Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (9 page)

Before he could continue, Darcy's butler entered, attempting to keep pace with a visitor who had pushed past him as they entered the room. The butler stammered the introduction, “Lady Catherine de Bourgh.”

Lady Catherine waved the butler off impatiently, stating, “Yes, yes, not now, I think my nephew can recognize me! I have no time for this. Darcy, I must speak to you immediately about a matter of grave concern. I have sent Anne to freshen up. I have just returned from Hertfordshire with the most disturbing news.” Noticing Bingley's presence, she turned to him, gave him a dismissive look, and said in a commanding tone, “You will excuse us, sir.”

Shocked and struggling to maintain his composure, Darcy asked in as even a tone as possible, “You were in Hertfordshire. Why?”

“Darcy, I see no reason to parade our personal business in front of this stranger. But I will tell you this: You owe me a great deal. I went there to stop a rumor of the most alarming nature from spreading. But you are not safe yet. We must act quickly before there is any further damage to your name.” Bingley turned to Darcy with his mouth open, but before he could speak, Lady Catherine said, “Sir, I will ask you again, excuse us immediately.”

Darcy's head began to reel. He could barely register his aunt's words, and as comprehension began to dawn, he could feel his temper rise. With her insult to Bingley, he had endured enough. “Madam, I would take care not to treat a guest in my house in such a manner. You have been introduced to Mr. Bingley many times before.” In a softer tone, he turned to Bingley and said, “Charles, I am so sorry for this intrusion. I must speak to my aunt. Could you please wait for me in the next room? I promise I will not be long.”

Bingley rose but hesitated. “Darcy, what is this about? Does this have something to do with Miss Bennet? I demand to know.”

Lady Catherine interrupted, “Then you have heard the vile rumor too? Darcy, how could you let this happen? I know she must have used her feminine wiles on you, but have you no control?”

Lady Catherine's words struck Darcy with the force of an actual blow. He clenched his fists in response but willed himself to relax as he drew Bingley aside before he could protest. “Charles, I beg of you, it is not how it sounds. Please give me a moment to discern what has happened. I promise I will tell you everything.”

Indignant, Bingley rose to his full height and looked Darcy in the eye. “Sir, you can be assured that I will insist upon it.”

“Thank you, Charles. I promise this is not as it seems.” Darcy then instructed his butler to escort Bingley to the parlor and make him comfortable. After Darcy walked him out, he turned to his aunt, who had seated herself behind his desk. Summoning all the control in his possession to keep from lashing out at her, he inquired in a resolute tone, “Madam, what is this about?”

“Darcy, several evenings ago I was shocked to hear that there was a rumor circulating in Hertfordshire that you had made an offer of marriage to one of Mr. Collins's cousins. I immediately knew that it must be a falsehood both because you are promised to Anne and because I know you were raised to know better than to ever consider such an unfortunate alliance. Please tell me that there is no truth to the rumor so that we can make plans to stop it from circulating any farther.”

Worried about her allusion, Darcy simply replied, “Madam, I have never given idle gossip any credence, and I suggest that you do not either.”

“Darcy, that is hardly the answer I am seeking. I insist you tell me at once that this rumor is groundless. I know that you would never consider connecting your name with that of the Bennets of Hertfordshire. The very idea is preposterous. But I need to know whether you did anything to compromise this Jane Bennet so that she could make a claim on you.”

Staring at her in disbelief, Darcy replied with forced calm, “Madam, you have gone too far. I owe you no explanation for my behavior.”

In a fit of pique, Lady Catherine spat, “How can you say such a thing? I am almost your nearest relation. Moreover, you forget that as Anne's mother I have a very real interest in knowing how her future husband conducts himself.” The pair stared at each other until Lady Catherine faltered. She then added in a flustered but softer tone, “Darcy, please, at a time like this we need to work together. Do not be concerned over anything you may have done. I visited the Bennets, and I am quite sure that with the right inducement we will be able to smooth over any improprieties that may have occurred. I always thought Elizabeth Bennet's attitude was impertinent; it was nothing compared to that of her mother. She is an utterly worthless woman.”

