Nothing Stays In Vegas (12 page)

As soon as the thought popped into my head I pushed it out. No, that's not fair. Of course he loved Ben. Maybe I could try harder to foster a relationship between them. After all, even I could admit that as a parent I could be pretty overwhelming. From the moment Ben was born I threw everything I had into being his mom. I didn't leave much room for Andrew. Ben was mine. I'd created this situation.

The city lights blurred in my vision and I glanced at my watch again. The driver was right, he would get me there a lot faster than if we'd taken the freeway. We stopped at a red light and I looked out the window and into the car next to us. The man behind the wheel turned to the woman next to him who was looking at him with such open adoration and love, I could feel it from where I sat a car away. The man tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her on the lips before turning back to the wheel.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd looked at Andrew that way. Sometimes, when he looked at me I could catch some of the old spark in his eyes, but over the years it had faded.

How could it not? Every time I looked at him I felt the resentment over the way he treated Ben. And guilt. I wasn't stupid, and I wasn't blind. Every time I looked at Andrew, the guilt swamped me. I loved Ben more than life itself, but he was a living, breathing reminder of the lie I lived every day. I caught one last glimpse of the couple in love before the light changed and we sped away. 

The driver pulled up to the restaurant in record time. I was only five minutes late. I handed him some bills, including a healthy tip and sprinted to the door. Opening the door I was struck by the delectable aroma of garlic and butter. My mouth watered at the thought of a big bowl of pasta. Nicole jumped up from a table across the busy floor and waved almost as soon as I walked in. 

I weaved through the tables, made my way over to her and before I could even get a word out, she flung her hand in my face and said, "Look!" 

I couldn't do anything but look. The diamond on her finger was huge. "No way!" I grabbed her hand and examined her ring. "Ryan proposed?"

"I know," she squealed. "It's about time right?" 

I pulled her close and wrapped her in a big hug. Even with my own marriage in a constant state of disarray, I wouldn't let that shadow my happiness for Nicole. Over the years she'd tested an impressive array of men before finally finding one she deemed worthy enough to take a chance on marrying. Too bad it had taken Ryan almost two years to realize her plan. But now, it seemed, he had, and Nicole was glowing.

"I am so happy for you," I said once we'd sat down and ordered a bottle of wine. "Tell me everything."

So she did. Nicole must have been holding in every detail of the event, just to recount them to me. "He took me to that Jazz club we like, The Blue Guitar, and after the first set the lead singer announced Ryan up to the stage." Ryan was a guitar player himself. Well, really he was an accountant who'd always thought he shouldn't have given up his dream to be a rock star but every once in awhile he played a gig. "I was totally shocked and a little pissed to be honest. He didn't tell me he was going to perform and he always tells me. But when he got up on stage, he looked right at me and played for me, Lex. He wrote me a song. I'd never heard it before. I still can't believe it. It's a beautiful song and he must have rehearsed it in secret, because it was amazing."

"So the song was the proposal?" It sounded very romantic. In a rock and roll kind of way. But perfect for Nicole. 

"No. After the song, he got down on one knee. Right there in front of everyone. That part was terribly cliche, but it didn't matter because..." Nicole dissolved into tears and I squeezed her hand across the table. 

"What an incredible story, Nic," I said. "I'm so happy for you. I really am. You'll be perfect together."

The waiter came, poured us our wine and we toasted to their future together. Once we'd ordered our meals we settled in to discuss the details.

"So, have you even thought about a date yet? I mean I know this is still new, but I'm sure you've thought about it right?"

"You know me too well." Nicole laughed. "We've actually decided not to wait. I mean, it's been two years and I don't want to wait another day to be Ryan's wife."

"What does that mean? A winter wedding?" It was already the end of July, so a summer wedding would be totally out of the question. There wasn't enough time to plan anything, let alone book a venue.

"Well... not exactly."

"Spill it."  

"We're getting married next month."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious. I told you, I don't want to wait."

"Nicole, be real. How are you going to take care of everything in four weeks? It's almost impossible." Visions of myself buried in a neverending list of wedding tasks flashed through my head.

