Momentary Lapse (6 page)

“Why?” Cole still hadn't budged from his spot on the bed, despite the fact she needed him to leave. Like, five minutes ago.

Madison scowled harder. “I'm meeting my mother. For lunch.” She flung his pants at his head, trying to impress on him the urgency of the situation.

Cole relaxed, his mouth curving into a sexy grin. “Plenty of time.” He patted the bed. “It's only nine thirty.”

“I know!” Madison almost screeched. It took that much time to build up her outer layers, a thick impenetrable wall of charm and perfection to pass her mother's critical eye. “Why do you think I'm in a hurry? I mean, look at me.” She shuddered in disgust at her reflection, already imagining the acerbic tone her mother would employ. “My hair is a complete rat's nest. I still have streaks of make-up left from last night and I really need to iron my trouser suit. That alone will take me half an hour.”

And she still needed time to calm herself. Her nerves were churning with the thought of having to explain to her mother about Logan. The sick feeling in her stomach intensified and Madison wrapped her arms about her. All the time in the world would never be enough to prepare for that.

Cole looked like he could burst out laughing at any second. Madison wanted to yell at him to leave, but the smoldering look as he ran an assessing eye over her body caused her to falter.

“You are fucktastic just as you are,” he grinned. “I like that look. A lot. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen anything so good.”

His sexy tone lured her and Madison drifted closer, almost within touching distance of the bed. Cole flexed his shoulders, his arms lifting into a lithe stretch that highlighted every ridge of hard muscle. Oh, and there was a lot of him.
A lot of sexy him
. A few more inches and her hands would be all over the sleek heat of his skin.

Madison stopped.
Wow.
How had he done that? With only a few words Cole had turned back the clock and they were still lovers, lusting after each other like there was no tomorrow.

And there was no tomorrow, she told herself firmly, the reminder dousing her with a cold shower of reality.

“I'm sorry.”

She turned, unable to face his disappointment any longer. The bedsheets rustled, then came the thud of feet as Cole got out of bed. Got dressed. A sharp pang pierced below Madison's breast and she rubbed at the spot self-consciously. She twisted back.

“It's just… You don't know my mother.” The words dropped out before she could stop them. Her excuse sounded lame, even to her. No matter how true it was.

Cole seemingly agreed. “I bet I do. In fact, I guarantee I know exactly what your mother is like.” The derision in his voice was ice crawling through Madison's veins. “Just like I know about the real you and how you live in a world where pretense is everything. It's all about what everyone else sees on the outside, isn't it? Last night you told me you wanted something real.” He stared at her pitilessly. “You enjoyed it. But not enough to give up the pretense.”

Each word was delivered like a blow. Madison endured each hammer fall, her anger rising. Cole knew nothing about her life. He had no idea what she had done to get here. And with her mother and her break-up with Logan riding on her shoulders, Madison didn't have time to waste on his blinkered views.

“Yes. You're right.” She confronted him with a bitter laugh, surprised she could speak past the clawing ache in her chest. “Why should I give up the pretense? It's what attracted you, isn't it? When you picked me up last night? Out hunting for a rich lay.”

Cole's lips tightened, but he didn't refute her accusation.

Madison was sickened by the truth. “So, why bother hanging around?” she mocked. “What? Are you disappointed I didn't leave you a tip?”

She made a show of grabbing for her bag and rifling through for her wallet. She almost missed the flash of dark regret in Cole's eyes as his expression closed in.

“I wouldn't touch your money.” Disgust laced his voice. “This was obviously a mistake. One I won't be making again.”

Madison could do nothing but watch him go. If she'd had time, she might have cried, but the thought of lunch with her mother drove her on. She rushed around the room, pushing through the routines that would cover the cracks in her disintegrating life.

And Cole was wrong, she thought, ruthlessly scrubbing the scent of his body from hers. It wasn't
her
pretense she lived with every day.

It was her mother's.

Madison was the mark Patricia St. James measured herself by. And she had very exacting standards.

Chapter Six

There was only one way it would go when Patricia St. James found out about Madison's broken engagement.

