Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (29 page)

“He is found. They are in the garden. We can go there at any time.” He then leaned in to kiss her neck. While doing so, he slowly said, “Once my errand was complete, I had an overwhelming desire to see you.”

“I may not be particularly experienced with such matters, but it seems to me, sir, that ‘seeing' me is not what you have in mind.”

It took a moment for him to hear her words. When he did, he immediately stopped his attentions to her neck, stood straight, and then released her completely. His face took on a grave countenance. He then stammered, “I am sorry… if I… I did not mean to offend. I simply… I needed… I have no excuse. I do not know what I was thinking… I am very sorry. Please believe me that I meant you no disrespect. Forgive me.”

Seeing him in such discomfort, she regretted her playful jest. She had forgotten that he was not used to being teased. As she tried to find a way to alleviate the distress she had caused between them, she lamented her words all the more as she realized how awkward it would be to tell him now that she wished him to resume exactly what he had been doing. “I did not mean to reprimand. I… I was jesting, a very poor attempt indeed.”

With his head bowed, he tersely replied, “Perhaps we should join the others.”

As he began to stiffly walk away, she impulsively caught his wrist and pulled him back into the corner in the same manner he had previously done. She then put her finger to his lips and said, “Shhhhh.” As he stared at her in shock, she slowly traced her finger down the middle of his lips to his chin. She then took his chin and gently moved his face toward her. Looking deeply into his eyes, she kissed him in a lingering fashion and then began to feather kisses on his chin and jawline. When she reached his ear, she whispered, “It is I who should apologize for incorrectly leading you to believe that I do not welcome your attentions. I have never felt such pleasure than I have in your arms, and I did not mean for you to stop.” Moved beyond imagination, he clutched her to him as he began to kiss her fervently.

When they broke apart, he rested his forehead on hers and sighed, “Oh, Elizabeth.” After catching his breath, he added, “My… need for you sometimes colors my judgment. You will tell me if I make you uncomfortable.”

Smiling broadly at him, she replied, “I believe that our actions just now were my responsibility, not yours.”

“Yes, but I started it. The responsibility is mine alone.”

Seeing that he was serious, she earnestly replied, “I would beg to differ, but be not concerned, I will tell you if I feel otherwise,” adding with a mischievous smile, “But then, sir, you must promise to do the same if I make you uncomfortable.”

“Madam, that is simply not possible.”

Laughing at him, she asked, “Perhaps we should move to a safer topic. You said you needed to see me. Was the interview with my father so terrible?”

“Not terrible, no. But there was a point when I worried that he would not give his blessings. His opinion of me was not very impressive. I needed to tell him somewhat of our tumultuous history. I hope you do not mind, but I feared that there was no other way to convey how it was that you had come to accept me.”

“No, I am relieved you did. I suppose if I had shared some of my newfound appreciation for you with my family beforehand, your interview might not have been so difficult.”

“That may be so, but in explaining it to your father, I realized that anything short of a full accounting does not quite do it justice. In light of that, may I ask how will you explain it to your mother?”

“With as little detail as possible. I think in the end, the result will matter more to her than the journey.” As an awkward silence followed, Elizabeth colored. She wished her mother would not embarrass her.

Seeing her blush, Darcy immediately thought of the harsh words he had once said to her about her family. Attempting to ease her concern, he pulled her to him and said, “All that matters is that you marry me. Unfortunately, there will be some who will not understand how we came to care for each other or our motivations for doing so. That is simply not our concern.”

Searching for the right words, he continued, “During our discussion, your father indicated his reservations about my aunt's reception of you. I told him, and I want you also to know, that she will show you the respect you deserve or I shall not receive her. I will not knowingly allow anyone to give you pain.”

“I appreciate the sentiment. But I think that is too much for even you to ensure. We will simply have to bear it with grace.”

Holding her to him, he said, “I am eager, though, to have you meet the rest of my family, my sister, Georgiana, in particular. With your leave, I will write to her today, and to Colonel Fitzwilliam, as well. They are in London; perhaps they could come to Hertfordshire to call upon you.”

Smiling at his thoughtfulness, she said, “I would like that very much.”

“May I ask, now that your father has given us his blessing, will you wear my ring?”

