Megan's Way (22 page)

The sky changed from a gloriously sunny day
to suddenly murky and gray.
Funny, that’s just how I feel
,
Olivia thought to herself. She felt her mother’s presence. She
could not say why, or how, or even what made her feel that it was
her mother. Yet somehow she was certain that her mother was near.
She looked to the sky and mouthed,
Mom
. She knew, then, that
she was not alone, and her pain subsided. She was not empty. Her
mother was nearby.

Peter reached his hand across the front seat
and said, “I’m glad you are here.” He smiled and squeezed Cruz’s
hand.

As they rounded the curve into the parking
lot, they saw Olivia standing alone in the grass, looking up at the
sky. Peter maneuvered the car into a parking space.

Cruz’s voice was deep, reassuring. “Of
course, Peter.”

His eyes peered directly into Peter’s heart.
“I’m always here for you. Don’t you know that?”

Peter could not bring himself to speak. His
heart was soft, his emotions raw. He had lost one of his best
friends, and because of her, he had begun to open himself to
another. He stared into Cruz’s eyes for a full two minutes before
Cruz broke the gaze and nodded towards Olivia.

“Do you think she’s okay?” Cruz asked.

“I’m not sure. I’m not okay, I can’t imagine
that she is,” Peter said.

“Let’s go. She needs someone right now, and
you are special to her.”

Cruz’s understanding warmed Peter, who
realized he’d made the right decision to trust Cruz. He hugged
Cruz, thanked him.

Together they walked toward Olivia, who
looked as though she were in a trance. She stared up at the clouds,
her long thin arms hung loosely at her sides. The wind blew wispy
strands of her hair across her face. She looked surprisingly
peaceful on what was sure to be a heart-wrenching day. Peter caught
a glimpse of Holly walking toward Olivia and held his hand up as if
to say, “I’ve got her. It’s okay.” Holly smiled, waved, and walked
back toward Jack.

“Hey, baby girl,” Peter said gently, placing
his hand on Olivia’s shoulder, and turning his own eyes up toward
the sky.

Olivia’s body stiffened. “That’s what Mom
always called me,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry. I just say what I feel when I see
you,” Peter said with a soft smile. He reached out and took
Olivia’s hand. “Are you okay? is this going to be too much for
you?” he asked.

“She’s here, Peter. It’s okay,” Olivia said
and looked again toward the sky.

Cruz and Peter exchanged a look of
concern.

“Of course she is,” Peter said gently. “She
will always be here, Olivia. She is part of you now. You carry her
in your heart.” He reached up and carefully wiped a tear from
Olivia’s cheek.

Olivia, still looking up toward the sky,
said, “Peter, she’s
here
. That’s her,” she pointed to the
gray cloud. “She took my feelings and made them real. She made
today gray instead of sunny.”

As Peter opened his mouth to speak, Cruz
tenderly touched Peter’s arm and shook his head. He moved closer to
Olivia and looked up at the sky with her.

“You know, honey, I think you’re right.
Peter’s told me about the connection you two have always had.” Cruz
kissed the top of Olivia’s head and put his strong arm around her
lower back. “She loves you, sweetie,” he said.

Olivia curled into him, and let her tears
fall onto his white shirt. She looked up, sniffled, and cracked a
slight smile. “How come I only see you a few times each year,” she
asked, “and you still know how to make me feel better?”

Peter placed his arms around her, and
together, Cruz and Peter embraced Olivia. They absorbed the impact
of her sobbing body, hoping to lessen her pain.

Megan felt her energy drain as her form
returned to its previous color. She felt light headed and could
only liken it to the way she felt after being ill and not eating
for a day or two, the listless, weak feeling that kept people in
bed for an extra day. Was this what it would be like? As she eased
into the other realm, would she simply become less
there?
She feared this, though she knew it was inevitable.

Below, Peter, Cruz, and Olivia slowly parted.
Each gazed up at the sky with wonder as the cloud changed from gray
to white. The sun peeked out just slightly from behind. A knowing
look passed between the two men.

