October Breezes (23 page)

I shook my head. “I’d rather just stay here, if it’s al the same.”

“I’l send him out.”

A couple of minutes passed before Devin finaly came to the door. At first, we just looked at each other, neither of us sure what to say. Finaly, I broke the silence. "Mom said you came by."

"Yeah." He nodded curtly. “Why didn’t you cal me on Thursday? Bethany said you were in trouble.”

I chewed my lower lip. “My mom didn’t give me the message until late last night. She’s been tied up with Warren and wedding plans.”

Devin set his hands on his hips. “So what's going on, Skye? What kind of trouble?”

I looked at his neck, trying to see if he stil wore the necklace but the tel-tale bump seemed absent. I folded my arms across my chest. “There’s no trouble, Devin.” I turned my back to him, trying not to cry. I chewed my lip so hard it bled. Any physical pain was better than this. “Nothing you need to get me out of. After al, you warned me, and I didn’t listen.”

Frowning, Devin stepped out. “Damn it, Skye, you’re not making sense. What kind of trouble? It’s not like you’ve been seeing Kelin since the party….” He looked down, his voice dying away as he calculated days. “Tel me it’s not what I’m thinking.” A hard frown furrowed his forehead with worry lines.

"Not anymore.” My tone sounded so normal. So autopilot.

Devin grabbed my arms. “Tel me you didn’t. Tel me you stil have a choice.”

I stood perfectly stil and averted my gaze. “I…can’t.”

He slowly released me, one finger at a time. “You had an abortion, didn’t you?” He asked softly in a voice that implied no question before stepping back, his gaze burning through me.

I took a deep breath, praying I could get through this.

“I….” My voice trailed off.

Devin’s eyes narrowed to slants. “You did.” He stepped back from me and his arms slowly lowered, his fingers curled in and straightened repeatedly as though he had no clue what to do with them.

“It’s not like I had choices,” I finaly said in a raspy voice.

I savagely jerked a strand of hair from my eyes and pinned it behind my ear.

“Oh, realy.” He shook his head. “Did you try to talk to your mom? Or even me? I would have tried to help.”

"It wasn't your baby. It was Tyler's, and God save the world from another of him."

Devin, his face pale, shook his head slowly as if he were stunned. "I can't believe you slept with him, Skye. He's scum."

A voice inside urged me to tel him the whole story, but I couldn't, not after going to so much trouble to hide it. I zipped my coat. “Besides, you didn’t want to talk to me anymore, and my mom wouldn’t have understood.”

“Did you try, Skye?” he asked louder. “No,” he answered, pacing around me. “I'm angry, yes, and I think we both understand why, but that doesn’t mean if you’re realy in trouble I won’t help. Goddamn it, Skye, I came over yesterday because Bethany thought I was your last hope."

“You told me you didn’t want to pick up the pieces.” I shivered despite my coat. “That’s why I didn’t tel you.”

“And this was your answer?”

I reached for his arm, but the moment I touched him, he glared at me. “No matter what I do, I can’t help you, Skye. Half the time you don’t want to listen, and the other half it’s already too late for whatever I might say.” He stepped back. “I don’t know you. The girl I knew wouldn’t have done this.” I started to protest, but he waved me to silent. “Look, you’ve made it clear you don’t want this friendship, and I’ve known al along you don’t want a relationship. But I can’t take this kind of push and pul. We need to go our separate ways.” He started to go inside.

“Is that your idea or Bethany’s?” As soon as I’d spoken, I regretted those words, but I couldn’t take them back.

He stopped dead in his tracks. “Don’t go there.

Whatever's going on with Bethany isn’t a s important as what’s happening here.” He opened the door and stepped inside, leaving me in the cold. I waited, hoping he would come back out, but he didn't.

My reasons for the abortion didn’t change what I had done. Perhaps if I’d told him earlier about the party, he would have listened and come to terms with it, but this after-the-fact revelation only made it harder for him not to judge me.

Al the way home I looked at a world so different than the one I’d seen last week. I kept trying to find security in living down the road from my best friend, but he wasn't my best friend anymore.

Our friendship, though incredibly strong, had never been unbreakable.

I’d made it half-way home when I saw the red Camry that Bethany owned driving toward Devin’s. She must have seen me as wel because she stopped the car and got out. Although I heard her cal my name, I kept walking, trying to ignore her, at least until she ran and stepped into my path.

