Only Yesterday (68 page)
Isaac wrote to his father in great detail what he had already indicated and hinted, that he was about to take a wife, a beautiful and pious bride, the daughter of a famous man known for his procla-mations even outside the Land.
But he didn’t mention that the match was not made with the consent of the father of the bride, who was paralyzed and couldn’t tell his right hand from his left, and if he had been healthy, he wouldn’t have given Isaac leave to set foot in his house, not to mention to marry his daughter. After all the grief, Father would see that Isaac’s ascent to the Land was from Heaven, for it is the way of a man to go to his mate. And who is Isaac’s mate? The daughter of one of the great men of Jerusalem. Another letter Isaac wrote to Shifra’s grandfather in Safed and he wove into it a few biblical verses, like, The thing pro-ceedeth from the Lord, for she is from the Lord, and, A prudent wife is from the Lord. And he added a few words about cause and effect, that he didn’t just happen to be with Shifra’s grandfather on the same
ship, but that the One Who causes all causes in His Sublime Wis-dom brought them together for the main cause, and so on.
On his way to the mailbox, a dog barked at him. Isaac stretched out his foot and kicked him. The dog rolled around and fell. The dog’s heart was bitter and the thoughts of his heart were evil. The dog lay as long as he lay. What he did to Isaac he forgot, what Isaac did to him he remembered. We don’t want to poke our nose into a quarrel, but this was the way things were. A man walks along innocently, following his train of thought, and suddenly a dog jumps on him and startles him. If he hadn’t barked at him, Isaac wouldn’t have kicked him. Finally, the dog stands up on his legs and shakes the dust off himself. Finally, he shakes his two ears and opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue. Isaac’s footsteps are silent now, but Balak’s voice is still resounding, not the weak voice of pain, but a voice like the voice of a war monger. Two or three times he stopped, pricked up his ears and restrained his teeth, sniffed the air and went back to barking.
I
Satisfied with his affairs, Isaac went to bed. And no wonder he was satisfied. His livelihood was at hand, his shirt was clean and his stockings were mended, his food was prepared for him every day among humble and modest people who were happy with their lot and rejoiced at his good fortune. The fathers who put their trust in the Lord, the mothers who manage their house loyally, the sons who go to Heder, and the daughters who take care of their little sisters, became as close to him as the members of his own family. The silence of the street and the bustle of the courtyards, the turmoil of the market and the sound of the Yeshivas, and everything in the houses and the courtyards and the market and the study houses was close to his heart, like his whole new being. And when he went out to work in the morning and saw the old men and women walking with their stick and running to prayer and the women going to the market, he bowed his head and blessed them and they blessed him. And at night when he came back from work and a kind of sweet blue illuminated him from the firmament and a tranquility settled over everything, he blessed
his Lord who gave him the wisdom to settle here in this place. But when he recalled the contract he had made with Rabinovitch, his soul grew sad, for he would have to leave his place and return to Jaffa.
Isaac lay on his bed and thought about things that occupied his heart. He asked himself, Why have I merited all this good fortune? And since he didn’t find in himself any merit, he attributed it to the mercy of the Holy-One-Blessed-Be-He Who is good to His creatures and sometimes overlooks their transgressions. And since Isaac didn’t want to think about things that reminded him of his early deeds, he started thinking about the affairs of others, people he wasn’t concerned with, but who were close to him here, like Zundl the carter who had inherited the courtyard of his brother Avreml who died without sons, and who became Isaac’s neighbor. And since the courtyard was called Avreml’s courtyard, and Zundl came to live there instead of Avreml who died, they started calling Zundl by Avreml’s name, and the name returned to its rightful owner. And when Isaac came to Avreml, he recalled that trip he made to Jaffa for the sake of Sonya, and recalled that contract he had made with Rabinovitch. Isaac was amazed, at the moment he made a partnership with Rabinovitch he was happy, but he should have been sad for he would have to leave Jerusalem and return to Jaffa. But he was sure he’d find an excuse to get out of the deal. He turned his face to the wall and closed his eyes.
