Ode to the Queen (21 page)

“Okay, see you there.” I turned, feeling sure that he meant it as I made my way back through the door.

This time I didn’t reenter the training room but stepped completely into the hallway outside our penthouse. Just a few more steps and I could fall into bed for some well-deserved sleep.

Only as I pushed the door open to my apartment did I remember I wanted to ask Atlas about the prophecy...

Oh well, next time I guess.

I fell headlong into sleep and didn’t wake again until the light of the morning shone through the double windows of my royal bedroom. I rolled against the side Aidan should’ve been in, startled to find it was empty. Sitting up, I looked around for any sign that he had been there but the room was the same.

Recalling the events of the night before, Aidan had been extremely upset following Atlas’ admission that he had the power to draw my magic from me. Retrospectively I found myself a bit upset, as well, I had the distinct impression that Atlas had been reluctant to tell us and no doubt had hoped to maybe refrain from admitting such things. Why would he want to hide something so critical like that from us? What would happen if Aidan were to accidentally take too much and not even know what he was doing? Surely that was worse than being informed with the knowledge to avoid that.

Pushing myself out of the warmth of my bed I made my way out into the living room and crossed directly into his apartment. I found it as bare as my bed had been and no sign of Aidan having been there before me. I hated to think that maybe he’d spent the night in the garden trying to practice his self control with the darkness.

But then, maybe he had resolved to control it before we practiced together again.

I settled down at the kitchen table with a bowl of oatmeal, taking my time and mulling over all the different changes that had occurred in the last few days. I still wanted to talk to Atlas about this prophecy. His reluctance to warn Aidan and I about the side effects of our powers made me wonder if there was something important about the prophecy he was neglecting to tell us about.

I still really couldn’t pinpoint what side Atlas was on. While he was a Titan, and thus must feel some kind of kinship toward his reincarnated brethren he had also sworn himself to Zeus in this duty to return the Gods to power. Atlas was a tricky character, he didn’t let anything on that he didn’t believe was absolutely necessary knowledge which also left him somewhat untrustworthy. Something bigger was going on around us while we went through our days like they weren’t numbered, I could feel it in my gut. Something was definitely coming.

Cleaning up after myself at the table I quickly got dressed and decided to track down the elusive Titan and make him tell me what he knew. No more missus nice girl. At least that’s what I told my reflection as I did up the zipper of my dress.

I hoped too that I might run into Aidan on my mission, having him there with me would certainly give the Titan pause to think about considering lying to me again or evading the question.

Leaving the apartment I focused on my target and pushed through the closest door and stepped through. Trouble was, I hadn’t focused as clearly as I perhaps should have because I walked through the door into another hallway into which Aidan was stepping into as well.

Behind him though, through the minuscule glimpse I caught over his shoulder, was Charlotte, lounging on a chaise in her apartment wiggling her fingers at me. Anger surged through me as my eyes flicked from her smirking face to his guilty looking one.

“How could you?” They were the only sensible words I managed to say before I turned, going straight back through the door I had gone through and back into the hallway I didn’t recognise. My brain was so jumbled from the scene that I couldn’t even think straight to escape.

I looked for another door focusing on my desire to get as far away from Aidan as I could manage while embarrassment and hurt flooded through me.

I knew something like this would happen. I had predicted it even. And Aidan had given me his word that he wouldn’t do it but here he was, slinking out of her room like the worthless excuse for a man he was.

He didn’t even have the decency to try us out for a day before ruining everything. I couldn’t believe it.

I struggled through the two extremes of hatred and despair as I all but ran toward my apartment.

I knew even there I wasn’t safe. He could get to me, get through that door and try to explain himself. I didn’t want to hear his wasted words. I knew now I couldn’t trust anything coming out of his mouth so there was no point in me listening to him.

“Savannah, stop.” He said, coming out of nowhere to block my path. Like a trapped deer I spun around looking for some kind of escape but there was nowhere for me to go. I realised now that the door behind me had disappeared already and he was blocking the only other one in the room.

“No. I don’t want to hear whatever excuse you’re going to use.” I half expected him to say ‘it’s not what you think’ or some other similar cliché, which would only upset me more.

“Savannah, I’m sorry.” He began, moving toward me with his hands outstretched like he was ready to stop me if I decided to physically assault him. “I didn’t want this to happen, but you’re right. I’m no good for you. I’m going to do nothing but hurt you. It was only just a matter of time, so I thought I’d just get it over with. There’s no use in stringing you along and letting you believe it’s going to work out. We’re not the right people for each other. We never were and we deluded ourselves in the heat of the moment into thinking it could work.”

