Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (36 page)

“But I intend…”

“Yes, I am sure you have many intentions. But as to this, you will oblige me. I see no point in your not going. After Mr. Lynch leaves me, I will do just fine with Colonel Fitzwilliam,” he said, adding with a mischievous smile, “Unless, of course, you had something else in mind? Are you attempting to arrange things so we have more time alone together? If that is the case, rest assured, I will insist that the colonel go in your place.”

“Fitzwilliam, I did not mean…”

Smiling, he raised his hand. “Yes, of course you did not. But if that is the case, I can see no other benefit in your staying behind. You cannot possibly think that I would get any rest if you were here. The mere possibility that you would check on me in my room would keep me up the entire night in sheer anticipation and hope.”

Unsure how to respond, she stammered, “Sir, I…”

Smiling at her broadly and barely refraining from laughing, he replied, “I can see that you are shocked at my behavior. As I said, I am still feeling the effects of the fever. If you ask me tomorrow, I will claim no memory of this conversation.” Turning more serious, he added, “But I hope that I at least have your assurance that you will attend the opera. I would not be able to rest thinking that I had caused you to forgo an entertainment that I am sure you would take pleasure in.”

As she nodded her assent, he said, “Thank you. I promise that I will make amends for failing to escort you there myself.”

“You need do no such thing, but I will look forward to the time when we can attend together. I think I will enjoy it very much.”

***

The following morning, Darcy arrived at breakfast feeling significantly better. After learning the details of the quality of the performances at the opera of both the players and the attendees, he inquired of the ladies' plans for the day. In response, Jane explained that Miss Bingley had invited all three of them to go shopping with her and Mrs. Hurst.

Hiding his disappointment, he casually asked, “Will you be available to dine here afterward?”

Smiling warmly at him, Elizabeth responded, “Yes, I believe we shall.”

Gazing at her intently as a slow smile came to his lips, he replied, “Wonderful. I will look forward to it.” Their eyes locked as they shared a private smile. Their reverie, however, was interrupted by his recollection that his sister and Miss Bennet were still present. After he regained a more somber expression, he asked, “Will your mother and sisters be going as well?”

With subdued mischievousness, Elizabeth replied, “No. My mother had planned to focus on getting fabric for some new gowns for Lydia today, and Lydia prevailed on her to keep our parties separate. It seems that my youngest sister gets quite taxed if she has to shop for anyone other than herself.”

“But,” Jane interjected, “we do plan to have tea with our aunt. Speaking of her, sir, at the opera last evening my aunt and uncle invited the entire party to dine at their home tomorrow evening. I know they will be sending you a note, but they specifically asked me to mention it to you this morning.”

After Georgiana expressed her own wishes that they attend, it was settled.

***

As Elizabeth awoke the next day, she was startled to realize that she had only three more days before returning to Longbourn. She thought how different she now felt about her childhood home. She was not yet married and could not claim either Darcy's townhouse or Pemberley as her home, but she could also no longer name Longbourn by that term either. As her maid arrived with a tray of her favorite breakfast foods, she felt the separation all the more.

It was not that Darcy's house provided more comforts, although it certainly did; it was more that the rhythm of the household was more attuned to her disposition and tastes. Rising early and then taking a brisk walk was an expected activity and not a peculiarity that had to be borne. The house was designed to provide an abundance of areas where one could quietly read and reflect or pursue musical accomplishments. At Longbourn, only her father's study provided that sort of haven, and admittance into that room was always subject to her father's whim. The style of Darcy's household was understated, and there was a pervasive calmness throughout. Longbourn was in constant disarray, and her mother prized restless activity over all else. The bustle of commotion at Longbourn was sometimes diverting, but it lacked substance, and Elizabeth could not help but feel alienated at times. In the past, she experienced similar sentiments after returning from a visit to her aunt and uncle's house in Cheapside. Knowing that she would be leaving Longbourn for good meant that the time she had left there would be bittersweet at best. With such thoughts, she decided to seek out Jane to convince her to spend an uninterrupted morning together, as Elizabeth doubted whether there would be many more occasions for a tête-à-tête.

