Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (10 page)

“I grant you that it might be at first. But I am resolved to stay there until I convince Miss Bennet of my regard. I do not intend to make the same mistake twice. Hopefully, she will be able to forgive me and grant me a second chance. And if she does, as my closest friend, it will be natural for you to be in our company. Please do not follow my sisters' lead and make me choose between you and Miss Bennet. If Miss Bennet is concerned about my sisters' opinion of her, it will help to demonstrate to her that there is at least one person in my closest circle who approves the match and is comfortable in her presence.”

“Charles, I am not sure. I think my presence will impede your progress, not aid it, especially since my aunt's visit.”

“It is your aunt's visit that I am thinking of mostly. If everyone in the neighborhood thinks that you had intentions toward Miss Bennet but gave them up after your aunt lodged objections to the match, then your failure to reappear will confirm the truth of the rumor. Your actions will make it look as though you rejected her as unworthy. If, however, you come with me and make it clear that your previous visit was to convey your regard to the Bennets as my friend, then the rumor of your affections toward Miss Bennet will die of its own accord. As I said, you owe it to Miss Bennet and me to come to Netherfield. If you do not, it may damage Miss Bennet's reputation.”

“Charles, I see what you are saying, and if that is the case, my sense of honor requires me to return with you, but the idea of staying or becoming comfortable as a visitor to you and Miss Bennet is unrealistic. After what my aunt has done, her family has every reason to dislike me, and more importantly, after all that has happened between Miss Elizabeth and myself, we will never be comfortable together. She will never forgive me for what I have done.”

“Darcy, how can you be sure? You said Wickham had told her some lies about you and that you explained the truth to her in a letter. Did she believe you?”

“Yes, she did. When I visited, she let me know that she now understood Wickham's true character and no longer harbored any doubts about my actions toward him.”

“Well then, there it is. Her only other real objection concerned Miss Bennet and myself. She cannot continue to hold it against you now that you are helping reunite us.”

“No. But, Charles, she will never forgive me for the damage I have caused.”

“But why not? Apparently, Miss Bennet and I have each forgiven you, and we were the direct victims of the events that unfolded. If we can forgive you, then surely Miss Elizabeth can do the same. Or do you not consider her to be a generous person?”

“No, of course I do. But that is not the point. Besides, she has many more objections to me than just these two things. I insulted her during my proposal, and I also insulted her family. You have no idea of the stupid things I said to her.”

“You may be right, Darcy. I do not know everything that has passed between you, but it is clear from what you have said to me today that you are still in love with her. Don't you think it would be worth trying to convince her to forgive you—at least enough to let you start over? Maybe you won't win her immediately as your bride, but you could at least become friends.”

“Charles, I will do whatever you want me to in order to help you secure Miss Bennet's affections, and if that includes trying to make peace with Miss Elizabeth so that we can all be in the same room together, I will do that for you. But I harbor no illusions about ever winning Miss Elizabeth's regard. The best thing for me to do is to learn to accept that fact.”

“Darcy, not five minutes ago you said that if you were in my place, you would not let the opportunity go by to attempt to win Miss Bennet back. It seems to me that you are in the same place. I may go back to Hertfordshire, risk all, and fail. But it will be worth it because I care so deeply for Miss Bennet. Why is the risk not the same for you?”

“Bingley, our situations are vastly different. You—”

Before Darcy could finish, Bingley interrupted him again. “Listen, Darcy, I do not expect you to make a decision now about events that may not occur, and you need not promise that you will stay on at Netherfield. It is enough that you have agreed to come with me in the first place. I simply ask that you think about everything else that I have said and leave the option open. Right now I think we will have our hands full getting to Longbourn, and undoing the damage my sisters have caused and erasing the effects of your aunt's visit. That said, how soon can you leave?”

“Immediately.”