Darcy head was spinning. At least his proposal to Elizabeth was still secret. But his aunt had visited the Bennets! What had she done? It was not bad enough that she felt free to speak to him in this manner; she apparently also presumed to speak on his behalf in Hertfordshire. His mind immediately flew to what Elizabeth's reaction to all of this must have been. Mortified, he turned to his aunt, resolved to learn all that had occurred. “You visited Longbourn? What happened there?”

“I went there to put a stop to the despicable rumor that you intended to marry this Jane Bennet. She was not home, but her mother was there, and I made it clear to her that such a union would never occur. I let them know that you were engaged to Anne.”

“You told them what? Who did you tell this to?”

“Darcy, I already told you. I spoke with Mrs. Bennet and two of her daughters, Miss Elizabeth and another girl. That is not important. What is important is that I told them you were engaged. I made it very clear that their scheme to trap you would never work and that it was utter folly for a girl without connections or fortune to aspire to the position of mistress of Pemberley. I appealed to their sense of honor and duty, but the mother's reaction was utterly disgraceful. There is nothing to do for it. You must publish your banns with Anne immediately so that everyone will realize it was the Bennets who started the rumor in the hope of forcing your hand. Once you are formally engaged, Jane Bennet will look like the fortune hunter she is. I would be surprised if anyone ever condescends to visit her family again.”

Darcy stared at his aunt, unable to fathom what he should say, where he should start. He ultimately settled on asking, “Did Miss Elizabeth say anything to you?”

“Darcy, you are missing the point entirely. It does not matter what anyone in that family said, you must make it clear to this Jane Bennet person that she will never succeed in her plan to trap you. You and Anne have waited far too long. You must formalize your engagement.”

Darcy bowed his head and momentarily closed his eyes. Things could not be worse. He could not even begin to understand what could be done to correct the damage his aunt had caused. He had hoped to take his leave of Elizabeth with a shred of dignity by graciously disappearing. But instead, his aunt had most likely reopened every wound he had inflicted on her pride by forcibly reminding her of the objections he had voiced in his proposal. In the process, his aunt had no doubt also sullied Miss Bennet's innocent character without any basis. That his aunt should attack her after she had treated him with such generosity was beyond all insult. How could he ever make amends to either of them?

There was, however, one mistake he could rectify. He needed only the courage to do so. He sat down across from his aunt and attempted to gain control of his temper. “Aunt Catherine, you said that you had a right to know about my affairs, and you are right in one regard. For too long, I have kept my feelings to myself about marriage in a misguided effort to spare you and your daughter pain. I see now that this was a mistake. I have no intention of making an offer of marriage to Miss Bennet. But by the same token, I also have no desire to propose to Anne. I love her as my cousin, but nothing more. I know that you have long hoped that such a union would be possible, but I intend to marry whom I see fit in the hope of securing my own happiness. I am sorry if this gives you pain, but I feel I must be honest with you.”

“Darcy, this is not to be borne. It was the favorite wish of your mother to see you united to Anne. Will you defile her memory?”

“I hope to do no such thing, but I am resolved in this. I will not ask Anne to be my wife.”

“You are not fooling me. This has something to do with that Bennet woman. She has turned your head. Do duty and family honor mean so little to you? Would you marry beneath your station and make a mockery of your name? Hear me clearly, Darcy. She will never be accepted into our family or, for that matter, into the best circles of society. Would you risk such censure? And what of your heirs? Do you feel no responsibility in that regard?”

Standing, Darcy held up his hand for her to stop. “Aunt, I will tell you for the last time that I have no intentions toward Miss Jane Bennet and never have. I insist that you stop disparaging her name immediately. She is a lovely girl who does not deserve your slander. Moreover, I want you to know that this misunderstanding concerning Miss Bennet does not have anything to do with my decision regarding Anne. When I was last at Rosings, I thought a great deal about my mother's and your desire that I marry Anne. I knew then that I could not in good conscience seek an alliance with her, and I now know that I will never change my mind. It would be unfair to Anne and to myself. I could never be a husband to her in the proper way, and our union would eventually only cause us both pain. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I owe you no further explanation. The subject is closed.”