Smiling at how shyly he had asked, she replied, “If you would like. Once my mother knows, there is no reason not to.”

“I would very much like to see it on you. I can remember my mother wearing that ring, and it will help to make this all seem real. It is hard to believe that you are finally to be my wife.”

“I suppose, though, we should start to make it a reality by informing my mother. Perhaps we should join the others now.”

“I imagine you are right, but may I confess to you that I have no desire at this moment to do so. I would much rather hold you like this while I am able.”

“I am not quite sure how long this opportunity will last. My sisters may be home at any time, and the servants will have their duties to carry out as well.”

“Yes, but no one is in sight at the moment, and it seems too lovely an interlude to waste. At least, let me use the opportunity to ask you something that I will be unable to in company.”

“By all means, but I must say, I am somewhat apprehensive as to what it is you wish to know, if it must be accomplished in such secrecy.”

“It is just that my asking such a question will expose both my vanity and my impropriety at the same time. If I were wise, I would forgo the question altogether, but my curiosity has the upper hand.”

Laughing, she replied, “I think your answer should give me more anxiety than solace, but I am still willing.”

“It occurred to me, when I was attempting to explain to your father what made you change your mind about me, that I do not actually know how it came to pass. I know I risk losing the good graces you have generously bestowed upon me, but I must admit to more than a passing curiosity.”

“Ah, you want to understand the working of a woman's heart. I am not sure such a disclosure would be in my best interest. If I let you know how easily you can gain my good graces, then I will be giving you a power over me that I do not think would be wise to bestow before we are even married.”

“I hardly think it is accurate to describe my quest to receive your good graces as an easy one. It certainly was not a direct path, and there were times when I despaired of ever being able to hold you in my arms as I do now. Given my poor performance in the past, it would seem only sporting of you to help me in whatever way you can. You have had complete power over me for so very long; may I not know even some of the secret of my success?”

“Very well, but then you must do the same. While your affection for me is apparently older than mine for you, it seems no less difficult for me to comprehend, especially when you consider how much trouble I have given you in the process.”

“My affection for you is a straightforward story. I fell in love with you long ago, and while I did not always understand how to value it or express it, it never wavered. It became such an integral part of my makeup that it did not diminish even after there seemed to be no hope of it ever being returned. I am simply the fortunate recipient of your change of heart. But, madam, I believe you are trying to change the subject in an attempt to misdirect my purpose. I thought you had agreed to answer my question, not pose new ones of your own.”

“Sir, you have very exacting rules of discourse. If this love you profess for me is so great, can you not indulge me?”

At this he laughed and, with a broad smile, replied, “Now you are trying to trick me. I hope you do not want me to be so besotted that rational thought should escape me altogether.”

Laughing in return, she replied, “I suppose I would tire of it soon enough. But indulgence is always welcome, and I think it may well be required at times.”

“That you shall have in abundance, as I am sure I will require far more of the same from you. But on this point I will not relent.”

“Very well,” she said, “I will tell you to the extent that I can. I suppose there was some point after you returned to Hertfordshire that I realized how unfair I had been to you. I began to see you for who you are, not clouded by prior prejudices, and your kindness to my sister helped greatly in that regard.”

“But that only explains why you forgave me, not how you changed your mind about me.”

“That is true. I suppose after your aunt came to call on Jane, I began to see you in a new light. I think it was when I first saw you in Longbourn parish that I began to regret having lost your regard.”

“But you never had.”

“But at the time, I did not know that. I could hardly predict that you would still be civil to me after all the injustices I had unfairly heaped at your door, let alone still hold me in favor. I suppose it was your very behavior in that regard that made me realize your generous spirit. That you could pay me every courtesy, when I hardly deserved your attention, made me begin to understand how much I had undervalued you. When I saw you at church, you seemed so different from my previous perception of you, and I realized that I had never allowed myself to really study you. I began to that day and thereafter. Upon closer inspection, you seemed to improve quite rapidly.”

Laughing at her characterization of him, he asked with a smile, “And where, may I ask, did your closer inspection of me in church on that first Sunday begin? I have always suspected that you were not quite forthcoming with me when we spoke after church. I suspect now that I was being spied upon.”