I was flabbergasted, left wondering how he could say these things when he was the one who had fought so hard yesterday to keep me there. I was ready to just walk away; I was still able to tell myself I wasn’t emotionally attached, but now? Now I was.

I felt like this had been another game to him. Like Charlotte had been for him: he’d pursued her only for her virginity, while he pursued me for my love. As if he wanted to convince himself it was possible for someone like him to be loved.

I was sickened slightly by the thought and I shook my head at him, absolutely at a loss for words.

“I think it’s better this way.” He concluded, his feet stopping him an arm’s length from me.

I shook my head, “you promised me Aidan. You looked me in the eyes, knowing about my past and promised that you would try. You didn’t even bother to do that, the minute you realised that this was going to be hard you bailed and did the one thing you knew would hurt me. You talk about being alone and people not being there for you in the ways you need them but the ones who are – the ones like me – you deliberately push us away. Your loneliness is your own fault. Your constant misery is entirely your own fault and you know what? I hope you feel horrible, I hope you hate yourself a little bit for this because I, unlike you, keep my promises. I told you you’d get one chance and this was it, you blew it. Game over.”

There was no concern in me as I walked past him, he could make a move for me but he’d regret it. And I sensed too that he realised this now.

If he thought he would be happy with this decision, he was wrong. I hoped he suffered just as much as I was. As strong as I fought to appear there were foundations within me that were crumbling as I took those deliberate, difficult steps toward the door.

His eyes bore into me as I walked past him but I kept my eyes on the goal, willing myself not to give into the pain just yet. I could cry, but not in front of him. He wouldn’t see my tears because he didn’t deserve them if he didn’t love me.

Hera was just as distraught as I was. Having been so happy to believe that her husband would try and be true to her this time around.

Reaching for the door I pulled it open and stepped into the next hallway. The click of the shutting door behind me only cemented for me that I was done with all things Aidan and Zeus.

But the closed door also offered me something else: privacy to succumb to the tidal wave of emotions roaring through me.

My knees gave out and I slipped down the door, tears streaming from my eyes. I curled into a ball, rocking myself slightly like a mother would a distressed child and I let it all out. It didn’t make much difference. I could cry all I wanted but the pain would still be a dull ache in my bones and in my heart.

I don’t know how long I sat there like that but after a while someone came from another door, walking toward me tentatively.

“Are you okay?” She asked softly, her voice light and airy almost like a child’s. Intrigue drew my chin upwards to see who it was and I blinked through tears at the petite girl in front of me.

She had long raven hair, hanging over her shoulders almost to her stomach and bright, wide brown eyes that seemed to be filled with worry for me.

“Are you okay?” She repeated, clearly trying to enunciate her words through her thick Irish accent. She held out her hand, offering to help me up. I reached out and took it as she helped me stand.

“Yeah… Well, no. I’ve been better, but I’ve been worse I suppose.” I frowned.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked softly, releasing my hand finally but never taking her wondering eyes off me. There was something about her that made me feel like she was genuine, that there was nothing about her that was false or fake like the other girls here. She simply saw someone in need and was willing to offer her help.

I shook my head, “just boy problems you know.”

She scrunched up her face and shook her head slightly before smiling again, “sure… I’m Valentina.” She held out her hand to me and I took it, shaking it somewhat awkwardly.

“Savannah.”

“Yeah, I know.” She said softly with a light blush, “you’re the Queen.”

Unable to help it, I laughed despite myself and nodded slightly, “I guess… But it’s unlikely that I’ll maintain that title.” I thought about Charlotte’s smug face over Aidan’s shoulder as she saw me see her. I knew this was her checkmate for the throne. And she was right; I had lost the will to fight. She could have it, if this is what it meant.

“Boy trouble… I guess you mean Aidan then?” She was smart; I’d give her that.

So I nodded, “yeah. But it’s always Aidan around here, right?” She laughed.

“I wouldn’t let him get you down, Hera wasn’t Queen of the Heavens just because she was married to the King of the Skies. She was Queen in her own right and you shouldn’t forget that.”

I blushed at the conviction of her words and smiled, “I guess so…”

“No, really. It’s the truth. Hera was always meant to be Queen and no one else; Zeus recognised that and played into fate. Even Zeus can’t runaway from fate. Like the rest of us he isn’t impervious to its influence.” I smiled, not putting much stock in her words but grateful for them nonetheless.

“So then, who are you?” I asked with another smile, “you seem to know an awful lot about me.”