When he closed his eyes, all those roads he had traveled came and he suddenly found himself in Jaffa. He knocks himself out, going from hotel to hotel and hides from Rabinovitch. Sonya laughs at him. He went to Sweet Foot. A dog barked at him. Said Sweet Foot, Sweetiepie, if you don’t shut up, I’ll take you to Arzef. Zundl patted the dog with his feet and told him, Don’t be scared, never did Arzef make a stuffed skin of a dog. And you, Isaac, where do you want to go? Isaac got into the car and went, and wrote to Rabinovitch from the road, I’ve got to cancel the contract for cause and effect. And what Isaac wrote on the road he wrote afterward at home, for he resolved not to budge from Jerusalem and not to return to Jaffa.
Isaac wrote Rabinovitch that he wouldn’t return to Jaffa and wouldn’t budge from Jerusalem. And Isaac wrote that with full con—
sciousness. Little by little, Isaac stripped off his old shape and began to look like his neighbors, and he took his mind off many of the things that had preoccupied him at first, until he had removed them from his heart, as if he had never had anything to do with them. Once he got some work for Mr. Posek who was fixing up a new house for himself after his marriage to Lydia, and Mr. Posek said to him, It seems to me that I know you. Said Isaac, You are mistaken, sir. Said Posek, Didn’t I see you in the People’s Center? He said to him, I was never there. Mr. Posek looked at him and said, Then, where did I see you? He said to him, I don’t know. Lydia came and said, I am glad, Mr. Kumer, that I found you and can ask your forgiveness. I know that I didn’t behave properly. Will you forgive me. Mr. Posek was amazed. Said Lydia to her husband, I’m ashamed, my love, to tell you. I’ve changed so much because of you. Things I did and didn’t know they weren’t nice, I see them now as revolting and repulsive. Don’t look at me so much. I’m telling you. Mr. Kumer was a boarder where I was a boarder and I was furious at the landlord for boarding a laborer at my table. Won’t you forgive me, Mr. Kumer. Mr. Posek said to Isaac, How come you’re hiding? Did you rob a church? And if you did rob a church, God certainly wasn’t there anyway.
I
Isaac left Posek, saying to himself, Thank God I got away from that old man safely. And that Lydia who apologized to me. Forgive me, she said. I know I didn’t behave well, she said. I’ve changed so much, she said. Not nice! And I denied ever having been in the People’s Center. In other words, I lied.
Isaac recalled those days when he dined at the same table as Lydia and those nights when he sat in the People’s Center. He passed his hand over his eyes and got rid of them. When he got rid of them, there came those days when he knocked himself out going around in Jaffa, and all the evils that hapened to him there stood before him. Impossible that he didn’t have good times in Jaffa, but all that was good at first didn’t seem good to him now. And once again he passed his hand over his eyes, as if it were possible to cancel the past with a wave of his hand. At any rate, all those things went away, and fine and
good things came in their place. Ever since we trudged along looking for work, the Land had changed its deeds. Workers’ farms and workers’ settlements were made in the Land, and the soil that was worked there belonged to the whole nation, and anyone who became a partner in the work devotes himself to the work of the nation. They don’t talk of expropriation anymore. Words that inspired terror in the farmers are forgotten. And even the farmers want to consign their earlier deeds to oblivion. We won’t exaggerate if we say that a new pe-riod was making its way in, and the joy of its creativity was evident in everything. And Isaac at that moment was like that Isaac we saw outside the Land, but outside the Land his fantasies were fantasies, and now they are reality. On the face of it, it seems problematic, but since he was ardently devoted to the soil, why didn’t he do as our comrades in Kinneret and in Merhavia and in Eyn Ganim and in Ben She-men? Was he afraid Shifra would hold him back? But the years Isaac had spent in the city had tied his hands.