“I am appalled. That, sir, is the final straw. We will go as soon as we have rested and the chaise is ready. I am seriously displeased.”

“I am sorry to hear it, but if you are resolved to go, then I must see to my other guest.”

Confessions and Decisions

Darcy exited the library and leaned against the wall. He took a deep breath to steady himself and then called for a servant to see to his aunt's needs. Their argument had not upset him so much as it had exhausted him. He regretted the misunderstanding that had triggered their exchange, and he was disappointed their discussion had turned so acrimonious. Despite this, he felt an overwhelming sense of relief that he had finally made himself clear about Anne. It made him realize his family's expectations had weighed more heavily on him than he had thought and that even when he had resolved to ask Elizabeth to marry him, he had not quite put their concerns behind him. There was no going back now though, and the knowledge gave him a sense of liberation. While he respected his mother's wish, he had to be his own man, and he hoped that if she were here now, she would understand.

Before entering the parlor, he paused to collect himself. He did not want his turmoil over his aunt to stop him from giving Bingley his undivided attention. He was unsure how he would fix the damage his aunt had caused, but he knew he should start by making sure that Bingley returned to Hertfordshire. As he entered the room, he saw Bingley pacing in front of the fireplace. Before Darcy could speak, Bingley asked in a hurried manner, “Darcy, what is going on? Why did your aunt go to Hertfordshire, and why did she imply that there was some sort of malicious gossip about Miss Bennet?”

“Charles, I will try to explain, but you have to calm down. There has been an unfortunate misunderstanding, but it does not change anything I said to you before about Miss Bennet. Please, will you sit down?”

Bingley reluctantly complied.

“When I was in Hertfordshire, I arranged to speak to Miss Bennet privately, and unfortunately someone must have misunderstood my intentions for doing so. My aunt somehow heard about it and got the idea that I was planning to propose to her. You know that my aunt has always held the misguided notion that I would marry my cousin Anne. In an effort to see that plan to fruition, she went to Hertfordshire to give her objections to the match.”

“She did what? Darcy, are you telling me that everyone in Hertfordshire thinks you are going to propose to Miss Bennet and that your aunt spoke to her about it? How could this have happened? I must know.”

“Charles, I can see you are upset. Please let me explain. While I was in Hertfordshire I wanted to talk to Miss Bennet to see if I could correct the mistake I made about her in the fall. The only way I could speak to her about it was in private, so I asked her to walk with me to Meryton. You know how her mother is. She got the wrong idea about my intentions. After that, I do not know how the rumor spread, but it did. My aunt eventually heard it and took matters into her own hands. I am very sorry, but I did nothing wrong in asking her to walk out with me.”

“Darcy, this is simply too much. You invited me here to tell me that you were wrong about Miss Bennet, and you have urged me to court her. Now I find out that everyone is expecting you to propose to her. What am I supposed to think?”

“Charles, I know this must be difficult, and I am sorry for it, but you must believe me. I did nothing to compromise Miss Bennet, and I have no interest in her as a suitor.”

“Darcy, I would like to believe you, but I must be blunt. Your story does not ring true. I still do not understand why you decided to go to Hertfordshire in the first place. You say you previously learned that you were mistaken about Miss Bennet's feelings for me last fall, but you give no explanation. Given what I now know, it seems more likely that you went there to court her yourself, and when she made it clear she did not prefer you, you decided that I could have her back. I suppose I should be grateful for the gesture, but forgive me if I am not!”

“Charles, that is utter nonsense. I asked you to accompany me there. You were the one who refused to go.”

“That may well be. But, Darcy, I do not know what to think. On the heels of discovering that you and my sisters deceived me about Miss Bennet this winter, I hear this. My faith is shaken.”

Darcy began to pace again and then abruptly stopped. He stood before Bingley and said, “Charles, you are right. By deceiving you, I violated your trust, and I can see why you would be reluctant to believe me now. But you are wrong. I have never held Miss Bennet in special regard. I did have my own reasons for not wanting you to return to Netherfield, but they are not what you believe. At the very least, I owe you a full explanation. My accursed pride has kept me from telling you this for far too long. Will you hear me out?”

