Mad About You (13 page)

I spent the whole tube journey to work trying to figure out what to do about Babs. James had asked me at breakfast what I was going to say to her and I was stumped. I had no idea. Was Babs capable of raising a child? She was so selfish and irresponsible, would a child be safe with her? Or maybe it would be the making of her. Perhaps a baby would bring out a nicer side, a softer side. Being forced to think about and look after someone else for a change might be the best thing for Babs. But then again, what about Gary? Would he even acknowledge the child? I was annoyed with her for being so stupid. It was bad enough to sleep with married men, but why the hell could she not have used protection?

As I was walking up the steps of Manor House station on my way to work, mulling over how I was going to handle my sister when I saw her, my phone rang. Thinking it was Babs, I grabbed it and answered on the first ring.

‘Hello, is that Emma?’

Damn. It was Mum. I mustn’t let on that anything was wrong.

‘Hello? Hello there? It’s your mother calling. Can you hear me?’

‘Yes, Mum, perfectly. I’m in London, not Kabul.’ I turned left and walked towards work.

‘I see you haven’t lost your sarcasm. I’m not sure that’ll go down too well over there. You might want to rein it in, Emma. You need to make friends, not alienate people.’

‘So far people haven’t run screaming in the opposite direction, so I think it’s all right.’

‘What has you in such a sunny mood?’

I counted to five. ‘I’m not in a mood, I’m fine. How are you?’ I walked past Starbucks and, even though I could have murdered a coffee, I didn’t go in. I needed to be on full alert for this conversation, no distractions.

‘All right, I suppose, a bit lonely without my grandchildren. How are my little pets? How’s that lovely husband of yours? I hope you’re minding him. It’s not easy starting a new job. It can be very stressful. He’ll need a good dinner on the table every night and a lot of encouragement. Apparently all that coaching is very bad for the blood pressure. Remember Alex Ferguson’s purple face.’

‘Alex Ferguson was a pensioner, Mum.’

‘He’d looked that way since he was forty. I’m warning you, make sure James has no stress when he comes home. Don’t be annoying him with your worries. He needs a nice smile and a warm welcome.’

‘I don’t
annoy
him with my worries. We share our concerns with each other. It’s called communicating.’

‘Some women communicate too much. Nuala was over this morning.’

Oh, God, not Nuala! Whenever my mother’s best friend/worst enemy, Nuala, called over, Mum always got completely wound up. What the hell had she said this time?

‘Nuala said her niece, Hayley Johnson – you were in the same ballet class as Hayley, you used to be pals. Remember?’

‘No, I don’t.’

Mum clicked her tongue. ‘Of course you do. The two of you were great pals. Her sister married that fella, what’s his name …?’

I crossed the road, almost getting run over by a cyclist who shouted at me.

‘You know – that fella who worked in the bank. He had some big job and then they transferred him off to Argentina or Colombia or one of those places. Oh, actually, maybe it was Russia. Anyway, I think his name was Brian or Brendan.’

‘What has any of this got to do with me?’ I was getting exasperated.

‘Nuala said that Hayley’s marriage is gone, over, kaput. And he left her because she was always moaning.’

‘Well, it sounds like a lucky escape for her. He’s obviously a bit of an idiot.’

‘That’s not the point, Emma.’

‘No? What is the point, then?’ I hoped there wasn’t much more to this tale of woe.

‘The point is, Hayley was a moaner, just like you are, and it cost her her marriage.’

There really was nothing like a pep talk with my mother to put a spring in my step. I gritted my teeth. ‘I do not moan.’

‘Emma, you have a great capacity for complaining. You’re a glass-half-empty kind of person. I saw a programme the other day about positive thinking. They had this woman on – she was an American psychologist or psychiatrist or psychoanalyst. I can never make out which is which. Anyway, she said that when you wake up in the morning, it’s up to you to decide if today is going to be a glass-half-empty day or a glass-half-full day. So I’m telling you, Emma, you need to concentrate on being a glass-half-full girl. No man likes a sulky face. You’re at a dangerous stage – men tend to go a bit funny in their forties. I saw it with your father. At forty he suddenly realized half his life was over and he went out and bought a sports car and a leather jacket. He looked ridiculous.
He could barely get in or out of the car because of his bad knees and the jacket was too small for him.’

