Mad About You (24 page)

‘Fat chance.’ Babs snorted. ‘That kid needs a firm hand.’

‘My Thomas wouldn’t hurt a fly,’ Imogen spluttered. ‘What the hell would you know about children anyway?’

I held my breath and watched Babs carefully, ready to pounce if she lost her cool.

‘I may not have children,’ Babs said, slowly and deliberately, ‘but I know that they need boundaries and discipline. That kid of yours was wild from a young age and you never
said no to him. Now he’s obviously turning into a horrible person. If you don’t deal with it, he’ll end up in big trouble. Why don’t you get your head out of your arse and face the fact that your son is out of order and needs discipline? Stop criticizing everyone else and get your own house in order.’

‘How dare you speak to me like that? Who the hell do you think you are, coming into my family and insulting me?’

‘Emma, Yuri and Lara are my family and you’ve insulted them all.’

‘Now, ladies, let’s not argue. This is, after all, Mother and Father’s anniversary dinner,’ Henry reminded us.

Imogen looked as if she was going to explode. Anne quietly told her to keep her cool.

‘What exactly has Thomas been doing?’ I asked Henry, determined to hear the full story.

‘Oh, the usual bully stuff, calling the other child names, giving him wedgies, kicking him, stealing all the food from his tuck box … But last week Thomas tripped him on the stairs and the poor fellow broke two ribs. We’ve had a terrible time with his parents. They’re threatening to sue us.’

‘Thomas said it was an accident. It was
not
his fault,’ Imogen snapped.

‘Do they have a case?’ James asked. ‘Witnesses?’

‘Thankfully, no,’ Henry said. ‘It was just the two of them. So it’s the boy’s word against Thomas’s. But I know he did it.’

‘Henry!’ Imogen was apoplectic.

‘He’s a brat,’ Henry admitted.

‘Now, now, Henry, let’s not be too harsh.’ Jonathan defended his grandson. ‘Thomas is a lively boy, I’ll grant you that, but he’s not a bad chap.’

‘No, he’s just a little boisterous. But all boys are energetic at that age,’ Anne added.

I jumped in. ‘What are you going to do?’ I wasn’t in the least surprised that Thomas was a bully. Babs was right: he had been a brat since the day he was born and Imogen never gave out to him or told him to stop. I was surprised at Henry, but he worked long hours so it was Imogen who spent most time with the kids.

‘He’s been told in no uncertain terms that unless he pulls his socks up and is nice to this boy and all the other boys, he’ll be expelled. If that happens, I’ve threatened to send him to Scotland to a boarding school for young offenders.’

‘Really?’ That sounded a bit harsh.

‘Sounds perfect. Sign him up.’

‘Babs, zip it,’ James said. Then he smiled at his brother. ‘Is it the school Father was going to send us to?’

Henry smiled. ‘The very same.’

James explained, ‘Whenever we misbehaved, Father told us he’d send us to a special boarding school in the wilds of Scotland. It was only in later life that we discovered it didn’t exist.’

Jonathan laughed. ‘Well, it worked. You never gave me any trouble. And I dare say it will work on young Thomas, too.’

I glanced at Imogen. She was sitting with her arms folded, glowering at Henry. He’d get an earful when they got home.

‘Well, I hope it all sorts itself out,’ I said, trying to be kind, for Henry’s sake.

‘It already has,’ Imogen snapped. ‘The whole affair is behind us. I really don’t know why Henry felt the need to bring it up. Thomas was wrongly accused and he knows now that he has to be careful. This nasty boy is clearly out to cause trouble. He’s jealous of Thomas because he’s so popular and good at sports. That’s what happens when you’re a star pupil. Other students envy you and want to drag you down.’

Babs shook her head. ‘Delusional,’ she said.

Henry looked sad. ‘That’s simply not the case, Imogen. Thomas is a spoilt boy who needs discipline.’

Imogen’s fist slammed onto the table, making us all jump. ‘You lay one hand on that child and I will divorce you.’

‘Imogen!’ It was Anne’s turn to be shocked.

