Marked by Grief (7 page)

Kit shivered and rubbed his arms despite the warm sunlight shining on him from the balcony windows. Jason had never realy even hugged him before. And now he'd kissed him a few times. And spanked him. His face colored. He'd never been spanked, even as a child. And before today the idea of being spanked as an adult would have been laughable.

He probably would have punched anyone that had tried. But with Jason… Damn. He'd wanted that and so much more.

He wanted to obey him. No, he corrected himself.

He wanted to
please
him. There was a difference between the two. Obeying someone meant blindly doing what he was told. He wanted to do what Jason wanted because he wanted to please him. And Jason wanted to take care of him. The spanking had been a shock. But then again, so had the kiss. Kit didn't know what he expected when he had kissed Jason, but it certainly wasn't to be kissed back. Never in a milion years would he have expected Jason to kiss him. And he'd gotten hard from it. Even now, his cock pressed painfuly against the front of his jeans. He couldn't remember being excited about anything in months and now his body was responding like this.

The bedroom door opened and Kit watched, wide eyed as Jason came out in a pair of low slung track pants and nothing else. Kit licked his lips, wanting to taste al of the tanned skin and multiple tattoos on display. And he was hard too. Kit saw his erection through the thin material and it was enough to make him dizzy.

Jason sat down, as carefree as could be, as Kit stayed frozen next to him. He'd never done this before; he was woefuly inexperienced and completely out of his element. Jason probably stil thought of him as a child. Maybe he was taking pity on him. And he didn't even want to date him to begin with. Jason's arm snaked around his middle as he turned to face Kit.

"Stop thinking," he instructed quietly. "You're here, you're safe and I'm going to take care of you.

That's al you have to worry about right now."

He was right. Of course he was. He took a breath. He could do this. He shook his head. No, he couldn't. He'd never done the casual thing before. He'd only ever dated one guy and stupid Dale wasn't much experience. Not for someone like Jason. Not that Kit had realy ever seen him with anyone, or had even asked. But he just seemed so much more comfortable than Kit could ever hope to be. Hel, he was comfortable spanking another guy. That took guts and experience.

"C'mon, Kit, tel me what's going on in that head of yours." His hand came up to the back of Kit's hair, stroking through the fine strands.

Kit closed his eyes and leaned back into the comforting touch. "I've never had a casual thing before.

I can't make you mad. You're al I have." Admitting that hurt a lot more than he thought it would and the words nearly choked in his throat as they came out. But they were the truth. Bear was gone and Kit only had Jason.

His parents had become little more than ghosts for him and Jason was the only real person he had left.

Jason's hand stiled on his head and Kit frowned, pushing back against that strength. Jason's breath was warm on his cheek as he said, "You won't make me mad. We'l go slow. We don't have to do anything."

Kit turned and looked at him and frowned. "We don't?" Jason shook his head. "But what if I want to?

You want to too, right? You're hard." Maybe Jason wasn't hard for him. Maybe it was just— Kit lost al train of thought as Jason turned and pressed his mouth against his. With Jason's hands to guide him and his larger body pressing against his, Kit easily found himself sliding down the couch until he was lying under Jason. His legs were spread, alowing Jason to settle between his thighs and rub his lean stomach against the hard tent in Kit's pants. Kit wiggled, wanting to feel him too, until Jason put a firm hand on his shoulder. He broke this kiss as he leaned back, supporting himself with one arm on the couch as he stayed above Kit. He was struggling to breathe and anticipating what was going to come next as he watched those beautiful onyx eyes focus on him.

Wordlessly Jason moved above him. At first it was just the lightest touch of something different pressing against the front of his jeans. And then Jason pressed harder, stroking his body against Kit's, panting with each movement until Kit had nearly lost his mind from the delicious friction. Kit writhed beneath him, trying to push his hips against Jason's as much as possible until he rose up, breaking their connection as quickly as he initiated it. Kit was bathed in a rush of cold air as Jason sat back. He helped Kit up and then they both sat there, trying to catch their breath in the near perfect silence of Jason's living room. It had been far too little for Kit and Jason looked just as frustrated as he felt as he shifted his erection again. So why had he stopped?

Jason was the first to move as he turned to pul a smal jar off the table beside him. "Take your shirt off." He turned back to Kit and puled a large glob of the foul smeling cream onto his fingers.

"That smels awful," Kit said once he had managed to pul his shirt off. His scars made stretching difficult and his new tattoo was starting to make itself known as the simple movement left him sore.

Jason nodded. "About as awful as that bruise is going to feel in the morning if I don't get this stuff on you."

Kit jumped at the first touch of the cold gel but then felt it slowly start to work as Jason worked it into his skin. "What is it?"

"Tiger Balm. Al right, you're done. Start eating," Jason said as he stood up. Kit folowed him with his eyes into the smal kitchen, his gaze dancing over the intricate tattoos displayed on his skin. Most Kit recognized. The grim reaper on his left hip was one Jason had done on his nineteenth birthday from someone who was doing them for donations to a school arts program. He'd liked the cause but had always disliked the tattoo. It sent the wrong message, he said once. Kit agreed. It did look strange on him. It was also the last time Jason had ever told someone to surprise him when he was getting a tattoo. The Sanskrit on his right shoulder blade was new. As was the tiger next to it. Kit's mouth went dry thinking about the other new additions Jason had made to his body. Especialy the nipple rings. And then he turned around and Kit could realy see those smal silver loops for the first time, shining in the sunlight and his breath caught.

"You're not eating." Jason dried his clean hands on a towel and sat down next to him.

He had been too busy staring to touch his burger. Jason grinned and ruffled Kit's hair. "What's got your attention?" he asked playfuly as he took a long drink of his milkshake.