I remembered the sports car. I must have been about nine at the time and I thought it was very cool. ‘Well, so far we’re OK. James gets the train to work. I don’t see any sign of his mid-life crisis yet.’

‘Don’t be flippant, Emma. It happens to the best of us. Now, the other thing the woman on the TV said was that the better you feel about yourself, the nicer you’ll be to others. There was something else about the universe and your conscious mind but that part was a bit complicated. I think it’s time you went on a diet and got rid of that baby weight you’re still carrying. If you don’t shift it now, you’ll never get rid of it. Once the menopause hits you, your metabolism shuts down. I’ve barely lost a pound in twenty years and I’ve drunk all those awful milkshakes and cabbage soups and none of them works. Lose the weight now, Emma, before it’s too late.’

Right, that was it. I needed a comforting latte. I stopped at the little coffee cart opposite the studio and mouthed, ‘Full-fat latte,’ to the man. As my mother continued to talk, I poured two sachets of sugar into it and took a long, soothing gulp.

‘Emma?’ Mum barked. ‘Are you listening to me?’

‘Yes! I’m going to lose the weight. It’ll be easier now I’m working. When I’m at home, I’m constantly grazing.’

‘Good. Now, tell me, did you find a good nanny? Are you happy with her?’

‘Yes. A really sweet girl called Claire – she’s originally from Leitrim.’

‘I don’t believe it! That’s wonderful. A nice Irish country girl. It’ll be good for the children. You don’t want some foreign girl with no English. It would hamper their development,
and poor Yuri’s already had ten months of Russian. He needs consistency now. A nice Irish girl sounds perfect. Well, kiss their little faces for me.’

My mother’s love for her grandchildren was a very redeeming feature. She adored them. ‘OK, Mum, I will. I’d better go now – I’ve just arrived at work.’

‘Hold on a minute. How is your bold sister? She never returns my calls. She just texts me, “I’m busy.” I’m delighted you’re working with her. You can keep an eye on her and make sure she’s not getting up to mischief. I worry about that girl. She’s going to end up in trouble, I can feel it.’

If only she knew!

I pushed the door open and came face to face with Babs. I held my hand up and whispered, ‘Mum.’ Babs waved her arms, meaning she didn’t want to speak to her.

‘I’ll tell Babs to call you, Mum.’ I glared at my sister. ‘I’ll be seeing lots of her now we’re working together so I’ll make sure she stays in touch.’

Babs glared back at me.

‘Make sure you do, and keep an eye on her. If only she could meet a nice man like James. Is there any nice fellow in work?’

Staring directly at my sister, I said, ‘I can assure you, Mum, that there are no suitable men in work for Babs. Now I really have to go. ’Bye.’

Before she could say anything else, I hung up and put my phone into my pocket. ‘Well, are you all right?’ I asked Babs.

‘I’m fine.’

‘What the hell –’

Babs grabbed my arm. ‘Not here,’ she hissed, pulling me through the studio doors and into the makeup room.

I locked the door and turned to her. ‘Have you told him?’

She avoided my eyes. ‘Not yet. I only found out a week ago.’

‘How pregnant are you?’

Babs shrugged. ‘I dunno – not very. A few weeks?’

‘How did it happen? Didn’t you use protection?’

She turned away. ‘We usually use condoms, but one night we were really drunk and he didn’t have any and I thought it would be fine. I mean, it took you years to get pregnant, so I didn’t think it would happen to me after one unprotected shag.’

‘OK, that could happen to anyone. So, what are you going to do?’ I asked, determined to make her face up to this responsibility.

Babs stiffened. ‘What do you mean, what am I going to do? I’m going to have a baby with Gary.’

Was she completely delusional? ‘He’s married, remember? With two children already. He might not be too thrilled about this.’ Gary was going to go mad.

Babs flicked back her hair. ‘I know him and he’ll be fine about it. He’s mad about me and, besides, he hates his wife so this’ll give him a good excuse to leave her.’

‘Oh, Babs, are you really that naïve? Gary doesn’t want another wife, he wants guilt-free sex with a hot twenty-seven-year-old TV presenter.’