“I’m trying to talk to you.”

“Get out of my way.”

She shook her head. “No, Skye. Not this time.”

I shoved my hands into my pockets. “What do you want?

You got Devin. Isn’t that enough?” I tried to brush past her, but she refused to let me by.

“Devin and I are friends. If you two would get past this, you’d realize that.”

My fingers clenched the pockets' insides. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, especialy since you helped him discover my…situation.” I rushed past her.

“Maybe if you’d been honest, he could have helped you, but you didn’t trust him, did you?”

I slowly turned. “It was never about trust, Bethany. Devin sees the world as flawed but wonderful. Some flaws he can’t accept.” A tear spiled down my face, and I savagely brushed my hand across my cheek. “Congratulations, you figured out how to make him hate me. You won.”

I started running, but no matter how far or fast I ran, I could never escape. Never.

Although I had prayed for a miracle to stop school before Monday, I would have settled for a natural disaster. As neither appeared, I dressed as usual. My reflection showed dark shadows beneath my eyes from lack of sleep. The nightmares stil came frequently. Lately, even watching television proved helish because of al the ads for baby food, diapers, toys, and everything else.

Everywhere I looked I saw babies. I even found a story about abortion in one of my magazines, which I threw against the wal before crumpling the whole thing and throwing it into the trash. I couldn't face it.

As I couldn't get out of school, I selected a navy sweatshirt from the Wildlife Preservation Federation and jeans, but these, too, seemed different, and I wondered if I looked different. Al these changes went back to the transformation to the person I’d become instead of the person I’d been.

Perhaps I should have asked my mom for a ride to school, as it was ten degrees outside, but I didn’t realy want to be close to anyone, especialy someone who had an uncanny ability to read me.

The only exception was when she was angry--the fury compromised her judgment. But right now, she'd have smiled, at least until the truth came out. Since I had yet to become a skiled liar, I didn’t want her around.

So I walked, the whole time regretting not bringing gloves.

When my skin turned red, I shoved my hands in my pockets. I arrived about ten minutes before the first bel, just enough time to stow my books in my locker. Before I shut the locker door, I peered into the mirror hanging on it, and saw someone in a letter jacket stood behind me.

“Did you have fun at the clinic?”

I slammed the door and whirled, coming face-to-face with Tyler as he leaned on the next locker. One of his hands formed a fist and he smacked it into his open palm. "I bet you wish you'd just gone out with me when I asked. Then none of this would have happened."

I stepped back. "You'd stil be just as repulsive," I retorted.

"Oh, realy." He stepped toward me.

I flinched. “Stay away from me,” I seethed in a quiet whisper. I stepped back, putting distance between us.

“Or you’l what, Skye?” Tyler smiled brightly. “The bruises are gone. So is any other evidence you could have used against me. Besides, nobody, not even your best friend, believes in you anymore.”

“Hey, Skye!” another male voice caled. Jimmy headed toward me. “I need some help with my English homework, and I figured you were the person to ask.” He leveled his gaze at Tyler.

“You through?”

Shrugging, Tyler stepped back. “For now, I guess.”

Jimmy looked at me. “Good. You mind folowing me to my locker?” As we walked, I felt Tyler's angry stare, and I knew he was biding his time until he could corner me again.

“Not at al.” Relief flooded through me. As we walked the hals, I noticed Devin stood before his own locker with Bethany beside him. A sense of relief flooded hrough me as I realized Kelin hadn't pressed charges, alowing Devin's return. Although I tried not to stare, I couldn’t help myself. He must have felt the weight of my gaze as he peered in my direction, first at Jimmy and then me before dismissing us both.

When Jimmy and I arrived at his locker, he grabbed his English book and closed the door. “I don’t realy need help. I don’t even have any homework, at least not in English, but I figured Tyler was harassing you.”

My mouth dropped open. “How did you know?”

He shrugged. “The things I hear in the locker room, Skye.

Trust me. He’s made you quite a hot topic.”

I swalowed hard and cut my gaze to the floor. Sensing he had offended me, Jimmy squeezed my shoulder. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you, and if I thought that rearranging his face would make him a decent human being, I'd throw the first punch, but I think it would make him worse.”

“He can get worse?” I blurted out.

