Never Me (20 page)

“Tell me one strange thing about you.”

“Like what?” I asked, amused at his question.

“I don’t know… Are you ever a weirdo? Do you eat bugs when no one is looking?”

“Eat bugs?” I chuckled at his question.

We were face to face, lying on our stomachs, and I had never been so sated in my life, though his touch was stirring me again. His smile was playful but his eyes followed his fingertips and I could feel the same ache from him that echoed in me as well. I had to stop this madness! It was morning and we hadn’t slept. I studied the curve of his bicep, the way it bulged out a little fascinated me. His hair was swept away from his face and fell short of hitting his pillow and I loved it. I could spend hours soaking in his golden eyes and his thick black eyelashes. I wondered if he had any idea how he truly looked to other women. He grinned at me then, his dimple filled smile. Sure he knew. I grinned back at him.

“Come on, Nadine. Everyone has a little weirdo in them.” He slid his hand from my shoulder down to my bare butt and rubbed it sweetly with his fingertips. “Give me something.”

I thought long and hard, then heard the familiar thump in my ear on the pillow.

“When I was a little girl, well…” I stopped and buried my face in my hands.

“I will not make fun of you, I promise.” I watched him and knew he was full of shit. Whatever I brought out would forever be held against me. I went on anyway.

“Well, you know how you can hear your heartbeat at night sometimes when you lay your head on your pillow?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, distracted by the circles he was making with his fingertips on my back.

“Well, I used to be afraid of the dark, and to make matters worse, I had it in my head that the sound of my heart beat was actually footsteps.”

His fingers stopped. “Footsteps?”

“Yeah, so instead of reasoning my way into not being afraid of the dark, I scared myself even worse by inventing the footsteps of a man who was coming for me.”

He said nothing as he brushed the hair from my face, soothing me. I wasn’t used to it. It made me so nervous I started rambling.

“Anyway, to cope with that I sent him on errands, long ridiculous errands.” Spencer’s brows lifted as he smiled at me. I continued, knowing I sounded like a total lunatic.

“I knew if those footsteps stopped that meant he was going to get me and that my time was up. So I would give him orders. I called him Darkman because he never had a face. He was pretty much in my mind a silhouette, a shadow. It scared me so badly,” I felt another James Brown shiver run through me and continued, “so I would tell him ‘Darkman you have to walk to China and back twenty times.’ Stupid things like that. I remember once telling him he had to walk every single foot of all the oceans.”

“Darkman?” He wasn’t laughing at me, but I could tell he was on the verge. I felt my face heat.

“Yes, anyway that’s one of my weird things.”

“So do you still talk to Darkman?” he said amused.

“No, I don’t talk to my damn heartbeat, Spencer. I was a little girl. But little did I know how true it was.”

“What?”

“That when he comes for me, when I can’t hear his footsteps on my pillow anymore, my time is up.”

“True.”

“So now you think I’m a total weirdo.” I turned my body so he could fully see me in all my naked glory. He roamed my body from head to toe with his eyes in appreciation and I gave him a broad smile.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because that was actually kind of beautiful.”

I reached out to touch the scar over his eye. I traced it with my fingers and then pressed my finger to my lips and back to his scar. “You’re a weirdo, too. I think I will get a cat when I get home.”

I laughed hysterically at the face he made and even harder when he pinned me under him, demanding that I take it back.

When we finally emerged from the hotel room we were met by an irritable Jack who had taken up the slack the half day we had slept. Dusk was upon us as we all gathered for dinner. The girls gave me knowing looks, but reserved judgment. They were happy because I was happy. Ellie and I exchanged a few excited whispers as we walked to dinner. I looked back to Spencer who was talking to Jack and eyeing my ass appreciatively.

“Thanks a lot, asshole. Do you have any idea what it’s like trying to entertain three women?” Jack said, giving Spencer hell for his absence.

“I know just how to entertain the ladies. You could learn a thing or two, Jack,” Spencer replied and I swear the direction of his voice was pointed at me. Ellie giggled and Amy glared at Jack.

“We weren’t that bad. We went to five places,” she cooed at her husband.

“More like thirty-five,” he mumbled.

“Jack Redmond Sawyer, I will kick your ass if you say one more word about how we bored you all day,” Amy said, scorning him playfully.

“I love this city,” Jack replied unaffected. “It brings the damn hellion out of my wife.” He caught up to her, scooping her up as she yelped. “What are you going to do to me, Mrs. Sawyer?”

“Mmmm … kiss.” She leaned over and planted a fiery kiss on him and he pulled away gasping. “See what I mean, Spencer?”

Spencer laughed at their banter, darting his eyes at me as if to say that could be us. I ignored him and wrapped my arms around Rory. ”You mad at me?” She stiffened and turned to eye me.

“No, I can’t be. You are way too … entertained.” I chuckled at her repeated response to Spencer and I. Entertained would do for now.

Our last night in New Orleans upon us, we had dinner at some horrible Cajun rip off of a restaurant that Amy swore they had dined at before. Spencer announced suddenly he and I would be spending our last night alone. I didn’t argue. The way he was eyeing me over the table said if I did I would be in for it. I was tempted to tempt fate, but decided to play nice instead. I would gladly give him my last night in New Orleans.