Bingley indicated that Darcy should proceed. In response, Darcy paced some more and finally settled in front of Bingley. He turned his gaze to the window as he spoke. “I suppose the seeds of this misunderstanding were sown when we first went to Hertfordshire. I had not been at Netherfield long before I came to realize that I had a strong attraction for someone in the neighborhood. At first I thought it was a passing interest, but I soon found myself bewitched. I began to think of her during my every waking hour, and I often dreamed of her. She was everything that is lovely. But instead of showing my interest and courting her, I deemed her an unacceptable candidate for marriage because she lacked both social connections and a fortune. I thought that my position required me to marry someone from the highest levels of society. I had been taught that I owed as much to my family and to my name. So I foolishly fought the attraction. I tried to never let my feelings for her show, not to her or to anyone else. I forced myself to accept that I would never have her and sought to minimize my contact with her in the misguided hope that I could forget her. Unfortunately for both of us, at the same time, you had become enamored of her elder sister. At the Netherfield Ball, I could resist temptation no longer, so I asked her to dance. During the ball, I came to realize everyone in the neighborhood believed you would soon be united with Miss Bennet. At the time, I truly believed that Miss Bennet held you in no special regard, and as a result, I followed you to London with your sisters to convince you of that fact. In leaving, I resolved that I would never see Miss Elizabeth Bennet again and vowed to put her out of my mind.”

The quiet was deafening until Bingley exclaimed, “Darcy, I am astonished. Miss Elizabeth Bennet. I had no idea.”

“I am not surprised. I kept it a secret from everyone, including her. But, Charles, there is more. When Miss Bennet visited your sister in the winter, I wondered briefly if I had been too hasty in judging her. But I did not act. I let your sisters deceive you. I did it because I wanted to spare you any further pain, but I was also cognizant of the fact that if you were reunited with Miss Bennet, I might be thrown into the company of her sister again. At the time, I believed I was trying to protect you, but in hindsight, I understand that you have every right to question my motives.”

As Bingley listened in silence, Darcy began to pace again. “I spent the following months in, I believe, the same manner as you: trying to forget our visit to Hertfordshire. In the spring I took my annual pilgrimage to visit my aunt in Kent. I hoped it would put a little more distance between Miss Elizabeth and myself. To my shock, when I arrived, she was there visiting her friend Mrs. Collins at Rosings' parsonage. As soon as I saw her, I knew that all of my vows to forget her were for naught.”

“Is that how you found out about Miss Bennet: you talked to Miss Elizabeth about it?”

“Not exactly, we never really had a conversation about it. We exchanged harsh words, and afterward I wrote her a letter explaining myself.”

“Darcy, you wrote her? How is it that you felt comfortable enough to take such a liberty?”

“At the time, writing to her seemed like the least offensive option. But I have skipped some of the story. I only wrote to her as I was leaving Kent.” Looking steadily out the window, Darcy continued. “Before that, I visited with her on several occasions while I was at my aunt's, but I never told her how I felt. When I was not with her, however, I could not get her out of my mind. I knew I loved her. How could I not? She is charming, beautiful, intelligent, and she has the most engaging disposition. Yet despite all this, I spent my time constantly debating whether I could overlook her low connections and the improprieties that her family often exhibited. I ultimately determined that I could not live without her, so I proposed to her one night when I found her alone.”

“Darcy, you're engaged to Miss Elizabeth? I cannot believe it. You should have told me sooner.”

“Charles, I am not engaged. She refused me.”

“She refused you!”

“Oh, yes, most vehemently. Apparently I am the last man she could ever be prevailed upon to marry. I had spent so much time absorbed in my own inner struggles that I never bothered to notice that she detests me. When she refused me, I foolishly asked her why. She gave me a long list of reasons, the particulars of which I will not trouble you with. But, apparently, Wickham had ingratiated himself with her and concocted a tale about an injustice I committed against him. More significantly, she could not forgive me for having irreparably hurt her sister by separating you from her when she returned your affections. Apparently, Miss Elizabeth had pieced together my role in all of this before I proposed to her, and it gave her yet another reason to dislike me. We quarreled over it and other matters, and I left after some very cruel words were exchanged.