Elizabeth and Jane entered the dining room after having spent a pleasant morning together. Any of the remorse that Elizabeth had experienced about feeling so unconnected to her family dissipated on seeing Darcy's welcoming smile. She wondered if the giddy sensation she felt whenever they were reunited after an absence of any length would cease once they were married. She hoped not. While the feeling was disconcerting, it was also exhilarating.

After lunch, Darcy and Georgiana arranged to take Elizabeth on another tour of the private rooms. As they made their way upstairs, Georgiana lagged behind. With Elizabeth on his arm, it was clear that her brother was enjoying a private conversation with his fiancée. Feeling both intrusive and invisible, she opted to let them slowly leave her behind.

As Darcy finished explaining the history of the recent renovations the house had undergone, they entered into what would be Elizabeth's suite as the mistress of the house. “I at least thought you would want to change the decor in this room and your private sitting room. The suite has not really been touched since my mother used it.”

Unsure how to broach the subject, she tentatively asked, “You must have very fond memories of her?”

Wistfully he responded, “Yes, I do, but they are the memories of a child. I wish I had known her as an adult. I wondered about her life with my father, how the two of them came to accept one another. When I first fell in love with you, I would have liked to talk to her about it. You may not have known from our history, but I found the working of a woman's mind impenetrable.”

Laughing, she quickly replied, “But as to your mother, you have said she was quite content. I think that even if you cannot know how she obtained her happiness, it does not diminish that she was in fact happy. There must be some comfort in that?”

“Yes, that is very true. I do remember her in these rooms, though. When I was very little, she used to let me come in first thing in the morning and sit in bed with her. She would tell me of her plans for the day.”

“Your father did not mind?”

With a furrowed brow, he replied, “I am not sure he even knew about it.” After a shrug, he continued to speak. “I hope you will redecorate these rooms to your taste. I am looking forward to seeing the result.”

“But, Fitzwilliam, even if I were inclined to do so, are you sure you would want me to? If these rooms remind you of your mother, perhaps they would be better left as they are.”

“You are to be the new mistress of the house, and these rooms should reflect your taste and no one else's. Here and at Pemberley, I have many things to remind me of my mother. Besides,” he added with a twinkle in his eye, “although I love the memory of my mother very much and will always keep it dear to me, this is to be your bedroom. I cannot think you naïve enough to hope that I will be reminded of my mother when I am in residence in these rooms with you.”

Blushing, Elizabeth could only meekly reply, “Yes, I see.”

Concerned over her reaction, he quickly stated, “Elizabeth, I see that I have made you uncomfortable, and I fear it is not the first time. I apologize.”

“No, there is no need to apologize. This is all just very… new to me. My father would call me missish and I hope to be more sensible than that. I would rather that we speak our minds openly and without disguise.” With her own twinkle in her eye she added, “But to answer your question, sir, no, I am not that naïve, and your point is well taken.”

With a nod, he said, “I am happy to hear it. I look forward to the results.”

As he beckoned her to follow him to his adjoining suite, he said, “You should also decide whether my own rooms meet with your approval. I would welcome any suggestions you may have. I will leave such decisions in your capable hands.”

After she stepped over the threshold, she could not resist looking about thoroughly. She had seen his room in candlelight the night before the opera, but she now had an uninhibited view. His large sleigh bed dominated the room, covered in a rich burgundy velvet coverlet with a matching upholstered bench at its foot. On either side of the bed were recessed bookshelves that clearly held his favored collection. Placed in front of the fireplace were two comfortable chairs with a table between them, where some of his work rested in a scattered fashion. Recalling herself, she replied, “Fitzwilliam, I hardly think that is my place to dictate the style of your own private rooms.”

With an unreadable look on his face, Darcy simply smiled.

“Fitzwilliam, do you not agree?”

“Madam, are you tempting me to say something provocative? I do not wish to get myself in trouble again.”

“Well, now you must oblige me. I am all curiosity.”

