Luck of the Draw (15 page)

“I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll see you in about five minutes, Houdini.” There was laughter in his voice before he hung up.

Rowan set the phone on the table and took a few deep breaths to prepare herself for the most important conversation of her life.

“That was delicious,” Breck told her as he set his fork down. They’d talked about nothing important while eating—the weather, fishing, cooking.

Her stomach was in knots and not the good kind. It was time to open her mouth and tell him what she needed to, but instead she said, “I’m going to put the dishes in the kitchen and then maybe we can build another fire?”

She’d tell him there. That was better—more personal than sitting across the extra-large table.

Rowan stood, and Breck followed. He made it to her before she had a chance to move, pried her hand off the plate and let his fingers drift up her arm. The material of her shirt was between them, but his hand still left a sizzling trail in its wake.

“Why did you ask me to dinner tonight, sweetheart?”

She watched him breathe her in and it was one of the sexiest things she’d ever seen. Like he couldn’t get enough of her. Breck closed his eyes and kissed the corner of her mouth.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about.” Another kiss. Her bones melted, dripped right down to the floor into a puddle.

“Breck…” she whispered, knowing if she didn’t take control, she wouldn’t do what she needed to. “Me first. It’s really important.”

A loud
bang
on the door made her jump. “Oh my God. That scared the shit out of me.” She clutched her chest.

“Too wrapped up in me, are you?” Breck gave her that smile she loved.

“Hold that thought, big head. I’m going to grab the door.” She hoped…prayed it wasn’t Shakes or anyone else who would interrupt their night. She needed to do this before she lost her nerve.

Breck stepped up behind her as she opened the door. Kade, Sidney, Betsy, and Jace all stood on the other side with serious expressions. The weight on Rowan’s chest immediately began to crush her. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

Breck grabbed her shoulders from behind as though he knew she would need the support. Rowan let herself lean against him, so very thankful to have him there.

“Sweetie—” Sidney started, but cut off. Tears trickled down her face. Sidney stepped inside and hugged her, squeezed everything out of her and Rowan started to cry too.

Whatever this was would change her forever.

The other three stepped inside. Kade touched the back of her head. Pulled her and Sidney to him and Rowan couldn’t stop herself from wondering where Breck was. She didn’t feel him touching her anymore. She needed him.

“Freckles,” Kade began. “They found Shakes’s body, honey. Aunt Mae went to see him. They think it was a heart attack.”

Rowan’s knees gave out. A wail escaped from her mouth.

Shakes. Shakes was gone.

She’d known him her whole life. He was like a family to her and now he was gone.

She didn’t know how she got out of Sidney’s and Kade’s hold, but suddenly Breck was there. Lifting her off the floor. When did she end up on the floor? His arms went around her as he scooped her up.

“I got her,” she heard Breck say, but she couldn’t stop crying. Couldn’t stop burying her face in his chest.

“She needs her friends.” This from Kade. Rowan wanted to say she was okay—that Breck
was
her friend, but she wasn’t capable of words.

“Let him, Kade. He’ll take care of her,” Jace cut in. And then Breck was walking away with her. They went up the stairs and she cried. He laid her in bed. And she cried.

He curled up next to her, lips in her hair. “Shh. I’m here, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. So very sorry, baby.”

More tears. Her heart was breaking—falling apart like a house being demolished.

Shakes felt like the only family she had close to her. He’d always been there, having dinner with her or spending time with her family as she grew up. Another wave of cries pulled out of her. He was gone. He left her. How could Shakes be gone?

Breck curled on his side and pulled her against him. Their chests touched and his hand kept moving. Kept running through her hair, down her back. Words were impossible so she fisted her hand in his shirt, trying to tell her how much she appreciated him. How much she needed him. That there wasn’t anyone else in the world she would rather have with her right now.

All she could think was Shakes was gone. Dead. She’d lost both her parents, her siblings moved away, and now someone else who meant so very much to her was gone. And once she admitted her betrayal to Breck…he might be gone too.

She squeezed him tighter. Cuddled as close as she could get and prayed she didn’t lose another person forever.

Chapter Fifteen

Breck didn’t have to open his eyes to know the other side of the bed was empty. He’d held her for hours last night. She’d only cried for a short time, but she didn’t let go and he didn’t either. Rowan didn’t speak, but he’d kept telling her it would be okay. That he was there for her and he was sorry.

So very sorry. He didn’t know Shakes very well, but he could see how much the older man loved Rowan and how much she loved him, too.

Holding her, he also realized he’d fallen in love with her.

Not just cared about her. The woman owned his heart and he was okay with that. Hell, he was ecstatic about it.

Breck rolled over, and pushed out of the bed. If he knew her, she’d be in the kitchen trying to pretend she was okay. Taking care of business instead of taking care of herself.