Second Chances

The morning after they arrived at Netherfield, Bingley and Darcy set out to visit Longbourn. They left as early as civility would allow. During the previous day's long carriage ride to Hertfordshire, they had decided it would be best if they called together. Bingley would apologize for his long absence and hope for a moment to talk to Miss Bennet alone. Darcy would attempt to dispel any rumors that his aunt's visit might have caused. It would be awkward, but there seemed no other course.

As they rode their horses to Longbourn, they were both filled with anxiety. Darcy looked over at Bingley, who was clearly lost in thought. He was somewhat surprised by his sudden silence. He had spent the previous evening listening to Bingley speak almost nonstop about the best strategy to win a second chance with Miss Bennet. Bingley vacillated between making a quick confession of his regard followed by a plea that she forgive his hasty departure last fall to resuming his attentions as if nothing had happened in the hope that she would allow him to proceed without an explanation. Bingley preferred the former option but was concerned both that his behavior would be considered improper and that the logistics of arranging the confession would prove difficult. The latter would be easy to execute, but he worried Miss Bennet might consider his attitude cavalier. As the hours passed, Darcy's tolerance for Bingley's indecision was tempered by the fact that his friend's cheerful demeanor was slowly returning. Bingley remained cautious about his chances of winning Miss Bennet's forgiveness, but his pervasive air of sadness was in retreat. As the fire in the hearth burned itself out, Bingley determined to let his actions be guided by how they were received.

Watching his friend now on his way to Miss Bennet, Darcy could not help but feel a stab of jealousy. He was truly happy that Bingley was attempting a reconciliation with Miss Bennet and wished him every degree of success. He and Miss Bennet deserved no less. Nonetheless, he could not help but lament that he was foreclosed from seeking the same absolution from Elizabeth. It seemed bitterly unfair that he should find the means of his happiness only to know that it was permanently out of his reach. He knew his quickening pulse was in anticipation of seeing her again. If only the encounter had the promise of ending well.

It would be the height of arrogance to assume that he could expect a second chance with Elizabeth, and he knew the danger of allowing his pride to rule him unchecked. The difference between his situation and Bingley's was very real, and he would be a fool to lose sight of that.

Nonetheless, there was a part of him that was spurred on by Bingley's hopefulness. When he looked objectively at Bingley's situation, it seemed reasonable that Bingley would try to win Miss Bennet's regard. His determination spoke well of his devotion. Bingley had told him he had no real alternative in the matter, since he would never be happy until he secured her hand. Was not the same true of him? He knew that his attempts at putting Elizabeth out of his mind were futile. Was not Bingley's willingness to pursue Miss Bennet without any real encouragement actually evidence of his ability to put his pride aside because he was doing so without any assurance that he would ultimately be accepted? Maybe the real difference between his and Bingley's situation was that Bingley was willing to pursue Miss Bennet even if it ended in an embarrassing rebuff. Was his resignation over losing Elizabeth simply his pride at work again?

No. Those were the daydreams of a lovesick schoolboy, not the master of Pemberley. Part of being a man of importance in the world was accepting its realities. His father had taught him as much. Didn't Elizabeth specifically say that he could not have made the offer of his hand in any possible way that would have tempted her to accept it?

But, then again, when she had said those things, she had been laboring under Wickham's deceptions and anger over her sister's loss. She clearly no longer believed Wickham, and she must have seen from his own recent behavior that he truly regretted his actions toward her sister. Why did he begrudge Elizabeth the charity to forgive him? The fact that she had tried to thank him at the assembly must have meant something. He knew she was a compassionate person. That was how Wickham was able to weave his lies, by falsely appealing to her sense of justice and fairness. Even if Elizabeth could not forgive him immediately, maybe it was not unreasonable for him to expect a pardon if Bingley eventually convinced Miss Bennet to forgive him and accept his offer. Maybe he simply needed to give her more time.