‘Lucky escape, if you ask me. Go home and wallop the kid,’ Babs muttered.

I realized that my marriage wasn’t the only one with problems. Imogen glowered at Henry. The tension at the table was horrible.

‘Why don’t we change the subject? Children are a very emotive topic,’ Anne said lightly. She couldn’t cope with anger or confrontation.

‘Quite right,’ Jonathan said. ‘Tell me, James, who do you think they’ll pick to play scrum-half for England this year?’

While the others talked about rugby and Imogen stomped off to the Ladies, Henry leant in to me. ‘How are things?’ he asked.

‘Not great. More texts and parcels, and now she’s texting my phone too. It’s frightening, to be honest.’

‘James called me about getting in touch with the police. I asked around, but everyone I spoke to said you’ll probably need more evidence before the police will get involved.’

‘I’m scared she’s going to attack me.’

‘I got the name of a private detective I’m trying to track down. It might be the best route. If he can find out who it is, we could stop them.’

I squeezed his hand. ‘That would be great.’

‘I must say, James is very upset. He was really most distressed on the phone. I can assure you, Emma, this is no affair. James is innocent, but for some reason a woman, or indeed a man, has become fixated on him.’

I was so glad Henry had said that. It made it easier for me
to believe James. ‘Thanks, Henry. Listen, I’m sorry about my sister. She’s drunk and she’s had a bad week. I hope Imogen is all right.’

Henry smiled ruefully. ‘Emma, we both know that my wife has skin as thick as an elephant’s. I find your sister most entertaining.’

‘Well, it’s getting late, we really should be going,’ Anne said, clearly dying to get away from us all. It had been a fairly unusual anniversary dinner, that was for sure.

Babs looked at her watch. ‘Ah, come on, Mrs H, I know you’re old, but it’s only ten. Live a little, stay up until ten thirty.’

Anne gave Babs one of her tight, disapproving smiles. ‘Goodnight, Barbara.’ To me, she said, ‘I’ll call you soon, Emma dear.’

Imogen stood up, too.

‘Let’s have a nightcap and then we’ll go,’ Henry suggested hopefully.

‘Nightcap? Come on, guys, what age are you? It’s only ten.’ Babs giggled.

‘Henry,’ Imogen hissed, ‘we’re leaving. Now.’

Henry sighed and got up. He said his goodbyes and followed his wife out of the door.

‘That poor guy is so bitch-slapped,’ Babs said.

‘Interesting evening,’ James noted. ‘Nice of you to come and mix it up a bit, Babs.’

‘Your family are the dullest people ever. At least Imogen has a bit of spark about her. Your parents are –’

‘James doesn’t need his family to be insulted. Drop it,’ I warned her.

‘Fine. Order me another drink,’ she said.

‘OK, but then we’re going home, I’m tired.’ I stifled a yawn.

‘Me too,’ James said.

Babs slapped her forehead. ‘Oh, my God, you guys are killing me. Have some self-respect. Go crazy and stay out until eleven. It won’t kill you.’

At ten thirty, Babs fell asleep on the table …

On Monday morning Babs was up early, banging on my bedroom door to have her makeup done. She wanted to look really good so she could face Gary with confidence. She’d gone shopping on Sunday afternoon and bought herself an indigo jumpsuit that looked incredible on her.

‘I want smoky eyes,’ she demanded. ‘I’m going to strut into that studio and own it. To hell with Gary! He’s just a slimy git. I must have been mad to sleep with him.’

‘How do you think you’ll react when you see him?’ I asked.

Babs flicked back her hair. ‘Don’t worry, I know exactly how to handle him.’

When we got to work, Gary came straight up to Babs. He pulled her to one side and I heard him whisper, ‘Did you make a decision?’

Babs looked at him quizzically. ‘What decision?’

Gary gripped her arm. ‘You know what I mean.’

Babs prised her arm out of his grip and smiled brightly at him. ‘Sorry, Gary, I have no idea what you’re talking about. You must be mixing me up with someone else.’ With that she sauntered off to talk to Karen, leaving Gary clearly worried.