He wasn’t surprised to come downstairs and see her on the phone. She’d already gotten dressed for the day and paced back and forth. He could tell by the conversation she was making funeral arrangements.

When she hung up, Breck walked to her and slid his arms around her waist. Rowan instantly tensed.
Damn it.
“Hey. How ya doing today?” he asked.

“Busy.” She squeezed his hand briefly and then pulled away. “The service is day after tomorrow. My house will probably be packed with half the town. I need to go grocery shopping so I can start cooking now.” Her green eyes didn’t look at him once as he spoke.

“Are you sure you want to cook? That’s a lot to deal with right now. I can have someone cater—”

“No!” She cut him off. “You don’t need to put out the money for me. I have it under control.”

Damned if he didn’t want to make this better for her. Breck tried to move toward her again, but she dodged him and grabbed her keys. He’d be lying if he didn’t say it hurt. “I have a lot to do.” She moved toward the kitchen door.

“Give me five minutes. I’ll run upstairs, change and then go shopping with you.”

“I can’t… I…” She looked toward the ground, the pain showing in the slump of her shoulders and the curve of her back. Even in the way she dressed in a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt.

“Sweetheart—”

“I’m sorry. I just— I have to go.” Without a backward glance, she raced out of the kitchen. Breck leaned against the counter and tried to figure out what the hell just happened. And as selfish as he was, he also couldn’t stop wondering what she would have said last night. If maybe she felt the same about him as he did her.

Breck let Rowan have the rest of the day to herself. She spent most of it shopping and then went straight into the kitchen. She moved as though on autopilot. Like a robot with nothing emotional going on behind her eyes, and it killed him.

He didn’t know what to do, if it was even his place to be there for her, but Christ did he want to. But he didn’t want to make it worse either, so he decided to give her that first day. But when he got out of his bed the next morning, he wasn’t giving her space anymore.

Breck again found her in the kitchen. Her eyes were swollen, her face pink. Not as though she’d been crying, but like she was exhausted. Had she slept at all? Had she cried or mourned besides the first night?

“Good morning.” Done playing games, Breck walked over and kissed her cheek. Rowan again froze and he tried not to take it personally. She was hurting. She’d lost someone important to her.

Breck felt like he was losing her… Though had he ever really had her?

“Hey.” Rowan busied herself pulling ingredients out of the pantry.

“What are we making?” Breck asked.

She peeked out the door at him. “Umm…I’m making desserts today.”

“We.”

“Excuse me?”

“
We’re
making desserts today,” Breck told her.

“You don’t have to help.”

“I never thought I had to, and you say that way too much. I’ll tell you again: it’s okay to accept help.”

He waited for it. For her to smile or give him shit, but if anything, she looked even sadder than she had before. He wanted to make it better. To kiss her, hold her and stroke her pretty red hair.

“Thank you,” she said, ignoring the second half of what he said.

“Rowan. We need to talk, sweetheart. I know you’re hurting.”

He only got two steps closer to her before she held up her hand. “I can’t. Not right now, Breck. I just can’t do it right now.”

He sighed before walking over to the sink to wash his hands. Really, all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her. To find a way to take away all her pain, if she’d only let him.

…

Sidney sat on one side of Rowan and Breck on the other as they huddled in the back of Sidney’s car, which Kade drove. The funeral had just ended and now everyone was heading back to her house to celebrate Shakes’s life.

Shakes. Her parents’ friend. The man she’d known her whole life was dead.

Breck hadn’t left her side at all. This wasn’t what he came here for—not the relaxation or getaway anyone would want—yet his hand was latched onto hers and had been all day. It was supposed to make her feel better. In some ways it did, but in others all it did was make her feel guiltier.

She shifted in her seat, trying to discreetly pry her hand from his, but Breck didn’t let her go. It made her love him more.

“How are you doing?” Sidney said from beside her. The way her friend asked, she knew Sidney didn’t only mean regarding Shakes.

“I don’t know,” Rowan answered truthfully. She wasn’t sure she knew much of anything anymore. Or maybe she never really had.

Sidney sighed and then leaned her head on Rowan’s shoulder. “I think you have the potential to have everything you’ve ever wanted and I couldn’t be happier for you.”

Rowan stopped breathing. Her eyes darted to the side, but Breck wasn’t paying any attention to them. He’d shaved, his face smooth, jaw square and strong. And God, did she want him to hold her again. To tell her it would all be okay. She wanted to know what it would feel like to have his hand on her belly as they talked and smiled about the baby inside. Their baby.

Rowan squeezed his hand. He turned, giving her the smile that always sent shivers through her. She wanted to return it, to show him how much it meant to her, but she couldn’t. She didn’t deserve this after the way she’d betrayed him.

Kade pulled into her driveway and parked in front. She had two refrigerators full of food for the people who would be right behind them.

She had too much to do right now to lose herself in Breck and her dreams for a real family.

