Never Me (27 page)

I sat in bed that night slightly buzzed and in the same damned position I was in two years ago. Email up and ready to type, but completely terrified of what I wanted to say. I spent hours typing out an email only to delete it one after another. In the end, I found a bottle of vodka made the words flow smoother.

Spemcer,

I moved to today and found your letr under my couch. My cat Spencer my cat! And broken bottles. I know who james brown is. I tried to tell you how I feel in the email with the band. Rorys here and yelling but you are my green and I need you to run. So run. You said you would run.

Nadine

I hit send and passed out with a swallow of vodka left.

I woke the next morning to see if I had any emails. I had nothing but a horrible hangover. I checked my outbox to make sure the email went through and winced as I began to read my message. I screamed bloody murder when I realized what I had done. Rory came in with just a G-string on and I threw a t-shirt at her as I buried my head under the covers. She threw on the t-shirt and sat next to me.

“Another reason why I won’t ever room with you, ever. Blood curdling screams and no respect for sleep. What the hell is wrong?”

“Just look.” I pointed in horror to the screen and she turned my laptop to read.

“Oh God, Nadine, a monkey could type a better email.” I lifted the comforter over my head and glared at her.

“Rory, I swear to God, you are going to be the worst nurse on earth! Please make sure to stay away from the suicidal patients.”

“No need to freak, just type another email and tell him you were drunk.”

“Yeah, because he will want to come running then. I can’t tell him I was drunk, have you forgotten about his dad? Just forget it, maybe it went to his junk, maybe it went to his secretary. He is a high profile lawyer. I’m sure his emails get filtered.”

“Don’t give up, Nadine. Come on, you owe it to yourself to try again.”

“Let’s just unpack.” I moaned at the hammer pounding incessantly in my head. I grabbed the vodka bottle and took the last swig. I had blown it. I couldn’t think about it, I had to put it in the back of my mind.

Rory’s infamous chatter kept me busy most of the day. She turned to me when she opened the shoe box full of sand and sticky notes and I grabbed it from her, quickly covering it up. I ignored my email for a week. When I finally opened it, I was relieved to see I had no messages from Spencer. I was also devastated. I didn’t know this man anymore. But in the last forty-eight hours my life had been turned upside down because of his letter. I had to get a grip. I read the letter one last time and threw it in the shoe box with the sand and put it away. It was time to start a new chapter in New Orleans without Spencer in it. It was just time.

Another boring meeting. I was beyond sick of this shit. A group of grown men congratulating each other on being rich, it made me sick. I sat at the conference table for yet another meeting on how well the firm was doing and the next set of high profile cases we would be taking on. I already knew the Staley case would be mine. I had a ridiculous case load as it was due to the seniors pushing me to make partner. It was a far cry from what I signed up for, but at least I was doing it well.

I scrolled through my phone for email, opening each one. Janey, my receptionist, was on maternity leave and my sub wouldn’t be in until noon. Fuck, like I didn’t have enough to worry about. I saw a text from my ex, Sarah, telling me I was to meet her at Shoally’s at eight. I texted her back letting her know that it wasn’t happening. I was done with her. A year of hints that she wanted me to propose was more than enough, besides the fact that I really couldn’t stand her after six months.

I scrolled through the emails and opened every one, answering the senior partner when I was called upon with whatever he wanted to hear. I was drowning here, and not because I couldn’t cut it, but because I hated it more than family law. I opened the last two emails and paused at the last. The subject was SOS. This had to be a joke. I read the email twice and burst out laughing in front of the entire senior board.

“Mr. Diamond, care to share?”

“No, sir, in fact it’s sort of an emergency. I have to run.” I tried to keep my laughter inside but was hysterical by the time I reached the door.

“Mr. Diamond?”

“Sir, really, I was asked to run. I must run.” I left the meeting, not giving a damn what the consequences were.

I stopped in my office to get a better view of the email. This couldn’t be her. I couldn’t stop my laughter as I read the email over and over. What in the hell, Nadine? From what I could interpret, she didn’t find my letter until yesterday and was really drunk. What the hell happened to this woman? What the hell had happened to me?

I took off my jacket and threw it over my desk chair. I wish it had been months since I had thought about her. The truth was, it was only yesterday. If she never got my letter, that means she thought I never answered her email. Talk about an epic fucking backfire.

