Moho (Part One: Rise of a Symbol) (21 page)

Then everything happens so quickly that I initially have trouble registering the panic that spreads through the crowd. It starts with an older woman nearby who suddenly drops to the ground. At first I think the slippery ground is to blame but then more and more people around me drop to the ground as well. Some of them weren’t even dancing any more. Aziz is still on his feet and we watch in horror how dozens of people around us hit the ground. People start screaming and run away but they can’t outrun their faith and
their screams fade before their bodies even hit the ground. The deafening panic only stops when no one is able to scream any more. Hundreds of people have dropped to the ground by now. We look around and see Maya, Vijay, and Ravi in the distance. They are still standing and we start running towards them.

We’re barely halfway there when Aziz becomes one of the victims. He falls while he is running,
which makes his fall especially hard. I kneel next to him and shake him and open his eyes with my fingers, but that doesn’t wake him up. It’s like he is sleeping, his heart is still beating. Still, no matter how loud I yell at him or how hard I shake his shoulders, he doesn’t wake up. I look over to Maya, Vijay and Ravi for help but they are taking care of other people. Then Ravi drops to the ground. Vijay screams in pain and is about to kneel next to his unconscious brother when he becomes one of the victims himself.

What is happening? By now I’m maybe one of ten people who are still conscious. That must mean my own time is running out. I’m waiting for some kind of memories to start appearing in front of my eyes, to take me out of this horror, but nothing happens. Maya looks over to me and I know she doesn’t want to be alone in her last seconds. Before I reach her, though, more people drop to the ground. I’m now one of merely five people as far as I can see. Then
, a man standing near to Maya drops to the ground.

“Three!”
An assured voice echoes around the island. I can’t see where it comes from but another Islander falls.

‘Two!”
The same voice yells and another one drops to the ground. Now only Maya, a friend of hers, and I are still standing. Hundreds of people are covering the ground all around us. We are alone. The two mirror my terrified facial expression. I’ve almost reached them.

“One!” the voice shouts and her friend falls. Now only Maya and I are standing. She is running towards me and I’m still running towards her. But I’m too slow.

“Freedom!” the voice screams and Maya drops to the floor. And when she does, she reveals the person behind the voice. Yes, it is Pax.

Pax runs towards me and I prepare to be attacked by her but she runs past me. So I kneel next to Maya. Her heart is beating and yet she doesn’t respond
to any of my attempts to wake her up. She looks eerily peaceful.

Meanwhile, Pax is jumping through the sea of hundreds of unconscious people like she is jumping through a meadow filled with flowers. Her feet land on legs, arms
, and stomachs. It’s a miracle she doesn’t step onto a head because she doesn’t look where she is stepping, or on whom, at all. When she is done with her lap of dishonor, she comes back to Maya and me. She stands there for a moment in silence, closes her eyes and takes several deep, loud breaths. Her body relaxes and her lips morph into a smirk. She opens her eyes and looks down at her stomach. With her left hand she grabs the upper part of her top and then tears off the lower part in one sudden, powerful jerk of her right hand. For a while she strokes the part of her naked stomach where her bellybutton once was. Then she rests both hands on the same spot. Her eyes twitch in pain for a few seconds before she removes her hands from her stomach, revealing her bellybutton. She has actually done it. She has reversed the erasure of her bellybutton. I get nervous while she couldn’t be more relaxed. She thoroughly inspects her bellybutton with her eyes and frowns. Then she touches it carefully and closes her eyes, her fingers lingering on her bellybutton. She is comforted and happy for the first time in forever. I'm bewildered and appalled.

“I’m free. Free… It actually happened. I’ve done it. It’s real… This moment is real!”
she thinks but probably not to me. She is so taken that she publishes her thoughts on TNOP by accident.

