Never Satisfied: Do Men Know What They Want? (2 page)

When I asked men on my radio show what they wanted out of their relationships, the top three responses had nothing to do with food, sex, or even physical attraction. I’m sure that will come as a shock to most women who see all men as sexual predators with no conscience or emotions. But men fall in love too, and many of us want to be in a monogamous relationship. Yes ladies, some of us want families, someone to grow old with…all that other mushy stuff. All men are not dogs; some of us just need a little training. Women need a better understanding about what’s really going on with us. Yes, we think about sex all the time, but it goes deeper than that! So get your pens and paper ready and write down what I’m about to share with you. The top three things men say they want is respect, support, and freedom. Let’s examine respect first.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

T
he Webster dictionary defines respect as; to take notice of; to regard with special attention; to regard as worthy of special consideration; hence, to care for; to heed; To consider worthy of esteem; to regard with honor.

It is clear that no man can be the king of his castle without respect. If his woman won’t submit to his authority then how can he move the family forward as the leader? Now, keep in mind, I’m only referring to good men, not the cheaters, not the players, and not the irresponsible boys masquerading as men. With that being said, why are some women so adamantly against the word submission? It does not mean to abuse. It merely implies that a woman should yield to her man, to comply with the decision he has made. The responsibility of the woman is to choose a man whose decision making she trusts in the first place, and to choose a man who is wise enough to consult her before making important decisions. But once her choice is made both people cannot have the last word. Both people cannot lead! Someone has to submit!

It’s amazing to me that on one hand these same women who are dead set against submission have no problem submitting to the pastor at church or their bosses at work. They are careful to use a respectful tone and to comply with whatever direction they are given by these men; however, the man who has committed to them as a life partner often gets less respect than these men who have no stake whatsoever in her well-being. These are also the same women who are shocked when they discover their man is cheating with a less attractive and less educated woman. Well, guess what, she may not be beautiful or have a degree but she understood how to talk to him and how to treat him. Equality may sound idealistic but the reality is we all have a role to play; my advice for women is to find yours and stop picking and choosing when to play wife.

A WOMAN WHO HAS HIS BACK!

A
ny man who is serious about pursuing his dream must make sacrifices and work long hours. If his woman is not his biggest cheerleader then what good is she? When times get tough, a man needs a woman in his corner who will put her arms around him and say, “Hang in their baby, you can do it!” Some women have supported their men financially, some have provided important contacts, and others have put in time to help build the business.

A woman from New York put it this way, “An ambitious man will never be happy unless he’s pursuing something worthwhile, so why not support him and help make him successful, then you both win!” Unfortunately, some women are afraid to see their men succeed. They worry that as soon as he “Makes it” he will leave the marriage or relationship. My response to that is simple. Never help your man expecting something in return, that’s not being genuine. If you truly love your man, you want to see him win regardless if you stay together or not. This a classic case of women claiming to love their men unconditionally, while at the same time expecting a payoff for the time they put in. In many ways, women can be just as selfish as men. They just don’t want to admit it.

LET FREEDOM RING!

D
uring the taping of my relationship film,
Love, Lust, and Lies
, a woman from Atlanta was asked, what do you think men want? Her response was, “Men want their freedom!” The men who were on the set started to applaud and so did I. There is nothing more important for a grown man than to know his freedom has not been taken away simply because he says, “I do.” When he promised to love, honor, and cherish, he meant it. But most men don’t expect their lives to change just because they give you the label of wife or girlfriend, especially when it comes to hanging out with friends and having a curfew. A healthy relationship should expand your world, not reduce it!

Regardless if the man is being faithful or not, trying to control his comings and goings is a recipe for disaster! Men will tolerate nagging, excessive shoe shopping, even having their closets and bathrooms hijacked with feminine hygiene products, but no real man will accept that his relationship will forever restrict him from having a sense of freedom.

Notice I said a sense of freedom because as husbands and boyfriends we understand that we must be accountable to our partners, but there is a thin line between accountability and imprisonment! Come on ladies, if we’re going to keep it real, men are going to do what they want to do anyway. You’re not going to make the situation any better by making his escape more difficult. It will only add stress to the relationship. In the end it all boils down to trusting your man to be responsible. Wasting your time trying to control where he is and whom he’s with is just plain silly. Let it go, or let go of the relationship. It’s that simple!

MEN 101

O
k, ladies, it’s time to break out your note pads. Now that I’ve given you an overview of what men want, I want to prepare you for an even more interesting lesson on how men think. Initially, I was going to write an entirely new book on the topic of, “Do men know what they want?” But after filming my documentary,
“Do Women Know They Want?
” I discovered that most of the issues that men have in their relationships were in the original version of
Never Satisfied: How and Why Men Cheat
. So, instead, I added new stories from the men and women I interviewed on the show over the years. I also changed the perspectives I wrote between the stories. I’ve learned a lot in the past sixteen years and I wanted to share that with my daughter and nieces as well as all of you and yours.

I realize that some people will always consider my views to be controversial and over the top. But the truth will always be controversial. But this book is not about my truth, these stories are your stories, from the CEOs to the stay at home moms. I promise that you’ll be enlightened by the stories on all sides. The most important lesson I learned during this project was that men and women do want the same things, good sex, respect, honesty, security, but sometimes our insecurity, lack of self-esteem, and even our cultures get in the way of us having healthy relationships. Sometimes we need a new perspective to find a better way to reach our goals. And trust me, this will be different.

So, look at this book as edutainment: education and entertainment! I always found that combination to be the best way to hold an audience’s attention. And what could be more engaging than a debate about what men and women want? My documentary film will address the issues of what women want, so now let’s see if we can agree on what men want. And the best way to understand what men want is to understand what men think about everything from sex, relationships, and of course, why they cheat. Let the games begin!

2
SMOOTH OPERATOR

What methods will a man utilize to conceal his affair? And how many lies will he tell to maintain these sordid relationships? These tricks, or games as women refer to them, have been the reasons behind many break-ups and divorces. It seems technology has made the game of cheating much simpler to play with the innovation of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. But regardless of scientific advances one simple fact remains: a man must forever keep his lies straight because with one slip of the tongue his world could come tumbling down around him
.

A
ny successful hunt must begin with the selection of the ideal location to find a particular animal. The cheating man understands this fact and has carefully considered where he will lay his insidious traps. The most commonly preferred places are the bars, nightclubs and lounges. These meat markets provide the perfect stalking grounds for any man with the desire to temporarily resign from his relationship. Nowhere else can such an alluring combination of women, alcohol, and immorality be found under one roof. And because so many women lack self-esteem and role models of how a man is supposed to treat a woman, men don’t have to possess intelligent conversation or good manners. All he has to do is appear to have money and walk around with enough “Swagger” and the panties come flying off. Usually without last names being exchanged or the use of a condom!