Mail Order Bride - Westward Secrets: A Clean Cowboy Romance Novel (Montana Mail Order Brides Book 13) (18 page)

“I
have
to think,” Gina said.

“But it’s hindering you.  It’s got you trapped in this grip, stifling you, keeping you from living, Gina,” Rick said.  “What is it that you want right at this very moment?  Not yesterday, not tomorrow, right now.  What do you want
right now
?”

She’d been gazing downward at her hands which she’d pressed together in her lap.  Raising her eyes to meet his, Gina said, “You.  I want you.”

He leaned forward and brushed her mouth with his.  Against her lips he whispered, “Then take what you want.”

That simple phrase unleashed a primal part of Gina that shocked her.  She used his shirt to pull him closer and kissed him fiercely, driving him back in his chair.  He didn’t protest.  No, he brought her with him, dragging her onto his lap and making it easier for her to get close.  He tasted like the wine they’d drunk and the scent of his sandalwood soap stimulated her senses further. 

Gina felt wicked and a little guilty, but his hands and lips urged her on and she couldn’t resist the magnetic pull he had on her.  Her fingers, so used to handling buttons and the like, undid the ones on his shirt with ease and she parted the shirtfront.  Then she flattened her palms against his warm, bare chest.  A sensual fever gripped her and Gina realized that she still wore her coat.  Her hands left him so she could take it off. 

Rick helped her and then rid himself of his coat and suit jacket.  His shirt came next and she ran her hands over his powerful shoulders.  He shivered under her touch and Gina was thrilled to know that she had such an effect on him.  She kissed him again and Rick stood up, moving slowly so the kiss wasn’t broken.  Gina felt his hands run up her back and stop at the neckline of her dress.

Slowly he began drawing down the zipper.  Rick wanted to give her enough time to stop him, but she didn’t.  When the zipper was completely down, he ended the kiss so he could look in her eyes.

“Do you want to keep talking to Passionate Lover or does Rick need to take you home?” he asked with a smile.

“I want to have a nice long, long visit with Passionate Lover.  Is that all right with him?”

The hungry kiss he gave her answered her question.  Gina felt his own inner animal released by her words and she surrendered to him; the willing prey of the hunter.  As the moon rose higher in the sky, they shared the wild desires that neither of them could or wanted to hold back any longer.

              Gina was startled from slumber by sudden movements underneath her.  She woke and had to orient herself.  She was still at Rick’s and she’d fallen asleep curled up against him.  He sat up so fast that she fell on her face on the mattress.  Raising her head, she watched him run shaking hands through his sweaty hair.

              He got up and pulled on underwear before going out to the other room.  Gina rose from the bed, snatched up his dress shirt from the floor, and put it on.  She followed him.

              “Rick?  Are you all right?” she asked softly.

              “N-no.”  Rick cleared his throat and said, “Nightmare.  S-sorry.”

              Gina was touched by the terror she saw in his eyes and heard in his voice and she wanted to kill his mother all over again.  “You have nothing to be sorry for.  I’ll get you a pill.”

              “H-half.  T-too s-strong,” Rick stammered.  He handed her the pill bottle and waited while she unscrewed the cap.

              Gina saw that he’d already cut the pills in half.  He crossed his arms over his chest and tucked his hands under each bicep in an attempt to stop their shaking.  Groaning in frustration, Rick stomped over to the back door and opened it.  A rush of cold air came into the house.  Rick whistled and, the next minute, seven ferrets came scurrying across the floor.

              Just the sight of them running around made Rick smile.  They went everywhere, investigating everything, making dooking noises the whole time.  Gina knelt and started playing with them.  They jumped and bounced at her.  Millie got hold of the bottom of Rick’s shirt and started to pull it.  Gina laughed and the warm, slightly throaty sound was soothing to Rick.  It began to dissipate the horrible memories.

              Some of his shaking subsided and he crossed over to the counter to take a pill now that he could hold a cup without spilling the contents all over the floor. 
Of all nights for this to happen.  She’s never going to want to stay again.  Damn it!
  He swallowed the hated pill and then leaned against his hip against the counter as he watched the playful critters. 

One of the little ones came over to him and he picked it up and held it against his chest.  His eyes settled on Gina as she stood up and walked towards him.  His shirt covered the more intimate areas of her body, but her shapely legs and pretty feet were in full view.

“You look better in that s-shirt than I do, Lovely,” he said, relieved that the stammering was abating. 

She smiled at the compliment, but was very worried about Rick.  She went to him and ran a hand over his arm.  “Feeling any better?”

“Yeah.  A little.”  Rick sighed and looked away from her.  “I was hoping this wouldn’t happen tonight.”