He caught my eye. I looked away and smiled to myself. Babs was playing it so well. She was going to let him sweat it out until he eventually realized, when her stomach didn’t expand, that the pregnancy was over. I was very proud of my little sister.

That night, Babs offered to babysit to thank me for looking after her, and I went to meet Lucy for an early dinner at a tapas bar in Fulham. As I was leaving the house, Lucy sent a text:
Sod tapas, am treating u to posh drinks in Berkeley hotel. See u in 20 mins.
That sounded good to me. As I was walking to the tube I received another text:
I said go back to Ireland. Now go!
I spun around, looking to see if anyone was following me. Then I ran all the way to the tube, trembling.

In Knightsbridge, I walked quickly to the Berkeley. On the way I decided to try hard not to let that text ruin my night. I had to be strong. I arrived into the Blue Bar, which was very blue and full of gorgeous people. Lucy was waiting for me, looking stylish, as always, in a black shift dress.

‘It’s so good to see you.’ I hugged her tightly.

‘You too. You’ve lost weight.’

‘Have I?’ I hadn’t noticed. ‘It must be the stalker diet.’ I sighed. ‘Come on, let’s order some cocktails. We need to blow off steam.’ Lucy ordered two mojitos.

‘Make mine a really strong one,’ I told the barman.

Lucy raised an eyebrow. ‘So, more texts?’

I nodded. ‘And that’s the least of it. She’s still sending me things.’

‘You’re saying “she” now?’

‘Has to be,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘I’ve received the vibrator
and
a set of handcuffs delivered to the house. And I’m now getting texts to my own mobile, which means somehow this person has that number as well.’

Lucy looked very concerned. ‘God, Emma, that’s kind of … creepy,’ she said. ‘Have you thought about reporting it?’

I sighed. ‘Henry’s helping us. He’s getting in touch with a private detective. We’re hoping he’ll help us track this nutter down.’

‘Oh, Emma …’ Lucy’s voice was full of sympathy, and it
was hard for me not to start crying on her shoulder. ‘How is James reacting to it?’

The waiter delivered our drinks. I twirled the mint leaves around my mojito. ‘He seems very angry. But I just don’t know what to believe any more. I keep lurching from believing he’s innocent to feeling paranoid about him cheating on me. I feel like I’m going a bit mad. I’m looking over my shoulder every time I leave the house. I don’t know what this woman is going to do next. It’s sex toys now, but what will it be next month? Knives? Acid? You should see the stuff on the Internet about stalkers. It’s really frightening.’

Lucy wagged a finger at me. ‘Emma, stay away from the Internet.’

‘I just don’t know who or what to believe. I’m second-guessing myself all the time. I feel very alone actually.’ I took a drink to stop the lump forming in my throat.

‘I’m here for you,’ Lucy said. ‘And don’t you see your sister in work every day?’

I nodded, but the truth was that I felt alone. Everyone was so busy and under so much pressure. The person I usually talked to about everything – James – was the cause of all this stress. Lucy and Babs had their own problems and worries. And my other close friend, Jess, was under huge financial pressure so I didn’t want to burden her either.

‘Well, Babs has a lot going on at the moment.’ I didn’t want to tell Lucy about the pregnancy, although I felt she’d probably agree with Babs’s decision. ‘I just don’t know what to do about the stalker. It’s beginning to cause a rift between James and me.’

Lucy ordered some wine and the waiter brought it over and poured us a small glass each.

‘We have to think logically about it, Emma. This woman has to be someone you or James knows. Have you checked out the woman he mentioned in work?’

‘Not yet.’

‘Emma!’ Lucy threw her hands into the air. ‘I told you to suss her out. She has to be prime suspect number one until you know otherwise.’

‘I know, but James said Harriet is pregnant, so I counted her out.’

Lucy was incredulous. ‘
Pregnant?
Emma, pregnant women can be totally nuts. With all the hormones flying around, it could easily be her.’

