Messy Beautiful Love
Praise for
Messy Beautiful Love
“In an age when wives often pride themselves on being right, Darlene shows the power of
doing
right. The timeless truth in this book will help any marriage.”
— A
RLENE
P
ELLICANE
author of
31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife
“I love Darlene’s writing! This book both challenges and motivates me to exchange God’s ideas and ideals for my own. Her hope-filled story of a marriage changed by the grace of God reminds us that no marriage is ever beyond God’s redeeming grace.”
— C
OURTNEY
J
OSEPH
author of
Women Living Well
and the blog
WomenLivingWell.org
“Life is messy. Relationships are messy. And marriage is a beautiful messy blend of both! Yet with Christ as our Messiah, those messes can become a mosaic of grace, hope, wonder, and redemption!”
— R
ENEE
S
WOPE
best-selling author of
A Confident Heart
, Proverbs 31 Ministries radio cohost, and blogger at
ReneeSwope.com
“Most of us will agree that marriage can be messy at times. Even the strongest, most intentional ones. Darlene doesn’t dwell on the disarray we often selfishly create. Instead, she poignantly spurs us on to embrace hope in the ups and downs. She reminds us that when we shift our focus from ourselves to Jesus and His perfect work on the cross, our marriages can indeed be beautiful.”
— A
SHLEIGH
S
LATER
author of
Team Us: Marriage Together
“Marriage is . . . messy, beautiful love! The greatest message in this book is the amazing grace that can be experienced between a husband and wife, true love among the messes. Darlene’s marriage is inspiring and fills people with hope because it is a powerful testimony of God’s amazing grace.”
— J
ENNIFER
S
MITH
author of
Wife After God
and
UnveiledWife.com
“It’s easy to be pulled in by the chorus (friends, media) of voices that say, ‘Marriage is hard and it will never get better,’ but Darlene challenges you to live beyond those messages and embrace a new mantra, ‘Marriage may be hard, but it can also be extraordinary.’ She challenges you to rise to God’s plan for your marriage, not sink into the mediocrity of the world’s expectations. Highly recommended.”
— K
ATHI
L
IPP
speaker, and author of
The Husband Project
and
The Cure for the “Perfect” Life
“Darlene writes with authenticity leading us to discover a life-changing truth: a beautiful marriage is not only possible, it’s inevitable when a wife is transformed by the wisdom of God. Thank you, Darlene, for a powerful and honest look at a God-centered marriage.”
— L
YNN
D
ONOVAN
author of
Winning Him Without Words
and
Not Alone: Trusting God to Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Home
“Obedience to God’s plan for each of our lives in marriage can get us through any bump we may encounter along the road of love and faith. I couldn’t help but ask myself ‘how many marriages might be saved if this book and its message were sincerely read and taken to heart?’ ”
— N
AOMI
S
TRIEMER
Christian Contemporary singer, speaker, and best-selling author
“Marriage is messy. Appliances get broken. Sometimes promises do too. Clutter happens—both in our homes and our hearts. Soon our happily-ever-after turns into a ‘what was I thinking?’ Darlene’s honest and insightful look—at both our role and at God’s—will empower you and your spouse to carefully craft a marriage that truly glorifies Him.”
— K
AREN
E
HMAN
Proverbs 31 Ministries; author of seven books including
Let. It. Go. How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith and Everyday Confetti
“Darlene writes in such a powerful and yet gentle way that I couldn’t help but be moved—and challenged—as she so effectively captures both the beauty and messiness of real love. Whether you’re newly married or have been married for many years, you will find
Messy Beautiful Love
an inspiring and compelling book to read again and again.”
— L
ISA
J
ACOBSON
author of
100 Ways to Love Your Husband
“God took Darlene’s mess and made it beautiful. Now she’s calling other women to follow not her but Jesus as He helps us find peace, joy, and contentment—even in our own messes.”
— S
HEILA
W
RAY
G
REGOIRE
author of
The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex
and blogger at
tolovehonorandvacuum.com
“
Messy Beautiful Love
touches on real marital topics, which are meaningful and quite common, but are unfortunately often discarded. Darlene gives excellent biblical wisdom on how God
can
get the glory out of the seemingly impossible marriage.”
— J
ANELLE
M. N
EHRENZ
author of
Comfy in the Kitchen
“Darlene weaves a story of mercy, putting others before ourselves, laying down the need to be right, and, above all, loving even when we don’t feel like it. It’s the gospel, really, wrapped up in a story about redeemed marriage. It’s how God loves us, and how He can help us love our spouses.”