Gina leaned against Rick and put her arms around him, being careful not to squish the ferret.  “You can’t control it.  It’s not your fault.”

Rick embraced her with his free arm and said, “I know.  It’s frustrating, though.  There’s no rhyme or reason to when they come on.  I’ve tried everything I can think of to ward them off, but nothing works.  So I just deal with it.  There’s not much else I can do about it.”  He noticed the time on his windup alarm clock and said, “It’s a good thing I don’t have to be at work until later, but you have to be back home soon.”

“You can’t drive yet,” Gina said.  “We’ll wait until you’re steadier or I could drive home.  I’ll just explain what happened.”

“No.  There are only six people in this world who know about this problem of mine and I don’t want anyone else to know.  Please?” Rick said.

“All right.  So what do you want to do?” she asked.

“You drive over to Joe’s.  By the time we get there, I’ll be fine.  I’ll take the carriage back then,” Rick said.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded even though he wasn’t sure at all.  Rick sat the ferret down and hugged Gina to him.  “Thank you for helping me.  I’m sorry our wonderful night ended like this.  I want you to know that it meant a great deal to me that you stayed.”

“I’ll always try to help you,” Gina said and kissed his chest.  “It
was
wonderful, wasn’t it?  You made me feel so special.”

Rick drew back a little and made her meet his gaze. “You
are
special, Gina.  I can’t even begin to tell you how special you are.”  He paused a moment and then said, “You need to know that I take you and what last night represented seriously.  This isn’t casual for me.  I respect you and my interest in you goes beyond passion.  I’m serious about you and I have honorable intentions towards you and the children.”

Gina smiled and bit her lip.  “I’m glad to hear you say that.  I was a little afraid…”

“Of what?  That I would change my mind about you once we’d made love?  That you were only a conquest for me?” Rick asked.

“Yes.  I’m sorry.”

“Well, I’ll have you know that my reserved and polite Canadian side will not permit me to treat you in such a distasteful manner,” Rick said in a formal tone.

Gina giggled.  “You’re not going to let me forget that, are you?”

“Nope.  So do you think you can stand being courted by a not-so-reserved, sarcastic, handsome, deputy, bouncer, former mountie, who has nightmares and panic attacks and raises ferrets?” 

“Courted?  I think we did a little more than is usually included in courting,” Gina said with a naughty look.

He laughed.  “I guess we did.  All right, how about being in a relationship? Do you want to be in a relationship with me?”

“Yes.  Very much.  Last night was very meaningful for me, too,” she said.  “Racy Lady enjoyed herself, too.”

“Did she?  That makes me very happy,” Rick said.  “All right.  We had better get out of here or else Passionate Lover is going to make another appearance.”

Thankfully, her children were still asleep when Gina arrived home right before dawn.  She checked on them and pulled the covers up over them again.  Ryan especially was always kicking his covers off.  Gina thought about lying down for a little while since the kids didn’t have to be up for another hour, but then decided she should clean up instead.  She didn’t want to smell like Rick even though she loved his scent.

She’d just finished dressing when Chloe knocked on her door and came in.

“’Morning, Mommy,” she said and came over to hug her mother.

“Good morning, sweetie.  Did you sleep well?” Gina asked.

“Yeah.  I’m hungry,” the girl said.

“Well, I’m sure Addie will be making breakfast soon.  Let’s get you ready for school and by that time it’ll be ready, ok?”

Chloe nodded.  “Did you have a nice time with Rick last night?”

“I did.  We had a very nice evening, thank you,” Gina said.

“Good.  Is he still coming to see us today?” she asked hopefully.

“I’m sure he will if something doesn’t come up.  You know how it is for deputies,” Gina said, thinking about the way Rick’s medicine affected him. 

He'd seemed fine when he’d dropped her off, but she worried about him anyway.  It would be good to see him later on so she could be sure that he was all right.  She started her usual morning routine, thinking of her deputy the whole time.

Claire was surprised to see Rick standing on the landing outside their door at such an early hour, but she welcomed him inside. 

“How are you?” she asked, smiling.  “It’s good to see you.”

“I’ve been better, thanks.  I hated coming early like this, but I didn’t want to make an appointment to see Marcus.  I don’t want anyone else to know,” Rick said.

Claire grew serious.  “Is it another panic attack?”

“Yeah.  This one was brought on by a nightmare,” Rick said.

“Come sit down at the table.  I’ll make you some coffee,” Claire said.  “I was just about to put some on anyway.  Marcus can’t start his day without it.  Neither can I, really.”

