On Dry Land (Swimming Upstream #3) (14 page)

Chapter 24

Ava

It was the middle of the night when her phone chirped, startling her from dreams. Groping around blindly, Ava grabbed at it and tried to read the message through half-closed lids. After three attempts, she tried to place it back on the night stand, but missed by inches, sending it clattering to the floor. Unable to summon up the energy to care, Ava rolled over with a groan and fell back into a deep sleep.

The morning came all too soon. When the alarm blasted, it was time for Ava to drag her weary body from the warmth of her bed and face the day. Yawning loudly, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and shivered. With her eyes still closed, Ava stumbled into the bathroom and stepped under the scalding hot water. After washing her hair, shaving her legs, and cleaning her teeth, Ava felt slightly human. Properly human wouldn’t come for at least another hour or two after the much needed caffeine infiltrated her system.

After dressing quickly and locking the door, Ava headed into the office. The sun was starting to rise as she crossed the bridge when the thought hit her. Swerving into the breakdown lane, Ava killed the ignition and up ended her handbag on the passenger seat.

“Where the fuck is it?” she growled as she sifted through the contents. She carried everything for every situation in there, but there was one thing missing today. The one thing she needed more than anything else. Her phone. Racking her brain, Ava tried to remember where she’d last had it. For two days it’d sat right next to her computer, taunting her. The silence was a killer. Somewhere around hour eighteen she’d given up hoping for a call or message.

“Fuck me!” Ava screeched as realisation set in.

Then it came back to her. The beep in the middle of the night. Tyler’s name on her screen. With trembling fingers, Ava grabbed hold of the steering wheel, needing its stability to ground her. Taking deep breaths, Ava counted to five before exhaling again. Staring down at her fingernails, she was embarrassed by what she saw. After two days of nonstop writing, Ava had managed to chew her nails down to the skin, with one or two fingers having been traumatised even further. Fighting the compulsion to spin her Jeep around and go get it, Ava gave herself a pep talk before rejoining the traffic and heading to the office.

It was by far the biggest mistake Ava had ever made, thinking that she could concentrate on the mountain of work stacked in her in tray, when all she could think about was her lonely phone at home. And it’s unread message. It was barely lunchtime and she’d already vagued out in two meetings requiring people to repeat themselves before she could offer any kind of contribution and even then it was a pretty pathetic effort.

“Ava!” the deep voice interrupted her blank, mindless staring at the spreadsheet on her screen. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Su-sure, Matthew,” Ava conceded, feeling like a naughty child. She’d been caught out. Besides the lack of work, the day dreaming, and if she actually managed to accomplish anything the abundance of errors that littered it, Ava knew this wasn’t going to be a friendly chat.

Attempting to pull herself together, Ava slipped her feet back into her hooker red heels and followed Matthew into his office. The moment the office door clicked shut, Ava’s heart sank.

Matthew slipped into his high back leather chair, folded his hands on the desk between them, and eyeballed her. “So, Ava. Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“So-sorry? I’m not sure what you mean?”

“Come on, Ava. You know me. And I know you. And I know something’s going on. Something’s got you distracted. Not just today, but for the last week or so. Pretty much since you got back from Sydney. So, spill. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Ava lied. She didn’t need Matthew or anybody to know that the life she’d always dreamed about, the life she’d had her hands on was now falling apart around her and she was completely powerless to stop it.

“Ava, come on. Things were weird last week but today, well, honestly, is there any point you being here?”

“I work here!” Ava snapped defensively as she squared her shoulders and dug her fingers into the arm of the chair.

“Calm down. Calm down! No one’s saying you don’t. What I am wondering is what’s going on with you that’s got you so tied up in knots that you can’t see straight? I can’t help if I don’t know,” Matthew conceded.

Ava glanced up at him and saw the concern written all over his face. He was genuinely worried. His lips were fixed in a straight line, while the wrinkles were deep over his bushy eyebrows. But Ava didn’t have to look at Matthew to know he cared. He showed it every day. Usually Ava wasn’t one of those who needed his support, but right now, in that moment, Ava felt ready to collapse. It made that knowledge easier knowing that without a doubt Matthew would catch her.

“Talk to me,” he encouraged.

Biting her lip, Ava looked everywhere but at him. Out the window at the cars racing through the intersection recklessly. At the ugly blue carpet beneath her feet. At the certificates lining the walls. At the piece of stray hair on her navy skirt. Anywhere but Matthew’s intimidating eyes. Ava knew the moment she locked her gaze with his, she’d crumble. Right now it was taking everything she had not to do that. Ava was clinging for dear life to keep it together.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m just tired. I stayed up too late writing.” It wasn’t all a lie. She had stayed up until the early hours of the morning lost in James and Anna’s magical world.