Isaac asked himself, How would I be now if I had stood the test and didn’t run away to the city? He started enumerating the feats of those who stood on the soil, and for what merits did they stand on the soil. And he was amazed at himself, why was he thinking about things he had already removed from his heart? He started striding until he neared his room. He saw Menahem. That same Menahem he had dined with in Petach Tikva. But since he didn’t see him, but only his back, he wasn’t sure it was Menahem. Meanwhile, the man disappeared. When he disappeared, Isaac no longer had any doubt that he had seen Menahem.
Isaac brought his tools to his room and washed his face and hands and changed his clothes and thought of going to Shifra, even though the time wasn’t right, for Shifra was busy preparing her trousseau. But precisely because it wasn’t right for him to go to her, his heart was drawn to see her. Shifra was handsome every day, especially when she was busy with her wedding clothes. Her eyes of gold rested on those fabrics, and her fingers moved nimbly. And you sit and see that those fabrics lying across her lap are becoming a dress. But sometimes Shifra had to measure her dress, and a girl is not wont to measure her dress while a stranger is in the house, and as long as
they haven’t stood beneath the wedding canopy, he was a stranger. So Isaac gave up and didn’t go to Shifra’s house, but he did go to pray, for it was already time for the afternoon prayer.
I
Isaac came to the study house and there he found Menahem standing in front of the bookcase consulting a book. He greeted him and asked him, What is Reb Menahem doing here? Menahem smiled and replied, When a Jew dwells in Jerusalem you don’t ask him what he’s doing here, for the very existence of the Children of Israel in Jerusalem is a deed in itself. But I came here only on business. Isaac glanced at him in amazement. Said Menahem, One of the householders of my city died and left young heirs and bequeathed them an estate in Motza and the religious court in my hometown appointed me guardian of the property of the orphans and I went to see the property. But I don’t know if I’m entitled to accept the guardianship, for according to the law, the guardian has to be a person with abilities in the business of this world so he can protect the property and make a profit on it, and I know that I have no abilities in the business of this world. So I’m investigating the law. Perhaps I should accept the property as a tenant and divide the profit with the orphans.
Isaac went on to another issue and asked him if he was still living in Petach Tikva and if he had a livelihood. Said Menahem, My home is still in Petach Tikva, which was my first lodging in the Land of Israel. And as for a livelihood, what a person needs is a mat-ter of determination, for a person determines how much he needs for his livelihood, and since my need is according to what I earn, it follows that I can say I have a livelihood. And you, my dear, how do you support yourself? Said Isaac, Bless God. Said Menahem, When a man says Bless God, I don’t know if that’s good or bad, for a person has to bless the bad just as he blesses the good. Said Isaac, I haven’t yet gotten to that state. At any rate, I can’t complain. Please, Reb Menahem, come dine with me. Menahem’s face turned pale and he fell silent. Isaac said to him, I remember, Reb Menahem, that day when I dined at your table, and I ask you to dine with me as I dined with you. Menahem was careful not to eat a piece of bread that
wasn’t his own, and was careful not to disappoint anyone. To reject Isaac’s offer was hard for him and to dine with him was hard for him, so he replied to Isaac, It may be that you might live in an inn and I’m not used to eating in inns. Said Isaac, I live with decent people and the landlady makes my meals. Said Menahem, And should we bother a woman? Said Isaac, I won’t leave you until you dine with me. Isaac brought him to his room. They sat and ate and drank.
During the meal, Isaac said to Menahem, Do you remember, Reb Menahem, when I was at your house and we spoke about work? Said Menahem, I remember. Said Isaac, I’m amazed at you, Reb Menahem, that you remember. Said Menahem, Why shouldn’t I remember? Are the words of a man husks that are thrown out of his mouth? Said Isaac, When I think about it, I must say that those who exalt work to a religion are precisely the ones who stood on the soil. Said Menahem, He who won won, but not because of his words.
