Marked by Grief (10 page)

Kit closed his eyes. "I wish you wouldn't say that," he whispered desperately.

Jason's hands went stil on his hips. "Say what?"

Kit shrugged. "Al this 'someone else' crap you keep going on about. I want you. Why can't you see that?" He sniffled and Jason stroked his hips and thighs, comforting him.

His reply was slow, but when it came Kit could hear the sadness in Jason's voice. "Do you realy, Kit? I know you're having fun right now. But do you honestly want this?"

Kit nodded. "I want you. The rest of it… I'm not sure about. I like it. But what I realy want, what I've always wanted, has been you."

He watched as Jason ducked his head. A moment later he nodded. "Al right. If you stil feel the same way in the morning we wil talk about long term.

I've never done anything long term like that so it'l be new for me as wel. But if you're realy sure, then we can talk about it."

Kit nodded. "And if you see that I'm right, that we're good together, then you don't wear your bracelet anymore."

Jason looked surprised. "Al right. No more bracelet, no more clubs, if you stil want this in the morning. And I won't mention someone else again.

Now relax, I'm going to put some lubricant in your ass and on my cock."

Kit smiled. He felt like he'd won a little. And he knew Jason didn't let people win that easily. His cock was painfuly hard as he listened to the sloppy noises Jason made as he spread the lube over his cock. Then there was a squirt and Kit felt the cold gel slide down his ass just before Jason inserted a finger into him. Kit held his breath, waiting for the sting that had come when Dale had stretched him, but Jason only continued to slide his finger in and out of Kit's ass instead of the two or three Dale had used as if he had been trying to see just how many he could fit inside of Kit.

"You're tense, relax," Jason told him quietly. Kit nodded and forced himself to take a deep breath. Jason slowly slid his finger out for the last time before Kit felt his warm hand on his hip. "I'm going to press against you now. I'm going to go slow and I need you to breathe. Tensing up won't help either of us." When Kit didn't respond right away Jason frowned down at him.

"Understand?"

Kit nodded at him over his shoulder. "Yes. I'l try."

That seemed to be good enough for Jason as Kit felt him slowly push the crown of his cock just inside of his ass. He tried to hold stil, knowing he needed to, but wanting to feel him so much deeper. Kit bit his lip to keep from begging Jason just to fuck him already as he took his time, entering him by fractions of the inches Kit realy wanted.

"Please," Kit whispered. He shook his arms in frustration and the metal chains clinked together over his lower back until he rested his arms, letting himself relax as he felt Jason move inside of him with irritating slowness. "Faster, please, Jason," he said as he looked back over his shoulder at the larger man.

Jason chuckled darkly and held Kit's wrists right over the cuffs. "You'l get used to them after a little bit. And I wil go faster, when you're ready."

"I'm ready now," Kit complained as he pushed back against him.

He laughed and ran his fingers down the length of Kit's spine. "You always were impatient. Remember when Bear and I told you we were going to go play laser tag and you couldn't stop begging us to take you sooner than when we said we would?"

Kit nodded. "Bear finaly told me if I mentioned it again he was going to leave me home."

"But we stil took you."

"And I kicked both of your butts," he said with a grin.

Jason's laugh was thick as it ran over Kit's heated skin. "So you think you're ready for me to go faster?"

Kit bit his lip and nodded. He didn't know what faster meant to Jason, but he knew he had to trust him.

He felt Jason's fingers tighten on his hips and held his breath as he slid further inside of him. He kept going, pushing deeper until he stopped. Kit watched him, wondering what the hel was going on but afraid to ask.

And then Jason puled out of him, nearly al the way until Kit felt empty down to his soul. Jason slid forward, slamming home and making Kit gasp. He bit into the pilow beneath his head and Jason's pace became furious, shaking him down to his core. Sex with Jason was different than anything he could have ever expected or imagined. It was rough and each sensation was blindingly briliant as they coursed through him, rushing along his veins and firing through his mind until he could barely think.