“Are you sure that’s all it is? ‘Cause I’ve seen you in writing mode and you’re never this distracted. Tired and grumpy, yes, but usually as long as we keep the coffee and chocolates coming, you’re fine. But right now you’re missing things. You’re completely out of it.”

“I can do better. I will do better. I’ll sleep tonight and all will be good tomorrow. Promise.”

As soon as the word slipped from Ava’s mouth she hoped it was something she could follow through with. Right now she wasn’t entirely convinced. She wasn’t sure about anything at the moment.

“If you’re sure…”

“I am.”

“Well then. Why don’t you take the afternoon off, I owe you time anyway. You can go home, have a nap, get a couple of hours’ writing done, go to bed at a reasonable time, and come back refreshed tomorrow?”

“Thanks, but I’ve got a million things to do…”

“Probably. But you’re no use to anyone while you’re the zombie version of Ava. Go. Sleep. See you tomorrow.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. Out! Now!”

Ava wobbled to her feet. High heels were not her friend on a normal day, so today they were barely working. Pulling the heavy glass door open, Ava stepped through, catching her shoulder on the metal frame. “Shit!” she swore as she tore a hole in the shoulder of her cream silk blouse.

“You okay?”

“Fine.”

“Get some sleep.”

“Thanks, Matthew. And I don’t just mean for this, but you know…for everything.”

It took her barely five minutes to power down her computer, stuff all the papers into a messy pile in her in tray, and grab her bag. Even though she’d never admit it to Matthew or anyone else, she was desperate to get home. A nap sounded like heaven. But first things first. First, Ava had to find her phone and see if she was dreaming. Had she really gotten a text in the middle of the night from Tyler or was that just her overactive imagination willing a message to be there?

Taking the steps two at a time, Ava was breathless by the time she reached her door, but it didn’t slow her. Forcing the key in the lock, she didn’t even seem to care if it bent or broke. All that mattered was getting inside. Stepping inside, Ava kicked off her heels as she hurried towards her bedroom, dropping her bag in the hall with a thud as she went. Nothing mattered right now. Nothing but locating her damn phone.

With her stocking feet Ava slid across the floor and sunk to her knees her hands groping about everywhere searching for the elusive phone. As soon as her fingers touched the cool cover, Ava exhaled heavily. Yanking it out from its hiding place beneath the bed, it came with a layer of dust and stray hair wrapped around it like a vine.

“Yuk!” Ava exclaimed as she brushed away the dirt before flipping it over to reveal a cracked screen. Still useable. Readable. And that was all that mattered.

With her fingers wavering and her mind screaming
Don’t do it!
Ava clicked open the message app and there is was. A message from Tyler. In the middle of the night. Glaring back at her. Taunting her. Ava managed to find her feet and scramble onto her unmade bed.

Curling herself into the middle of her bed, Ava hunkered down amongst the hundred and one throw pillows and pulled the comforter up tight under her chin. For some reason she felt like she’d just been kicked in the stomach and needed a hug. And not just any hug, the type of hug her mother used to give her. The warm, comforting embrace of unconditional love. Wiping an errant tear away, Ava read and reread the message.

For a long time Ava simply just stared at her phone. Three little words had upended her life and sent her careening on a downward spiral of despair. Tyler had walked away. Granted, Ava was clueless as to why, but he’d done it. He’d made the decision to leave and Ava had been left alone to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. The more the thoughts taunted her, the heavier her head felt. It didn’t take long before Ava’s eyes fell shut.

Hours later, Ava woke disoriented, surrounded by darkness and silence, still clutching her phone. Blinking repeatedly, Ava willed her vision to clear so she could steady herself. All it took was one glimpse of her phone in her hand to bring her crashing back to reality.

Opening the message again, Ava read it. It hadn’t changed. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, Ava rolled over and groaned. She wasn’t sure if she wanted it to change or say the same. Tossing her phone recklessly onto the pillow beside her, Ava vaulted from her bed and headed to the bathroom, stripping out of her twisted skirt and blouse as she went.

“I can’t believe I slept in my work clothes,” she grumbled as she fought the nylon stockings until her thumb went straight through the flimsy fabric.

Wrapping a towel around her, Ava turned on the taps and watched as the bath started filling before adding a generous dollop of vanilla body wash. Wandering out to the kitchen, Ava flicked on the lamps, bathing her entire apartment in soft, warm light. Ava reached into the cupboard and grabbed herself a large wine glass before filling it with the chilled wine she kept for special occasions—or medicinal purposes.

After lighting a few candles, Ava propped her glass—and the rest of the bottle—on the counter before sinking into the hot water. Instantly she felt her worries seeping from her pores as she breathed in the fragrant vanilla scent that filled the room. It was her favourite smell in the whole world. Well, vanilla and Tyler.

