Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (15 page)

Sympathizing with her plight, Mrs. Philips consoled her. “Yes, Fanny, I quite agree. I have told you, time and time again, it will do her no good in the end. I am curious, though, as to how he received her when she saw him again. It must have been uncomfortable for both of them.”

Unable to listen any further, Darcy sought out Bingley in order to request their immediate removal. Seeing him deep in conversation with Miss Bennet, he thought better of the idea. No matter how urgently he wanted to leave, he would not impede Bingley's progress with Miss Bennet. Instead, he strode from the room.

As Elizabeth passed the front door on the way to the parlor, she saw Mr. Darcy put on his great coat as he turned to leave. Surprised by his actions, she quickly inquired, “Mr. Darcy, you are not leaving, are you?”

In an icy voice, he replied, “Yes, madam, I am afraid I must.”

As she smiled and curtseyed in a somewhat shy manner, she said, “Oh, good evening, then.” Darcy breezed by her with barely an acknowledgment and began to walk down the steps. Elizabeth called after him. “But, Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley's carriage is not yet ready.”

He came to a stop, turned, and said, “Mr. Bingley is not ready to go. When he is, he will take his carriage home.” Darcy then began walking again.

Confused by his odd behavior, she impulsively followed him out the door and down the stairs. “Are you planning to walk then? Sir, I must caution you, it is too dark. The path is not clearly marked and would be very difficult to follow at night. Shouldn't you wait until Mr. Bingley leaves? Or I can call my father's carriage for you, if need be?”

Stopping in his tracks once again, Darcy spoke without turning, “Madam, I wish to leave now. I do not mean to be rude, but I cannot stay here a moment longer. Please excuse me.”

Elizabeth moved toward him and asked in a concerned tone, “Mr. Darcy, what has happened?”

Turning to look at her, he said in a terse manner, “I really think there is no point in discussing this. Good evening.”

Elizabeth followed him a few more steps and asked, “Sir, did I say something to offend you? If I did, I certainly did not intend to. Will you not tell me what this is about?”

“Madam, as I have said, I see no point in discussing this.”

Feeling her temper rise, she asked, “Did a member of my family or one of our guests say something to upset you?”

“Madam, I must insist. Good evening.”

Exasperated, she replied, “Very well then, sir. I certainly cannot explain what I do not understand.” As Darcy nodded and began to walk on, she added in a low voice, “I suppose, though, it was simply a matter of time before you found fault with your surroundings. As we know, your standards are quite exacting.”

With his eyes flashing, he turned and answered in a voice barely under control, “Madam, that is hardly fair. Pardon me if I do not apologize for my behavior, but I think I am the injured party in this matter.”

“I can hardly see how that is possible. But if you will not explain what has happened, I certainly cannot judge.”

Staring at her with clenched fists, he sputtered, “Madam, in coming here, I thought… I did not know that everyone knew… I never would have…” Stopping to gain control, he took a deep breath and said in an even tone, “I simply cannot stay here any longer. I will not subject myself to ridicule. I know you believe that I am more intolerant than most, but I truly believe no man would be comfortable in such an untenable position. I suppose I had no reason to believe otherwise. You were under no obligation to keep my dealings with you private, but I simply assumed that your sense of honor would require as much, or that you would at least have warned me. Your sister led me to believe that events between us had remained private. The mistake is mine, and I will clearly take responsibility for my behavior, but pardon me, madam, if I refuse to prolong your neighbors' entertainment at my expense.”

Seething with equal parts anger and frustration, she replied in a forced calm, “Sir, I do not have the pleasure of understanding you.”

“Madam, can you deny that your indiscretion has placed me in a most uncomfortable position?”

Raising her voice, she replied, “My indiscretion? Sir, if anyone has the right to be uncomfortable, I do.”

Raising his voice to match hers, he retorted, “Yes, but the decision to let everyone know the details of what would have been better left private was yours alone.”

In utter exasperation, Elizabeth looked away in an attempt to calm herself. She then asked, “Mr. Darcy, I am at a loss. What are you referring to?”

“Madam, I can hardly believe that your confusion in this matter is genuine. But I will be explicit, if you insist. Inside, I heard your mother commenting about the proposal you rejected that would have secured the financial stability of your family. As I said, I am responsible for my own actions in that regard, and if you saw fit to share the details of what I assumed was a private matter, then that was the risk I took. But I will not remain here and allow the whole of the neighborhood to speculate about such a personal matter.”

Elizabeth blinked at him several times in disbelief and then said, “Sir, if you will calm down, I can explain.”