But then Jason went stil and Kit slowly came back to himself. He choked down huge gasps of air as he struggled to catch his breath. Behind him Jason was breathing just as hard. "Why'd you… why stop?" Kit whispered incoherently.

Jason leaned down and kissed Kit's cheek. "I want you with me."

"I'm right here." He shook his wrists a little for emphasis. "Can't go anywhere."

Jason chuckled and shook his head. "Mentaly you were gone. You'd stopped thinking."

Kit frowned. "Is that such a bad thing to escape sometimes?"

"You should never want to escape from the person you're with." Jason ran his hands over Kit's arms and down his sides. "You are so beautiful. I can't get over how good you look under me with your hands bound behind your back and your face flushed with sex." Kit moaned as Jason's hands went to his ass and began to squeeze him. "I've pictured you like this for years. Wondering what sounds you'd make as I slid into you, if you'd cal my name when you come. Now I know you do and I'l be hearing my name on your lips again soon."

Kit could barely breathe. He'd wanted to know those same things. He'd been picturing Jason above or behind him for years. It was always Jason he thought about, even when he'd been with Dale. Having him now, knowing everything he did about Jason, made the experience surreal. He was different than Kit could have ever pictured in his fantasies. But he was so much better as wel. Kit had always pictured Jason as a darker, harder lover than Dale had been. But he always believed Jason would be caring and compassionate.

And he'd been right. Oh God, he'd been right.

"Ready?"

Kit nodded and smiled softly as he slid back into him. His pace was fast, but not nearly as much as it had been and Kit was able to keep his focus this time.

Jason had been right, being aware of every touch was better than the blind pleasure he had experienced before and Kit savored every time Jason slid his cock into him, every scratch of Jason's short nails against his ass and every soft kiss he placed on Kit's shoulder.

His pleasure had been at a slow boil most of the afternoon but with this new focus Kit felt himself charging toward the cliff with little regard to the rules Jason had laid out so neatly for him. But he couldn't touch himself and that quiet torture made him whimper with need.

"Doing okay?" Jason asked him. His voice sounded rough, like he might be close too. Good, Kit desperately hoped he was.

Kit forced himself to nod.

Jason gave his ear a light tug. "Tel me what's going on."

"Close…" Kit gasped as he rubbed his painfuly hard cock against the side of Jason's bed, desperate for friction. "So close."

Jason grinned and used his strong hands to pul Kit's hips back from the bed. "No cheating, Kit. I'l let you come, promise. But not yet."

Kit groaned and glared back at the smirking man. "Why the hel not?"

Jason's smile turned evil. "Because I said so."

Kit groaned and buried his face in the pilow.

Jason was just being mean and it was so fucking unfair that he couldn't come. He gasped as Jason surged into him, his pace steadily increasing. A moment later he felt the sting of Jason's palm against his hip as he struck him. The moan that fel from his lips was quickly cut off as Jason landed another stinging swipe to the outside of his other hip.

"Like that?" Jason asked him teasingly as he moaned.

Kit nodded. "Yes, very much."

Jason laughed. "Good. I do too. Your skin has the most delicious red marks on it right now. And you're so pale they stand out perfectly." He dropped his hands to Kit's tender hips, holding him. Warmth spread through Kit with that contact. He could feel Jason's touch so much more clearly now that his skin had been spanked. He grinned. He would have never been able to imagine such a thing before today but the last few hours had been ful of surprises.

And Jason had helped him take his mind off of Bear's death. He hadn't actualy thought about his murderer's suicide in hours. And even then it had just a fleeting thought and far too brief to hurt him. Thinking about Bear in any fashion usualy brought crippling pain that left him struggling to get even one breath down. But with Jason, sharing those memories of the man they had both loved had felt right. Like it was okay to be sad with Jason because he understood Kit's pain and was hurting too.

Jason's teeth on his shoulder quickly brought Kit out of his musings. "Stay with me, Kitty."

Kit groaned. He hated that nickname. "Don't cal me that."