"That's just it, it's
almost
impossible. But not entirely. We're going to Vegas."

"Vegas?" Just saying the name of the city made me nauseous. I could feel the blood drain from my face. My fingers were wrapped around the stem of the wine glass and I only knew that because I could see them. I could no longer feel them. 

Anywhere but Vegas. 

Nicole was talking and I struggled to pick up what she was saying. "...a big wedding, so Vegas seemed like the logical choice. Don't you think? Lex? Are you okay?"

I shook my head in an effort to clear it. I hadn't been back there since my first and only visit and most of the time, I tried my best not to even think of Las Vegas. Or more importantly, the man that lived there. 

"Earth to Lexi? Are you okay? You look strange."

"I'm good," I managed, "just hungry. I didn't eat lunch."

"Oh, good," she said. "For a minute I thought maybe you were upset about going to Vegas."

Shit.

"So you're not eloping?"

"Weren't you listening? I can't get married without my best friend. That's crazy."

"You want me to come?" I managed to regain enough feeling in my fingers to lift my glass to my mouth and take a sip of wine. 

"Want you to come? Lex, I
need
you to come."

She stared at me. I knew she was thinking I'd lost my mind. I was acting ridiculous. It was dumb and childish to ban a place, especially a popular vacation destination, from your life because of one little event that happened years ago. Except it wasn't a minor event. Leo wasn't a minor event. I tried not to, but I still thought about him. How could I not when I every time I looked at Ben I saw his dark hair and tan skin? I told everyone, including myself, that it came from my mother's side of the family. It was crazy to think otherwise.

"Of course I'll be there," I heard myself say. 

"Oh, thank you, Lex!" Nicole got up from her chair and gave me a hug. I felt her tiny arms squeeze me and tried my best to push away whatever irrational fears I had. It was just a city. Besides, he probably didn't even live there anymore. Even if he did, what would I do about it. He didn't need to know the truth after so long. No one did.

Moments after she released me, the waiter came with our food. I picked at my bowl of linguine, the appetite I'd had earlier vanished as memories of my first and only trip to Las Vegas flashed through my head. 

The lions at the MGM.

Sitting in front of Caesar's Palace.

Kissing Leo.

Feeling Leo in-

"Hello? Are you listening to me?" 

Nicole was waving a hand in front of my face. 

  "Yes," I said taking a chance on agreeing with whatever she'd been saying.

Nicole looked at me funny. "You'll really switch me?"

"Switch you what?" I asked.

"Your clam linguine for my Alfredo," she said as she reached across the table. "I just said I should probably start watching what I'm eating so I can fit into an amazing dress. I asked if you'd trade me."

I looked at her steaming plate of creamy pasta. Normally something so rich would make my stomach turn. I nodded. "Of course," I said and reached for her plate. "Anything for you."

Nicole gave me a strange look before plopping my bowl in front of her. I ignored my pasta and focused instead on the wine, refilling my glass and taking a healthy swallow.

"I know this is stupid," Nicole said through bites of salad, "but I thought you might be weird about going to Vegas."

"Why would you think that?" 

"Oh come on, Lex. Because of...you know."

"No," I said trying for nonchalance. "I don't know what you're talking about. There's no reason on earth that I'd miss your wedding."

"I know," she said suddenly serious, "it's just, I thought maybe because of-"

"Don't, Nicole." My voice came out harder than I intended. I softened my tone and added, "Please."

We looked at each other for a moment. I know she could see it in my eyes. The uncertainty, the hesitation, the fear. She could see it because she knew me. And she knew the past. And she knew, in that way that only the very best friends know, when to back off. 

She smiled and her face transformed back to the happy new bride she was. "There's so much to do," she said and the moment was over. "We need to go shopping. I need a dress."

###

When I got home the lights were off and Uncle Ray was fast asleep on the couch with an afghan pulled up to his chin and his feet hanging over the edge. The television was on one of the crime shows he loved. I fished out the remote from behind a pillow and clicked it off. There was no point waking him. He looked comfortable enough. 