Crossing his arms in defiance, he spat, “Truly? I find that hard to believe.”

“Sir, I can understand your confusion, but your tone and manner are making it very difficult for me to proceed. You seem quite willing to think the worst.”

“That, madam, may be a trait we share.” With that remark, they stared at each other in defiance and anger for several minutes, each unwilling to look away.

At length, Elizabeth began to calm down as she recognized the absurdity of the situation. She then said, in an even tone, “Sir, the proposal my mother was referring to occurred last November.”

“Last November? I… I do not understand.”

“Yes, that much is evident. Despite your earlier statements, I am not in the habit of sharing personal information with someone so unconnected with the underlying events, but since you overheard my mother, I will make an exception. My mother was referring to the proposal that I turned down from my cousin, Mr. Collins.”

Mr. Darcy looked at her uncomprehendingly, then colored and impulsively exclaimed, “Mr. Collins! I can scarcely believe… But how… He asked you… Surely he could not have believed you would accept him?”

“Mr. Darcy, I have no idea what he thought. I suppose he felt that the improvement to my family's situation made the match appealing. Otherwise, I really cannot say. You must remember, sir, that a woman has no control over who proposes to her.”

With a conciliatory tone and a contrite smile, Darcy replied, “Yes, madam, I believe I have learned that lesson.”

Startled by his statement, Elizabeth looked up at him and found him staring at her intently. Embarrassed by the magnitude of the error he had just committed, he could find no words for several minutes. He then said with great emotion, “Miss Bennet, please accept my most profound apology. I let my anger rule me, and the results were unpardonable. I regret everything I said, and the manner in which I said it. I beg your forgiveness.”

Pausing to search his face, Elizabeth replied with sincerity, “Mr. Darcy, I thank you for your apology, and I accept it. Under the circumstances, the misunderstanding was quite reasonable. The lion's share of the blame must go to my mother. She should never have discussed such a private matter in public. I am afraid my mother so regrets the loss of the opportunity that she cannot accept the result.”

Looking at her with apprehension, Darcy could not help but ask, “If I may be so bold, then, I take it that it is the only proposal she is aware of?”

Elizabeth colored, looked away, and stared into the darkness of the path. As she continued to avoid his gaze, she replied, “You are quite correct, sir. If she knew otherwise, I do not believe either of us would be able to escape her attention on the subject.” She then added in a barely audible voice, “I have told only Jane.”

“I thank you for your prudence in that regard, and I apologize again for what I implied. It was unfair of me, in many ways. I had no right.”

Turning to look at him, she replied, “Let me also apologize for my intemperate words. Perhaps it would be best if we put this misunderstanding behind us.”

As Darcy contemplated her words, he resolved to do more than that. “Miss Bennet, I realize that this conversation may make you uncomfortable, but I think I would be remiss if I did not take this opportunity to clear the air. I want to apologize for my rash actions this evening, and I also want to apologize for my behavior in Kent.”

Interrupting him, Elizabeth said, “Please, sir, we have already discussed this. You need say no more. Let us put that episode behind us also.”

“I would very much like to do exactly that, but I do not think it will be possible until I let you know how much I regret my offensive conduct toward you.”

Staring at the ground, she replied, “Truly, sir, there is no need. I also said many harsh things that I regret.”

“No, it is not the same. I owe you the apology…” Pausing to gain his courage, he then began to speak in an urgent manner, “Madam, since I have come into your company again, I have attempted to show you that I harbor no ill will toward you for the things that you said to me in Kent. They were justified. By hearing your reproofs, I have been able to see myself more clearly. As circumstances have recently required us to be in society together, I had hoped that we could simply ignore our past dealings and attempt to forge a friendship. I wanted to do so both for Miss Bennet and Mr. Bingley's sake, and for my own. After tonight, and not just because of my foolish misunderstanding, I have come to realize that I have set an impossible goal. We cannot ignore what has passed between us; it seems to haunt me at every turn. I know it is presumptuous of me to believe that we can be friends, but if you are willing, I would like to try. I now know, however, that we cannot become friends by ignoring the past. Instead, we would need to become friends in spite of the past. I am not sure if you would wish to have me as a friend, but I would very much appreciate it, if you could see your way to considering me as such. Miss Bennet, I know my manner of address had been improper, and I hope you can forgive me for speaking plainly. I do not expect you to answer now; I just ask that you consider it.”