Valentina blushed and shrugged, “I don’t know. My Goddess is still sleeping… Atlas promises me she’ll wake up when she’s ready but I don’t know, I think he made a mistake.”

I nodded, understanding how she felt, “I know what that’s like. But he’s right. You’re here for a reason and that reason will show itself soon enough.”

She smiled again, “yeah… You’re probably right. Until then, I’ll keep reading the myths and see if I can find someone who is like me. Atlas said we share similar histories to our Gods, so I figure the more I read the greater chance I have of getting a hint.”

Did I have things in common historically with Hera? I tried to remember what I’d read in the library and although it was only memories from the day before, it felt like a century ago.

She had daddy issues in a way, like I did. She was the Goddess of childbirth and I had been studying for midwifery. She had a knack for picking the wrong guy and well, my record spoke for itself. I guess Val was onto something.

I smiled again, realising that my anguish from before had nearly dissipated since meeting Valentina. Something about her made me feel better again, but I also felt a needy sense of protection for her as well.

She seemed too innocent and pure to be mixed up amongst all these other people who were out for their own gain and willing to stab anyone in their pursuit to power.

I couldn’t help but think maybe she was right in thinking Atlas had picked the wrong person. People who didn’t want to be eaten alive in this environment had to be as cutthroat as the next person. She just didn’t strike me as someone who could betray a friend if she needed to do it for her own success.

“Would you like to, uh, come and have a drink of tea?” I offered, nodding down the hall to the next door. It was funny how the tables had turned so quickly. Her speech about Hera and being powerful and strong compelled me to be that for her, even if on the inside I didn’t feel as strong as I should.

“Yes, I would like that.” She smiled and stepped aside to let me lead the way. So I smiled and made my way toward the next door. A happy knot of excitement and delight filled my stomach at the prospect of having a genuine, trustworthy friend amongst all these snakes.

We sat over a pot of tea and she managed to get me to open up about Aidan. I told her how conflicted I was, feeling what I felt for him and what Hera felt for Zeus. I explained what he’d done to me and the struggles I’d had leading up to that false commitment.

I spilled my guts to her because something about her made me feel safe. I didn’t feel foolish for being so up and down, uncertain about everything to do with him. She seemed to understand the struggle I’d been enduring since meeting him and encouraged me that it was the nature of love.

It wasn’t supposed to be easy and we weren’t supposed to get it in the way we expected to receive it. In fact we were supposed to be surprised by love, caught off guard and torn. The inner turmoil should be expected when something like love entered our lives because love’s intention was to change us. Humans, of course, by nature rejected change at first.

Everything she said was insightful and mature, certainly not something I would expect from someone as baby faced as her. She barely looked like she’d just finished puberty let alone old enough to be so wise in the ways of love. I wanted to ask her how she knew but I felt perhaps that was a bit rude.

Love didn’t exactly have a guidebook and who was to say someone her age couldn’t have been in love before?

Every love was different, that’s what she told me. Some were turbulent like an ocean, always changing and restless and others were constant like the spinning of earth. I longed for the constant type but I knew in my mind that I would always be drawn to that of the ocean.

I hated the idea of attracting only those kinds of relationships when I yearned for the other kind but like she said about fate: if that wasn’t in the cards for me then I couldn’t fight it. Try as we might to make this a second chance, the more things that happened to me the more I realised we were simply replaying past histories.

“So how long have you been here?” I finally asked, feeling like I ought to engage her now and give her the chance to do some of the talking. Though she did appear to be quite content to give me advice.

“I think it’s been about a month. It’s hard to keep track though, time is so weird here.”

I smiled, “I’ve noticed that too. I think I’ve been here almost two weeks. Maybe…” I thought about it, trying to count how long ago it had been since I left for Athens but time was so jumbled together in my head it was hard to sometimes tell day from night.

And for all I knew the time here could be incredibly different compared to time back out in the real world. A day here could be like a year in real life. There was really no way of knowing unless we returned to our old lives.

“A month though, that’s a lot longer than me…”

“Yeah, I was one of the first to get here. Atlas came and got me personally, bringing me here.” There was something sad in her smile, like a shadow lingering behind her expression. It was just a glimmer though, and before long it was gone and she looked content once more.

“But you still don’t know your Goddess.” I said a matter-of-factly as she nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, weird huh? You’d think being here, surrounded by all these incredible people and the incredible magic she would want to get back to her former life but it’s almost as if she’s trying to draw it out for as long as she can…”

I found it hard to agree with Val about the ‘incredible people’ statement. As far as I was concerned I could count on one hand the amount of people I could lightly apply the term incredible to. Even then though I knew the chances of them betraying me were higher than the chances of them helping me.

