One Foot in the Grave: An Almost Zombie Tale (23 page)

It smells like grass. That’s what immediately hits me, but even that’s kind of wrong. It’s not like lawn clippings, but like how I imagine wild grass tastes. “It tastes…woodsy.” I wrinkle my nose. “And to answer what you haven’t asked yet…no, I don’t want to eat them.”

“It’s deer,” Nacelles answers. “You’re doing really well, Isis.”

Gee, does that mean I’m going to get a gold star at the end of the test?

“Let’s try this one.” He lifts one more lid.

“Sure, why not?” This whole testing thing isn’t so bad. I close my eyes again and take another breath. The brains smell weird. That’s the best description I can come up with. Weird. I inhale again and the smell puts me on the floor as it fills my nostrils. I gasp.

“Isisss, what is wrong?” Maxx’s voice sounds far away; like I’m listening to it through a pillow.

I can’t breathe. The scent spirals upward; I can almost follow the tendrils I’m sure no-one else can see. Growls start to fill the hallway, and I wonder what Maxx is so upset about. Then I realize it’s not the hell hound. It’s me. Those guttural, inhuman sounds are coming from
my
throat. It’s
my
hands reaching through the bars, fingers curled into near claws as I scrabble for the plate.

“It’s the brains,” Nacelles states. “They’re human.” I want to kill the lich for what the squiggly meat curls are making me feel, but I’m too busy drooling onto my own chest. It’s humiliating. I moan louder.

Maxx comes to my rescue. “Nacelles, it is making her insane. End it.”

The lich nods. “Agreed.” He snaps his fingers and the human brains plate disappears from the table.

I sag in relief as soon as the tantalizing smell dissipates. “What…” My throat feels raw. “What’s next? Do I need to sniff more brains?”

“I have one more plate I’d like you to try.”

I wish I hadn’t asked… I sigh. “Okay, bring it on.” I close my eyes and brace myself, but when I take a deep breath in, all I smell at first is poo. I crinkle my nose. “Ugh. Nacelles, this is disgusting.”

“Try again,” the lich insists.

I take another breath. This time I try and focus past the yuckiness. “It’s like…fake meat in fake gravy.” I open my eyes. “It’s dog, isn’t it?”

Maxx’s growling is confirmation enough.

“I think I have the information I’m looking for,” Nacelles says.

“Plan on letting me out of here?”

He quirks an eyebrow at me. “I see no need for you to stay confined, unless you want to stay.”

Not really. The bed here may be super comfy, but I’d rather be in my own apartment, on my own crappy bed and with my mom sleeping right down the hall.

I expect him to wave a hand and open the cell door. Instead, he sticks his hand in his pocket and produces an ordinary key, fits it into the lock and twists. The cell door swings open. I take a deep breath and step into the hall. “What happened to me?”

Maxx pushes his nose into my palm and I notice he’s only about the size of a Great Dane.

“If my assessment is right, even the smell of human brains will cause you to revert to your natural state. Your body is actually starting to crave them, at least subconsciously.” The lich gestures and a table with two chairs appear. He sits down and motions me to do the same.

“My ‘natural’ state is not a mindless eating machine!”

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks,” Maxx says. I glare at him. Do I need a hell-hound quoting Shakespeare at me? And…did he know Shakespeare? I mean, the actual, living, Shakespeare? I add it to my list of endless questions.

“I’m not a full zombie.” I feel like a broken record. Haven’t I been saying this for what feels like forever?

“I believe what he is saying is that you will be if you eat, or smell, human brains.” Maxx clarifies. His answer doesn’t help my state of mind any. But there’s one upside.

“I have no intention of ever eating those so I’m good…right?”

“Now that you’ve smelled them, your body might continue to crave them.” The lich shrugs his weird bony shoulders. “I have no idea. You might be fine. You might not. You are, I’m sorry to say, a gigantic ‘maybe’. But you’re no worse off than the rest of them.”

I blink. “No worse off than the rest of whom? I thought I was the only one.”

“No worse off than the rest of your family, of course.” He elaborates when I stare at him. “The half-turned.”

Yeah, they kind of are my family, aren’t they?

I don’t know what makes me believe life’ll return to normal after my jaunt to Nacelles’ lair. Wishful thinking, I guess, but after the phone call I get just as I walk into the apartment, I’m sure God is laughing His holy…asp…off at me.