Badly.

No point sugar-coating the fact.

Madison sat in the back of the cab on the way to her mother's, bile burning her throat. Of all the things that had happened since finding out about Logan's infidelity, anticipating her mother's reaction to the whole fiasco would be the worst. Patricia had worked hard to secure Madison a good marriage. A good name. Good breeding. To her mother, it meant everything.

And Madison usually played along. She'd never had a reason not to.

It had been this way, from the moment Patricia had recognized Madison's beauty was something that could be used to her advantage. She'd worked her daughter hard, taught her how to trot out phony speeches on saving the earth, feeding the hungry, making the world a better place. Madison could tap dance, belt out the national anthem, all while strutting in front of a crowd wearing a skimpy bikini.

But could she keep one lousy fiancé?

No.

And that, Patricia would find impossible to get past. Going back to the poverty they'd crawled out of was the one thing that terrified her. Madison too. Losing her mother to the person she'd been back then was something Madison didn't want to revisit. With her unpredictable moods, often going days without being talked to, followed by outbursts of anger. Yelling. Crying. Beatings.

Madison had promised her mother over and over that she'd never do anything to risk the position they had now.

Despite the cool interior of the car, perspiration dampened Madison's skin. She flapped her hands in front of her face and the burn in her muscles was a comforting reminder of last night's activity. Her legs too. A smile nipped at her lips as she recalled just how long said legs had spent twined around various parts of Cole. His hips, his shoulders, his wicked mouth…

Madison shifted in her seat. This wasn't the time to remember things she could not have.

She took a breath, employing the same technique she'd used as a kid when she'd suffered crippling bouts of stage fright. Her mother had taught her all the tricks to reach a state of inner calm…

Count backwards from ten, a touch to make sure your hair is flawless, eyes wide aaannnndddddd…smile
.

Madison worked through the routine twice until a measure of composure settled over her. She knew it had worked when the driver glanced in the rear vision mirror and offered a smile.

“You look happy, Miss. Going home?”

Madison inclined her head gracefully, her mouth stretching further. “Why, thank you. Yes. I am visiting my mother and stepfather.” She intoned with impeccable politeness.

His eyes crinkled appreciably. “Well, I'm sure they'll be very pleased to see you.”

Madison kept the smile on her face, even as her stomach lurched sideways. The sick feeling magnified when the St. James mansion rose majestically from its grove of Princeton elms. Her heart leaped into her throat and she dug in her bag for her compact to check her reflection one last time.

Lipstick.

Perfect outline and bow.

Eyebrows.

High arch, faultlessly smoothed.

Skin.

She twisted the mirror left and right, up and down, rechecking twice for shiny spots before settling back in her seat.

Prior to last night, Madison had been prepared to let her mother talk her into going back to Logan. Prepared to talk herself into believing he wasn't so bad. Rationalize his behavior. That would be the easy—
cowardly—
thing to do. To allay her mother's fears of a downhill slide back to the gutter they'd risen from. But after the honesty Madison had faced in herself with Cole last night, she wasn't sure she could do the right thing anymore.

The band encasing her chest clenched a little tighter as the cab pulled to a stop in front of the house. One more touch of her hair and she stepped from the car, smoothing out the creases in her cream, linen trousers.

The housekeeper came to the door to greet her. “Your mother is expecting you in the morning room.”

“Thank you, Marie.” Madison nodded and sucked in her breath.

Time for the show.

Lunch was true Patricia St. James style. A bowl of exotic salad leaves, topped with shavings of lean chicken breast and buttons of blue cheese.

Ick
.

Her mother knew Madison hated blue cheese. Yet she persisted in serving it, hoping to break Madison's palate from nasty, nasty habits—
feed her mac and cheese any day
.

She sacrificed her last sliver of chicken to hide the cheese, then lay her salad fork carefully across the plate to indicate she'd finished.

Her stomach protested with a low grumble.

“Really Madison. Must you?” Her mother shot a pained look across the table. Then her eyes arrowed in like a hawk to Madison's hand. “Where is your engagement ring?” She nodded toward her bare fingers. “Don't tell me you've lost it!”