Hand in hand, they walked toward the
lighthouse where friends and family had gathered. The tears on
their faces slowly dried from the cool ocean air. Peter and Cruz
guided Olivia to a seat between Holly and Jack who immediately
reached out to her. Jack put his arm around her shoulder and Holly
squeezed her hand. Peter and Cruz settled in next to Jack. Jack
took Peter’s hand in his own.

Jack smiled at Peter and pulled him closer.
He leaned down and whispered, “It’s about time he became one of
us.”

A flush rushed up Peter’s chest to his face,
and he smiled. Peter glanced at Cruz, who was still wiping tears
from his eyes, and he took Cruz’s thick, strong hand in his own.
Warmth ran through Peter. He knew he was in the right company. He
had done the right thing.

Megan watched her friends from above, linked
like a lifeline, and reveled in her daughter’s safety. She shed
tears of happiness, a gentle trickle across the sky, above the
clouds, for only Megan to see.

She marveled at how many people had shown up
for the gathering. Throughout her life she had believed that she’d
been somewhat invisible. She had lived her life in what felt like a
closed circle of people. She couldn’t imagine that she’d touched so
many lives, that she was memorable to so many.

Megan spied Lawrence Childs amongst the
crowd. A rush ran through her like a school girl waiting to be
asked to dance, bringing new energy to her tired form. Touched that
he would come, her hand instinctively covered her heart.

She was surprised to see two of her college
professors and many of her high school friends. She wondered how
they could have heard so quickly of her passing. Moreover, she
wondered why, after so many years, they would make a special trip
to bid her farewell.

Various relatives had come to say goodbye.
Uncle Carl and Aunt Bettie, Uncle Mark and Aunt eva, and their
children sat teary-eyed and sullen. Almost all of Megan’s cousins
were in attendance. They whispered amongst themselves, wiped their
sad eyes, and took turns paying their respects to Olivia.

Megan’s biggest regret was that her mother
was not there. Her mother’s health was not strong, but her love
beat on like a bass drum. The three-hour trip would have been too
much for her mother’s frail body to take. At seventy-five, she was
cruelly stricken with Relapsing-Remitting Multiple Sclerosis which
caused her great pain. When Megan had swooped down the day before,
she had found her mother completely fatigued, in great pain, and
grasping to stay coherent. Her cognition had become even more
fragile. Seeing her had made Megan weep so hard that she had ached,
she had stayed a deep shade of gray all night. Megan’s newfound
knowledge that her mother would soon be with her, and that her
mother’s deteriorating body and pain would vanish, as hers had,
lessened her anguish and helped to bring her form back to its
transparent state before the arrival of her family and friends.

Holly stood before the group to begin the
ceremony. When she opened her mouth, however, she had to close it
and swallow back the tears that vied for release. She looked down,
curled her lips inside her mouth and clenched them with her teeth.
Do this for Megan
. She took a deep breath and began, “Thank
you all for sharing in this special day with us. Megan would be so
pleased to see each of you.” A forced smile appeared and quickly
faded to a quivering lip. “I’m not sure I can put into words what I
feel for Megan. She is like my other half. She is my true sister. I
will not say ‘was’ because, to me, Megan lives on. She lives on in
Olivia.” Holly took another deep breath and gave in to her tears.
“She lives on in me, and Jack, and Peter, and I am sure she lives
on in each of you, as well.” Holly paced slowly by the rows of
flowers at the base of the lighthouse, her fingers trailed along
the petals. When she began again, her eyes sparkled behind her
tears. “Megan is life itself. That’s how I think of her. She was a
whirlwind when she was on earth, and I’m sure she is creating
something wonderful in her afterlife. Megan grasped each day. Even
when we were little, she lived each moment as if it were an
adventure, a blank page in a book waiting to be filled with
something exciting.” Holly stopped to catch her breath and looked
at Olivia, who was holding Jack’s hand while tears streamed down
her face. Holly cocked her head and furrowed her brow, as if to
say,
I know, honey. I’m so sorry
.

Holly spoke softly, “Once Olivia came along,
Megan lived every second of her life for her. It started before she
was even born. Megan inherently knew how to be a wonderful mother
and gave her free time up to Olivia without concern for herself or
her own needs. She relished her. Every breath she took, she took
for Olivia, and it paid off, because Olivia is a vibrant, wonderful
young woman.”