I knew nothing about her now, where she lived, who she was. From the email I couldn’t be sure that life had treated her well. I searched the web for her and came up with only a Facebook profile that had been closed. I should email her back. I should tell her I got it. I queued up my mail and hit reply. What the hell do I say to that? Run? I knew what she meant, because I knew that I meant I would always come running. She wanted me to come running? She still wanted me? God, and if that was the truth, what the hell exactly would I be running to? This had to be an accident. But a drunken email? I knew this woman. I knew her well enough to know it couldn’t be typical. Could it? Jesus, the last thing I needed was another drunk in my life.

I closed my eyes, and for the millionth time thought of her beautiful smile, her body next to mine, telling me about her Darkman. Her laugh, her kiss, her bathed in sunlight in a bikini dodging waves. This woman, who I thought had crushed me, had no idea she had. I remembered her scent, her taste and the last time I made love to her. I felt myself go hard at the thought of being inside of her. If I had the chance, I would do it over and over again. I still missed her.

“Nadine.” I smiled and read her email again. What the hell was I supposed to say to her?

“Mr. Diamond your mother is on the phone. She said it’s urgent.”

“Thanks, Kylie.”

“Mom?”

“Spencer.” I heard her sobbing on the phone and I knew. I just knew. I felt my chest tighten because even though I knew the words were coming, I had to brace myself.

“Spencer, he’s … gone.”

“Mom, I’m on my way.”

8 months later

I stared at the picture Rory sent me from her honeymoon. She looked so cute. Her new husband Doug stood almost seven feet tall and they looked ridiculous and perfect. She met him her first day as a nurse. He was a paramedic and they had literally bumped heads. She refused a date the first time he asked, but when she saw him arrive to work on a Harley and later that day got the ride of her life in the supply closet, she was over the moon. Rory had met and married a man in less than six months. I shook my head in disbelief, but in all honesty, I truly liked Doug. The message under the picture read.

Asshat,

Having a blast in Belize. When I get back I am determined to get that stick out of your ass so we can have some fun.

PS. I know the real you, and she dances on bars and sings Blondie, bitch. I have ammo, don’t make me use it.

I shook my head and texted her back.

Hey, I’m not the one who took a nosedive into marriage, idiot. You’re the one whose fun is over. Good luck with that…Although, I do love Doug and it’s good to have a tall man around for light bulbs and such, so yes, you may keep him. Tequila when you get back, promise.

The buzz from my desk phone had me jumping out of my skin.

“Detective Rhodes? Line One.”

“I’m busy, Jennifer.”

“He says it’s really important. It’s a judge—”

“I don’t care.” I picked up the phone and slammed it down. Today I would relax. I had spent months building this case and today I was officially done and looking forward to a long break. The problem was I had no Rory to spend it with. I felt a small tug of jealousy but pushed it down. I had begun dating again after I’d separated from Thad, but after a series of strike outs decided to concentrate on my case load. Be happy, Nadine. I sat looking at the file in front of me smiling. This file, this file was flawless. There was no way Edger Reynolds would ever see the light of day again. He was the worst kind of serial rapist and I was the one who was going to put him away for the rest of his disgusting existence.

My supervisor burst through my office door and threw a set of photos on my desk.

“I’m off today, Mark.”

“I know, Nadine. Just look at them, that’s all I’m asking.”

“What am I looking for?”

“Abnormalities at the crime scene.”

“Fine, I’ll call you if I find something. And just so you know my vacation started two hours ago.”

“Thanks, Rhodes.”

I picked up the photos and studied them for twenty minutes before I picked up the phone and called him. “Mark, did you notice the chip in the wood panel?”

“Yeah, we saw that. It was obviously hit with the same weapon that the victim was bludgeoned with.”

“Yeah, except for the fact that there is a bullet hole in the opposite wall behind it. Have you gotten the blood samples back?”

“Not yet.”

“I guarantee you have two blood types come back and the victim was also a shooter and we have a missing gun.”

“Thanks, Rhodes.”

“Anytime.”

“One day you are going to have to explain how you do this shit.”

“I would rather just take your job.”

“Nice. I’ll be happy not to see your ass for a week.”

“Likewise, but I’m pretty sure you like my ass.” I was smiling now and I knew Mark was too.

Now that I had sweet freedom, I had no idea what to do with it. I looked up tickets to Maui where my Dad was currently residing for the month and decided it would be awesome to spend a little time with him. When I graduated the police academy he stayed in Oklahoma with me for a month, afraid that I wouldn’t make it past the first few weeks with a gun. I couldn’t help but laugh at his attempts to bribe me out of my career choice. We spent an entire month reconnecting and had made it a point to stay that way. I was just about to call him when the door burst open and two uniformed offers walked in.