No, that was also false optimism. It was his manners that she believed demonstrated his arrogance, his conceit, and his selfish disdain of the feelings of others. It was his lack of civility that formed the groundwork of her immovable dislike of him. Given her low opinion of him, it was clearly folly to believe that he could ever convince her otherwise. As they approached the house, Darcy continued his internal debate, preoccupied by his conflicting emotions.

Inside Longbourn, the morning routine was progressing in its usual chaotic fashion. Elizabeth had woken early, dressed, and fixed her hair before her younger sisters commanded the attentions of their shared maid. As she took a quick walk in the garden before breakfast, her mind wandered to the dramatic events of the past few days. If the memory of Lady Catherine's visit had not been so humiliating, she would have found her mother's clash with her humorous. Here were two women who inevitably got their own way—one through the privilege of her position and the other by virtue of her unwillingness to heed anyone else's counsel—fighting fiercely over the propriety of a nonexistent match. If it had ended there, she might have found the absurdity of the situation amusing.

Her father certainly did. He had half-listened in a detached manner to her mother's vivid account of the exchange and then patiently heard Jane's heartfelt plea that Mr. Darcy not be blamed for the misunderstanding as he had neither pursued her nor intimated any special regard for her. Her father simply laughed and shook his head at the disparity between his wife's and daughter's descriptions. He then dismissed the entire affair as unimportant with a wave of his hand. If this young man truly wanted Jane, he would ignore his aunt's wishes, and if he did not, then Jane was better off without him. He then advised his wife to forget the episode, as Jane's honor had not been compromised and it was simply another example of human folly at its best. Their neighbors would forget the details of it as soon as someone did something more embarrassing.

Elizabeth considered her father's advice both cynical and naïve. It had barely taken a day for news of the encounter to spread, as Lady Catherine had apprised her parson of the reason for her trip before she left Kent, and Mrs. Bennet could not help but lament the details of the conversation to Mrs. Philips when she visited to inquire of the matter after being informed of it by Mrs. Lucas. Since then, there had been no indication that discussion of the visit would abate any time soon.

Try as she might, Elizabeth found it impossible to forget the encounter or its ramifications. She could not help but take offense at her neighbors' speculation that Mr. Darcy had abandoned Jane because of the inferiority of her station and connections. She knew it was idle gossip that did not deserve her consideration, but it struck too close to home. In his declarations to her at Hunsford, he had said that he had struggled against his attachment for her because he knew he would be going against the express wishes of his family. This concern suddenly seemed less condescending when juxtaposed against his aunt's aggressive and hostile attack of Jane. The manner in which he had addressed her was still unacceptable, but the fact that this concern was foremost in his mind seemed a little less arrogant. She wondered what would have happened if his aunt had lodged the same vehement opposition to her, invoking his departed mother's name in the process. Would he have abandoned her as the neighborhood now believed he had abandoned Jane? She felt an irrational sense of discomfiture as she concluded that he most likely would have.

She wondered why it mattered to her. How colossal was her own pride that she demanded his loyalty in a situation of her own conjecture? She had refused him after all. It was no longer her place to feel rejection over the possibility that his family's interference would have swayed him to reconsider. It was foolish fancy on her part to think about it. Yet, of all the thoughts Lady Catherine's visit produced, this was the one that stuck.

She did think it amusing that, in retrospect, the only pleasant thought she could salvage from the visit came from her mother's behavior. Maybe that was a little too charitable. After all, she blamed her mother for creating the situation by assuming affection where none existed and for causing the gossip that ultimately brought Lady Catherine to Hertfordshire. Moreover, her mother's motivation for standing up to Lady Catherine was a source of utter mortification for Elizabeth, as she knew it sprang solely from Mr. Darcy's generous income and not from any respect she had for him. Nonetheless, her defense of Jane—and by extension herself—was laudable. That her mother thought a man of any station would be lucky to win the hand of one of her daughters spoke well of her. If she adjusted her opinion of her mother to account for her simplistic world view, she could not help but value her loyalty. This seemed especially so when contrasted with her father's indifference. If she had accepted Mr. Darcy's proposal in Kent, apparently her mother would have been her first line of defense against his aunt, while Mr. Bennet would simply enjoy the ridiculousness of the situation it created.