Rick smiled as he looked around.  “So this used to be Jake and Rebecca’s place, huh?  It’s very nice.”

“Yes, we like it here,” Claire said as she put the coffee on the stove to brew.

Rick looked at her.  “Are you sure about that?  Something tells me otherwise.”
              Claire sat down slowly and said, “It started after the fire that destroyed the old camp and Jack and Sparrow’s house.  That was the house that Marcus and I lived in when we were first married.  He bought the place when he was eighteen.  I miss that house, Rick.  I was happy here until I saw that our little house was gone.  I was fine with Jack and Sparrow living there because we could go visit.  When we did, I was visiting the house as much as I was them.  Isn’t that awful?  And silly?”

“Not at all, really.  That place meant a lot to you and held a lot of memories for you.  Losing it like that, in such a tragic way, is like seeing a loved one pass away.  You have the memories, but not the person, or in this case, the house, and that’s a hard thing to deal with,” Rick said.

“Yes!  Oh, you said it much better than I could.  We used to sit out on the little front porch at night and I would read while Marcus would read or he would whittle and sometimes we talked about what we were reading or we just enjoyed being together.  Aiyana grew up there and Anthony was born while we lived there.  Can I tell you something naughty?”

Rick smiled and nodded.

“Marcus used to bathe naked in the stream when we first got married, but he couldn’t get me to do it,” Claire said.

She and Rick laughed.  “I know that’s not exactly proper for a sister to tell her brother, but somehow I don’t think you mind.”

“No.  I don’t.  I think it’s hilarious.”

“Oh, good.  It’s his Lakota heritage.  He still goes down to the river to bathe sometimes when it’s warm weather,” Claire said.  “I’m so sorry.  I think my advanced pregnancy has affected my ability to keep embarrassing stories to myself.”

Rick chuckled.  “Then I’ll have to keep you talking before you have the baby so I can get as many embarrassing stories out of you as possible.  When are you due?”

“Around Christmas.  Only two months from now.”

“I’m very happy for you,” Rick said.

Marcus came into the kitchen.  He saw Rick and smiled. Although he was glad to see the deputy, he could tell that this was not a purely social call.  Rick didn’t look well.

“’Morning, Rick.  What brings you?” he asked.

Rick got right to the point.  “I need to do something about these flashbacks and nightmares.  I had another nightmare last night.  It’s not getting any better.”
              Marcus sighed as he began pouring coffee into three cups.  “I’m going to ask you some questions, Rick, and I hope they don’t trigger anything.”

“Ok.”

“Have you ever seen a psychiatrist?”

“No.”

“Before coming here, when was the last time you talked to anyone about the issue?”

“Never.”

“How do you take your coffee?”

“Just cream.”

After serving the coffee, Marcus sat down at the table with them.  His gray eyes focused on Rick as he considered his next question.  Concern was evident in his gaze.

“Gina said that you told her the full story.  She didn’t tell it to Ben, though.  She just told him that you and she had talked about a traumatic event and it set off a panic attack.  Ben and I share information about patients, but it never goes farther than us.”

“Thank you,” Rick said.  “Gina, Mitch, and Jack are the only ones who know the whole story.”

“And you never talked to anyone about it before now?”

“No one.”

Claire put a hand on his.  “It must have been something terrible to make you keep it inside for so long.”

“Yes.  It was.  What do I do about it?  I’m afraid to go to sleep half the time for fear of having another nightmare.  I’ve done everything I can think of to prevent them.  I’ve gotten drunk before going to bed so I can get through the night without one.  The other night I took two of those pills at once thinking they would help, but it didn’t work.”

Marcus became alarmed.  “Rick!  You can’t do that.  You’ll overdose.”

“I know, but I’m just that desperate.  After some of the nightmares, I stutter.  I used to do that during the worst times when I was a kid.  It’s started to come back.  I don’t want to end up in some asylum somewhere.”

Marcus said, “We won’t let that happen.  You need to talk about it.  From anything I’ve ever learned about this type of thing, it’s best to deal with it head on.”

“I can’t.  You saw what I was like.  That was mild.  I’m sure Ben told you about the terrible state I was in.  I don’t even remember what happened at the bar that night.  I vaguely remember Gina driving us there, but after that it’s a blank.  The next thing I knew, I came to in the stable with Ben and Gina looking down at me.”  Rick rubbed his face with a hand.

Claire held his other hand in both of hers.  “I’m so sorry for whatever you went through.  I wish you had grown up with us.  I always wanted a brother.”

Rick smiled as a warm feeling stole over him.  It was nice that at least one family member was happy that he existed.  “I wish I had grown up with all of you, too.”