Elizabeth continued to stare at Darcy as she tried to understand all that he had said to her. While she was surprised by his request, she was no less moved by it. As she puzzled over all that he had meant by his words, she suddenly realized that she had failed to respond to him for several moments. His furrowed brow and the anxious set of his jaw showed his concern for her reply. She finally offered, “Mr. Darcy, I am sorry. I must admit that the eloquence of your offer has somewhat taken me by surprise. I do not need to think about your request any further. I would very much like to call you a friend. If you feel you can forgive my misjudgment of you, then I am more than willing.”

Darcy expressed his thanks with a genuine smile. After taking the indulgent pleasure of studying her face for a moment, he forced himself to speak. “Miss Bennet, I suppose you should return to the house. I have kept you in the night air far too long. I think you are wrong, though, about the path. The moon seems to be quite bright tonight, and I believe the walk will do me good. Please give my apologies to your family.”

As he bowed and she curtseyed her adieu, he impulsively added, “Miss Bennet, at the risk of losing the generous pardon that you have bestowed upon me, I must beg leave to ask one more question.”

Arching her brow, she replied, “I am at your disposal, sir.”

As he exposed his dimples to her again, he said, “I must admit that I am quite surprised to find I have something in common with Mr. Collins. I never would have thought we would be members of the same club, so to speak. It naturally leads me to wonder if there are other members.”

“Excuse me.”

“I was just wondering how many other proposals you have refused?”

Staring at him with her head cocked to one side, she replied, “Sir, while you are free to ask any question you wish, I am, of course, free to refuse to answer.”

“Yes, Miss Bennet, you are quite right. It is none of my business how many proposals you have rejected. I suppose, now that I have given it some thought, I would only really be interested if you were to accept one.”

As she stood pondering his words, he said, “Good evening, Miss Bennet,” and began his journey to Netherfield.

Billiards and Other Games

As morning bloomed brightly at Netherfield, two of its occupants sat in the breakfast room anticipating the day with very little joy. Bingley's usually cheerful disposition was darkened with anxiety. His sisters had returned the day before, while he was calling at Longbourn. When he returned home, he found that they had retired to their rooms, with word that they would receive him the following morning. Bingley had been concerned about his sisters' reaction to his letter, especially Caroline's, ever since he had sent it four days before. Putting off their inevitable first encounter, even if by only one more night, seemed designed to ensure that he lost more sleep.

Darcy, on the other hand, had slept quite well. After his encounter with Elizabeth at Longbourn three nights before, the tenor of his dreams had changed. Elizabeth had been the primary focus of his nightly visions since he had met her in the fall. It was then that he began to memorize her every detail. To his surprise, after Hunsford, the frequency and intensity of his dreams increased. Their vividness, however, was not always welcome. While her presence always evoked an erotic response, they seldom ended well. Often he would spend the entire dream pursuing her through a forest or through shrouded mist, only to finally catch her hand as she transformed into Caroline Bingley or his cousin Anne. Or he would dream that Elizabeth had accepted his proposal and they were in their bedchamber. She would be dressed in a translucent gown, with her hair flowing freely down her back. She would accept his invitation to join him in his bed. He would watch her as she lay down surrounded by dim candlelight, but when he attempted to join her, he would find his path inexplicably blocked or she would disappear once he neared the bed. Sometimes, he would reach the bed and find that she had already begun to accept the advances of another version of himself. He would watch as his alter ego would slowly slide the strap of her gown off her shoulder. His initial interest in seeing her in so intimate a pose would slowly turn to panic, as he realized something was amiss. He would suddenly understand that it was impossible for there to be two versions of himself, one in the bed and one watching. The man in the bed would then reveal himself to be Wickham or sometimes his cousin Fitzwilliam, and he would attempt to warn her, but his voice would fail him.

Worst of all, every now and then, his dreams would not be dreamlike at all. They would start out well enough. His mind would envision a previous encounter with Elizabeth that he had enjoyed—her playing the piano in Kent, teasing him at Netherfield, or walking with him at Rosings. His pleasant memory would then inevitably turn into his proposal at Hunsford and her rejection. The scene would then become a tedious replay of their conversation. The order of events would get jumbled. He and Elizabeth would repeat certain things that they had said out of sequence so that the conversation would loop back upon itself and never reach resolution.