Babs flinched and I felt bad for saying that to her, but it was the truth.

‘You haven’t a clue about my relationship with Gary.’

She was angry with me, but I had to make her understand that Gary was never going to play happy families with her. He was in it for the illicit thrills, not alimony payments and custody battles. ‘Well, if it’s so wonderful, why haven’t you told him yet?’

‘I haven’t had the opportunity.’

‘You see him every day.’

‘I want to find the right time. And, besides, he’s going on
some stupid holiday tomorrow – to Disney World in Florida for two weeks. I didn’t want to tell him before he went. I’ll tell him when he gets back.’

‘OK, so after two weeks in a Disneyland paradise for families, hanging out with his wife and kids and Mickey Mouse, you’re going to land this on him and you think he’s going to be thrilled? Come on, Babs, listen to yourself. Can you honestly tell me you believe what you’re saying?’

Babs began to chew a nail and I suddenly noticed that all of her nails were down to the quick. She hadn’t bitten them since she was a kid. I could see how upset she was although, being Babs, she’d rather have died than admit it.

It was obvious that, deep down, Babs knew Gary wasn’t going to be happy with her news. I could see now that she was afraid to tell him, and my heart ached for her. God, what a mess.

I decided to try a gentler approach. Putting my hand on her arm, I asked, ‘Babs, what will you do if Gary doesn’t want the baby?’

‘He will, I know he will.’ For a second I saw her lip tremble, but she held herself in check.

‘OK, but what if he doesn’t? It’s helpful to have a plan B.’

She pushed me away. ‘Shut up, Emma. I don’t need your negativity.’

‘Babs, you’ve got a baby growing inside you. You have to be realistic about this.’

Babs stepped towards me, her face cold with fury. ‘I swear, Emma, if you bring this up again, I’ll have you fired. I do not want to talk about it. This is between me and Gary. I’ll tell him when he gets home from his trip, so back off.’

She strode out, slamming the door so hard that the walls of the tiny makeup room nearly rattled. I’d lost her now. I knew she’d refuse to talk to me for days after that exit. I’d
been too hard, too honest. But then again, she was pregnant and she had to face up to reality. Still, early pregnancy is no fun for anyone: you feel dreadful and you’re worried. I should have trodden more carefully. I’d have to pull back for a bit now. Maybe it was no harm. She’d think about what I’d said and hopefully she’d realize that I was right about Gary and then we could talk again. In the meantime I’d have to staple my mouth shut and avoid my mother at all costs. Neither was going to be easy …

For the next week things at home continued to go smoothly as we all settled into our new life. I was bringing the children to school twice a week and James dropped them on the other days. Yuri had made a friend, a boy called Jackson, and he was much happier. Lara had a list of girls who were now her ‘best friend’ and skipped into her classroom every day. Claire continued to get them to eat vegetables and fruit. James and I were constantly praising her for that alone. When I came home from work, the house was always tidy and the children were happy.

It wasn’t all plain sailing, though. Work wasn’t much fun because Babs refused to talk to me and was avoiding me. But I knew my sister and that she’d crack eventually. I had to wait it out. Usually I’d talk to James about it, but he worked late every night. I hardly saw him. He was devoting all of his time and energy to the club and none to his family. I was putting the kids to bed every night and then going up early to read my book because there was no one to talk to. I felt very alone.

Finally, it was Friday again – a break from work and from Babs stonewalling me. I stopped at the little delicatessen on the corner on the way home and spent more than I should have on a really nice bottle of red and some beef bourguignon. James had promised to be home to put the children to bed, so I decided it was a good chance for some quality time together.

I pushed open the front door and heard the children laughing. I smiled to myself. Claire didn’t seem to lose
patience towards the end of the day – like I did whenever I had them on my own for long stretches. She really had a calling for this work.

I crept into the kitchen and unpacked the shopping. Then I tiptoed to the door of the lounge. Inside, the three of them were sitting on the floor, playing a raucous game of Snap. They were completely absorbed in it, and I watched them for a few minutes. Then the urge to hug Yuri and Lara became too great and I walked in to join them.

