Never Me (22 page)

And it was now completely unappealing.

I wrapped my arms around my shoulders as my dress blew in the breeze. I spotted a large covered lifeguard stand in the distance and made my way toward it. I climbed to the top, watching the last of the sun go down and the movement on the beach. I saw couple after couple walk by holding hands. Most of them didn’t say a word. They were in sync with the beach and with each other. It made me long for the same. My eyes drifted to the man walking by, he looked furious, he looked like… “Spencer?”

“Damn you! Seriously, Nadine?”

“What? I just wanted to be alone for a little while. I told Rory I would catch up with you guys,” I shouted down to him as he climbed the white wooden tower and stood in front of me, frustration rolling off of him.

“You can be alone when you get home. We had one more day now and you have cut hours into it. I had a surprise for you … asshat.”

I burst out laughing at his ridiculous name calling and he joined me.

“Asshat?”

“Seemed nicer than anything else I was thinking,” he mused, sitting down next to me.

“Well, I’m ready now. What’s my surprise?”

“A sunset cruise,” he bit out, still upset, waving his hand to indicate just how dark it was and that we missed it. I laughed again at his amusing aggravation with me and tilted my head so it was resting on his shoulder.

“Awwww, you made me a present and I ruined it. I am an asshat,” I said as we shared a smile at my new Adam Sandler movie reference and the way I had twisted it. Only Spencer would get that.

“So are you done sulking? Can we go have some fun? I haven’t eaten yet, can I interest you in some crab legs?” He smiled again, another joke at my expense. We were becoming familiar enough to poke at each other and it hurt like hell. I didn’t know how to explain to him that being close to him was tearing me apart. I also didn’t want to over dramatize the situation.

I took his hand and let him lead me out into the damp cool sand as we held hands. We didn’t say a word like the couples before us and it made me smile.

We had our last dinner ocean front on a candle lit patio. We were the only two out dining so late. I could tell it was close to time for the restaurant to close by the way the waiter was so attentive and the lightning fast time of our food arrival. Spencer didn’t seem to care, though I felt terrible. We shared two bottles of wine, laughing about our Orleans trip and the crazy and amazing parts of all of it. We had a few comfortable silences followed by some intense eye lock. I was breathless by the time we got the check and I could see the need in him building as well. I closed my eyes at the wave of uneasiness settling over me.

“What do you want to do now? Anything you want, Nadine.” His voice was hopeful, reassuring.

“You and me back in New Orleans.”

He gave me a sad smile. “I can’t do that.”

“It was too hot there anyway,” I said, dropping my eyes to my lap.

He stood and I looked up just as he grabbed my hand, lifting me out of my chair. He put his hands on either side of my face. “But I want to. Do you believe me?”

I nodded and took a deep breath to keep the emotion away from me. I didn’t want to ruin what time we had left. I smiled for him, even though I knew he could read me. When the waiter returned, he set down a piece of chocolate cake with a single lit birthday candle.

“Your present was the cruise, but you screwed that up. Happy Birthday.” Spencer grinned at me. I looked at him as he still held my face in his hands. “Make a wish.”

He kissed my lips, let go of my face and I sat back down in my seat and closed my eyes. I wished for a Groundhog day. I couldn’t think past this time in Pensacola with Spencer. I didn’t want tomorrow. I wanted to repeat this day forever, or even the day before, or even the day we fought in the street. I would take any one of those days over tomorrow. I wished for a Groundhog week instead and then blew out my candle. When I opened them I smiled and thanked him. He shook his head as if it was nothing and wrapped his fingers around my waist, walking me out.

We walked for a while longer on the beach and I asked Spencer what his specialty was in law. He admitted to me he was a divorce attorney and he hated it.

“It’s horrible, Nadine. You see all of these couples fighting to the death over nothing but money and assets. Married for years and years, not worried about their children’s best interest. They want revenge, to take everything from the other, leaving them with nothing. They are never interested in anything but their own agenda. I feel so bad for the kids. It completely ruined the idea of marriage for me. That’s why I didn’t argue with you when you told me how you felt about it. I couldn’t agree more.”

I thought about his words and nodded my head in agreement. Well at least I didn’t have to worry about finding out about a Mrs. Diamond in the future. Why was I twisting this info for my benefit? I looked at Spencer again. I knew he was talking directly to me, but thoughts of the week kept circling in my head. I smiled at him, though what he was telling me was in no way comical. I just loved looking at him, talking to him, being his friend. My chest ached as he caught me staring at him again. He gave me an odd look but finished what he was telling me.

“…anyway, I hate it, but I love the courtroom. So maybe I’ll find another specialty. What about you? What will you do when you get home?”

“Not be a lawyer.”

“Funny. Why do you hate lawyers so much?”

“I don’t hate you.” He stopped walking and pulled me to him, his arms held me so close. When his lips met mine our kiss was never ending.