For the last few nights, though, things had been far more pleasant. He had returned from his dinner at Longbourn in a mix of emotions. He was mortified that he had jumped to so stupid a conclusion about what he had overheard, but he felt relieved that he had spoken plainly to her about his desire to stay in the neighborhood and court her friendship. He found himself in the unfamiliar position of wanting to talk to someone about what had transpired. Unfortunately, he had left Bingley at Longbourn before the night was even half over. He determined to wait for him in order to gain some intelligence as to Elizabeth's behavior after he left, and to seek his friend's advice. He had not counted on Bingley's unending willingness to stay in Miss Bennet's presence or the effect the several brandies he drank while waiting would have on him. In the end, he stumbled to bed before Bingley returned. He slept in a deep, uninterrupted slumber, the likes of which he had not experienced in months.

The next day, he went hunting with Bingley and several gentlemen from the neighborhood, including John Lucas. Bingley had planned the outing after he learned that the Bennets were to be away from home visiting at their Aunt Philips for the whole of the day. While Lucas was amiable during the outing, Darcy could not help but feel challenged by his presence. He retired for the evening feeling less confident and dreamed, once again, he and Elizabeth were in his bedchamber. But this time, to his astonishment, his progress to the bed was not impeded, and she did not disappear. Instead, she willingly accepted him and no imposter emerged to ruin the encounter.

He spent the next day alone, while Bingley visited Longbourn, distracted by the vivid details of his dream. In an attempt to think of something else, he went to Bingley's study, with orders that he not be disturbed, and began the arduous task of reviewing his correspondence. As he examined the many letters that required his personal care, he realized how much his obsession with Elizabeth had diverted his attention from his responsibilities. He decided that he should leave for London the next morning to meet with his steward in order to prepare him for his continuing absence from Pemberley. He would also need to speak to his cousin about visiting with Georgiana. It made sense for him to go now, since it was unlikely he would see Elizabeth until after Bingley's sisters returned and resolved their differences with Miss Bennet. Nonetheless, the idea of leaving filled him with anxiety. His relationship with her was still tenuous, and he had not even seen her since their last misunderstanding and his confession.

He went to bed exhausted, heavy with the weight of his unresolved concerns. When he finally obtained sleep, he had an altogether new dream. He dreamed that he was at Pemberley and that he was walking with Elizabeth in the garden. When she stopped to pick a flower, a thorn cut her finger. He took her glove off to stop the emerging blood from spreading. He supported her bare hand in his, as his other hand firmly held the tip of her finger to stop it from bleeding. They talked of many things as he continued to hold her hand and administer pressure. He then carefully surveyed the damage and kissed her fingertip. Instead of reproaching him for his forward behavior, she smiled her thanks and they walked on. He awoke surprised that it was already morning, and while he regretted that this dream was so chaste, its pervasive pleasantness enveloped him in a sense of well-being. It was only after he recalled his travel plans that his mood blackened.

Caroline Bingley entered the breakfast room, and both men were drawn from their thoughts as they stood to receive her.

Kissing her brother with an exaggerated show of affection, she said, “Charles, it is so good to see you. I missed you exceedingly.” She then moved to the other side of the table so that she could sit beside Darcy. Holding out her hand to greet him, she purred, “Ah, Mr. Darcy, what a pleasure. It is always a joy to see you,” adding in a conspiratorial tone, “even if the location leaves much to be desired.”

With a perfunctory bow, Darcy replied, “Miss Bingley.”

“Caroline, please join us. I trust that you had a pleasant journey?”

“Actually, Charles, the roads were in terrible condition, and the timing of your summons could not have been more inconvenient. I cannot imagine what would have moved you to write such an incomprehensible letter. We came only because we were so worried about you.”

“Miss Bingley, excuse me. You and your brother obviously have matters to discuss. Charles, I will take my leave now. Thank you for all of your hospitality and your friendship. Please give my regards to the Hursts.”

Rising to shake his hand, Bingley replied, “Darcy, thank you. Have a safe journey.”

Sounding more desperate than she hoped, Miss Bingley exclaimed, “Mr. Darcy, you are not leaving? We have just arrived. You are my only hope for civilized conversation in this neighborhood.”

“Yes, I am sorry, but I have some business in town that can no longer be delayed. I will be leaving immediately.”

Exasperated, she let her temper flare, exclaiming, “You see, Charles, no one would willingly stay here.” Tempering her voice somewhat, she added, “We must follow Mr. Darcy's lead and also go to town. There is so much going on there now. It would be a crime to miss it for the likes of what the society here has to offer.”

With a rarely displayed stern countenance, Bingley replied in an even but firm manner, “Caroline. That will be enough. I will brook no more criticism of the neighborhood. Netherfield is my home; you will not disrespect my neighbors.”