As soon as she saw me, Claire jumped up. ‘Hey, you two, Mum’s home.’ Yuri and Lara leapt to their feet and ran to me. Claire smiled. ‘I’ll give you a minute,’ she said. ‘Can I get you a cup of tea?’

‘I’d love one,’ I said, flopping down into the couch. It had been a long day. The lady we had made over had taken a huge dislike to Babs and there had been a lot of arguing and storming off the set. Babs had been really uptight and more obnoxious than usual. As a result, filming had run over.

‘So, guys, how was your day?’

‘Fine,’ Yuri said, sitting back down. His mind was obviously on the game.

‘Just fine? Come on, tell me about it.’

‘
Muuuum
, it was the same.’

I kept smiling, but I felt a stab of guilt mixed with regret. This was the horrible part of being a working mum – Claire knew more about their day than I did. No doubt they had run out of school and spilt their tales to her on the walk home – they always told their news in the first hour after school ended. But I was never there to hear it. Claire came back in and handed me a cup of tea.

‘Thanks, you’re an angel. Sorry for being late. It was one of those days.’

‘Don’t worry, it’s fine. I’m in no hurry to go home.’

Yuri tugged at Claire’s sweatshirt. ‘Come on, Claire, we want to play.’

Claire sat down and continued the game. I kicked off my shoes and watched them. It was a very peaceful scene. I relaxed into the couch and looked forward to my nice bottle of wine later with James. It would be good to catch up.

My phone beeped. James:
Sorry darling – have to stay on bit longer – see you in couple of hours – text if we need anything from shop and will pick it up on way. Xx

‘Damn.’

‘Is everything OK?’ Claire asked, looking round.

I threw my phone onto the cushion and dropped my head back against the couch. ‘Fine. It was just James saying he’ll be late. Again. It’s the fifth night in a row.’ I knew I was over-sharing, but I was too ticked off to care.

Claire was gazing at me anxiously. ‘I can stay and help you put them to bed, Emma, it’s no problem.’

I was going to say no, but then I thought, Why not? I wanted some adult company and putting the kids to bed every night on my own wasn’t much fun. A second pair of hands made it so much easier.

‘You know what, Claire? That would be great. Thanks a million.’ I decided I’d add another twenty to her envelope to thank her.

We bathed the children together. It was nice having her there. We sang silly songs and chatted to the kids as they played with the bubbles. It was all very relaxed. Then, while I dried the children’s hair, Claire cleaned the bath.

I read them a story and kissed them goodnight. When I came downstairs, Claire had tidied the living room and the kitchen.

I opened the fridge and took out the beef. My phone beeped again. James:
Sorry darling, won’t be home for dinner. Tied up here
.

I cursed under my breath.

‘Is everything all right?’ Claire asked.

‘James isn’t going to be back for dinner. I’ve got all this food.’ I looked at Claire. What the hell? I’d ask her to join me. ‘Do you fancy beef bourguignon?’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, otherwise it’ll go to waste. I’ve already opened the wine to let it breathe, so we might as well tuck into that too.’

She giggled nervously, like a naughty schoolgirl. ‘OK, wow, cool.’ She seemed so young for a nineteen-year-old. She must have led a very sheltered life.

I poured her a glass of wine. She clearly wasn’t used to it – her nose wrinkled as she sipped. That was a good thing, though: I didn’t want some secret wino looking after the children.

‘Cheers to you,’ I said, clinking her glass. ‘You’ve really been a Godsend.’

‘Thanks.’ Claire blushed. ‘I love working here. It’s so nice.’

I patted her hand. ‘Well, we love having you. It’s such a relief for me to know the children are happy and safe while I’m at work.’

‘I’m mad about them,’ she gushed. ‘They’re really amazing kids.’

‘I agree!’ I laughed.

I served up the beef, which turned out to be delicious. ‘So, any plans for the weekend?’ I asked her.

‘Not really, probably just chill out.’

Claire seemed like a loner. I wondered if she had any friends. She was probably wary of other teenagers because of being bullied. ‘Have you made any friends since you moved here? I know it’s not easy in a new city.’

Claire looked down at her plate. ‘One or two, I suppose, but I’m not very sociable. I prefer to be working or listening to music. I don’t like noisy places full of people. They freak me out.’