I tiptoed past him towards the stairs. 

"Lex?"

Damn. 

I took two steps back and turned around as Uncle Ray pushed himself up to a sitting position. His hair was sticking out at odd angles making him look a bit like a mad scientist. 

"I'm sorry," I said, "I didn't want to wake you."

"I wasn't sleeping."

I shot him a look and he smiled. 

"I never sleep while I'm babysitting," he said with a stern voice. "I take my duties very seriously, Ma'am." He saluted me and I couldn't help but laugh. "Sit, tell me about dinner. How's Nicole?"

She sends her love," I said and sat in the overstuffed chair across from him. "And, she's getting married."

"That's excellent news. To that Ryan fellow? I like him."

Uncle Ray had met Ryan exactly four times, and on each occasion he was impressed by Ryan's knowledge of music and tax loopholes. "An important combination", he'd said. "You can't go wrong with helping people save money and requesting a good band."

"She's very excited," I said. I grabbed the afghan that had been discarded on the floor and wrapped it around me. "And she's not wasting any time. The wedding's next month."

"Well, I guess there's no point in waiting is there? After all, she's not getting any younger." He wiggled his finger back and forth in a tick tock motion.

"Stop it," I said and threw a cushion at him. Uncle Ray seemed to think every woman wanted children, and if they didn't get to it by the time they were thirty-five, there was no hope. 

"A month, huh? That doesn't give her much time to plan things. I don't know much about weddings but-"

"No, you really don't. Not having one of your own or anything." I grinned. "Speaking of not getting any younger..."

"Who me? I'm an impressively young looking sixty-four, thank you very much."

"You know what I meant," I said. "What about Sara Beth?"

"Lexi, you should know it's not polite to ask about a woman's age. Besides, I don't think either of us want children." He grinned.

"You can be so aggravating."

"That's my job," he said. "Now tell me about this wedding. How does she plan on getting it all planned in only a month?"

"She's got that part all figured out. The wedding's going to be in Las Vegas. They have people who do most of the work for you, so she won't really need to stress about too much."

"Seems like a good plan. So, they're eloping?"

"Sort of. Except she wants me there."

"Of course she does." Uncle Ray stood and held his back for a moment before stretching. "You really need a new couch."

"The couch is fine," I said, "as long as you don't use it for a bed."

"I told you, I never sleep on the job." He smiled and I had the sudden urge to hug him. "It sounds fun, a wedding in Vegas. It could be a little holiday for you guys."

I hadn't thought of it that way. I'd been so obsessed with memories of the past, I hadn't even thought about Andrew coming. Of course he'd have to come. 

"It might be good for you," Uncle Ray was saying. "Some time away to talk about things, figure things out." 

"I suppose."

"Lexi, it's not my business and I'm certainly no expert on marriage. But if you want things to work between you two, you're going to have to spend some time fixing what's broken. Maybe a weekend away will be just what you need?"

"It's not a bad idea," I said.

"Of course it's not. I thought of it." He laughed and said, "You know I'll watch Ben for you. Maybe Sara Beth and I can take him to the movies or something. It'll be fun." 

"Thank you."

He waved his hand dismissing my thanks and grabbed his coat. "Okay, we'll talk about the details later. I'm off. Get some sleep." He stared at me for a moment and then said, "Are you okay? You look...well...off a little bit. Are you coming down with something?" 

"I'm just tired," I said and opened the door. 

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure. Goodnight, Uncle Ray," I said and gave him a gentle shove out the door.

It would be at least another hour until Andrew was home, so I clicked off the lights, making sure to leave the lamp in the foyer on so for him. Making my way upstairs I stopped to peek on Ben. He was asleep on his back, his arms crossed over his head as if he were lounging on a deck chair enjoying the afternoon sun. He'd slept like that since he was a baby. 

I stood and watched as his mouth twitched with something in his dream, finally settling into a tiny smile. He didn't have a care in the world, my son. His biggest concern was what to build out of Lego, or which friend to play with at school.