— B
ROOKE
M
C
G
LOTHLIN
cofounder of the MOB Society (for mothers of boys) and author of
Praying for Boys: Asking God for the Things They Need Most
© 2014 by Darlene Schacht
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Nelson Books, an imprint of Thomas Nelson. Nelson Books and Thomas Nelson are registered trademarks of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc.
Thomas Nelson titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail [email protected].
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version.
Scripture quotations marked
NKJV
are taken from THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION. © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked
NLT
are taken from
Holy Bible
, New Living Translation. © 1996, 2004, 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked
ESV
are taken from the English Standard Version. © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.
Scripture quotations marked
NIV
are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version
®
, NIV
®
. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
ISBN 978-1-4002-0621-6 (eBook)
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Schacht, Darlene.
Messy beautiful love : hope and redemption for real-life marriages / Darlene Schacht.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-4002-0620-9
1. Marriage—Religious aspects—Christianity. I. Title.
BV835.S33 2014
248.8'44—dc23
2014004901
14 15 16 17 18 19 RRD 6 5 4 3 2 1
To Michael, you have shown me the beauty of true and lasting love.
Contents
Two:
Walk in Compassion and Grace
Three:
Be Patient and Kind When the Going Gets Tough
Four:
Give Up Your Right to Be Right
Five:
Appreciate Him for Who He Truly Is
Six:
Step Back and Allow Him to Lead
Seven:
Handle Your Conflict Wisely
Eight:
Communicate with Loving Respect
Nine:
Be the Woman Your Husband Needs You to Be
Ten:
Be Affectionate in Ways That Are Pleasing to God
Eleven:
Seize the Day and Capture the Joy
Twelve:
Build a Strong Friendship
Thirteen:
Be Content with the Life That You’re Given
Fourteen:
Walk in Virtue According to Wisdom
Fifteen:
Pray for Your Marriage
M
ARRIAGE
.
There’s no relationship like it on earth. In the good times, it makes our hearts dance with joy, and in the bad times, it can take us to the pit of despair.
Loving our husbands through the hard times, through the valleys, and when they are most unlovable, reveals the gospel in our lives. It shows we are true followers of Christ as we love unconditionally and lay our lives down for another.
Many go into marriage thinking about what they can take out of the relationship. They are “me” focused, and when the
marriage fails to give “me” an immediate return, they treat the marriage like it’s expendable.
Sweet wives, you hold a precious title. The title of Wife! Social confusion, discontentment, and dissatisfaction will bring us down if we do not rise above them through the power of God and His Word.
According to Proverbs 31:10, a good wife is of exceptional worth. We hold a vital role in the lives of our husbands. And though it’s been seventeen years since my wedding bells rang and the butterflies are a lot less frequent, the depth of love, from embracing our roles written out in Scripture, knows no bounds. It multiplies exponentially every year!
It is by far the best investment I’ve made in my life, and each time I invest my time, energy, heart, and soul into my marriage, I continue to reap a return on my investment.
This book Darlene has written both challenges and motivates me to exchange God’s ideas and ideals for my own. Her hope-filled story of a marriage changed by the grace of God reminds us that no marriage is ever beyond God’s redeeming grace.
Join her on this journey as she
tunes out
the world’s noise and
tunes in
to the Creator of marriage.
Walk with the King, Courtney Joseph, author of the book
Women Living Well
and the blog
WomenLivingWell.org
G
ROWING UP IN THE
1970
S
, I
WATCHED AS
my parents struggled to make their way through life and battled to keep their marriage alive. Sometimes they battled each other, but most often they were fighting against the weight of the world. Raising six daughters on one income put a financial strain on things, not to mention the fact that they had little time left for themselves or each other.
My rose-colored glasses showed me a different picture when it came to what my life would look like. Captain and Tennille had convinced me that love would keep us together, and why wouldn’t it? When two people truly love each other,
nothing in this world could threaten that love or come between them. Could it? The problem was that my definition of love was skewed by selfish ambition.
Falling in love with Michael painted another picture for me—one of self-sacrifice. The beauty of marriage isn’t based on the fact that we can laugh well together—and believe me, we do—it’s that we can also cry well together when life gets us down. I have a partner who is holding my hand through every trial and temptation we face, and while he’s got mine, I’ve got a fierce grip on his.