Said Isaac, When I look at myself, I’m sorry I didn’t stand the test and didn’t become a farmer. Said Menahem, No matter what, you would be sorry. Said Isaac, What reason do you have to say that? Said Menahem, Everyone who is sorry about the thing he didn’t do will be sorry about every single thing. Isaac asked Menahem, And what could a person do not to be sorry? Said Menahem, You’re ask-ing me? I don’t know what sorrow is. Said Isaac, That is, you are happy with your lot? Said Menahem, I don’t know what happiness is. Said Isaac, That is, you have reached a state of equanimity? Said Menahem, That state I haven’t reached, but if a day passes and I’m not ashamed of it, I’m satisfied. Said Isaac, That you already told me when I was at your house in Petach Tikva. Said Menahem, In Petach Tikva, I told you I wish we didn’t have to be ashamed of the Land, and now I told you if a day passes and I’m not ashamed of it, I’m satisfied. Said Isaac, What’s the difference? Said Menahem, I wish there were no difference, but sometimes a man is fed up with living in the Land, therefore a person has to remember, at any rate, every day that passes. As Menahem talked, the voice of Avreml the carter was heard singing. Menahem stood and closed his eyes, as if sleep had descended on him. Said Isaac, Once I traveled in his cart, and the passengers asked him to sing
Then all shall come to serve You
and hedidn’t want to. Why? said Menahem, I am amazed that the soul of that man doesn’t evaporate in singing.
After Avreml stopped, Menahem said to Isaac, I’ll sit and say a blessing and I’ll go on my way. Said Isaac, Where do you want to go, Reb Menahem? Said Menahem, I’ll go to some study house. And where will you sleep, said Isaac. Said Menahem, Wherever I chance to come, I will put my head down and sleep. Said Isaac, Spend the night with me. Menahem looked at the room and said, If you make me a bed on the floor, I’ll lie down. Said Isaac, No, I’ll give you my bed. Said Menahem, What I don’t do for others I don’t want others to do for me. Said Isaac, And if I entreat you? Said Menahem, I won’t be moved by entreaties. Said Isaac, Why? Menahem smiled and said, I see that you regard me as an all-round sage who can reply to all the conundrums in the world. Said Isaac, What study house do you want to go to? He said, To a study house that has books and a lamp. As they entered the study house, Isaac said to Menahem, I would like to see you tomorrow. Said Menahem, Aren’t you a day laborer? Said he, I’m my own boss and I can postpone my work for a day. Said Menahem, And you won’t be ashamed of the day you waste in idleness? Said Isaac, Reb Menahem is worth wasting a day for. Said Menahem, And all that for the sake of words? In any case, I’m not free, I want to go to Motza. Said Isaac, I’ll go with you. Said Menahem, I’m used to going alone, for if I go alone, I’m free to look. Said Isaac, When you went to Jerusalem, you didn’t go alone. Or did you ascend on foot? Menahem nodded his head. Said Isaac, For the honor of the city did you walk on foot? Said Menahem, No, but because I don’t want horses pulling me. He said to him, Then, you could ride the train? Said Menahem, Can it be that I should ride the train that de-prives the poor carters of a livelihood? Isaac asked Menahem, And wasn’t the road hard for you? Said Menahem, The road wasn’t hard, but I did have another difficulty. They said a person walks from Jaffa to Jerusalem in twelve hours, and I walked in eleven hours. He said to him, You certainly replied to the conundrum. Menahem smiled and said, They meant an average man, and I’m below average.
Menahem picked up a book and stood and read until the sun flashed and they recited the morning prayers, and Isaac returned
to his room. The child was lying on his bed and his face was smil-ing with a good dream he was shown in his sleep. Isaac’s paints and the engraver’s woods exhaled an odor. Isaac took off his clothes and got into his bed. He recited the Bedtime Shema and extinguished the lamp. For a little while, a mosquito buzzed. Little by little the voice of the mosquito fell silent and a silent darkness covered the room.