“So what do you do all day then?” I asked as casually as I could manage. I guessed she hadn’t begun training with Atlas if she didn’t know her Goddess. I mostly passed my day dealing with Hera’s old acquaintances so I couldn’t imagine what Valentina did with all her free time.

Whatever it was she didn’t seem phased by it at all as she smiled sweetly, sipping her tea before responding.

“Well, I visit people. Read a lot. There’s a garden I’ve been tending to, the gardening helps me clear my mind.” She paused to think of other things, “I used to have a lot of chores at home so having all this time for me has given me the opportunity to try things I’ve always wanted to. And Atlas has been so helpful, whenever I need something he’s more than happy to help me get it.”

Interesting. I wished that Atlas could have been more helpful for me because from what I experienced he was quite happy throwing me to the dogs and standing back to see if I would survive.

“That’s good. I know what you mean, my life before this was all about school and my internship at the hospital. I didn’t have any free time to myself. It’s nice to just be able to sit and watch TV without worrying about having something better to do.” I exaggerated a little bit; she didn’t need to know that even now I still barely had any time to myself. My words seemed to please her as she smiled and nodded again as I spoke.

“So, are you going to open court tonight?”

“Oh yes, I’m excited to meet all the 12 Olympians officially. I mean, I know everyone who will be there but this is the first time we’ll be presented to each other as our Gods and Goddesses.” Once more I sensed a tone of sadness as she spoke. She probably wished she did so she could be introduced alongside the others too.

I resolved that when she did figure herself out, even if Atlas didn’t want to officially introduce her to the other Gods I would do it for her. Valentina deserved to be treated just as specially as she did everyone else.

“Have you picked out your dress yet?” I asked, sipping the last of my tea. She seemed lost in thought for a moment before she answered.

“No, I’m afraid I’m a bit lost as to what I should wear. I’m not from an important family like the other people here and some of the things that appear in my closet, no matter how much I try to think about fancy things, never seem to be good enough.” I could understand where she was coming from, I felt just as out of place sometimes as well.

“Well, if you want… You could get ready here with me and then we could go together? I could help you do your hair and makeup. We could help each other pick out dresses?” Her eyes seemed to light up in excitement at the idea.

“Oh! I would love that. I’ve always wanted to have a girlfriend to get together with for parties and such…”

I laughed, unable to control it, delighted by her excitement. The more I spoke to her the more I came to realise she was very different from the other girls here.

She was very open and honest about who she was and wasn’t willing to compromise. I liked that a lot. In fact, it inspired me.

I had no doubt that like everyone else she had her secrets. We all had something we were struggling to hide from everyone. I sensed that hers was a dark secret she was scared of. She was worried that if it were revealed it would ruin her reputation amongst the other Gods.

I could sympathise with that sensation, no less so because I knew how the others would use that information against you the minute they found out about it. Like Charlotte had when she’d learned of my reputation with boys back home. I wasn’t proud of it and she had only exploited that fact for her own gain.

“Excellent.” I clapped my hands together and stood up, gathering the now empty teapot and the two cups we’d been using. “Let’s upgrade this to something a little stronger. Any requests?”

“Oh, I don’t really…” She bit down on her lip, thinking about her answer for a moment before uncertainly continuing: “a cosmo?”

She didn’t drink, that was fair. I wasn’t going to force her to do something she didn’t want to. I turned and went to the fridge, thinking about sweet tea before opening it up and revealing a glassful of the refreshing drink. I closed the door and thought about another one and on the next opening the glasses had doubled. I pulled them both out and brought one over to her before heading to the liquor cabinet in my living room.

I got out a bottle of vodka and poured some on top of my drink, mixing it in before turning back to her.

“C’mon, let’s hit up the closet.” She blushed thankfully at the drink before standing up and following me into my bedroom.

“Wow, it’s beautiful in here.” She admired the canopied bed and the matching Rococo furniture, influenced by Versailles. I was proud of the room, it certainly was the boudoir fit for a Queen. Even if I hadn’t decorated it myself, Atlas had managed to set it all up exactly as I would’ve.

“What’s your room like?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“Nothing like this for sure… Think I could get a designer to do mine up like this?” She teased, turning to face me before glancing at the bed. “Mind if I sit?”