Jimmy laughed as Becca stepped in front of us. She ran her gaze from my head to my feet before turning her attention to Jimmy.

“Hey, Jim, you slumming these days?”

“No.” He shook his head, the smile never dimming. “If I were, I’d be dating you, Sweetheart.” He stroked her chin. Then she knocked his hand away.

“Shut up!” she snapped, glaring at me while mouthing the words, “Welcome to your worse nightmare.”

Jimmy stepped in between us. “Later, Becca." He glared until she stalked away. "Where's your class?” The first bel rang as he finished speaking.

I pointed down the hal. “Just ahead.”

He looked and my book and smiled. “Math. What a way to start the day. Seeing as how dating Kelin has made you so popular among such a nice crowd, I’l walk you.”

“Tyler knew where I’d been this weekend,” I said in a low tone, conscious of the students passing us. I brushed the bangs from my eyes. “How do you think he figured it out?”

He shrugged. "One of the cheerleaders probably saw us go into the clinic. It’s not exactly a secluded location, and they could have been driving past and seen us.”

I gripped my books tightly to my chest. “I’m sorry to drag you into this.”

Jimmy stopped in front of my class. “I volunteered, remember?”

I finaly nodded. “Yeah. And thanks.”

“No problem.” He walked away. I felt al the students staring at me as I headed toward my desk. On the way, one of the footbal players tripped me. As I tried to break my fal, al my books tumbled. Everyone laughed. As the tardy bel rang, I knelt to gather them. The jock leaned toward me, an evil smile spread across his face.

"I'm having a party this weekend. You want to go?" He squeezed my shoulder.

Horrified, I jerked away, finished colecting my books, and hurried to my desk.

After that, the day went okay, until third period. Although I’d always enjoyed psychology, today I definitely could have lived without. Ms. Densmore had written “So what are the answers to teen pregnancy prevention?” on the board, and beneath the question, she’d written, "abstinence," "birth control," "abortion."

The topic alone left me shaking, and I broke into a cold sweat. When I read the word “abortion,” the panic seized me.

Around me, students chatted in opinionated tones as though they were impartial and yet knowledgeable. I tried ignoring them, but the whole room buzzed.

“It’s murder. Any girl who has an abortion is a baby kiler.” Gail Lewis pushed her glasses higher on her nose.

“It’s not even a baby yet,” Alex Kimbal argued, leaning back. “A fetus isn’t a baby.”

“No,” Gail countered, “it just grows into one if nobody rips its body apart trying to get it out.” She glared at Alex, furious red splotches highlighting her cheeks.

The tardy bel rang, and Ms. Densmore walked to the podium. “Wel, wel.” She stared at us. “We’ve already got a great discussion.” She faced the board. “So what is abortion anyway?”

“It’s murder,” Gail said. “Pure and simple.”

Ms. Densmore folded her arms across her chest and faced the class. “Anyone else?”

“It’s birth control,” Steve Givens said, glancing around the room, trying to raly support from the other guys.

I cringed. Although I’d never used those words, hadn’t I, too, defined it as such? The back of the chair caught my hair, yanking strands from my head. My face felt like it was on fire.

Ms. Densmore seemed to notice as she turned to me and asked, “Okay, Skye. I can tel this topic hits a nerve. What do you think?”

I tried to shrink in my seat as the whole class looked at me expectantly. Did Ms. Densmore know, too?

“Skye?” she prompted. “How do you feel about abortion?”

“It’s wrong!” I wanted to shout. “It’s murder!” That’s what I screamed inside, but then how could I live with myself if I believed that? How could I ever forgive myself or ask others to forgive me?

“I don’t know,” I finaly managed, shifting in my seat. “I haven’t realy thought much about it.”

From the back of the room, I heard laughter, and I whirled around to find Kaylee Johnson, another of Becca’s preening buddies, smirking.

“What's so funny, Ms. Johnson?” Ms. Densmore glared at Kaylee.

Kaylee immediately sat up straighter and shrugged. “Oh, I’m sorry, Ms. Densmore. Becca told me a joke before class, and I just now got it. I think it’s the blonde in me. Sorry.”

Ms. Densmore shook her head. “Try not to be so blonde and focus. This is serious.”

Kaylee nodded. “You’re right. I know that some of us take it far more seriously than others. I'm sorry.”