The ring.
The food she'd just eaten rebelled in Madison's stomach and she fought against the urge to throw up. Did she tell her? Now? Her thoughts took on a frantic edge. No. She wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Not without barfing all over the table. And that would never do…

“Oh, no.” She caught hold of her composure and let out a high, tinkling laugh. “It's in my bag.” She made a show of picking up her clutch and claiming the ring from the side pocket. “It catches…on things, so I took it off.”

“Well, put it on for goodness sake,” Patricia snapped. “Everybody needs to see you're engaged to Logan. Otherwise tongues will start wagging.”

“Sorry,” Madison mumbled.

She slipped the jumbo-sized diamond back on her finger, barely holding back her repugnance at the sight of it. Glitzy. Pretentious. And apparently the only real thing in her engagement to Logan.

Her mother continued to delicately nibble at her salad. Madison watched with morbid fascination as each morsel was pierced by her fork and disappeared between perfectly coral-coated lips to be chewed twenty times before swallowing.

Another belly-gurgle erupted. Patricia frowned and Madison pressed her hand to her stomach. She cleared her throat.

“Really, you must tell Rosa the chicken was fantastic. I could have eaten it twice.” Madison threw out a not so subtle hint. After missing breakfast, a few lettuce leaves weren't going to do it.

Her mother glanced up sharply, then carefully placed her fork beside her dish. “Surely not, Madison. You haven't finished what is on your plate.” She looked purposefully at the remains of the chicken in the bowl. Of course, Patricia knew exactly where the blue cheese hid. “Besides, you need to be careful with your figure.” Her mother picked up her fork to resume eating. “Filling up with protein will stretch your stomach. You want to be in shape for the wedding. What would Logan think?”

What indeed.

Madison squeezed one hand tightly in the other, working hard to pull up a conciliatory smile. “You're right,” she agreed finally. No point provoking Patricia by revealing how little Logan did think of her. And fidelity.

It took her mother another ten agonizing minutes to finish the last few lettuce leaves on her plate. By which time, Madison held her stomach so tight she thought she might bust a rib. She'd eyed up the flower arrangement more than once.

“Let's adjoin to the conservatory, shall we?” Her mother laid down her cutlery and dabbed her lips with her napkin. “I can tell you how your wedding plans are progressing.”

Madison hid her grimace and followed her down the long passageway to the glassed-in area at the rear of the mansion. Exotic potted plants showered the room in an explosion of green, white wicker furniture strategically placed between waxen-leaved palms with white, buttery flowers,
Hawaiian Naupaka
. The air was scented. A sweet floral fragrance, overlaid with hints of rich earth and sunshine.

This room had always been one of her favorites. Madison took a deep breath and drew on the peaceful surroundings to soothe her nerves. It didn't help. She perched on the edge of the chair opposite her mother.

Patricia was fussing with the tea set, fully at home in the lush surroundings. Some women were born to be wealthy and while Patricia St. James may not have been bred into prosperity, the role fit her perfectly. It was a long way from Patty Harrison, the single-mother living in a run-down apartment in Minot.

There had never been a Mr. Harrison. Madison imagined her father hadn't met the high ideals of her mother's lifetime plan. By the time she was old enough to question the lack of a father-figure, Madison had been busy on the pageant circuit. Besides, Patricia was a force of nature. She was more than capable of taking on both parental roles.

Everything had always followed her mother's perfectly laid out plans. Madison had been paraded around, skirting the edges of the nouveau rich. Proud mothers throwing away their money on tiny tulle dresses, twinkling with glittery diamantes.

Madison had never been able to compete with the sparkling clothes or the gem encrusted tiaras. But she did have one thing the other little girls didn't. Looks. Exquisitely, beautiful looks. And Patricia had used them to her full advantage.

It hadn't taken long for invitations to start piling up in their mail box. Everybody wanted to rub shoulders with a winner. Prestigious catwalk appearances, garden parties, gallery openings and birthday parties Madison imagined were like going to Disneyland. Not that she'd ever been.

