and those were the lanterns of the Burial Society. He wanted to pay his last respects to the corpse and accompany him to his resting place. But to save his life, he pulled in his paws and didn’t go to the funeral, for if they had seen him they would have made him into a corpse too.
Balak stood at a distance and pondered what a living being ponders when a dead person passes by him. This dead person was alive two or three hours before, and perhaps he didn’t know he was going to die, and in the end his soul departed and he died. For ever since the day Adam was condemned to die, there isn’t a creature who doesn’t die, for there is no way to get out of dying, and everyone passes away and dies and everyone is given into the hands of the Angel of Death by the will of the Creator Blessed-Be-He, for by His will He gives life and by His will He takes it. And just as that dead person died, so Balak will die and that painter will die, too. And perhaps he already died, and the one they were taking to be buried was the
painter. And since the painter died, Balak will never know the rea-son for the contempt and persecution and hatred, for the dead man has already taken his secret with him to the grave. Balak became melancholy, like someone who has suffered an irreparable loss, for if the painter died, all Balak’s hope for knowledge is lost forever. And once again, Balak saw the greatness of Man, for everything is in the hands of Man, and as long as man lives you have hope, when he dies your hope is lost. And even death itself comes from Man, for if Adam, that is, Man, hadn’t eaten from the tree of knowledge, death wouldn’t have come into the world. Meanwhile, everything is destined to die, both man and dog.