“The next day, I wrote to her to explain myself in regard to her sister and also to defend myself against Wickham's slanders. I then left Kent. But I was troubled by the mistake I had made and the harm I had caused you and Miss Bennet. I tried to get you to visit Hertfordshire so that I could undo the damage I had done. But you were so adamant in your refusal to go; I thought it best for me to go there first to see for myself whether there was any hope of a reconciliation between you.

“Charles, I must tell you that I am relieved to finally speak of all of this, and I hope I have adequately explained what happened. But I am under no illusions about my behavior. I know what I have done has severely damaged our friendship. I sincerely apologize for all the harm I have caused you. I will understand if you never want to see me again, and I will importune you no further in that regard. But before I take my leave, I do want to encourage you one more time to visit Miss Bennet. I honestly do not know whether she will still receive you, but at least you should try. I know my aunt has complicated matters, but if you still care for her, you should risk it. I know that if there was still hope for me, I would not let the opportunity go by.”

“Darcy, I hardly know what to say… I still cannot comprehend it all. When you talked to Miss Bennet, what did to you say to her and what was Miss Elizabeth's reaction to you coming to Longbourn?”

“Well, before I spoke to Miss Bennet I had assumed that Elizabeth—Miss Elizabeth—would have confided in her about what happened in Kent, and I was correct for the most part. She knew of my proposal and her sister's refusal, but she was not aware of my role or your sisters' role in urging you to leave Hertfordshire. So I confessed to her what happened. She was actually most gracious. She had every right to be livid with me, but she understood how I could have misconstrued her regard for you. She is truly a remarkable woman. I can understand why you thought so highly of her, and I apologize for not seeing it sooner. I think what troubled Miss Bennet most were your sisters' objections to her. She does not want to come between you and your family.”

As Darcy's countenance grew more somber, he continued, “As to Miss Elizabeth's reaction to me, it was civil and appropriately cold. After the way I treated her, she has every right to dislike me. It was clear from her reaction to me that she wants nothing more to do with me, and I shall grant her that wish.”

Both men were silent for a long time as Bingley tried to digest all that he had heard. Darcy watched as Bingley walked to the window and stared out it for several minutes. Bingley finally turned and said, “Darcy, I am still unable to comprehend all that has happened, but one thing is clear. We both must return to Hertfordshire.”

“Charles, I am relieved to hear that you are going to go to Netherfield, and I think you should leave as soon as possible. But as to including me in your party, while it is very generous of you, there is no reason for me to go. I believe everyone involved would be happier without me.”

“I beg to differ. I would not be happier without you. There are many reasons for you to go, not the least of which is that you owe it to me and Miss Bennet.”

Darcy stared in disbelief. “Charles, I am not sure…”

Before he could continue, Bingley interrupted him. “Darcy, I have listened to you speak a great deal today. Given your propensity toward silence, I have heard you talk today more than a whole week's worth of visits. Now, please hear me out. First, I want to apologize to you for thinking that anything inappropriate occurred during your visit with Miss Bennet. I reacted before I knew all the particulars, and I am sorry. In fact, I am exceedingly grateful that you spoke to her. And, Darcy, I also want you to know that I appreciate all that you have just told me. I know it was not easy for you. In return I will also be honest. You are right, I still have very strong feelings for Miss Bennet, and I intend to go to Longbourn to convince her of that. I appreciate that it will be difficult, given my sisters' actions, and I expect the support of my closest friend to help me through it. You said that our friendship has been damaged by your actions, and perhaps it has, but I have never assumed it to be so fragile as not to be able to stand some strain. Have you?”

Darcy looked at his friend for a long moment, humbled by his generosity. He then answered with warmth and gratitude in his voice. “No, Charles, I suppose it is not, and I am honored to call you my friend; nonetheless, I think my presence there might be awkward.”