‘I don’t think a pregnant woman would be stalking us,’ I said doubtfully.

‘Why not? Just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean she wouldn’t fancy James. You have to go and see this Harriet. You need to see her for yourself to decide if she’s a suspect or not. Get all dressed up and just “pop by” the training ground.’

‘All right,’ I said, nodding. ‘You’re probably right. I’ll do that this week.’

Lucy topped up our glasses. I fiddled with the cocktail napkin. ‘Lucy, be completely honest. Do you think James is shagging someone else and wants to get rid of me, but hasn’t got the balls to do it so he’s asked his mistress to frighten me off?’

Lucy considered this. ‘Why would he do that?’

‘I don’t know. Look, just answer quickly – give me your gut response.’

Lucy leant back in her chair. ‘OK. It seems to me that James
may
have flirted or perhaps even slept with someone who unfortunately happens to be really unstable. Now that she realizes he’s actually happily married, she’s annoyed and seeking some kind of perverse revenge.’

‘Do you think he did have sex with her?’

Lucy stared into her glass, then looked up at me again.
‘I’m not sure, but he certainly doesn’t seem to be behaving like a guilty man. You said he’s as fed up and angry as you are, which would suggest he hasn’t been unfaithful. Knowing James, he’d be riddled with guilt if he’d slept with someone else. I think you’d see it all over his face.’

‘It’s terrible but I don’t trust him any more. I’m constantly checking his phone and his emails now.’

Lucy patted my arm. ‘This is just a bump in the road, a glitch.’

‘It’s not a bump, Lucy, it’s becoming a crater. I hardly ever see him. We haven’t had sex in weeks because I’m angry and upset. We still have occasional moments of the old us, but they’re increasingly rare. Soon we’ll be too far apart to find our way back again.’

Lucy tied her hair back in a knot. ‘Marriage is a lot harder than we’re led to believe.’

‘Are things still bad with Donal?’

‘Extremely.’

‘Do you think you can do it, Lucy? Do you think you can be away every week and keep up a happy home life?’ Seeing her face cloud, I added, ‘I’m not judging you, I’m just worried that you’ll become disengaged from Donal and Serge with all the travelling.’

‘How many times do I have to say it? I couldn’t turn down this opportunity. The offer was just too good.’

‘I know. I understand.’

‘I wish Donal did. We had the worst fight ever last week.’

‘I’m so sorry. I was really hoping you guys would be able to sort things out.’

Lucy closed her eyes. ‘He said some pretty low things.’

‘Like?’

‘Like that I’m not a “normal” woman because I have no maternal instincts and I’d rather be in work than at home.
That I’m cold and selfish and don’t give a damn about him or Serge. That I’m a spoilt only child who only cares about herself.’

‘He’s just lashing out because he’s scared of losing you,’ I said.

Lucy shook her head. ‘He’ll lose me if he tries to tie me to the kitchen sink. If I’d turned down this job, I’d never have forgiven him. I know what I’m like. So I took it and now he hates me. You see, Emma, there
is
no solution. There is no black and white in any marriage. It’s all bloody grey.’

I poured more wine into our glasses. ‘God, I miss my twenties. I miss rolling out of bed and only having to think about my needs for the day. I miss only worrying about what I want to eat and drink and do. Now, it’s always about the kids or James or bloody psychos who want to steal my husband. It’s as if, somewhere along the way, I became a non-person. I don’t count. What I want is of no interest to anyone in my family. How did that happen?’

Lucy nodded vigorously. ‘That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Traditionally, women disappear in marriages, and I refuse to do that. If I gave Donal the cold shoulder because he took a promotion, everyone would say I was a thundering bitch. But it’s fine for him to freeze me out because I’m a heartless cow for accepting a better job. There are still different rules for men and women. When a man takes his child to the park, everyone tells him what a great dad he is. If a woman takes her child to the park, it’s expected. Despite all the giant steps towards equality, it’s still a man’s world.’

I rested my head against the back of my chair. ‘When I married James, I really thought it would be for ever. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that we could split up. But now I can see that it’s possible. It’s so frightening.’