“No!” she scolded herself as his face danced in her memories.

Grabbing her Kindle, Ava waited for it to load up her latest guilty pleasure, a story about a cowboy and his ranching family. It was one of those romantic stories where the hero was mostly seen in a well fitting pair of Wranglers, a Stetson, heavy boots, and not much else. Within seconds Ava was carried away into another world of dust, hay bales, and two stepping at the rodeo.

When the water cooled and her fingers had turned pruney, Ava reluctantly climbed from the bath and pulled on the fluffy white bathrobe that hung on the hook behind the door. Scooping up her dirty clothes, she blew out the candles and headed to the kitchen, suddenly ravenous. Scratching around the near empty fridge, Ava realised how bad she’d been. There was barely any food and what there was didn’t look enticing at all. A wilted lettuce, a hunk of cheese that had seen better days, and a half eaten box of noodles that was emitting a rather nasty smell. Tossing it all in the bin, Ava grabbed her phone and ordered an extra large, extra cheesy pizza with garlic bread.

Ava couldn’t help herself. She reread Tyler’s message for what seemed like the millionth time. She wanted to reply but couldn’t decide what to say. She wanted to yell at him and make him feel as horrid as she did. She wanted to apologise but she wasn’t sure what she’d be apologising for. But mostly she just wanted him back. Back and forth, typing out replies only to delete them a moment later.

“Fuck this, you chicken!” Ava swore at herself. “Stop being such a sook and just do it already.”

After her harsh lecture, Ava grabbed her phone and hit send before turning it off and stuffing it in the bottom of her underwear drawer.

Chapter 25

Tyler

“What the fuck sort of reply is ‘okay’?” Tyler seethed, wearing nothing but a pair of skin tight Lycra Speedos and a towel.

“Did you say something, Tyler?” the old man asked as he shuffled to where Tyler stood dripping on the concrete.

From the moment he’d sent the message, he’d been on edge; more cranky than a bear who’d been woken too early from hibernation. Sure, he’d sent Ava a message in a moment of weakness and exhaustion but he couldn’t take it back and a part of him, a big part, didn’t want to. Now he was just pissed. Pissed with himself for being so pathetic and sending it. Pissed with Ava’s bullshit reply. But mostly he was just pissed for caring.

“No, sorry. I was just talking to myself.”

“Okay then. Take it easy tonight Tyler. You worked hard today. You need to recover so we can do it again tomorrow. Don’t go pushing yourself too hard,” he offered with a hearty pat on his shoulder.

“We’ll see.” Tyler dropped the towel and pulled on his sweats before stuffing his feet into his runners. He didn’t want to make a promise he couldn’t keep and he wasn’t about to lie. Tyler knew himself well enough to know he had no intention of going back to his hotel and sitting tight for the night staring at the walls while they closed in on him. It was barely three in the afternoon, way too early to lock himself away.

He climbed into his rental car—a cramped sedan—and hurried back to his hotel. Some food in his grumbling stomach might make him more hospitable. After ordering some room service, Tyler stepped in the shower and rinsed off the chlorine.

By the time his early dinner arrived, a massive plate of chicken and salad, the frustration had bubbled to uncontrollable proportions. With a face full of lettuce, Tyler grabbed his phone and called the only person he knew who could talk him down from the ledge.

“Hi.”

“Oh, Tyler. Hi.”

“Can you talk for a minute?” Tyler was embarrassed by the neediness in his voice.

“Seriously? You vanish from the face of the earth leaving a trail of destruction in your wake and then call to chat. Well, Tyler, here’s a little piece of news for you, baby brother. I’m glad you’re alive but…”

The line went dead. Tyler didn’t know if it was the international call or if Katie had hung up on him deliberately. He wouldn’t put it past her. She sounded mad. Really mad. Tyler knew that he deserved to be in the bad books but that didn’t mean he liked it.

Pacing back and forth around the room, Tyler kept one eye on his phone and the other on the fading sun beyond his balcony. When his phone lit up he almost tripped over his own feet in the hurry to answer.

“I’m sorry, Tyler.”

Gulping down the relief that threatened to knock him on his arse, he said, “Don’t be. I deserved it. Thanks for calling back though.”

“Are you okay, Tyler? I mean, really okay.”

“I’m…I’m…”

“And no bullshit, Tyler. You owe me the truth. Are you okay?” Katie repeated forcefully. Tyler could hear her husband Ryan shuffling about in the background trying to calm her and make her ease up on her interrogation. Silently Tyler wished him luck but didn’t hold his breath.

“Then no. No, I’m not okay. But I’m getting there. My times are almost back to where they need to be. I’m fitter than I remember ever being, so that’s progress.”

“You can’t possibly be that stupid, Tyler.”

“Excuse me?”

