Ode to the Queen (18 page)

I let her have her way, not that I had much choice, until she returned the control to me.

“As the modern mortals say: get over yourself, husband. This sense of grandiose only exists in your own reality and it is not a truth. No one here cares for this petulant act.” She turned away, impressively and started to return to the tome I was reading. I was both amazed by her self-restraint and concerned that she hadn’t
really
taken control over me to say something I was completely capable of saying for both of us.

She bent down and collected the book I had left on the cushions, she held it like it was evidence in a courtroom and re-approached Aidan where he stood frozen in disbelief.

“For centuries you’ve abused your power, believing yourself to be untouchable because you alone held the final say in the heavens. Just as you’ve always taken everything I’ve ever given you for granted. Not once have you realised the kind of wife I was for you, while you were off cavorting with other women, undermining me and encouraging the likes of Athena to believe I was weak willed.

The struggles I have suffered have been nothing more than the painful reflections of your own treatment of me by our siblings and our children. While I am mocked and made to bear the brunt of it all… you get the love, the adoration, the loyalty and I’m left with shambles of those things. They are nothing more than pieces that don’t fit together in a puzzle that isn’t mine.

All you’ve ever done is take advantage of me without so much as a thanks or an apology and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of how easily manipulated you are by the female flower; you cannot help but to sniff every one. You’re a gluttonous pig; if your sexual appetite were reflected in your form you’d be bloated and repugnant. No woman would touch you because you’d reek of everything foul.”

She had waved the book around like it was Holy Scripture, telling him everything that had been boiled up inside of her for centuries with a few flourishes from my own realisations. I didn’t fully understand why she chose now, of all the times we’d run into each other, to express her feelings. Reading about her past and perhaps worrying about her future had driven her to a point of uncertainty and now seeing that her husband, or at least her husband’s vessel, was no different from the original.

Aidan was staring at me intently as the words flew out of my mouth, the look in his eyes told me he was listening and someone, either him or Zeus, was taking all of these things into consideration and listening closely. I wanted to shy away from his scrutiny and the strength in his eyes as they bore down on me. But Hera was steadfast and refused to remove us from the inevitable line of fire. She didn’t want to show any insecurity or weakness because I knew that both of them, Aidan and Zeus, preyed on that.

The intensity of his gaze was unlike any other he had directed at me; it made me want to curl up in a protective ball. It was nonsense to feel that way when I knew he’d never do anything drastic to me but then again, this wasn’t all Aidan and even he had expressed his fear of what his God might be capable of doing.

“Do you ever actually hear yourself woman? There you go again on about yourself and how you feel. It’s all you ever think about, though you pretend that you’re so selfless and thoughtful when it comes to other people. You’re so focused on all the negative things in your life that you hardly ever acknowledge the good things that happen to you. Besides, why would you? You can’t play the victim when someone tells you you’re beautiful or that they think you’re the most perfect being in the entire universe. There’s nothing to contend with in those statements, but the moments when my eyes stray to appreciate someone else for a fraction of a second I’m the unfaithful husband, the cruel master or whatever else it is you label me!” That definitely wasn’t Aidan, and this definitely wasn’t about us. Yet here we were, both forced to participate in a marital feud.

I was utterly helpless in my own body while Hera turned our once innocent argument into this: centuries and centuries worth of pent up marriage counselling material.

“I label you unfaithful because that’s what you are! If it was just straying eyes then I could handle that! But it’s the fact that you act on your libido and go out of your way to get what you want. You say I’m selfish but you can’t even handle the idea of not getting what you want even if you know you shouldn’t have it! I think it’s the fact that you know you shouldn’t have it that makes you go after it. You’ve never once had that sort of passion for me.”

“How dare you! You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved; you’re the only one I ever come home to. I’ve never sought any of those other women-“

“And men!” I countered, my face reacting to this revelation at the same time that Aidan’s did before the Gods returned to their full control.

“One time! It was one time.”

“And you made him your hand servant, so when I wanted something I had to look him in those beady little eyes and know that you desired him more than me.”

“That isn’t true if you just let me finish for once instead of always opening your mouth and talking for the sake of arguing. After thousands of years with you, I truly believe you just continue to speak over me because you don’t want to hear the real truth, you’d much rather believe in your delusions so you may play the martyr.”

He paused for a moment, waiting for her to retort but curiosity got the better of her. She was genuinely interested in what he wanted to say.

