Nothing Stays In Vegas (14 page)

I shook my head. We hadn't spent much time together in the last week. Andrew was working double time to get everything taken care of at the office in time for the trip. 

"I'll remind him to call Ryan back tonight," I said. And if I didn't see him, I'd leave a note but I didn't bother to tell Nicole that. "I'm sure the answer will be yes. He was pretty excited about going to Vegas. He's wanted to for years."

Nicole looked down at her drink, stuck her finger in the froth of her latte and swirled. "Thanks again, for that."

"For what?"

"For Vegas. I know the whole idea weirds you out."

My stomach clenched for a second. "I don't know what you're talking about. Vegas doesn't 'weird me out'."

Nicole looked up and sucked the foam off her finger. Her eyes challenged me and it took everything I had not to look away. "Really? Then why haven't you ever gone back? Even when Andrew surprised you with tickets for your birthday last year?"

"Ben was sick."

"Bullshit."

"What's this about? Why does it matter?"

"You can tell me," Nicole said slipping into guidance counselor mode.. "It's okay to talk about it. About-"

"Leo." As soon as the name slipped out of my mouth, I wanted to take it back. It was ridiculous how the sound of his name could make my skin tingle after so much time. 

"Right," Nicole said slowly. "Leo." She was looking at me with a strange expression but I didn't say anything. "It's been a long time, Lex. Don't you think maybe-" 

"Nic, stop. Please." I drank the rest of my coffee and put the cup on the table with a little more force than was necessary. "I'm not weirded out, so it's not a big deal."

"Whatever you say. But for the record, Lex? You didn't do anything wrong and besides, it's not like he's going to be there or you'll even see him again. One guy isn't a reason to avoid an entire city."

I wasn't avoiding Las Vegas because of Leo. So what if I associated the lights and glitz of the strip with him? If every time I saw a television show or movie filmed there, my mind flashed back to the night we spent together. It didn't mean anything. And last year on my birthday, Ben had been sick and deferring the tickets didn't seem right. It's not like I was avoiding Vegas. That would be dumb.

"I'm not avoiding anything," I said. "I'm going to your wedding, right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Then drop it," I said and pushed my chair away from the table. Standing, I pulled my purse over my arm and said, "I should get going. I'm going to be late."

On the way home I half listened while Nicole rambled on about flower choices, ceremony locations and dinner options. I stared out the windshield and did my best to keep up with what she was saying while she navigated the streets. It took forever before we pulled up in front of my house. 

"I'll call you tomorrow, Nic," I said and opened the door. "Thanks for driving."

"Wait." Nicole's hand shot out and grabbed my arm. "Lex, I'm sorry."

I turned around and looked at her. "What on earth for?"

"For the whole Vegas thing," she said. "I'm sorry."

"You're being silly. I told you, there's nothing to be sorry for." I squeezed her hand. "It's over. It's all in the past. Besides, you're getting married. It's going to be great."

"But-"

"It's over," I repeated and tried to ignore the tightening in my chest as I pulled away and closed the door.

It was over.

Chapter Twelve

"Mom?" 

I poked my head out of the closet and listened for Ben.

Nothing. I waited a second longer, shrugged and pushed my way to the back of the walk in closet again and continued searching. I knew the suitcase was there somewhere. I pushed aside a large tote, probably full of clothes that hadn't fit in years. Which is how long it had been since I needed my suitcase for anything. 

"Score." I fell to my knees and started to wrestle the suitcase free. I grabbed the handle and yanked, throwing my body weight behind it. 

"Mom!" 

"Crap," I said as I tumbled backwards into a rack of Andrew's shoes. I looked up to see Ben standing over me. "I mean..." 

"You shouldn't say crap, Mom."

"Neither should you. And don't scare me like that." I hauled myself up and readjusted the shoes.

"I called you,'" Ben said. "You didn't answer."

"What's up? I thought you were building Lego castles." I grabbed the suitcase, now freed, and yanked it out into the room. I always left packing until the last minute but with our flight leaving in six hours, this was pushing it, even for me. 

 Ben followed me and flopped on the king sized bed. "I was," he said, "but I wanna play with you."