“You think I care about your times? Your fitness? You have a million coaches, nutritionists, and adoring fans to care about that. I’m your sister and I’m asking about you, baby brother. How are
you
doing?”

With a heavy sigh, Tyler rubbed the back of his neck, trying to find the truth. He knew it was there, but he was reluctant to say the words aloud. Tyler knew the moment he did he’d crash and burn.

“Tyler?” Katie called, unable to hide the worry in her voice.

“No.”

“No?”

“No, Katie. I’m not okay.”

“Come home then. Come home and deal with it. Is it Ava?”

“Yes. No. Hell, I don’t know.”

“She’s miserable, Tyler. Really fucking miserable. I know I shouldn’t be telling you but she is.”

At Katie’s words, Tyler’s frustration and disappointment with himself hit breaking point. He’d never intended to hurt Ava. He didn’t want her to be sad. He’d left to try and protect her from himself, but if Katie’s words were true, then he’d fucked that up too. Spinning around, Tyler grabbed the soft sage coloured cushion from the lounge and threw it across the room. “Fuck!”

“Come home, Tyler. It’ll be okay. Just come home. Talk to her. Fix this.”

“I…I can’t.”

“Bullshit! You’re just too damn scared to try. So what, Tyler, you had the mumps. Big deal! You’re not the first person to get it and you’re sure as shit not going to be the last. The only difference is instead of facing it you bolted. As fast and as far as you can. Do you really think Ava’s that shallow that because you caught a treatable virus she’d leave you? Fuck no, she wouldn’t. And if you think for a moment that she is, then you deserve to be miserable and alone. Ava would have done nothing but support you and nurse you back to health. If you stopped being such a pussy for even a minute, you’d realise I’m right.”

“I know you are…” Tyler’s voice was full of defeat and despair. He was broken. Katie’s words had done him in. They might have been the truth, but it didn’t make it any easier to hear.

“Then come home. Talk to her. Give her a chance. Surely she deserves that.”

“She does.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“She deserves the opportunity to be a mother. She’d be a great mum. I can’t give that to her. And I can’t ask her to give it up for me.”

“And you know this? For a fact?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve had the tests? You know you can’t have kids? You know Ava wants kids? You know how the rest of your life is going to turn out?”

“Well no…”

“Then grow a pair! Get home! Get tested! And apologise to that girl. You at least owe her that. Let her make the decisions about what she does and doesn’t want. Don’t presume to know. And Tyler, don’t you dare fucking hurt her anymore.”

“But—”

“No! No buts. Book a flight. I’ll talk to you when we’re in the same country.”

Tyler heard the dial tone again and knew for certain this time Katie had hung up on him. Stomping across the room, he kicked the pillow he’d thrown earlier, desperate to work out his frustrations. He’d called Katie in hopes she could calm him down. Settle him. Ground him. She’d been the only one capable in the past but tonight all she’d managed to do was antagonise him further.

Grabbing his laptop, Tyler pulled up the airlines website and brought a ticket on the next available flight. It was time to stop running and go home. Time for him to face the music and make amends. Time for him to drop to his hands and knees and beg, if that was what it took to put his life back together.

Forty-two miserable hours later, Tyler sucked in the fumes in the car park and rolled his neck, ignoring the crick, clenching his fist around the keys to his hired car. After ferreting around his hotel and tossing everything into his smelly duffle bag and racing to the airport, the flight from Geneva to Abu Dhabi was one of the worst Tyler had ever endured. He was cramped into economy next to an extremely irritated ten-month-old baby girl, who wiggled and squealed and squawked the entire flight. Relieved to disembark and escape the blood-curdling screeching, Tyler stalked the Abu Dhabi airport for four hours while he awaited his connecting flight. But four hours turned into ten due to maintenance troubles, during which he ended up, like everyone else on his sold out flight, stretched out on the uncomfortable grey carpet, using his carry-on bag as a pillow, fighting to get some rest. Eventually, Tyler slumped into his seat and passed out.

Digging his phone from his pocket, Tyler shot off a quick text to Katie.

Tyler: Landed in Sydney.

Popping the boot of the silver sedan, Tyler tossed his bag into the car, rubbed his eyes before slipping into the driver’s seat, and joined the evening traffic. Two hours later, Tyler pulled into the deserted service station car park.

After topping up the tank, he stumbled inside to pay. Every muscle in his body ached and he was tired. Bone weary tired. But he couldn’t stop now. He had somewhere he needed to be. Somewhere he wanted to be.

Entering in the brightly lit shop, Tyler gathered his supplies and headed to the counter. “Doughnuts and Coke?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s just…”

“Just?”

“Nothing.”

Thrusting his credit card in the attendant’s hand, Tyler paid for his purchases and jumped back in his car.