Olivia flushed, openly crying.

“I’d like to thank Megan for letting me be
part of her wonderful world, and part of Olivia’s.” Holly raised
her eyes toward the sky, and reached her arms up, as if by doing so
she could embrace Megan one last time. “I love you, Meggie! Thank
you for being you!”

Reverberations from the applause could be
felt all the way up in Megan’s world. She reached down toward
Holly, and whispered, “No, Hol, thank you!”

Holly closed her eyes just as Megan’s words
swept into her ears like a rush of warm air. Shaken, she opened her
eyes quickly and brought her hands to her mouth. As her knees began
to buckle, she felt Jack’s strong hands on her waist from behind,
guiding her back to her seat, where she instinctively held Olivia’s
hand in her own.

Megan was touched as each of the guests came
to the front, as they felt compelled to do so, and spoke of who she
was and what she had meant to them. Much of what was said surprised
her. She hadn’t thought of herself as being
interesting
, or
prolific
. She certainly didn’t feel as though she had
reached out in any significant way to the people who spoke so
warmly about her. That saddened her, too. Was she all that they
made her out to be? Had she not been and they merely wished she
were? Had she been a good friend, a good student, a caring partner
on projects? Her head swam in circles.

Lawrence Childs stood before the group. For
the first time, she saw, really saw, the emptiness in his eyes.
Those eyes that were always so full of life and seemed so endless,
appeared dull and sullen. The fact that he had come forward was not
a surprise to Megan, but as his story unfolded, she was completely
taken aback. She listened intently, watching him move his arms
about, as if he were directing a symphony. His navy blue suit moved
through the air with a comfort that she rarely saw in other people
when she had been on earth, yet Lawrence had seemed to emote from
the very moment they met. His voice was soft, yet intent, as though
each word was vitally important.

Lawrence told of the first time he had seen
Megan, which had not been at the flea market, as she had
thought.

“I feel a little like an imposter, when it
comes to Megan.” His voice instantly made her form turn a vibrant
red. “You see,” he looked down at his hands, then back at the
crowd, “I adored her. At first, it was her talent that had caught
my eye. When she was a sophomore at the Rhode island School of
Design, I happened to be visiting one of my old professors. He
brought me to meet Megan’s art professor, and it was there, in his
class, that I first saw her art on display.” He looked to the sky.
A tear slowly made its way down his flawless cheek. “It took my
breath away. I went back each day for a week to the classroom. I…I
spied on her,” he spat his confession, embarrassed and hushed. “I
lingered outside the classroom just to catch a glimpse of her.” He
looked at Holly, and then to Olivia and Jack. “She never knew, but
once I saw the creature that brought such beautiful art to life,
well, her energy captivated me. She was like a burst of sunlight on
a dreary day.”

Megan tried to pull memories from that time
from the recesses of her mind. She was unable to recall ever having
seen Lawrence on campus. She tilted her head and listened for
more.

“I followed her art through her teacher, her
progress, and her shows. When I finally got up the courage to
approach her at the flea market, which was years later, I actually
had a hard time speaking. I remember taking her hand in mine and
feeling this…” he looked again to the sky, and brought his right
hand to his chest, “well…she stole my heart the moment we touched.
She was more than beautiful—she was life itself, vibrant and
interesting. Megan brought her deepest thoughts out through her
artwork, her murals. And what I learned, as I watched her grow over
the years, is that she didn’t compromise her values or her
opinions. She lived them. She valued herself and her dreams.” He
grasped for just the right words. “To encounter Megan was to
encounter an amazingly spiritual being. Lord forgive me, I never
let Megan know how I felt.” Lawrence stopped speaking to wipe his
eyes with his handkerchief. He held a hand up to the silent crowd,
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I feel like you need to know this, but
I do. I’ve been silent too long. I’ve lost the woman whom I have
come to believe was the love of my life.”

There was a collective gasp. Holly put her
arm around Olivia. Jack looked behind Olivia and winked at Holly.
She couldn’t help but feel sad for her friend, having missed out on
such a wonderful man. She wished Megan could have been completed by
finding her soul mate and experiencing the love and happiness that
she had deserved.