On Dry Land (Swimming Upstream #3) (17 page)

Chapter 32

Ava

For a long time Ava just sat on the floor, staring at the back of the door, willing Tyler to come back. Hoping he’d realise he’d made a mistake again and come back. But as the minutes turned into hours, he didn’t come back. Ava curled into a ball and sobbed steadily. In her head, Ava understood what Tyler was doing. Or at least what he thought he was doing—acting all heroic and noble. Ava was struggling to convince her heart to agree. Instead, it just broke, shattered, into a million tiny pieces. If she thought Tyler leaving the country without a word hurt, then knowing why was pure hell.

Waking a few hours later, Ava found herself alone in the dark, curled in the foetal position, freezing. Clambering to her feet, she quickly realised lying on the floor wasn’t her smartest move. Her back ached and screamed for a good, long massage. Flicking on the lamp, she stumbled towards the bathroom and turned on the taps. Ava stepped under the steaming water and wished away her woes.

When she stepped out twenty minutes later, having used all of the hot water, her worries stepped out with her. Nothing made sense. Ava brushed her wet hair back from her forehead and wrapped herself in a towel. Stumbling into her bedroom, she flopped into the centre of the bed, yanked the blanket up over her, and promptly fell asleep.

Morning came all too soon and sunlight streamed in the open blinds, interrupting Ava’s sleep. With a loud yawn, Ava’s eyes fluttered open and reality set in. Tyler was gone. The life she’d dreamed of, the one she’d allowed herself to imagine and believe in, was gone. Unwrapping herself from the towel she’d slept in, Ava pulled on her baggiest sweats and found herself in the kitchen scrounging through the cupboards. She’d never been more grateful to anyone than she was to Tyler when she found food. Her stomach grumbled in appreciation. After a filling a bowl of Tyler’s delicious smelling concoction, Ava grabbed a fork and started shoveling. After a finishing off her meal with a handful of chocolate biscuits and a huge glass of icy orange juice Ava felt half human again.

Dropping her glass in the sink, Ava found herself sitting at her computer typing furiously. Hours passed but she barely noticed. Nothing mattered anymore other than taking out her feelings on her keyboard.

By Wednesday the lack of sleep and lack of care she was paying towards herself was obvious to anyone who dared to look. Her eyes were hollow and lifeless. Her hair hung like strands of straw down her back. Her enthusiasm and energy were long gone, leaving only her snarky, bitchy attitude behind. And everyone noticed.

“Ava?”

“What!” she snapped irritably.

“Whoa, girl! It’s me…” Ava turned and saw Amanda standing there, her hands out in front of her defensively.

“Sorry, I’m just—”

“Yeah, you’re just being a pain in everybody’s arse. What is going on? Tyler still not back?”

“He’s back,” Ava whispered as she slumped in her chair, dropped her pen, and spun to face Amanda for the first time.

“Well…I don’t…why are you…when…” Amanda spluttered

“He’s back. I don’t know anything more than that.”

Ava gulped. Even though it was the truth and she’d known it for days, it didn’t make it any easier to swallow. It was still bitter and stuck in her throat.

“I’ll be at your place at seven with wine and chocolate. You better be ready to start talking.”

“You don’t have to do that—” Ava protested but Amanda was no longer there. She’d turned and walked away, leaving Ava to drop her head in her hands. She wasn’t ready to talk. Not now. Maybe not ever.

With a heaviness she couldn’t shake, Ava turned her attention back to the stack of emails in front of her and started replying, but even that couldn’t make her mind stop spinning. As the afternoon dragged on, Ava made more mistakes than ever, even completely forgetting a meeting. By the time five o’clock hit, she was more than ready to get out of there.

Powering down her computer, Ava grabbed her bag and headed for the door. “Ava?” a deep voice called out.

With an exaggerated sigh, she turned to see who was responsible for ruining her escape. Matthew was standing in the doorway, leaning casually against the frame. Withholding the urge to roll her eyes, Ava stepped towards him and away from the open door. “Yep?”

“Got a second?”

Gulping, Ava wanted to run. She knew any conversation that began with ‘got a second’ or ‘can we talk’ never ended well, and she’d already been on the painful end of one of those this week. Ava wasn’t sure she’d survive a second.

“Not really…”

“It won’t take a minute. Come in.”

Nervously, Ava shuffled towards Matthew’s office and when he indicated the chair in front of her, Ava flopped into it, clutching her bag to her stomach. When the door clicked shut, she knew she had issues. Big ones. Matthew never shut the door. She could count on her hand the number of times he’d closed the door in a meeting over the last year. Now she was on the wrong side of the glass panel. With her pulse taking off like she was being chased by a cheetah, Ava forced herself to concentrate on her breathing. In and out. In and out.

Summoning all the strength she had left, Ava raised her eyes and caught Matthew’s concerned gaze. “What’s up?”

“That’s funny. I was about to ask you the same thing.”

“Nothing’s up with me, I’m fine. You?”

“Nice try. I know you too well to know that’s the truth. So, come on. Spit it out. What’s going on?”

“Seriously, nothing. I’m fine.”

“You damn women and your ‘fine,’” he said, using air quotes.

Ava couldn’t stifle the giggle. Matthew was right. ‘Fine’ was the universal female response when they just didn’t want to talk about it. Or they did, but you weren’t the person they wanted to talk about it with. “It’s nothing really. I’m just tired.”

“Keep talking.” It wasn’t encouragement but more so a direction.

“I’ve been writing all week. Up way too late in front of the computer. I’m still getting everything done, or at least I thought I was?”

“Ava,” Matthew softened instantly. “This isn’t about your work. I don’t have any doubts in my mind that you aren’t doing your work. You always get it done. That’s not even a question. I’m more worried about you.”