I tossed two pairs of denim shorts on the bed next to him and grabbed a handful of silky tank tops that I'd bought last summer. They looked sexy and casual; at least that's what Nicole had said. "Buddy, you know I'd love to, but I have to pack."

Ben stuck his lower lip out. "Not fair. How come Auntie Nicole's getting married and I can't come? Jake, in my class got to be a ring wearer when his uncle got married."

"Ring bearer."

"What?"

"Ring bearer, not ring wearer."

Ben shrugged. "He got a present."

"He probably had to wear a tuxedo too."

"What's that?"

"A really uncomfortable suit," I told him. "Trust me. You don't want it. Besides, you'd have to worry about losing the ring, and you'd have to walk up the aisle in front of everyone. It's no fun at all."

"You're doing it."

"Yeah, but I get to wear a dress."

"Do you get a present?"

I tossed the sun dress I was holding back on the bed and looked at him. "Is that what this is all about? A present?"

Ben dove under my pillow. 

"It is, isn't it?" I said and jumped on the bed causing his little body to bounce. I grabbed him around the waist and went straight for his tickle spot under the arms. He squealed and thrashed, trying, without much effort, to get away from me. 

"M..M..." he was too busy giggling to get the words out. 

I stopped tickling and let him catch his breath. "Admit it," I said, "you're all about the present." 

"Am not," he said and crossed his arms tucking his hands into his arm pits. 

"Okay, you asked for it." It didn't take much to pry his arms away and start my tickle torture again. "How about now? Ready to admit it?"

Ben managed a nod through his fit of giggles. I stopped and collapsed onto the bed next to him. "You know," I said. "I'll bring you a present even if you aren't in the wedding."

"You will?" Ben sat straight up and looked at me. His little face was returning to its normal color. "Really?"

"Of course, silly. I'm going to miss you." I reached my arms out. "Come give me a cuddle. Unless of course you're getting too old to cuddle your mom." 

Ben flung himself on me and I wrapped my arms around him. He smelt good. A mixture of fresh dug earth and the laundry soap I used. It was a mystery to me how my son could smell both clean and dirty simultaneously. But it was the smell of my little boy, and there was no better scent in the world. 

"I'll never be too old, Mom," he said, his voice muffled into my chest. 

I stroked his silky black hair. "I certainly hope not, buddy. I'd be pretty sad if I didn't have your snuggles."

Ben wiggled out from my arms and sat up. He looked down on me, his face a serious mask. "When I'm old, I'll live next door so I can cuddle you every day."

I smiled. "I'd like that. But what will your wife say?"

Ben recoiled in horror. "Ew. I'm never getting married. Don't be gross."

I pushed myself up from the bed and grabbed the sun dress I'd abandoned. "Don't worry, Ben. You'll change your mind, I promise. One day you'll find a very nice woman to marry and you'll love her very much." I tried my best to fold the dress and laid it on top of the pile I had started.

"Do you love Daddy?"

There was something in his voice that made me stop and look at him. He was sitting on top of the duvet, clutching a pillow to his chest. His hair was ruffled and sticking up in all directions. His deep brown eyes looked sad, but he was looking right at me. 

"Of course I do," I said and sat down next to him on the bed. "Why would you ask that?"

He ignored my question and asked another. "Does Daddy love you?"

"Ben, what's this all about?" I reached for the pillow and took it from his hands.

"Does Daddy love me?" Ben whispered and looked down at his toes. 

"Of course he does, Sweetie." I grabbed his little hands. They were warm and a little sweaty in my own cool grasp. I gave him a gentle squeeze and asked, "What's going on?"

"Jake's daddy comes home and plays catch. He's gonna coach team next year. Daddy doesn't do that." 

My heart froze. I was such an idiot. How could I think Andrew's absence wouldn't affect Ben? 

I took a deep breath and said, "You know that just because Daddy works hard, it doesn't mean he doesn't love us, right?"

Ben nodded but looked down. I tipped his chin up and looked into his eyes. "Ben, you know that right? Daddy loves you very much. That's why he works so hard."

"It's okay," he said. "I don't really mind. But, Jake says you'll get a divorce if Daddy doesn't love us. Then you'll be sad."