Raising her brow in mock defiance, she replied, “Sir, I do not have the pleasure of understanding you.”

“Very well, if you insist on keeping your secrets, I shall relent for now.” He pulled her to him and rested his head upon hers as he contemplated all she had said. He then looked intently into her eyes and added, “Thank you for telling me that. I am very lucky to have you. I must say that, when the time comes, it will make it all the more special to take our vows in that church, knowing that your first pleasant thoughts of me originated there.”

“It was not my first pleasant thought of you, but I think you are quite right that it will indeed be most fitting.”

“May I have the honor of escorting you to church tomorrow? That way, I will have the pleasure of your company and full knowledge of your whereabouts throughout the service.”

“I suppose that might be less interesting, but far more enjoyable. I will look forward to it.” Hearing the arrival of her sisters, Elizabeth smiled apologetically to him. “I believe we must face the others.”

Perceptions

Darcy and Elizabeth's reunion with Mr. Bingley and Jane was most joyous, and it was settled very quickly that they were both to be the happiest of couples. Mr. Bingley felt free, as hardly anyone else did, to tease Darcy liberally as to the amount of time it took him to get to the point.

Before the couples retired indoors, Elizabeth excused herself in order to speak to her mother, who took the news as one might expect, exclaiming simultaneously at the shock of it while attesting to her earliest information as to Mr. Darcy's partiality toward her second daughter. When Elizabeth returned, she was happy to see that Jane had kept the gentlemen outside, as it saved her the embarrassment of having Mr. Darcy overhear her mother's cries of joy and exclamations over the fortuitous match she had made. She wondered briefly whether it might have done him good to hear her mother's sudden low opinion of Mr. Lucas, after all the previous praise she had bestowed on him at Mr. Darcy's expense.

She was surprised, however, to see how restrained he was when they returned indoors and told her sisters. His formality and reticence seemed to reemerge as if he had never before been relaxed and engaged in her presence. She was puzzled at his reaction and was somewhat displeased that it allowed her younger sisters to retain their less-than-enthusiastic opinion of him. They were each pleased for her and said so directly, but she could see from their expressions that none of them understood her feelings for him. Lydia, in her typical impulsive manner, said as much, as she marveled over how rich Elizabeth would one day be and could understand wanting that above all else.

After securing Mr. Darcy's and Mr. Bingley's promises to dine with them, her mother urged her and her sisters to dress for dinner. The gentlemen awaited them in the sitting room, where Mr. Darcy requested pen and paper to write his sister and cousin. As her maid put the finishing touches on her hair, Elizabeth gazed at her reflection, attempting to understand Mr. Darcy's reaction to her sisters. She wondered if it was simply because he was ill at ease in company or whether his behavior reflected that he still held her younger sisters in the low opinion he had previously professed in his letter. She was roused from her thoughts by the beauty of her ring, and as she looked at it, all her tender feelings for him returned. She remembered his intimate words and his intense look as he kissed her, and she vowed that whatever the cause, she would help him reform his opinion of her sisters and, by extension, his behavior toward them.

As she entered the parlor, the unrestrained smile Mr. Darcy bestowed upon her made her blush. It soon vanished as her mother followed her into the room and began prattling away about wedding plans. While his face took on a polite but disengaged expression, she could tell from his eyes that he was not listening to her mother at all, but rather, watching her take her seat beside him. As he continued to observe her, she became both diverted and alarmed as he failed to answer her mother's inquiry. As an awkward pause ensued, Elizabeth eventually hid her smile and responded, “Mama, I am sure there is more than enough time to determine such things. Do you not agree, Mr. Darcy?”

“Yes… er, in what regard… do I agree?”

Smiling at him, she replied, “My mother, sir, was saying that we need to set a wedding date right away as she needs to be able to make various wedding preparations and she wants to plan a short trip to London to shop. I was saying that we need not decide tonight as we have only become engaged today.”

Looking somewhat contrite for his inattentiveness, he responded, “Yes, I agree.” He then added, “Actually, let me rephrase that. I do concur with your mother that we should set a date soon, as I think a trip to London would be quite useful. I am sure that you would want to shop there, and I would very much like to show you my townhouse. I also need to meet with my solicitor, and we could coordinate that as well. In that manner, we would not need to be separated.” Turning to Elizabeth, he asked, “Would that suit you?”