“Well, if you have nothing to say to that I’m going to continue if you don’t mind
your majesty
.” I scowled at him, “perhaps I’ve turned to other women in the past because I knew you would accept it. You forget whom you are speaking to, sister; you forget that I know you as well as you know me. I know your weaknesses and I know that no matter what I do, no matter whom I lay in bed with and sow my seed into you will always want and need me. But, you are the only one I ever consistently came back to. You are the only one toward whom my desire has never waned. Those others were merely flings; I never saw them again when I was finished with them. Their only importance was the heirs they provided me.”

He moved toward me, outstretching his hand and I could feel Hera wanting to give in. I could feel the desire she still held for him and how torn she was to let him win but knowing it wouldn’t change anything.

I understood that conflict, I experienced it myself every time I spoke to him. He was right, I couldn’t change him but at the same time I wanted to believe he could change for me. It would never happen though, such trouble it was, loving the King of the Gods.

It was amazing how he could be so cruel but so kind at the same time. Surely it was a talent unique entirely to him and it infuriated her. She hated that she didn’t know what to say to him, she hated that she believed what he said because there was a certain truth behind it. But most of all she hated the fact that she wanted to feel his arms around her, making them one once more. So, instead, being the prideful creature she was, I felt my limbs relax and Hera moved us away from them.

She was running away.

Aidan was there in mere steps, reaching out and grabbing our arm so we were facing him.

“Don’t walk away from me.” He said, perhaps a bit more intensely than he meant because it only made her more defensive.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” She said, ripping her arm out of his grip and turning to go again.

“You’re my wife.” He argued, making to grab her again when she turned on him once more.

“Yes, wife, not property. So you can’t tell me how to act and how not to act.” I stood there, staring at Aidan for a moment my chest rising and falling quickly as the heat of my passion made me pant softly in effort.

She willed us to stare at him as intensely as he was staring at us.

Then I don’t really know what happened next except that Zeus swooped down to my level. His hands cupped my face and he kissed me.

I wanted to believe it was Aidan kissing me, days of pent up feelings released in a single gesture. I felt my hands move to respond, gripping the cotton of his shirt in my fists as he backed me up against the end of a bookshelf, pinning me there between his large body and the wooden unit.

His hands slipped down my body leaving a trail of fire on every surface they touched, curling about my slight waist and in one heave he lifted me from the ground allowing me to wrap my legs around him.

The sensation of his lips against mine made my head spin and the dizziness of passion clouded every sense except the fire he ignited within me. Hera had my full support here on out, my own desire for Aidan joining the passion she already exalted for her husband. Whether Aidan was looking for a wife or a girlfriend or whatever, it obviously didn’t stop the underlying feelings we both had for each other. Because I can’t imagine he would’ve let Zeus continue without his full support.

We both wanted this and I could feel the electricity of our chemistry between us. His hands slid back up my body, tugging at the loose cotton of my dress to collect it. While my own hands ran up his shirt, not caring whether I took it off or not just desperately seeking the sensation of skin upon skin.

His lips pressed heatedly against mine, sucking the air from my lungs and injecting everything he felt about us back into my heart.

Perhaps this was Zeus’ way of showing his wife how he felt: as a man who was poor with words but good with his lips. The message was clear - he never kissed another woman the way he was kissing me. Then again those were also Aidan’s lips and I had no doubt he was just as good with them.

The intensity of his passion had me lightheaded after a moment and almost as if sensing my growing distress he pulled away, allowing me the opportunity to catch my breath.

Aidan's eyes looked up and met mine, the bright blue of his irises burning with passion as we held each other's gaze for a moment. Then all at once we were kissing again, his teeth catching my bottom lip and tugging on it. The sting of pain was nothing as his tongue flicked out to sooth the swollen flesh quickly afterwards. His lips already working to make their way down my jaw in light feathery kisses.

His nose pressed against my skin, inhaling the scent and nuzzling the spot where the rhythm of my heart pounded hardest against my flesh. A growl rumbled from deep within him and he nipped at my skin.

"It's been too long, wife, let me satisfy you." His mouth had made its way to my ear, the words whispered huskily against it. It sent shivers of desire down my spine and goose bumps to rise on my flesh. He teased my lobe, tugging gently on it before moving away once more, causing my eyes to flutter.

I was desperate to keep them open, to be able to see everything and burn it to memory while the rest of me wanted to just give in and relax completely as he had his way with me.

The words he spoke meant little to me, I wasn't Aidan's wife, but the idea of having a God pleasure me, no doubt in ways mortal men couldn't, was enough to have me agree.