“What now?” I growl into the phone. I don’t even care who’s on the other end. Maybe if I’m super rude, they’ll hang up.

No such luck.

“Isis? I need your help.”

I can’t hear him well, but I know who it is and as much as I want to, I can’t hang up on him.

I sigh instead. “What’s wrong now, Andrew?” Aren’t vampires supposed to sleep all day? “Why aren’t you asleep?”

“It’s nighttime, Isis. I really need to talk to you. Can you meet me at the club?”

I rub the palms of my hands across my face. “Why can’t you just tell me whatever it is over the phone?”

“The church is surrounded,” he whispers. “By a whole bunch of vampires. I think they’re waiting for me to leave.”

“How do you expect to get to the club unnoticed?”

“Maxx,” Andrew says. “He said he could transport me there. I really need to get these vampires off me, Isis.”

“So why don’t you just ask Father Moss to help you? It’s his church. Doesn’t he have some protections or something he can use?” I cross my arms over my chest.

“Maxx said I should call you.”

“What else did Maxx say?”

“He said the lich likes you and I’ve got a better chance of telling him my side of the story if I show up with you. Isis, those vampires are going to kill me. Will you help me, or not?”

“Tell me something first,” I demand. “Why’d you try to bite me?”

“I don’t really have time for this,” he says, but I’m not buying it.

“You turned me
undead
, Andrew.
Make
time!”

He mumbles something I can’t hear under his breath.

“Excuse me?”

“I already told you in the letter,” he snaps. “I was lonely. I
am
lonely. I wanted some company, and…I really like you, Isis.”

“Okay, but Andrew? It really does need to be tomorrow night. I’m exhausted and I just came from the club. I have
got
to get some sleep. Father Moss and Maxx won’t let anything happen to you.”

The sigh I hear through the mouthpiece is laden with disappointment, but he simply says, “All right, Isis. I trust you.”

It’s three simple words, but I’m flattered by them. “Thanks, Andrew. I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay? I have to run an errand, but I’ll make sure you get to see Nacelles. I promise.” I have no idea if the lich can actually help him, but what kind of a monster would I be if I didn’t try?

I can hear his smile through the mouthpiece and I realize I can’t let him die again. After all, a twice dead vampire is nothing but completely dead.

“Thanks, Isis.”

“Uh-huh.”

I really don’t want to go back to the club. Not again. But Andrew needs my help and I have to be there for him. I just do. It’s the right thing to do. But for tonight? Sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.

Thirty-Nine:

A Future so Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades!

“Where are you going now?” My mom crosses her arms and glares at me. “You’ve been bouncing from the church to that club and back to the church. Don’t
think
I haven’t noticed!”

“I’m not going anywhere yet, Mom. I can’t go back to the club until after dark or Andrew…” Crap. I haven’t told my mom about finding Andrew. She’s so going to flip.

Her eyes narrow to slits. “What does Andrew have to do with anything? Isis, what’s going on?”

“It’s a long story, Mom. Can I get some breakfast first, please?”

“No, but you can get some lunch; you’ve slept the day away. Or hadn’t you noticed?”

“Last night was rough,” I admit.

“Apparently, since you found Andrew.” She sits on the couch. “Maxx, you might as well make yourself at home. Isis and I need to have a serious conversation.”

The Great Dane shaped hell hound obediently lays down, head resting on his paws. “Very well.”

“What’s up, Mom?” I take my bowl o’ brains out of the ‘fridge and carry it back to the couch, where I plop down next to her.

“Isis, you know I love you and I totally respect what you’ve been dealing with these past few weeks, but I’m getting kind of concerned.”

“I’m fine, Mom. I mean, apart from being undead, everything’s peachy.”

“For now,” she says. “But what about later? Have you thought about that, even a little?”

I eat a spoonful of brains before answering. “I’ve been a
little
busy, Mom.”

“And now you have time.”

Great. I really don’t want to have this conversation; primarily because I have no idea what the future holds. I sigh.

“Do you know how long you’re going to live, Isis? How does this undeath work, anyway?”

“Ink implied I could live for centuries,” I admit.

“Then we
definitely
need to have this conversation, because I won’t live that long.”

“Mom, I
don’t
want to hear this.”

My mom narrows her eyes. “That’s tough, baby.”