Understanding the quiet emphasis he had given the word “separated,” Elizabeth gave him a shy smile and demurely answered, “Yes, I would like that very much.”

Gazing at her intently, he replied, “I am very glad.”

As they continued to stare at each other, Mrs. Bennet beamed, “Well then, Mr. Darcy, it is all settled. I have already thought of several wedding dates that might do quite nicely. I can pick one and take care of all the arrangements. I am sure you will agree that it should be a wedding to rival no other.”

As he began to comprehend Mrs. Bennet's words, his countenance took on a look of concern. In a tone that clearly brooked no opposition, he turned to Mrs. Bennet and said, “Madam, I will need to consult with my steward as to my calendar before any final decisions can be made, and when I do, I will let you know what dates would be advantageous.”

Mrs. Bennet, surprised at having a topic she held so close to her heart foreclosed, sat in stunned silence. Elizabeth was a little taken aback too, but it was her younger sisters' reaction that gave her greatest pause. Lydia rolled her eyes knowingly at Kitty, who nodded her understanding. Clearly Mr. Darcy seemed controlling and intimidating. Before more could be said, Jane arrived with Mr. Bingley. Seeing a much more sympathetic partner with whom to discuss wedding preparations, Mrs. Bennet quickly recovered and began debating the value of one milliner over the other while Mr. Bingley listened with his usual good nature. Mr. Darcy seemed content to feign interest and periodically gaze at Elizabeth.

As they were called to dinner, Darcy immediately took Elizabeth's arm. It was an act he had longed to do, and he reveled in the freedom to do it without apology. As he pushed in her chair for her, he leaned close to her ear and whispered, “You look so very beautiful tonight.”

As a blush crossed her face, she leaned toward him as he sat and said, “Sir, I believe you enjoy teasing me.”

“I am not teasing you. I have never been more serious. Anyone who looked at you would agree. You are beautiful.”

“I think there are those who would disagree, but I was referring to the timing of the compliment. I think it was designed to surprise.”

“I would hope that receiving a compliment from me at any time would not surprise you. You can be in no doubt of my regard for you.”

As she returned his gracious smile, she said, “I am not, but you seemed so serious in the parlor. I was surprised by your change of mood.”

“I think I am in the same mood with which I began the evening, but I am always most pleased when I will be able to speak to you with some modicum of privacy. I am simply glad to have you as my dining partner. I have been anxious to ask you how your interview with your mother went. I see she has accepted the arrangement, but I was wondering if it was what you had hoped.”

“Well, it was what I expected. Actually, I think she was quite stunned. She could barely respond for several moments, which is quite a feat as far as my mother is concerned. In the end, she simply wanted to know what your favorite dishes were so that you would be pleased at dinner.”

“Then she does not lament the loss of Mr. Lucas's attentions?”

“No. I think she is well pleased with my choice.”

“I am glad to hear it. So, may I ask, what did you reply?”

“Reply?”

Smiling easily, he said, “As to my favorite foods. I am actually quite hungry this evening. What do I have to look forward to?”

“I am embarrassed to say that I did not know how to respond. It made me realize that, in many ways, I know very little about you.”

“I hope you feel you know me well enough to have made an informed choice this morning.”

“Yes, in that I am quite assured. I only meant I have much to learn about you. Would you not confess to feeling the same about me?”

“Yes, I suppose, although I believe we have dined together on enough occasions, both in Kent and at Hertfordshire, for me to feel confident in saying that you do not seem to prefer fish, that you are partial to fruit in general and to all forms of berries in particular, that you always finish your vegetables but seldom your meat or poultry course, and that you always welcome dessert enthusiastically.”

Deeply surprised by his attention to her preferences, she stammered, “I see. I am not sure if I should feel flattered or spied upon. Is that the breadth of your knowledge on the subject, or is there more?”

“Yes, there is more. I believe I have never seen you take eggs at breakfast. I believe you prefer bread and jam instead. I have watched you spread it with fascination on several occasions, and I am always entertained by it.”

“Mr. Darcy, I am shocked.”