Now she gets emotional. She sheds a tear but doesn’t bother to wipe it off her cheeks. The tear runs all the way down her face past her trembling lips before it drops on her new bellybutton. She is so real, just as real as she was in MNOP all those months ago after she published her Bellybutton Erasure memory. She isn’t wearing any persona right now. And just as in MNOP, she moves me. I don’t want to be and yet I’m touched and inspired.

“Do it,” she demands and looks at my stomach. I look at it as well and it’s not until now when I realize that my right hand rest on my stomach where my bellybutton used to be. Ashamed, I pull my hand away and look at her stomach.

“Come on, touch it. It feels comforting,” she assures me. I take one step towards her bellybutton but immediately catch myself and stay where I am. She grins, walks over to me and puts my right hand on her bellybutton. I don’t move my fingers but I can feel it. It really does feel comforting.

“I can do it for you,” she offers and puts her hand on my stomach. “You deserve this.”

Maybe I consider it for a split-second but then I step back and let her hand slide off my stomach.

“Come on, Moho. They robbed you of your bellybutton. They had no right to erase that connection to your mother. But now you have the chance to restore it. I gave you this chance,” she says with genuine empathy in her voice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie.

“Yes, you do. You wonder why you felt this intense anger all this time. You wonder why it was so hard to pretend to be a navee But that’s over now. I will let you be yourself.”

“I’m not angry.”

“Of course you are. All those nights spend at Crystal Cave. All those nights playing violent games. We both know why you did that.”

“How do you know?”

“I know everything about you. You are not the only one who spends time under the Black Island. There is more than Crystal Cave down there,” she claims and winks at me. “No one knows you like I do. I have been with you the entire time.”

“What? How? No, you haven’t.”

“Yes I have. I saw everything you saw, every moment of your sad, sad existence. But all the oppression, the pretense, the lies, it all ends now… You know, when I woke up the day after Xerxes’ announcement, I woke up into a new existence. Gone were all the worries about my image, gone the burden of my secret. I felt light. I could finally grasp my whole potential. Suddenly, my future was full with possibilities,” she explains and sounds far more convincing than I’d like her to.

“What a great future. It will end in a few days,” I argue.

“Not any more. Look at those Chasteners,” she says and points towards Xerxes and his chastes not far from us. “Now they lie on the ground and I’m the one in power. I will darken them.”

“The Spring darkens,” I correct her.

“We both know you don’t think that’s true. You’ve said it yourself when you were talking to Ravi that night,” she says. The realization that she might actually really have spied on me the entire time slowly sinks in.

“Whatever. I’m sure they will wake up in time for your Darkening.”

“I’m sure they won’t because I’m in control,” she counters happily. “I’ve bugged each and everyone’s CEBOS. They are all in ‘sleep mode’ and I will keep them like this until their bodies run out of energy. Then their essences will leave their bodies and they will cease to exist. But don’t you worry about them any more. They are lost. It’s like they are asleep… forever!” she shouts. “Look, we can take revenge on each and every one of them. And there is nothing they can do to stop us.”

She walks over to Xerxes and kicks him in his ribs. “Exclude to cleanse… How do you like that?" she asks Xerxes who doesn't wake up from her kicks.

"Come on, join me. Take revenge for the punch he gave you to test if you were human when he first saw you. Punch him, kick him, do whatever you want to him. Come on!” she encourages me. But I don’t move. She shakes her head in disappointment and walks over to Cosmo.

“Here, take revenge on Cosmo! He ruined your life and didn’t even explain why.” But I still don’t move. “He ruined mine too,” she claims and kicks his upper legs a few times. Then she pauses her abuse and looks around until her eyes come to an abrupt halt next to my feet. Maya lies there
— but she won’t touch her!

“What about this liar over there. She helped you to trick me in MNOP. You chose her over me but then she turned against you. You tried to be the person she wanted you to be but that didn’t work. Come on, let’s give her what she deserves!” she shouts in excitement while she is walking around Maya. Then, when Pax is about to kick Maya in her stomach, I strike out and punch her foul mouth. My fist hits her so hard that she stumbles backwards a few steps before she catches herself. My fist hurts and I regret my attack even more when I see blood coming out of her mouth. She places her hands on her lips and inspects them. I prepare for her rage but she isn’t angry. She smiles at me!