Shocked by his words and his manner, she colored and exclaimed, “Charles, what has gotten into you? Mr. Darcy, you must help me speak sense to him. He is acting most strangely…”

Interrupting her mid-sentence, Darcy answered, “Miss Bingley, I suggest you give the area another chance. I believe it will grow on you. Despite my previous misconceptions, I have found that the society here has much to offer.”

After Darcy left, Caroline added in a shrill tone, “Charles, see what you have done; you have driven him away. I will be surprised if he returns at all. You must go after him.”

Exasperated, Bingley replied, “Caroline, that is enough. I can assure you, Darcy will return as soon as he is able. But that is beside the point; I want to speak to you about Netherfield. You and I need to talk about your future.”

Losing her composure, she replied, “My future, Charles? I think you need to think about your own future, about what you are doing here. You are making a fool of yourself. Louisa and I both agree. It was all we could talk about on the journey here. For you to come back here, to pursue Jane Bennet, the thought of it is mortifying. You know she does not return your affections. She is simply obliging her mother by paying you any heed. You simply must forget her. In Scarborough, you were introduced to several lovely women. You must admit that Miss McClennen was particularly charming and her connections are impeccable. I believe she has quite a fortune of her own. After your departure, she inquired of you twice. If we return immediately, I believe you could call on her before she leaves.”

“Caroline. I am staying here, and for the moment, so are you.”

“Charles, I am only thinking about you. I do not want to see you hurt.”

Bingley bowed his head, trying to gather his thoughts. He then stood and crossed the table to sit beside his sister. Taking her hand, he began speaking in a very tender tone. “Caroline, I want you to listen to me now. It is very important to me. I love you, and I respect your opinion, but I am not leaving Hertfordshire. I have spent a great deal of time of late with Miss Bennet, and I intend to spend even more time in her company in the future. I know full well what I am about, and I believe I, alone, am the best judge of Miss Bennet's motivations. My only concern is that your relationship with her has not been all that it should be. I want you to rectify that. I want you to call on her with me this afternoon, and when you do, I want you to welcome her as you would a sister. In doing so, I also expect you to treat her family with respect. I know this will pain you, but I must tell you that I was very angry with you when I discovered that you had concealed Miss Bennet's visit this winter. But I do not want to dwell on that. What I want is for you to accept Miss Bennet and make her feel welcome at Netherfield.”

Dropping his hand in contempt, Caroline replied defensively, “Charles, I can only imagine the nonsense that she must be telling you. The misunderstanding regarding her visit has been exaggerated out of proportion, no doubt to suit her mother's devious intent. I do not think…”

Raising his hand to indicate he had heard enough, Charles stood and continued in a firmer tone, “Caroline, I will not argue over who was at fault this winter because I know that, in the end, the lion's share of the responsibility belongs to me. I let other people make my decisions for me, and if I am now unsatisfied with the result, I have no one to blame but myself. It has taught me a valuable lesson, though. My plans are no longer open for debate. I am staying here and courting Miss Bennet. The question is whether you will be staying here too. If you do not believe you can receive Miss Bennet in the manner that I expect, then I will not allow you to stay on here or in the townhouse in London. I am not sure how you will be able to make your way on your income, but I will try to help you get started. I want to see you happy, and I hope it can be at my side, but if it cannot, I will understand.”

Caroline looked at him aghast, formulating her next move. While she had never had the interest or patience to learn chess, she analyzed her options in a manner befitting the game. Determining that the connection to her brother and, by association, Darcy, was her utmost concern, she calculated that her best move was to stay at Netherfield. If in the process, an opportunity to help minimize Charles's chances of winning Miss Bennet presented itself, all the better.

“Charles, you have misunderstood me. If you believe that Miss Bennet returns your affection, then I am nothing but happy for you both. But in any case, I am more than happy to further the acquaintance. I would rather call tomorrow, though; I have so many things to do today. The household is in utter disarray. It appears I must oversee every detail personally or nothing will be done properly.”

“Caroline, I must insist that you come with me today. I think after the misunderstandings that have passed between you, your calling so soon after your arrival will demonstrate your eagerness to improve your relationship. While you are there, you can invite Miss Bennet's family to dine with us tomorrow night.”

“That is impossible, Charles! I could not possibly get this household in shape on such short notice.”

“Very well, Caroline. Come with me today, and invite just Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth to tea tomorrow. You can put off hosting her entire family for a few days longer. I must say, I think it is wonderful that you are so concerned about making a good impression. But even if the dinner cannot occur immediately, let us extend the invitation today. I will leave you now; you obviously have much to do. We leave for Longbourn in two hours. I will see if Louisa wishes to accompany us.”