Leaning in close to her, he replied in a hushed voice, “Well, I cannot imagine why. There is nothing improper about being observant, and did you really believe I could love you for these many months without having paid you some attention? I would suggest that you become accustomed to it, as I believe I will be paying even closer attention to you in the future.” Before she could answer, he added, “But on a separate note, if you still profess to return my affections, do you not think it is time to forgo calling me Mr. Darcy? Would not something more informal be in order?”

“Yes, I suppose you are right, Fitzwilliam, and I will endeavor to remember that. But before we leave this topic, may I say in my defense that I am absolutely certain that you take your coffee black?”

Laughing, he replied, “In that, you are absolutely correct.”

“Thank you, I feel exonerated. I suppose, though, it is not a laughing matter. If I am to be a proper mistress for your home, I should know your tastes.”

“Yes, but there is ample time for us to learn about each other. It is one of the things I am looking forward to. But in any regard, I have a trusted housekeeper, both in London and at Pemberley, who is familiar with such things and will be more than helpful. And if you must know, roasted duck is my favorite meal.”

“Thank you. I will not forget.”

“Speaking of my townhouse, I was very pleased to hear that you will consent to a trip to London. I am hoping things can be timed in such a way to ensure you have an opportunity before our wedding to make any changes you deem necessary.”

“Thank you. That is very generous, but I am certain everything will be very much to my liking and more than sufficient to fit my needs.” Turning more serious, she carefully added, “As to the timing of the trip, I am sure that whatever plans you make, we will endeavor to accommodate your schedule.”

Taking in her odd behavior, he replied, “But I have nothing planned yet. I am asking you now so that we can decide together.”

“But you seemed to indicate to my mother that your schedule would dictate such matters.”

Furrowing his brow, he replied, “Oh, then I suppose I gave the wrong impression. I did not want to commit to your mother as to the timing of our wedding or a trip to London without us having discussed it first. You said you did not see the need to set a date yet, so I was agreeing. I do need to check with my steward, but it is really just a formality. I simply wanted us to be in agreement before we discussed it with your mother.”

“Oh.”

“I hope this does not sound too odd, or maybe even blunt, but I suppose I have been used to deciding things for myself for a very long time now. I am not foolish enough to believe that I can continue in this manner. I understand I must now consult you first about such matters, but the idea of having to get your mother's approval is somewhat foreign to me.”

“Well, she will need to make plans, and she has Jane's wedding to consider too.”

“I appreciate that, and I do understand that we will have to accommodate her wishes. But the idea of the three of us discussing our wedding date in front of everyone else is not appealing to me.”

“I see.”

“In some ways it is a very private decision. I would not feel comfortable saying what I want to say to you about the subject in front of her, or anyone else for that matter.”

“Well, now you must tell me directly, because you have not only confused me, you have piqued my curiosity.”

After looking to see if anyone was paying attention to them, he leaned near her ear and whispered, “I have waited for you for what seems a very long time. And after this afternoon in the hallway, I am not sure how much longer I can wait. I think for both our sakes, we should marry sooner rather than later.”

In response, her eyes widened, and she blushed. Looking down at her plate, she quietly replied, “Oh.”

“I see that I have made you uncomfortable. I am sorry. Perhaps we should discuss this another time.”

Gaining her composure, she looked him in the eye in an impertinent manner and said, “No, that is not necessary. Since you have succeeded in gaining my undivided attention, I think I should hear you out.”

It was now his turn to blush. Undaunted, however, he replied, “Very well, I think a short engagement would be preferable. I know that it might conflict with Bingley and Miss Bennet's wedding, but I was discussing the very matter with him while waiting for you to join us for dinner, and he suggested a novel proposal that might suit everyone's needs.”

“Pray tell me, what could accomplish all of that?”

“It would require Miss Bennet's approval and, of course, yours, but we considered a double ceremony.” As he waited for a response, he impetuously added, “I know your mother may not like it, but we could be married in less than five weeks. I had hoped that Georgiana and Colonel Fitzwilliam would come to Hertfordshire by the end of this coming week, and after they had visited for a few days, we could all return to London. I believe there would be ample time to accomplish everything that needs to be done. Your mother has already finalized most of the wedding details. She would simply need to enlarge the arrangements to accommodate my family, who are not so many in number.”