“Make yourself at home,” I gestured to the bed before walking over to the closet and thinking about a variety of dresses to pick from. When the doors opened, before me was a rainbow selection of dresses from bright red to velvet blacks. I turned to Valentina and like a presenter I waved a hand before them to offer her the selection.

“Do I just pick one?” She said, brown eyes wide once more. She stood slowly and crossed over to me, reaching out to touch the dresses. “They’re all so beautiful. I don’t know which to start with. I could have never even imagined such lovely dresses. You must’ve lived a glamorous life before this.” I laughed at her presumption and shook my head.

“No, I could never afford dresses like these back home. But I did used to read trashy fashion magazines for pleasure in the waiting room of the hospital I worked at. It helped keep me in the loop with fashion even if I couldn’t afford half the things in it.”

She smiled and nodded, “But now you’re a Queen and so you dress like one.”

I laughed again, “yeah, something like that.” I reached out and pulled a deep, sea foam green dress out. “Okay, you pick one.”

Valentina reached into the opening I had created and took out the dress right beside where mine had been. It was lighter green than mine but the bodice was black with lace trim coming down like a corset before the green tulle flared out in a short little dress. It was awfully cute and certainly fit Val’s personality.

“Now, we try them on.” I turned and made my way over to the end of the bed, setting the dress down on it before shifting from my day dress into the much more fancy one. It bore a diamond encrusted v-shaped shoulder strap and a matching diamond belt. The material was smartly wrapped in a sweetheart neckline before being cut off below the bust by a belt. The skirt of the dress was loose and it fit me like a glove but as I turned to admire myself in the mirror it didn’t have the awe-factor I was looking for.

With all the speeches Val had given me that afternoon there was a renewed vigour within me to fight for the throne against Charlotte. I didn’t necessarily want it to be Aidan’s partner, but I had a right to sit next to him even if we were never going to be together again.

Plus, I wanted to look amazing tonight to make Aidan realise not just how much of an idiot he was but also that I wouldn’t be affected by his pathetic games and this dress didn’t possess any of those requirements.

“You look amazing…” Valentina gushed as she turned to face me, her own dress clinging tightly to her own curves. The black bust of the dress curled perfectly around her bosom and the lace corset gave her such an air of feminine beauty.

She didn’t look like a child anymore, in fact she looked gorgeous and for a moment my inner jealous monster flared it’s head. I conceded mentally this wasn’t a competition because we were friends and friends did not indulge in trivial senses of jealousy or hatred.

“So do you Val. Come and see.” I stepped out of the way to let her have a look and she smiled at herself, twisting as the dress fanned out while she spun.

“Wow… It’s so fancy. I’ve never worn anything like this before.” Her hands rolled lovingly down her sides, brushing out the dress before she looked at me. “I really like this one.” She admitted with a faint, pink blush.

I smiled, bemused by her modesty, “well, put it aside. We still have plenty of time before the party to try a few more on. You never know what you’ll think of the others.”

I took out a second dress, this time going for a light pink number made of silk. Valentina almost reached for a similarly coloured dress before a shinier outfit caught her eyes and she took out a dusty pink and grey shift dress.

My dress, once on, made me look as if I was headed to senior prom again. Despite the beauty of it’s one-strap cut it was far too girly and childish on me. It most certainly didn’t hold the regality I required for my Queenly impression. Even the diamante belt that held the waist together was too childish for my taste upon a second glance, the pattern of it no doubt intended to mimic flowers but gave the impression of melting snowflakes.

Valentina, although having reached for a simpler sequinned shift dress, looked absolutely glamorous in it once she had it on. It hugged her curves perfectly but hung loosely in all the right places to make her look like a movie star.

I knew that if she were to wear that dress tonight she would be turning heads and even making a few unknown enemies by drawing such attention to her.

“I think it’s a bit too frumpy.” She conceded, turning to me for advice.

I shook my head, “no. I think you look amazing. That dress is so flattering on you.”

“Really?” She turned in surprise to the mirror for a second inspection but I could tell even my opinion wouldn’t sway her.

“You don’t have to wear it if you don’t like it Valentina. You should only wear things you feel comfortable in, no matter what other people say.” She stared at me through the reflective glass of the mirror before she nodded in agreement.

“You’re right. Thanks.” We both began to undress again and spent another twenty minutes trying on other dresses to wear.

In the end Valentina had set aside a black and grey number, made of bunched silk throughout the bust with a mid-length deep V-neck whose skirt was brush strokes of leopard print. I found a beautiful, extremely pale pink dress with a double layer skirt and a lace see-through bodice that both of us agreed were fit for a Queen.