He made love to me for hours when we reached the hotel room. His lovemaking was desperate and hungry, as was mine. He sat in the bed with me wrapped around him, our limbs glistening. I fastened my arms around his neck, easing myself on and off of him achingly slow, our breathing hitched as we kept our eyes locked.

When we were again dressed, he grabbed my hand and pulled the comforter from the bed. He sat us back on the beach, my back to him as he cradled me. He surprised me with a playlist made just for me on his MP3 player, and as I listened to what he was telling me, I felt my chest go completely raw. When the song
Drive
by Ziggy Marley came on, I finally let the tears fall at will. We talked into the late hours of morning and only found sleep when we could no longer keep our eyes open. Our time was up.

I woke first to a cloudy sky with the sun peeking through. I saw fins in the distance on the calm water and smiled at the rainbow in a semi-circle just above the horizon. It was perfect. The sand was soft and silky and cool to the touch, the water a perfect light green. I watched Spencer sleep. His face completely at ease, his sleep was peaceful. I let my eyes wonder back to the water.

I briefly ditched Spencer as I ran inside the hotel to grab my suit. I walked back out to find him still sleeping. Making my way into the water, I took note of how warm it was and how it felt against my skin. I felt the first wave crash into me with its strength and went down fast, underestimating it. I got up quickly, choking on water, and as the next wave hit me I went down again. I saw a storm brewing in the distance and realized why the water had gone from calm to carrying me to my ass. I was almost furious at that point and challenged the next wave, which abruptly took me down. I decided to give in, laughing as I went. I have no idea how long I was out in the sea fighting the waves. I turned to look for Spencer and saw him walking toward me. I ran out of the sea and tackled him on the sand.

“Morning,” I said cheerfully.

“Morning,” he said, wrapping his arms around me.

“Did you sleep well, counselor?”

“Just fine until I realized you weren’t next to me,” he said quietly.

“Well hell, we had fun, right? I mean we had a good time. Let’s not dwell on it,” I said, turning my face away to hide my torment. I had made the decision to act as casual as possible today to keep myself from falling apart. He caught on quickly.

“Best time of my life.” He grabbed my face with one hand and dragged his thumb across my lip. I felt it start to tremble slightly.

“Hey, you want to go swimming?” I said cheerfully, failing to convince either of us that my mood was genuine.

“I have to go pack,” Spencer said, getting up. I stood up with him as he gathered the blanket.

“I do, too. I’ll call you before we leave?”

“Yeah,” he said as I eyed him closely. He was shutting down. I didn’t blame him. I was as well, it was too painful.

“An hour,” I said, dashing off to my room where Rory was still snoring loudly. I brewed a pot of coffee and drank as much as I could. I had packed last night before I took a walk on the beach and ran into Spencer, so I was stuck in the room listening to Rory snore.

The front desk called with the time for checkout and Rory hesitantly got up and into the shower. Even she was in a shit mood. Dread, we were all dreading our return home, back to reality, back to responsibility, back to life. I called their hotel and got Ellie and told her Rory and I would be over to their hotel shortly to say our goodbyes.

When we arrived Amy and Jack were zipping up their suitcases. It was getting more and more official and even more painful. Rory leaped over the bed to bear hug Jack and Amy. They wrapped their arms around her, whispering to her. Rory pulled away with tears in her eyes and hugged Ellie for a solid minute. It seemed Rory had fallen in love herself. I had spent all my time with the man who was standing too far away from me, observing the touching spectacle right along with me.

Rory hugged Spencer next, whispering to him, making him chuckle. I felt the lump in my throat form and quickly pushed it down.

“Bye,” I heard Rory rasp as tears streamed down her cheeks and she made a beeline for the door.

“I’ll meet you at the car,” I called after her.

“Okay my turn, but I don’t think I’m going to top that.” I walked over and gave Jack and Amy each a one handed hug and they squeezed the life out me in return. I pulled back to give Amy a wink. “Keep it up.”

“You know I will.” She winked back. Jack looked between us, clueless.

I turned to Ellie next who seemed to be a total mess of emotions. I pulled her to the side of the room. “Ellie, If I tell you what I want to right now, I will cry. Haven’t you had enough?” We both chuckled with tears in our eyes and she gave me a long hug.

“Thank you, Ellie,” I whispered as Spencer grabbed my hand and we left the room. I didn’t ask him where he was taking me and it didn’t take long for us to get to the same exact spot at the beach we had just left an hour before.

We stood side by side staring at the water as the thunder rolled in and rain drops began to trickle down. He finally looked at me and gave me a small smile.

“So we can do the phone calls, emails—”

“Stop. I don’t want a fucking email, Spencer. We agreed all or nothing.”

“Sorry, you’re right. I know your right.” I stood there as he avoided looking at me. “Well, I better go. I don’t want to hear Amy’s mouth the whole damn way back to Philly.” He turned and gave me a soft kiss and headed for his hotel.

I felt the bullet that had just landed in my chest spread through my veins like acid. It was worse than any sickness I had ever felt. I watched him walk away and the burn in my throat almost kept me from asking.