“It is important for you to consider all the possibilities.” Maxx raises his head off his paws to stare at me. “Your mother is very wise.”

“I see how it is. Two against one; thanks a lot, Maxx. Fine.” I fold my arms. “To answer your question, I have no
idea
what comes next. I’m half-dead. I don’t think college is an option anymore.”

“You could always take night classes,” my mom replies. “Or go to school online.”

“Or I could take the summer to get used to all this, and figure everything else out later. It’s what I was planning on doing anyway, so not much has changed. Not really.”

“There are other considerations you must think about, as well.” Maxx states. “What will you do as you grow older?”

I shrug, not following his line of thought. “Grow older.”

The hell hound shakes his head. “You are undead. Do you not understand what that entails? Isis, you are done aging.”

“Huh? But Ink told me I’d live…”

“Yes, for centuries,” the dog continues. “And you will. Very likely. But your body will not age. You are, for all intents and purposes, done at – how old did you say you were?—seventeen?”

“I can’t
be
seventeen forever,” I protest.

“Centuries is not forever,” Maxx says calmly.

“Even one hundred and ninety-nine years is close enough,” I snap. “How am I supposed to live with that?”

“Much like the vampires do, I would imagine,” Maxx sneezes.

My mom nods her head slowly. “You’d have to move every ten years or so to maintain your identity.”

“Or live at the church,” I think aloud. “Noelle and I could be roomies.” Wouldn’t
that
be fun?

“I do not believe you and the half-fae would be able to live together long term without damaging each other.” Maxx states. “However, your existence there
would
be interesting to any group dynamics that might form.”

“I’m not going to live at the church for the next umpteen hundred years, Maxx. I’d go completely mad.”

My mom snaps her fingers. “I’ve got it, Isis! I’ve got the
perfect
avenue for you to take.”

Remembering my mom wanted to be a professional soap maker when I was younger, I’m a bit scared to hear her idea now. “Ohhh-kay, shoot.”

“A translator,” she says triumphantly.

It’s actually a perfect idea. It’d give me the freedom to move around; heck, that’d pretty much be a requirement of the job. And if I’m going to live practically forever, I can learn just about any language out there, which will make me super marketable. “That’s an awesome idea, Mom.”

“Isis, we should leave.” Maxx scrambles to his feet. “It is after dark and we have a prior commitment.”

I glance at the clock. Crap. Andrew’s most likely waiting on us. “Sorry, Mom, but he’s right. We have to go.”

“Wait, Isis, what about Andrew?”

“I’ve kind of made my peace with him,” I tell her. “We’re – good.”

She looks unconvinced. “What reason did he give for biting you?”

“Believe it or not…he wanted company, Mom.
My
company.”

“You sound almost enamored.”

“No way.” I’m dismissive, but I know the idea’s already taken root somewhere. If I wasn’t at least a little bit still interested, I wouldn’t be helping him. I hate it when my mom’s right. “Maxx and I really do need to leave.”

She sighs and nods. “Maxx, I’m holding you responsible for her. Isis, if you’re not home tomorrow, you’ll be in big trouble.”

“On my soul, I’ll keep her safe,” the hell hound swears, rising to his feet and shaking himself.

On that lovely note, we
shiver
out and reappear in a…tomb? What has Maxx gotten me into?

Forty:

It’s Meat, Flavored with…Meat!

“Whose tomb is this?”

“Does it matter?” Andrew asks, stepping out from behind a huge stone candle holder. “It was overgrown and Father Moss said I could use it.”

“We should go to Nacelles as soon as possible,” Maxx says.

“Wait,” Andrew says, “I think Isis needs to know why—”

I hold my index finger up to my lips and he subsides. Maxx twists the air and just like that, we’re standing in my parking garage. Thankfully, it’s empty. I turn to Andrew.

“Okay, now tell me everything you weren’t telling me before” I say. “And I mean everything, Andrew. Including the stuff you haven’t said.”

“The vampire who turned me wasn’t supposed to,” he says. “I was food.”

There must’ve been stupid pills mixed in with my brains. “Huh?”

“I was food, Isis. Good enough to drain, but not good enough to be immortal.”

Maxx seems to understand my confusion. “It is customary that food is never turned.”

Andrew wilts a bit.

“That’s pretty harsh,” I say, petting Maxx’s soft ears.