‘Me too. Because of my parents’ disastrous marriage, I didn’t think I’d ever marry, and then Donal came along and made me want to marry him. I still love him. We used to have such good times, but Serge has changed the dynamic. It’s all about him and not about us any more and I find that really hard. I miss the fun we used to have going out together and just having a really good laugh. I can tell you one thing this new job has made very clear, though – I will never be having another child. As Donal pointed out, I’m not very maternal, so I need to use the little bit I have to focus on Serge. I love him, but I can’t really relate to him.’ Lucy put her hand up to stop me interrupting her. ‘I know what you’re going to say and it’s OK, I know it’ll get better as he gets older. In fact he said, “I dove you, Nunny,” the other day and my cold, hard heart did melt.’

My eyes filled with tears. The wine was beginning to have an effect. ‘Oh, Lucy, that’s a huge deal. The first time they tell you they love you is really special.’

She nodded. ‘It
was
special and I felt really emotional. I gave him a huge hug and then he wiped his snotty nose on my silk blouse and I was really cheesed off. You see, I’m not a nice person. Donal’s right, I’m abnormal.’ Now Lucy’s eyes welled. ‘It was such a huge moment, my little boy telling me he loved me, and then I ruined it by letting the snot bother me. I’m awful.’

‘No, you’re not. You’re one of my favourite people in the whole world, and you’ll get better at the mother thing as he gets older. You were never into small kids. Remember when Yuri dribbled all over your suede Prada bag?’

Lucy smiled. ‘It was a brand-new powder-blue clutch that I’d treated myself to after getting a promotion! I should have known then that children were not for me.’

I picked up a handful of fancy nuts from the silver bowl on
the table and popped them into my mouth. ‘I don’t want to break up with James. I’d hate to be on my own. I’d even forgive him a one-night stand, if that was all it was.’ I was surprised to hear myself say this, but it was true. I’d thought about it a lot, and if he had had a one-night stand that meant nothing and he was really sorry and grovelled at my feet for weeks, I probably would forgive him. I knew how broken and shattered Yuri and Lara would be if we split up. But if he was lying to me and he was having an affair, our marriage would be over.

‘You guys won’t break up,’ Lucy said. ‘You’re strong and you’ll get through this, I know you will. Obviously the stalking business is very upsetting – you really need to figure out who the person is and get them locked up, scare them off, run them over in your car or something.’

I laughed at her gallows humour. ‘I wish we’d never moved. Everything’s gone wrong since we got here.’

Lucy put down her wine glass. ‘No, it hasn’t. James’s job is going well, and yours is too. The kids are happy and you’ve got a great nanny. London’s a brilliant place to live. I mean, look at us tonight – you don’t get the Blue Bar in Dublin. You’ve just had bad luck with this crazy stalker thing. But that could have happened anywhere.’

‘There are eight million people in this city. That’s eight times more than there are in Dublin, which means eight times more nutters.’

Lucy laughed. ‘There are plenty of nutters in Dublin.’

I looked at my best friend and thought of the things that were happening to us both that we could never have imagined. ‘Do you think we’ll end up single again?’

Lucy shrugged. ‘Who knows? But at least we’d have each other.’

‘I don’t want to bring up the kids on my own. I’d hate to see James swanning around with some young English rose
called Phoebe, while I’m at all the school plays alone, pretending I don’t mind. And Phoebe will be fun and give the kids sweets, and I’ll be strict and bring them to the dentist and they’ll hate me because I’m bitter and twisted and I hate their father and his stupid girlfriend. And then Phoebe will give birth to a perfect baby boy, in a paddling pool in the kitchen at sunset, and he will be sweet and good and the image of James and sleep all night from the day he’s born. Phoebe and the baby will keep James young and I’ll be wrinkly and fat because I’m misery-eating and I’ll die alone with my two cats.’

Lucy stared at me, then threw back her head and laughed.

‘It’s not funny, Lucy. I can actually see it happening.’