"You're the only man who ever could..." She responded equally as husky, our hands reached down, touching and memorising every bit of exposed skin we could. I didn't want to ever forget the way his chest felt against mine, the way his hands manoeuvred over my body with delicious roughness than sent courses of pleasure through my nerves and veins.

He made me gluttonous and frenzied. My body had been craving this for so long and despite my attempts to ignore it I couldn't misplace the longing that ached through me now as he touched and teased. My hand slid up the curve of his muscles and tiptoed into his hair at the nape of his neck. My fingers slid through the locks, coiling around them and my nails scratched at the flesh hidden beneath as I coaxed him on.

As my fingers curled around his dark locks I pulled his head back, exposing his neck to me. It was all the invitation I needed as I moved downwards, kissing and sucking on the flesh. Each spot I hit left another red welt in the trail of my descent until at his collarbone I sunk my teeth in and bruised him.

I wanted to mark him, I wanted other women to know I was there if they had the nerve to take off his shirt. I wanted them to know he was mine and no one else's.

"Easy, my Queen." He twisted his head away, his lips colliding with mine again.

My chest grew heavy with anticipation, my breath coming out in short pants as I waited for the next motion to come. But he held my gaze, that iconic smirk of his slowly painting itself on his features and I knew he was savouring my absolute desperation for him.

"Tell me you love me Blondie..." The nickname slid off his tongue so easily it threw me. I had been so sure this was Zeus and Hera, with a subtle nod from Aidan. But that question was distinctly Aidan. Was he finally embracing the King of the Heavens, now that both of them held in their arms the thing they desired the most.

Hera was certain she loved her husband that I could tell. She could remember the first time she knew she loved Zeus. The moment he had reached into the belly of their father and took her by the hand, freeing her from the prison she'd known. She had stood in front of him, their eyes holding one another and she knew she couldn't live without him. Side by side they had fought their father and the other Titans, together bringing him to his knees so they could take the throne for their own.

Sure she had played coy, pretended that she wanted nothing to do with him but that was all apart of the game. The fun of it was his never knowing but in moments like this they were both so absolutely sure.

They had ruled so fiercely together right until the end when their power began to dwindle and no one believed in them anymore. To her, that hadn't mattered because she believed in him and that was enough. But when Atlas put them into their eternal slumber they had made sure to be together, so they could wait arm in arm for the right time. Even now, even after thousands of years, how she felt that first day hadn't changed.

He infuriated her more often than not, scared her and hurt her more times than she could count but despite all that, her love for him had never subsided.

"I love you my King." The words came out easily, from Hera and maybe even from me, but the response was all he'd wanted. He'd wanted to hear what he knew, confirm the things he thought and be assured that in this moment he had absolute power over the woman in his arms.

Afterwards, we lay there, skin-to-skin, gasping for more air than we needed. Aidan chuckled suddenly, the noise surprising me in the silence. I turned my head as best as I could to see him. Our eyes met once more as he grinned, leaning down and kissing me softly on the lips. This kiss was tenderer than the last; his lips massaged my swollen ones.

My eyes slid shut as I lost myself in the sensation of it, the gentleness of his caress. I could distinctly tell the difference now between Aidan and Zeus.

The man kissing me right now was Aidan.

He hadn’t struck me before as the cuddling type and yet he seemed quite content to wrap his arm around my shoulder, leaning in to press a kiss to my forehead.

A knot formed in my stomach tightly and I knew I couldn’t grow accustomed to this sort of treatment. This wasn’t him, maybe it was a part of him but it wasn’t a part that he was ready to fully share and that’s what I knew I wanted. What Hera and I wanted.

It was a reluctant gesture, which took quite a bit of exertion from me, but I pushed myself away from him. Standing up and tucking a piece of loose hair back behind my ear as I stared down at him. His eyes met mine and I could swear we were having an entire conversation in that moment without saying anything.

“You can’t go.” He said his body instantly tensing and I could tell what I was going to do was going to hurt him.

“I have to.” I pushed my lips together, trying to keep my emotions under control. “I can’t ask for what I want from you. But I also can’t be… this.” I held my hand out to motion between us. “All this was, was the effect of a lot of pent up tension, emotions and an absolute loss of control. I can’t let that happen again.”

His eyes darkened slightly and from nowhere thunder rumbled in the distance, shaking the room. I licked my lips in worry, knowing that I was upsetting a God at the same time as I was this man but I had to stay strong.