“Very well, but remember that you asked. While I agree that my suite is, of course, my own, I hardly think it likely that you will have no interest in its comforts. You have already spent more time in it than you have in the rooms you will one day occupy. I was hoping it was a trend.”

Laughing despite herself, she replied, “I see, sir, that it is your plan to never to let me forget my breach of propriety the other evening. I suppose it will be my cross to bear.”

Taking her hand, he said, “If my teasing bothers you, I will stop right away.”

“No, I will not hear of it. Given that I once thought you too solemn, I am now in no position to complain about your attempts at levity, even if I am the victim of your wit.”

“I would hope that you would know that I would never knowingly cause you any pain.” He fell silent and pensive. After a pause, he continued to speak. “Elizabeth, in any regard, I did want to say… I… I know that I should probably wait until after we are married to speak of such things, but since the issue is before us now, I will rely on your assertion that you value our honesty and forge ahead, even if discretion might be more prudent.”

After receiving her assent, he continued on awkwardly. “I want to ensure that my rooms are to your liking. I hope you understand that once we are married, I would not wish for such artificial boundaries to come between us. I am not sure what you would expect… how your parents… and I will of course respect whatever distinctions you feel we should preserve between us, but I have been alone for a very long time. I have had my fill of solitude. I see no reason to divide our living quarters between us simply because convention calls for such a device. I would hope that we would occupy the rooms together—as a couple. I know myself well enough to know that once I have you, I will not want to let you go. So unless you disagree with me on this fundamental point, you should be comfortable in either set of rooms because, one way or another, I think you will become quite familiar with both.”

Having spoken for so long, Darcy suddenly felt the enormity of what he had said. As he looked to her for a reaction, she stood silent for a moment and then stepped forward, placing her hand behind his neck to pull his lips to hers. Before she kissed him she said, “I am very lucky to have you. I cannot believe I almost lost you once by my own foolishness. If I had any doubts about the efficacy of our talking plainly with each other, they have been put to rest. I would not trade the words you have just said to me for anything. You have both reassured my peace of mind and shattered my composure. I believe our life together will be quite wonderful.”

As they began to kiss, she was not prepared for the torment of passion their contact released. Darcy quickly moved his hands to cup her face and began to seek her mouth with such fervor that she began to tremble. He slid his hands down her back in order to draw her body ever closer. She could not help but respond in kind and wound her hands about his waist. As they continued to kiss ever deeper, boldly exploring each other's mouths, she could barely register a thought.

Through the haze though, she could feel how rapidly they both were breathing and felt herself slightly dizzy. Seemingly understanding her sensations, he held her even tighter and then suddenly, fluidly, turned to sit in the chair, pulling her onto his lap as he did. He momentarily seemed shocked by his own actions, but was drawn to her mouth again. As he kissed her, he slowly brought one hand to her shoulder and began to lightly trace his finger along the neckline of her dress. His mouth soon followed as he let his lips, and then tongue, slowly explore the contours of her neck and exposed shoulder.

As Darcy continued his ministrations, he felt consumed by his desire. The culmination of so many fantasies and the reality of her responsiveness made rational thought impossible. He soon, however, found the confines of the chair too restrictive and, out of sheer animal instinct, slid off the chair and onto his knees, taking Elizabeth with him. As they knelt before each other, he gave her a fiery look before he began to kiss her again, all the while slowly pulling the sleeve of her gown down to reveal one of her shoulders.

Darcy was forever grateful for the fact that his passion-induced stupor did not stop him from hearing Georgiana talking to Mrs. Larsen in the hall. He knew it would be a matter of minutes before his sister would see the open door to his chamber and discover them. His alarm at such an image forced him into action. As he awkwardly attempted to pull Elizabeth up, she suddenly stiffened, making it clear that she had heard his sister's approach as well. As they both attempted to recompose themselves and straighten their clothing, Darcy called out, “Georgiana, is that you? Miss Bennet and I were just looking over the suite of rooms.” Giving Elizabeth a quick, contrite frown, he strode from the room to delay Georgiana for as long as possible.