Kit felt his ears burning as he forced himself to look away. He couldn't possibly tel Jason what he'd been thinking about. That would be far too embarrassing.

"I asked a question, Kit. I expect you to answer it."

He pursed his lips. "You were never this fucking bossy when Bear was alive."

Jason nodded and put his drink down. "You're right. But right now we are different than when Bear was alive. Don't you think?" Kit slowly nodded. "And you asked if I wanted to date you. This is a taste of what being with me would be like. If you want me to go back to treating you as just Bear's little brother, then I wil. It's your cal, Kit. Either you start trusting me and see how this night goes, or we watch a movie and forget about the kisses we've shared. Regardless of your choice, though, you are eating your goddamn Happy burger." He turned and flipped the stereo on behind him. Kit watched in stunned silence as Jason folded his arms behind his head and closed his eyes as Nirvana came through the speakers of the old stereo.

Kit ground his teeth. Jason had never sounded that annoyed with him and he'd never once dismissed him so easily. He felt cold from the loss of contact and reached out to touch him. But as soon as his fingers made contact with Jason's thigh, the man puled away.

"You may touch when you answer me," Jason said as he opened his eyes.

"I don't want to forget kissing you," Kit admitted. "And I do want to date you."

Jason nodded. "I don't want to forget either.

And we wil talk about a relationship after tonight.

Now, you've earned a reward. You may have one thing. What would you like?"

Kit frowned. "Only one?"

"Yes. You said 'fuck'. Again. And you stil haven't touched your food. I won't be nearly so lenient with you in the future if you choose to continue down this road with me."

Kit cringed back. "So you'l punish me? Hit me?" He would never want that and couldn't picture Jason hurting him like that.

Jason shook his head and sat up. He put his arm around Kit's shoulders, puling him close. Despite his uncertainty, Kit relaxed into the comfort and security Jason had offered him. "No one is ever to put a hand on you in anger. I want to spank you, to see the mark of my hand on that pretty little ass of yours that you hide under those jeans. But that wil never be a punishment."

Through the haze of the image Jason had given him, Kit managed a smal nod. Jason would never physicaly hurt him in anger. Kit didn't doubt that sometimes they'd argue and things would be said in anger. But that was far different than thinking Jason was going to be hitting him al the time. "So what would a punishment look like?"

Jason gave him a little grin. "You've already had multiple punishments. In fact, you're one of the most disobedient submissives I've come across in a while."

When Kit could only stare blankly at him, Jason continued. "At the truck when I told you to do something and you disobeyed me, what did I do?"

Kit's cheeks colored but he answered despite his embarrassment. "You stopped touching me."

Jason nodded. "And how did that make you feel?"

"Bad," Kit answered promptly.

"Why?"

Kit frowned. Talking about this was embarrassing. It was on the tip of his tongue to tel Jason he knew damn wel why. But he didn't want to be like that with him, and so he took a breath and answered the best he could. "I like when you touch me.

The sex stuff and the regular stuff too. I don't like it when you stop."

Jason gave him a soft peck on the cheek. "Then don't disobey. Eat your food."

Kit wanted to do as Jason had asked. But he stil had questions. "But what if I don't want to have sex some night and you do? Wil I be in trouble then?"

"So sure that you're getting in my bed long term, are you?" Jason teased him, making Kit turn bright red.

His hand came up to the back of Kit's hair and he tugged gently on the fine strands. "No, you'l never be in trouble for saying no. You wil give me a reason though.

And saying no doesn't mean I wil find someone else to take your place that night. If you were my sub, I wouldn't railroad you into being miserable. It means I wil see to al of your needs and take care of you, both in and out of the bedroom. And if, after tonight, you realize you don't want the kind of relationship that I can offer you, I wil stil be here for you in al other aspects of our life."

Kit nodded and let that knowledge sink in. He didn't doubt he wanted Jason. But he liked knowing Jason wasn't going to leave if Kit screwed this al up.

"Any more questions?" Jason asked him. Kit shook his head. "Then eat."

He looked at the fast food bag dubiously but stil managed to pul out the two burgers. They were barely on this side of warm but that didn't seem to bother Jason as he took a big bite. Kit caught him watching him over the wrapper and quickly took a bite before Jason decided to pul away again. After months of barely eating, the fatty food tasted strange on his tongue but he quickly found himself taking another bite.

"Slow down." Jason put his empty wrapper aside. "You can make yourself sick doing that."

"You ate fast," Kit pointed out in between bites.

"I'm also not underweight." He slid a hand onto Kit's stomach just above the button of his jeans. Kit trembled from that simple contact but forced himself to focus on his burger instead of how close Jason's hand was to the tent in his pants. "I promised you a reward, didn't I?" he asked, his voice a rough whisper in Kit's ear. Kit nodded and gulped down the bite of burger he had in his mouth before he choked on it. "So what would you like? One thing."

His fingers dipped to trace the button of Kit's jeans and as much as he wanted to feel Jason's sure fingers on his cock, there was something else Kit couldn't get off his mind. "I want to touch your rings," he said in a rush before he could change his mind and take what Jason was so eagerly offering.

Jason looked surprised but stil got up on his knees as Kit put the burger aside. He put a hand on either side of Kit's shoulders as he slid his muscular thigh between Kit's legs. Kit could barely breathe as he looked at al his tanned skin and intricate tattoos on display only a few inches from his face. Kit leaned forward and brought his lips to Jason's ribs but he quickly puled away and put a strong finger under Kit's chin, forcing him to look up into those onyx eyes.

"You have permission to touch my nipples and only my nipples. Stray again and your reward wil be over." Kit was quick to give him a nod.

"I was trying to seduce you so you'd want to have sex with me," Kit explained, his face already heating.