‘Do you ever go out with your mum, to the movies or for dinner?’

‘Not really. She doesn’t like going out either.’

I had been curious to know about Claire’s father. Was he in the picture at all? ‘Do you have any other family here? Like your dad or siblings or anything?’

Claire’s face darkened. ‘No, it’s just me and Mum.’ She hesitated, then looked at me. ‘My father walked out when I was two. He wasn’t interested in us. He left my mum with nothing and never paid her a penny in child support.’

I could see the hurt in her eyes. ‘That’s terrible. Your poor mum.’

‘She did her best, but it was really hard.’

‘It must have been difficult for you, too.’

Claire nodded. ‘Yuri and Lara are lucky to have a dad around. Kids need a dad.’

‘James is a great father.’

‘And you’re a good mother,’ Claire added quickly.

‘Thanks.’ I loved hearing that. ‘I’m sorry about your dad.’

She shrugged. ‘I’m fine about it now. The hard part was when he moved to the next village with his new family.’

I topped up our glasses. ‘He had more children?’

‘Two girls. One is sixteen and the other is fourteen.’

‘God, that sounds tough on you.’

‘I saw him with them once, in the cinema. He was buying them popcorn.’

‘Did you go over to him?’

She shook her head. ‘No way. I hate him.’

It was clear that her emotions about her dad were still raw, even after all these years. She hadn’t dealt with him abandoning her. The anger and grief were still simmering beneath the surface. ‘I’m sorry, Claire, it must have been awful to see him with his two daughters like that.’

She bit a nail. ‘It was no big deal.’

It clearly was, judging by her nails, which were bitten down to the quick, just like Babs’s. Men could cause a whole world of trouble.

‘Well, you’re safe here from bullying and bumping into your father or anything bad like that. James and I think you’re fantastic. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without you. You really are a treasure.’

She blushed, and smiled shyly at me. ‘Really? Do you really think that? Does James too?’

‘He’s always saying how wonderful you are.’ I laid the praise on thick. The poor girl had had very negative experiences with men. She could do with some positive affirmation from father figures like James.

‘I never really see him because he works late so much,’ she said.

I sighed. ‘I know, and it’s a pain. I haven’t seen him much myself. He’s working like a maniac to prove to his club that he’s the right man for the job. I’m hoping he might calm down a bit after their first match and we can get some time together. God knows we need a night out.’

‘Would you like me to babysit for you some night? I’d be delighted to do it.’

I laughed. ‘I hadn’t actually thought of that. But you’re here so much already you’d hardly want to stay on for hours in the evening as well.’

‘Honestly, I don’t mind. I’d bring a good book and you’d be able to go out knowing the kids were safe.’

I could have kissed her. ‘Well, if you’re really sure, then, yes, I’d be thrilled to have you babysit. We’ll pay you the going rate, of course.’ I beamed at her, already planning which restaurant James and I would try first. ‘Thanks so much, Claire. I’ll talk to James, see what night suits and let you know.’

‘Great. I’m always available.’

Claire stood up to clear the plates, but I insisted she sit down. ‘You’re not working now, feet up.’

‘I feel like I’m in a restaurant.’

‘Now, I don’t really have any dessert.’ I rummaged around in the freezer for ice-cream.

Claire’s phone rang. ‘I’m fine, Mum … No … I’m just here with Emma … I’ll be home soon … I know that … I’ll be back in twenty minutes … Chill out, I’m fine.’

Claire hung up and threw her phone into her backpack. ‘She’s always checking up on me.’

I smiled at her. ‘We mothers worry. Look, why don’t you head off? I don’t want to cause your mum any concern. Thanks for staying. You were a great help.’ I walked her to the door and handed her her wages. She went down the path, her hands deep in the pockets of her hoodie.

I closed the door, took the remainder of the bottle of red wine to the couch and curled up. Poor thing, I thought. She seemed to have had a terrible life. She was so awkward and unsure of herself. I decided to try to boost Claire’s confidence and bring her out of herself. She was young. With a bit of makeup and some decent clothes, she’d be pretty. She couldn’t spend her life sitting in with her mother. She needed to get out and have some fun.