Jason laughed. "My cock is deep within your ass and you start going off on some thought tangent.

I've never met someone more ADD when it comes to sex than you."

Kit turned bright red. "Bastard."

Jason leaned down and nipped his shoulder again. "I'm close," he breathed in Kit's ear. "Want to come with me?"

Kit nodded eagerly. He was more than ready to come and the knowledge Jason was close had just pushed him even further toward that point. "Yes, please," he moaned a second later, quickly remembering Jason liked it when he answered him.

"Good. I like watching you in that moment when you climax and sex fils your face." Kit shook as he felt Jason's sure fingers latch onto the base of his cock. He timed his strokes perfectly, sliding his hand down Kit's length and running his thumb over the slit in his cock just before he slid back from his ass and moved his hand back up to stroke along Kit's bals. The matching movements had Kit gasping into the pilow as he struggled against the cuffs. He wanted to touch himself and needed to touch Jason.

Thankfuly Jason leaned forward, placing just enough of himself against Kit's lower back so Kit could touch his bely and stroke the fine hairs that trailed down his navel. A moment later Jason leaned back and Kit felt his firm hand clasp the thick muscle that connected his neck and shoulder. He turned his head and kissed Jason's fingers as they tightened on him. He was desperately close as he looked back at Jason. He was surprised to see those onyx eyes staring back at him, capturing him as he surged one last time into Kit's ass, his name faling from his lips.

Kit's own climax took him by surprise a second later as he shot onto the floor next to Jason's bed. He cried Jason's name just before he colapsed, spent and panting on the bed, his face pressed to the pilow and not caring about it at al. Jason puled out of him and he heard the smacking of rubber as the condom was tossed into the nearby trash can. His hands were free a moment after that and then he felt himself being lifted in the air as Jason scooped him up.

"I can walk," Kit protested weakly.

Jason smiled and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I know you can, Kit. But I wanted to carry you."

Kit closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment.

"Bet you say that to everyone."

"No, not realy." Kit's eyes slowly opened as Jason sat him down on the wide ledge of the bathtub next to a smal colection of shampoo bottles. And a bar of soap, the same kind the Bear used to buy. They were special, hand-crafted and Bear had believed they were worth every penny. Kit picked up that nearly new square and breathed it in deeply. His mom had cleared out al of Bear's things from the bathroom they'd shared and donated whatever had been unopened before Kit crawled out of bed one morning. Looking back, that might have been the day after the funeral. But he'd been so numb those first few weeks after Bear's death he couldn't be certain. He just knew that his brother was quickly being stripped out of the house he'd grown up in.

"I don't want to go home," he whispered brokenly as tears began puling in his eyes.

Jason pursed his lips as he turned on the water.

He checked the temperature and then let it run. "Why not?"

Kit put the soap back and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands as he slowly looked up at Jason.

"Bear's not there."

Jason sighed and kissed Kit's forehead. "I know, Kit. But he's not anywhere. Not anymore. He died."

Kit shook his head fiercely. "I know that. Don't you think I know that? But he's not
there
. Mom threw out al his stuff and the rest she boxed up and put into the attic. There's no soap left. I don't even know where to get it. Where do I buy Bear's soap?" he finished with a sniffle as he wiped his nose.

Jason puled him into his arms and hugged him tightly. "I didn't know, Kit. Dammit, I didn't know. She shouldn't have done that to you."

Kit shook his head. "She took him away. She boxed him up and she threw him away," he mumbled as he clutched Jason tightly against him.

Jason kissed his temple and then pushed gently on his chin to turn Kit's face toward him as he pressed his lips to Kit's. The brush of Jason's lips was comforting and Kit let the taste of the other man soothe him. Jason turned the water off and lifted him again, never breaking the contact between their mouths as he slowly stepped into the water. Kit puled away as he felt the warmth rush over him. Jason slid in behind him and puled Kit back against his chest, letting Kit fit neatly between his thighs.