“Red, hot rage. There it is! I knew it… I knew it! Well done, Moho! I knew you had it in you. It’s a shame none of the chastes were able to witness this. And it’s a shame that you didn’t do this earlier. But you see, Moho, that’s how our life together will be like. You can be the violent, revengeful human you are and there will be absolutely no consequences. Revel in your violence! Revel in your hatred! Come on, show me more. Hit me, hit me again. Hit me!” she shouts.

“You’re disgusting. You’re sick.”

“Yes. And so are you! Let us be sick together. I’m proud of you! Punching me, taking revenge was the right and first important step for you. I deserved it. I did the same to you. Every violence demands more violence. That’s how it’s ought to be!” She screams and looks at me with despicable excitement.

“I don’t want what you want. What you have done to those people is horrific and you must know this and make things right again,” I demand.

“No. Don’t you see? I’ve taken everything away from you. Everyone you cared about is gone. You have nothing left to lose. We are free now. We can finally be ourselves. Now you can love me,” she rattles on, takes a breath and continues, “don’t you realize the brilliance of my plan? I did this for us. No one can darken us any more. No matter what we do, our actions don’t matter any more. There won't be any consequences.”

“Love you? What? I don’t love you. You’d be the last person I’d love,” I counter, throwing as much disgust her way as possible.

“Moho, I am the last person. Don’t you realize? Everyone else is gone,” she notices correctly. “Before I freed you, you were trapped by your false dreams of love. You think Maya loves you but she doesn’t. You think Aziz is your friend but he wouldn’t even look at you if he knew about your secret. And you may even think Vijay is like you, he shares your need for revenge but given the choice between you and the approval of his brother, well, we both know he wouldn’t choose you,” she argues. “Now, you’re going to say that this doesn’t matter, that the one person that knows about your secret and still likes you is different. But you’re not thinking clearly. You’re idealizing Victor. You think he will be the friend who will give you the safety you think you need. Think clearly! He didn’t accept you for who you were. He was the one who erased your bellybutton; he was the one who sent you on this downward spiral. It’s because of the deformation he caused you that you feel ashamed about yourself. All problems you have are because of Victor. He knew your true human nature and he didn’t accept it. He thought erasing a mark of your human nature would make you a navee. But you and I know that’s not how it works.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t believe me, that’s fine, you don’t have to. Just break into their minds and see for yourself. Go ahead! They can’t defend themselves. Break into Maya’s mind and you’ll see that she loves everyone, especially Ravi, more than you. Break into Aziz’s and Vijay’s minds and find out where there true loyalties lie. Break into Ravi’s mind and discover the secret that made him so different from his twin brother. Or break into Cosmo’s mind and finally find out why he selected you,” she suggests. “Come on, you can even break into my own mind. That’s the only place where you will find what you are looking for. You will see that I’m the only person who truly loves you because I’m the only person who truly knows you,” she says.

I don’t respond. I have no intention of doing anything she suggests but I have to admit that her plan
— as malicious as it is — is brilliant in its own right. She knows that. Then she finally breaks eye contact and walks behind me. I can feel her standing right behind me but I don't turn around to her.

“Come on, Moho, join me. Restore your honor. Restore your self-respect. Cause real violence in the real world that will lead to real happiness. You know you want it,” she whispers into my left ear. I look down to Maya who is still sleeping in front of my feet.

“Forget about her. A human like you has needs… needs a navee like Maya is unable to understand. I, on the other hand, I feel those needs too. There is so much tension in your body. I know how to release it,” she whispers and lets her hands slide down my body. I feel her hot breath in my ear, her warm cheek on my neck. My eyes close and I get carried away for a disturbingly long moment.