Shaking her head, Ava pushed back an escaped curl. “You really don’t need to. I’m doing okay. Just burning the candle at both ends. I’ll try to get some sleep tonight, that’ll help. And I’ll be back to my annoying self in no time.”

“Sounds great.” Matthew groaned.

“Is there anything else?” Ava eyed the closed door and the questioning looks she was being shot from her co-workers. If they hadn’t noticed she was off the last couple of days, then the closed door was a giveaway.

Ava could tell Matthew wasn’t fully on board with her answer, but he didn’t push her further. For that she was grateful. “Nope. Get out of here. Get some sleep and maybe even try eating something once in a while?”

“Will do,” Ava promised as she rose from the chair and pulled open the door, taking a deep breath. She hadn’t realised until that moment how stifled she’d felt in the closed office.

“Oh and Ava. Talk to Jake. I don’t know what’s got him all riled up or what you two are disagreeing about this week, but he’s worried about you. He even rang me to help.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. So he must be worried.”

“Okay then.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. Now get out of here!”

Ava almost ran to her car. She felt like the walls were closing in on her. She hated people seeing her. Remaining invisible had always been her thing. She didn’t like people watching her yet it seemed they all were. Watching and judging.

Sliding behind the wheel of her Jeep, Ava dropped her head on the steering wheel. She had to give the car back. She couldn’t keep it, even if she wanted to, and she really did—after all it was a damn nice drive—she just couldn’t. Just climbing in made her remember him.

“Fuck!” she swore as she started the engine and took off out of the car park like a bat out of hell.

By the time Amanda arrived, Ava had already devoured half a block of chocolate and was pouring the last of the wine into her glass. Her intentions had never been to get wasted, but just relaxed enough to endure Amanda’s torturous interrogation. The first glass went down so well and tasted so good that she poured a second. Then a third. Then the rest.

“Come on in. Welcome to hell!” Ava invited, waving her arms wildly.

“Are you drunk or something?”

“Or something. Definitely something.”

Taking a huge gulp, Ava barely even tasted it. Her head was fuzzy and she liked it that way. She felt lighter than she had in days. Nothing hurt anymore. Not her head and not her heart. It was exactly what she’d been after.

“Here, I brought pizza, ice cream, and wine. From the looks of you though, you started without me,” Amanda chastised handing her the pizza and heading for the kitchen. After stuffing the ice cream in the freezer, she grabbed herself a glass and poured a generous splash.

Ava opened the cardboard box and the scent of melted cheese and onions assaulted her, making her stomach turn over violently. Quickly, she slammed shut the box and backed away, covering her mouth and nose with the back of her hand.

“Shit, Ava! Are you okay? You look green,” Amanda asked worriedly as she took the glass from Ava’s shaky hand.

“I…I’m not sure. I’m just gonna sit for a minute,” Ava answered honestly as she slumped onto the couch holding her stomach.

From the corner of her eye, Ava watched Amanda flit about her kitchen. After bringing her a glass of water, she put the pizza, box and all, in the oven and Ava felt instantly better. “So, you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“With?”

“Don’t play dumb. It doesn’t suit you. What’s going on with you? With Tyler? With your house. Seriously Ava, you’re normally a neat freak, yet this place looks like a tornado went through.”

“It’s not that bad,” Ava defended as she dropped her head back against the top of the couch and closed her eyes, willing the room to stop spinning.

“Not that bad? Ava there is dirty underwear on the floor and you have company. I know you, and this isn’t you. So enough already! What the fuck is going on? And where the hell is Tyler?”

“Tyler’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Yeah. Gone.”

“Explain.”

“I-I…don’t…I…can’t—”

“Take a deep breath and spit it out. You’ll feel better once you do. And if you don’t, well then I have an excuse to go kick his arse. No matter how cute it is.”

Ava chuckled half-heartedly. If she thought for a moment that Amanda kicking his butt, trying to get him to see sense would help, she’d drive her over there herself. But Tyler was stubborn. And he thought he was right. And Ava knew nothing she said or did would change his mind. Not this time. Not about this.

Pulling the blanket from the back of the couch and tucking it under her legs, Ava settled in and told Amanda her sad story…everything from Tyler fleeing the country, to having the mumps, to running away from her because he couldn’t guarantee her a future.

“So let me get this straight. He got sick. Not his fault. Not yours. Ran to the other side of the world like a coward rather than man up and take a simple test. Missed you. Came home. Explained. Broke your heart. Left again. Does that about sum it up?”

“Thanks for the recap,” Ava said dryly. “But yeah, that’s pretty much the gist.”

“That chicken shit, weak douchebag!”

Amused by Amanda’s disgust, Ava sat up and smiled at her best friend. It was the first smile she’d had in days. It felt good. It felt light. Until her head felt light and she raced to the bathroom, purging everything in her stomach.

“Shit, Ava! Are you okay?”

Sitting back on her heels, Ava wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and sighed. She was anything but okay. Okay might as well have been another planet from where she was right now.

“I’ll be fine,” she muttered.

“Come on, let’s get you up.”

Amanda helped Ava to her feet and her knees almost buckled beneath her. Something was wrong. And it wasn’t just the wine. The two women stood in the bathroom doorway, just staring at each other. They both knew it but neither wanted to say it.

“Ava?”

“Talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. I’m just—”

“Right then. Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to take a shower. I want you to leave the door open.” Ava’s stunned eyes opened as wide as they’d go. “Don’t look at me like that! I hate to break it to you but I have no desire to see your scrawny arse naked. You look like you’re about to pass out any minute and if you do I’m gonna need to get in there. While you shower, I’ll make you some toast. When was the last time you ate?”

“Ummm…”

“That’s what I thought. Right, get moving!”