For a moment I thought the air had been sucked out of the room. I forced myself to take a breath and swallow hard without chocking. "Ben, Mommy and Daddy aren't going to get a divorce."

"I don't want you to be sad," he said, "and if you're alone you'll be sad."

I needed to change the topic. 

I mustered my bravest face and said with as much convictions as I could, "You don't need to worry about Mommy being lonely, okay?" 

He nodded.

"Every family is different. Not every dad has the time to play catch and coach little league teams. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love you."

Something had to change. Five year olds weren't supposed to worry about such things. 

  "So, you didn't tell me what you wanted me to bring you from Las Vegas." I smiled my biggest, 'everything is alright' smile. 

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but little boy greed won out and he said, "What do they have there?"

I laughed, relived that the serious mood had dissolved. "Mostly cards and dice. Can I interest you in some gambling tools?"

"Bring me candy," Ben declared.

"Candy it is." I swatted at him with a t-shirt. "Now, go see if Papa is here yet, I have to finish packing or I'm going to be late."

Ben jumped up from the bed and raced out of the room whooping and hollering, our conversation obviously forgotten with the promise of candy. I watched him go and returned my attention to the pile of clothes on my bed. Giving up, I scooped up the pile of shirts, shorts and sun dresses and threw them into the suitcase. 

It was just a weekend. A weekend in Vegas with my husband. Maybe it was what we needed, what I needed, to fix things so my son wasn't worried about our future. I stopped before zipping up the suitcase. 

If I was going to try and fix things with this family it had to start with Andrew and me and  I might need a little help. I returned to the cavernous closet and the bottom drawer where I kept random articles of clothing.

It was just where I'd left it two years earlier. A black, satin teddy, with lacy cups and g-string bottoms. Andrew bought it for me as a Valentine's Day gift. More of a gift for him I'd say. At the time, I had taken one look at it and shuddered. I never did wear it. I grabbed it and tossed it in my suitcase.

 Might as well.

###

"We'll be fine," Uncle Ray said for the hundredth time. "Go. You're going to be late."

I looked at my watch. I had exactly fifty minutes to get to the airport to meet Andrew. He liked to be there at least two hours early. 

"Okay, okay. Ben, come give me another kiss."

He flew off the couch and into my arms. I pulled him tight to me. "Promise me you'll be good for Papa."

"Mom, I'm always good."

"It's true. He's always good," Uncle Ray said. "We're going to have a lot of fun, the two of us, aren't we, Buddy?" 

Ben wiggled out of my arms and ran over to Uncle Ray. "You know it." He gave him a high five. "Guy time." 

"Guy time?" I shot Uncle Ray a look. 

"It's just a little something I taught him."

"Uh huh."

"You're going to be late," Uncle Ray said.

"I know, I know." I picked up my suitcase. "Come give me one more hug," I said to Ben.

"Mom," he moaned. But he came over to me and squeezed me as tightly as he could. 

"I love you."

"I love you too, Mom."

Ben released his grip and I blinked hard so he wouldn't see my tears. It's not like I'd never left him before. "Okay," I said before I could change my mind. "I'm going."

"It's about time," Uncle Ray said and then winked at me.

"Thank you," I told him.

He waved me off. "Go. Have fun. We'll be fine."

I looked at them both, blew out a breath, turned and left. I was half way down the walk when I heard Uncle Ray say to Ben, "I thought she'd never leave."

I smiled and hopped in my car.

###

Andrew insisted on meeting me at the airport because he had a last minute meeting and it would be easier if we took separate cars. I parked in the extended lot and took the shuttle to the terminal where we'd planned to meet. 

The concourse was teeming with people and I couldn't see Andrew right away. The thought that maybe he got held up at work and couldn't come danced through my brain. It would be easier. 

"That's not the right attitude, Lexi," I muttered to myself. I needed to fix this marriage. For Ben. 

Before I could dwell on it any more, Andrew's voice called to me over the din. I pushed my way through the crowd and found him in line to check in. With apologies to the couple behind us, I ducked under the rope and stood next to him. 

"Hey, you made it."