Despite these somewhat charitable thoughts toward her mother, it did not change the fact that she did not want to be long in her company. Since Lady Catherine's abrupt departure, her mother could barely tolerate her frayed nerves, and her mother's discomfort always had a way of spreading to the entire family. Moreover, since her mother had unequivocally determined that only Mr. Darcy's return could placate her, Elizabeth reasoned that there was no point attempting to comfort her, as she knew he would not be returning anytime soon. By now, Mr. Darcy had undoubtedly told Bingley of his interference, and his confession would, in effect, relieve him of any further responsibility in the affair. After his aunt's visit, he certainly would want to distance himself from her family and the gossip it had created. She could not blame him for that, but it made her once again hope for Bingley's quick return. If he came and her sister accepted his belated attentions, it would go a long way to diffuse the furor over Lady Catherine's visit. She did not want to consider Jane's position if Bingley also failed to return.

It was possible they might occasionally see Mr. Darcy if Mr. Bingley eventually secured Jane's affections, but there were too many variables to predict whether it was likely. Even if he did occasionally visit, her unconventional acquaintance with him was for all other purposes at an end. She felt surprisingly unsettled by the notion. Maybe it was because he had taken his leave before she could either properly explain herself or thank him for helping her sister. Truth be told, she felt some unresolved regret for her harsh words in Kent.

Knowing him had evoked more questions than answers, and the uncertainty bothered her. She found herself wondering what his future would bring. Would he acquiesce to his aunt's demands? His proposal to her was proof that he never intended to marry his cousin, but perhaps he would change his mind when his aunt finally caught up with him.

It suddenly struck her that they had something in common. For very different reasons, he faced the same familial pressure to marry for the benefit of his family that she had battled when she refused Mr. Collins. His need to marry for affection apparently matched her own, as he would not have chosen her, given the inevitable opposition he would face, unless it was paramount to him. In that regard, she felt sorry she could not have fulfilled his wish, as she certainly understood his need.

She also had to admit she must have underestimated the strength of his attachment, as it ultimately compelled him to undertake what she now understood was the fairly provocative step of asking for her hand. While she still could not imagine returning his affections, she did feel the compliment of his regard more acutely. The realization made her recognize that she was no longer angry at him and that, while his pride was certainly a major part of his personality, it was not the only emotion he possessed. She immediately thought again of his good-bye to her at the assembly and his sad countenance. It made her realize that, after all that had happened between them, she now also wished him every happiness in return.

Sobered by her walk, Elizabeth settled in the dining room to partake of a light breakfast. She hoped her mother would allow Jane and her to take a quick walk to Meryton so they could gain some respite from her laments about Lady Catherine's visit and Jane's chances of securing Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth's hope of an early departure was dashed when she learned that Jane had acquiesced to Lydia's demand that their maid redo her hair before starting Jane's because Lydia had decided that the original style she selected no longer pleased her. As Elizabeth waited for both her mother and Jane to finish dressing, her father and Mary joined her at breakfast. It was not many minutes later that visitors were escorted in.

As Mrs. Hill announced Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth's face blushed scarlet. She had hoped for Mr. Bingley's return, but never expected Mr. Darcy's. She knew it was irrational, but she could not help but feel that she had somehow been caught in her ruminations about him. As a result, her eyes impulsively flew to his. Seeing her so becomingly flustered, Darcy, in his nervousness, could not help but smile at her as he bowed. She returned the acknowledgment with a nervous dip of her head.

Mr. Bennet interrupted the exchange. “Ah, good morning, gentlemen. I must say, this is a pleasant surprise. I did not expect to see you in the neighborhood, Mr. Bingley, or for that matter you, Mr. Darcy. And if I might add, I did not expect to see you both here together. We are indeed fortunate. Will you not join us for breakfast?”