“You can’t do that. You can’t fight with me, admit those things to me and make me so vulnerable only to leave afterwards.” He stood, reaching out and grasping my arm somewhat possessively. I tugged it from his grasp, trying to stand my ground no matter how guilty I felt about all this.

Shaking my head I tried again to explain myself, “No Aidan, I’m glad this happened… I’m glad I know now – for sure. I like these moments between us of sheer honesty but I can’t risk giving in again. I can’t trade honesty for dignity. Not when every time takes another bit of me with you. I’m sorry… please don’t hate me.”

“It’s not just a hookup for me, Savannah. This is real, what we feel is real. You’re the only one that’s ever cared about that. No one else cares about me, not here or back home. They pretend to, hanging onto my every word, treating me as if I’m something special but they genuinely don’t give a shit about what I’m feeling. No one except you.”

I saw now how important this had been for him, why he’d been so easy to give into Zeus despite his previous reservations for his God. He knew that if he could give into what Zeus wanted he could get what he wanted as well. But I didn’t trust Zeus; in some ways I didn’t trust him either. How could he be different with me no matter what he was feeling?

I tried to think of something to say, something to justify what I was doing but words failed me. So I shook my head and turned from him. It was the best response I could muster and I knew it was the cowards’ way out.

“You said you loved me!” He threw my words, said in the heat of passion, back at me. It stung a little.

“I was trying to turn my life around before I came here… I wanted to stop letting men take advantage of me, stop putting so much of myself out there for nothing in return. I needed to stop falling in love so easily with the wrong guy because it was going to kill me eventually. And you’re that guy, Aidan. Besides, you don’t want someone like me in your life. I’m too needy, you don’t want a girlfriend – you said it all yourself.”

Aidan stood there for a pregnant pause, assessing everything I said to him. It wasn’t easy for either of us to let the other in, to trust, to let go and hope that the other would be there to catch us. It was a massive leap neither of us was willing to take and I could see this realisation flashing through his features.

“I’m sorry.” He finally said, moving around me and walking back to where our clothes were discarded. I watched him as he began to redress himself when he suddenly stopped and looked back up at me, holding out my dress. “I don’t hate you. I couldn’t.”

Tentatively I returned to his side, taking the dress from him and pulling it on. Struck dumb, I merely nodded before turning and heading for the door, tears already beginning to sting my eyes. It was stupid to feel sorry for myself right now, if I could have managed it I could have stayed and let this moment linger only to deal with the pain he would inevitably inflict later. But Hera had asked me to be strong, so it was our turn now to inflict the pain. Maybe, one day, all this could be worth it.

Sniffling softly I wiped my cheeks quickly before dropping my hands to my side, folded tightly into fists and digging my nails into the bed of soft flesh there. Part of me had hoped that he would disagree and tell me I was wrong, I hoped he was going to say he could be the man I needed. But I walked out and he said nothing, it was as good as goodbye as any.

“Savannah.” His voice called me back and I quickly wiped my eyes before turning to face him, my stomach lifting in hope.

“What?”

He moved toward me, his shirt still in his hand from being in the middle of dressing and as he reached me he brushed my cheeks clear of any more tears.

“Don’t go. Don’t leave me. I’m not that man you need yet, but I can be. I can get there, but only if you don’t go.”

My eyes widened in surprise as he said these things to me, my heart stopping in my throat as I found myself stiffen.

“You’ll just hurt me Aidan, in the end I’m going to get hurt because I have unrealistic expectations for you. You couldn’t meet them even if you wanted to because they’re not in your nature, or his…”

The hand on my cheek splayed out, cupping it gently as he spoke again, “so you’re not even going to try. Knowing everything you know, you’re willing to just not bother and walk away?” His eyes searched mine, scrutinising the truth of my words and I fought the desire to shy away from it’s intensity.

“I don’t believe that, because you also know how much worse it is being alone. Being alone and wanting something so much that your entire being aches for it. Please, don’t go.”

“And how long will it last for Aidan? A day? A week? A month, if I’m lucky? Then what? You’ll get bored, you’ll cheat, and you’ll break my already fragile heart…” I returned his gaze, willing him to disagree and say he’d be gentle and take care of me but I knew he couldn’t because it wasn’t in him.

“Do you think I want to be that man? That I want to be just like him? All I’m asking for is a chance to
not
be him. And you’re the key to that, I don’t even know what I mean when I say that but it’s true.”