He opened the door for them. She tried not to let her eyes linger. It hurt to look at him, hurt to think of losing him the way everyone seemed to drift out of her life.

That it could all end soon.

She knew Sidney was right on her tail as she headed for the door. A glance behind her told her Jace pulled in with Betsy. The men stayed outside while her girlfriends followed her inside. Rowan immediately started pulling wrapped containers and platters of food out of the fridge. “I already set up the tables. I put a tag on each one so we know what to put where.”

“Rowan,” Sidney said.

“I hope I have enough food. I’m sure the house is going to be packed.”

“Freckles.”

Rowan tried to ignore her friend. She needed to get through this. Couldn’t let herself break down.

“There are paper plates and cups in the garage. I’ll run and get them real quickly.”

But she couldn’t move because Betsy had grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. It startled her so much, Rowan didn’t get a chance to pull away. Betsy squeezed her tightly and Rowan couldn’t stop herself from hugging her back.

Betsy didn’t speak and neither did she. When she felt her eyes begin to tear up, Rowan gave one short squeeze before pulling away. Both her friends looked at her with wet eyes.

“I know…I know. I’m okay. I just have so much on my mind with Shakes, Breck and the— Yeah. It’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.” She turned toward the garage, but even to her own ears, her words sounded like a lie.

“Bob Dylan! Get over here!” Rowan watched as Sidney’s aunt Mae chased her dog that in turn was chasing Ace through her living room. They were both small so they squeezed around people’s feet without most of them noticing. Ace shot up the stairs, but Bob Dylan, being a little overweight, couldn’t make it as quickly. Aunt Mae grabbed him, cuddling him as though he’d been the one traumatized rather than Ace, as Old Man Wilson, who used to be the bitterest man in town and was now Mae’s boyfriend, fretted over Aunt Mae.

It was the sweetest thing she’d ever seen.

Rowan’s house had never been so full. She wished it were for a reason she could enjoy. Breck had avoided her most of the afternoon—or maybe it was she who avoided him. She couldn’t say for sure. Actually she just didn’t want to think about it.

“It’s entirely too sad in here!” Aunt Mae squeezed her way through the crowd. The sixty-something woman climbed up onto Rowan’s coffee table (Rowan cringed) and announced, “Shakes would want this to be a party. No one loved this town and the people here the way Shakes did, and I think it’s a damn shame we’re walking around crying instead of celebrating all he was to us.”

Leave it to Aunt Mae to say what needed to be said. She commanded the attention of everyone in the room.

“I guess I’ll go first.” Mae smiled. “I remember one time—it was about twenty years ago—we had a bad storm come through. My truck got stuck in the mud. It was before everyone walked around with phones attached to their heads and my Sidney and I were sitting in the car for a good twenty minutes. Sid was young and I didn’t want to make her walk in the rain. All of a sudden someone came up and knocked on the window. I have no idea how he knew we were stuck, but Shakes drove us home and then got the truck out when the storm ended. Incredible man.”

Aunt Mae sniffed, wiped her eyes and then Old Man Wilson helped her off the table.

Rowan was surprised when Amanda Baker stepped up next. She was about Rowan’s age. They’d never really been close and she dressed more like she was going to a club than a service.

“When I was a kid I broke my arm falling out of a tree. Mom was glad I was okay, but a bit upset because she’d told me not to climb up there. We stopped at the diner to grab dinner and I was crying. Shakes bought me a strawberry milkshake, which had always been my favorite.”

Old Man Wilson spoke next.

“Shakes and I used to spend hours and hours fishing together. He was always there when I needed to go and before my wife passed, he’d usually shoulder the blame when she got upset if we stayed out too long.”

Sidney stood. “When I came back to Shamrock Falls thinking it was only for a vacation, Shakes knew I’d stay. He knew I belonged here before I did.”

Rowan couldn’t stop herself from seeking out Breck at that. Their eyes locked and she wondered so much what he was thinking. If it could be possible he’d belong here, like Sidney did.

Kade talked about how Shakes could sometimes have the worst timing, but other times he came just when he was needed. On, and on and on. People spoke about how Shakes impacted their lives. Rowan had so many stories she could tell. Why couldn’t she make any of them come out?

Aunt Mae looked at her, nodding her head as if to tell Rowan to take her turn, but she couldn’t.

She suddenly wished she’d told him about the baby. She’d been close to doing it that night on the deck, when she thought Breck had been flirting with her houseguest, but she hadn’t. She’d given him superficial answers, just how she had a big problem. Didn’t know what to do. So on and so forth. And he’d given her support and faith on just that. But he would have loved knowing she’d be a mom.

Now she could never tell him, because she’d chosen to keep it all to herself.

A cry tried to break free, but Rowan bit it back down. She turned to walk away and ran smack into Breck’s chest. He reached for her hand, but she snuck around him and walked away. She couldn’t do this anymore.