Patricia had worked the events ruthlessly. She'd netted two husbands in quick succession, until finally settling on self-made millionaire, Robert St. James. Using Robert's connections, Patricia had risen up the social ladder. By the time Madison was of a marrying age, her mother was in a comfortable position. Just like she'd planned.

Her attention had turned to the hunt and Logan turned out to be the perfect specimen for her mother's manipulations. A well-heeled name, good family connections and a predilection for spending money faster than his father could earn it.

Patricia had him over a barrel.

“I have invited the wedding planner to join us shortly. I will confirm the guests and start on the seating arrangements.” Patricia waited until the tea was served before speaking.

“Uh-huh.”

Madison had become momentarily side-tracked by the plate of tiny petit fours. An internal debate was raging as to whether she was actually allowed to eat one, or if they were just for show. For the wedding planner.

Only one way to find out.

She gingerly slid one off the plate and popped it into her mouth. Whole.

Her mother frowned. “I did see that,” she warned. “Anyway, as I was saying, it will take considerable effort to coordinate the seating for the wedding, but obviously the Senator will sit at our table. If I start from there and work my way back… Madison! Are you listening? This is your wedding.”

Startled, Madison sucked in air, holding her fingers to her lips as the sweet biscuit stuck to the roof of her mouth.

Her wedding.

Reality hit and she couldn't hold it in any longer.

“The wedding…it's over.” The words rushed out before she could stop them. Madison cringed, waiting for the sky to fall.

“Don't be ridiculous, dear.” Patricia barely batted an eyelid. “Now please. The Parkers are sure to want to sit near the Newboroughs. I believe their daughter, Melanie, has come of age and we all know what a catch Nicholas would be for
that
family.”

Madison closed her gaping mouth. “Mother.” She tried again. “I'm being serious. The wedding is off. I'm not marrying Logan.”

Patricia's gaze fastened on Madison, a frown forming between her perfectly plucked brows. After a tense moment of appraisal, she must have come to the conclusion her daughter was telling the truth. Carefully, she set her cup down on the table. Took a breath.

“You can't be serious,” she spluttered. “After all of the trouble I've gone to…sacrificing my life for you.” Patricia got to her feet, one coral-tipped fingernail pointing across the coffee table. “What did you do?” Her voice rose as her composure slipped. “Why the hell does Logan want to end it?”

And there it was. Of course, it had to be her fault. Madison pressed back into the chair under the weight of her mother's accusations. Logan came from a well-bred family. He knew how to play the game. He was a named fiancé who held the key to blue-blood doors in exchange for a healthy, monthly allowance. Madison's allowance. Why would he give up money Patricia paid straight into his pocket each month? Surely it had to be something Madison had done to make him break it off.

Except it had been Logan who had broken the rules. He'd cheated. And the only reason Madison was forced to tell Patricia was because by the end of the month she'd be broke—
because Logan had all of her freakin' money.

She took in the pinch of her mother's lips, praying for Patricia to experience just one small spark of maternal instinct. Her mother loved her, Madison never questioned that, but the fear of losing everything, of being forced back to the trailer park, sometimes drove her to lose perspective.

Madison had always been understanding of that in the past. However, this was one time she needed her mom.

“He cheated on me.” Her voice broke and she could barely meet her mother's eyes. Madison was ashamed her relationship hadn't worked. She did feel guilty.

“So?” Patricia's stiff expression didn't soften.

“I called it off,” Madison said, raising her chin.

Her mother forgot about etiquette and slumped inelegantly into her chair. She rubbed at the bridge of her nose. Closed her eyes. Thinking.

“We can fix this.” Swinging to her feet, she paced back and forth, her look cool and calculating. “First, you apologize.” Each word was compounded by the sharp staccato of her heels against the tiles. “Tell Logan it was a case of womanly histrionics. Pre-wedding nerves.” She pinned Madison with a firm look. “You haven't told anyone else, have you? Thank God.” Her breath rushed out as Madison shook her head. “At least you're not totally stupid.”