I gave Rory a sheepish look and she leaned over the table and whispered to me, “It’s okay, Nadine. Only people who wanted to see you miserable would stop you from going with him tonight. Let me be the friend who loved you enough to see you happy.” She finished her sentence and gave Jack the stink eye and he immediately quit protesting. I handed her fifty bucks on the sly. I knew she couldn’t have much left and wanted her to have a good night. I also wanted to reward her for keeping Jack in check.

Spencer kissed my cheek as he helped me up from my table. “Come on, Nadine.” What I heard sounded more like come on beautiful.

“Have fun,” Ellie chimed in, giving me a wink and a smile.

I loved these people. I never wanted this trip to end and we were leaving for Pensacola tomorrow. I felt—no, I knew—Spencer was feeling the same dread looming over him as he kept me close. He grabbed my hand as we waved goodbye to the crew and they waved us off in return. He ran me out into the street and kissed me under the hovering street light, lingering sweetly. His kiss only stopped when he recognized music and took my hand to walk toward it. His distraction was a group of guys singing a capella a few yards away from us. He grabbed my hand, swinging me underneath his arm in a twirl, pulled me back to him and began moving back and forth, our chests touching as he wrapped his fingers sweetly around my hand and began dancing slowly. The guys raised their singing voices an octave louder until their song was finished. Spencer stuck some money into a hat one of the singers held out as we passed by, thanking them.

We strolled the streets feeling both elated and melancholy. Spencer would stop every so often to kiss me, brushing my hair away from my face. We crept up and down the streets, hands locked, completely ignoring the parade of people partying. I was about to point out a black cat on the other side of the street to amuse myself at Spencer's expense when he yanked my hand and led me inside a bar. I had no time to recuperate as I was pulled on to the dance floor as he whispered, "La Vie en Rose," and wrapped his arms around me. It took me a few minutes to register we were in a jazz bar filled with geriatric couples. I immediately pulled away from him to head for the door but was stopped by his firm grip on me.

"Stay," he said as he nodded and smiled at an older couple who was admiring us as they danced expertly across the floor. I looked into his eyes and was immediately lost—black liquid again and with the look I could never place. I wrapped myself around him, loving the scent of him, the feel of his arms. Spencer was all I could see, feel, touch, and I felt the familiar stir he brought on as I buried my head in his shoulder.

"I think I love this song," I whispered, still a little embarrassed to be surrounded by strangers staring at us and smiling. I smiled back at an old couple who had to have been in their nineties. Spencer kissed my cheek and still moving me perfectly in time with the song, he looked into my eyes.

"What is that look, Spencer?"

"Look?"

"Don't play dumb. What is that?"

"It's you, Nadine. It's exactly what I am seeing. It's you."

"Me?"

"God, can't you tell?" He shook his head in disbelief.

"I like the way I look on you.” He smiled and dipped his head to sweep his lips over my shoulder. He then turned us so smoothly he made it look like I knew what I was doing. I couldn’t keep my next question to myself.

“Do you see the same when I look at you?"

"Of course. I am amazing." He chuckled as I rolled my eyes.

"Just dance, counselor."

He wrapped his arms tighter around me and I laid my head on his chest. I met the eyes of the woman next to me doing the same. Her small smile seemed encouraging. I gave her a small smile back and tilted my head to peer up at Spencer. The intensity of his eyes when they met mine caused me to part my lips slightly. He covered my lips with his so gently, I moaned when he took them away quickly. I had just experienced the most romantic moment of my life. I let it happen. I had let all of this happen. I was dating. I was painfully aware it was temporary. My heart squeezed as a reminder that the clock was ticking on this whole thing.

“What?” Spencer asked, seeing my wheels turning. “Stop over thinking everything.” I gave him a small smile and chose to make a joke to lighten my mood.

“Max … I’m … feeling,” I said in the best Grinch voice I had while wrinkling my nose with disgust. We both cracked up laughing and he kissed me again as we twirled around the dance floor. I was saddened when the song ended.

It felt like we were racing to close the gap, to slide under the garage door before it closed. We made memory after memory up and down the streets of New Orleans. We walked and talked all night. I thought I would be disappointed not to have Spencer on me, inside me, but it was something else that kept us together that night. It was much stronger, much more than just the never ending need to touch each other.

“Spencer, can I ask you a question?” I said as I grabbed his hand and saw a smile on his lips. We were strolling through some iffy streets further away from The Quarter and I was tempted to tell him we should go back. He seemed unafraid, so I went with it.

“You know you can.”

“Amy told me about your … history with women. She said you were … like me. I just wanted to know why.”

“Men are naturally promiscuous. I guess woman are, too, just not brave enough to do what you do.” He winked at me. “And yes, I guess I was very much like you in that way.”

“Oh.” I felt the gnawing in my gut that there was more, but was thankful when he didn’t make me guess.

He stopped in the middle of yet another deserted New Orleans street and gave me a worried look. “A girl named Allison. That’s why.”

“So you were hurt?”

“Yes, like you were,” he said with emphasis.

“I wasn’t hurt.” This is going to hurt. You are going to hurt, Spencer. But I kept that observation to myself.

“You were hurt at the time. Nadine, why are you so afraid to show the emotional side of yourself? No one should ever punish you for that, ever, especially not you. Give yourself a break.”

I saw the shadow in the corner of my eye and moved quickly. I turned my back to Spencer. With him now behind me, I confronted our intruder.