Loving Lucas (3 page)

perch on the sofa. “How much have you had to drink?”

Lucas shrugged, looking at the bottle he still gripped. “It was full when I started.”

“Shit, Luc. You know you can’t drink like that.”

“No, I’ve never drunk like this before, but now seems like

the time to start.”

“You’re gonna have a hell of a headache later.”

“If I live long enough.”

Ignoring the comment, Nicholas pulled the bottle from

Lucas, placed it on the floor, and then set himself down on the edge of the coffee table, trying to pull his thoughts and 21

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emotions together. He knew Lucas was in a bad place

emotionally and he understood why, but he wasn’t about to

sit around and let him spiral down into a depression or put his life at risk.

“Listen, Luc.”

“You got a file from that DA, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, he e-mailed it to me.”

“Which means you’ve read it so you know everything.”

“Luc….”

“Were there pictures?”

“Yes.” He couldn’t lie to him. He wouldn’t do that. “Luc, I want you to listen to me.”

“So you know all of it now?” Standing, Lucas moved past

him, walking across the room to the window, reaching out to toy with the curtain, but he didn’t open it. “I mean, I’m

guessing the file had a copy of the police report and my

interview with the police and even Miller’s now-null

confession.”

Resisting the urge to get up and follow him, Nicholas

stayed where he sat. “All of that was in the file and, yeah, I read it and saw all of it.”

“So you know what he did.”

“Luc, please.”

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“You know he knocked me out, outside of my apartment,

and when I woke up I was in this small, smelly warehouse

and I…I tried to reason with him, but he was beyond the

point where anyone could reason with him.

“Well, you know what happened, don’t you? You know he

raped me. And he stabbed me.”

“Luc.”

“I was on my stomach, when he set me on fire, but you

know that, too. Doctors said I was lucky I only got burned on my back and arm, but….” He laughed—a harsh, bitter bark

of laughter that echoed with tears he clearly refused to shed.

“Well, I guess you get it now, don’t you? I mean, after seeing what I looked like, you can’t imagine wanting to be with me and, hell, I certainly can’t blame you. Maybe this is all a good thing: Riley getting out, it can finally open your eyes up to what I am and why any desire you think you feel is a

joke.”

Standing, Nicholas finally allowed himself to cross the

room, placing his hands on Lucas’s shoulders, not surprised when Lucas tensed at his touch.

“Right now, you’re upset and somewhat drunk, so I won’t

hold anything you just said against you, Luc. What I’m

about to tell you, I will tell you again when you’re sober and, hopefully, capable of being reasonable.”

“Nic….”

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“I love you. I’ve loved you for nearly five years and

nothing, and I mean nothing, will change the fact that I love you.”

“You can’t say that.”

“I just said it, and what’s more, I mean it.”

He felt some of the tension fade from Lucas and he

leaned back against him slightly. Nicholas allowed his hands to slip from his shoulders, to wrap around Lucas’s waist.

“I’m tired, Nic.”

“You should be, after half a bottle of scotch.”

“No, I mean I’m tired…. I’m just tired of the memories

and being alone.”

His heart clenched and he shut his eyes, pressing his

face into Lucas’s thick blond hair and inhaling deeply.

“Nic.”

“Food can wait. I think you need to get some sleep.”

“You plan on staying here, don’t you?”

“I’m camping out on the sofa tonight.”

Slowly, Lucas turned in his arms, but he didn’t make an

effort to pull back and Nicholas didn’t feel inclined to step away as he looked into Lucas’s blue eyes, seeing a host of

tangled emotions there that broke his heart.

“Why do you keep fighting for me, Nic? I’m not worth it.”

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“You are. You are worth more than you realize and I love

you.”

For a moment, he thought Lucas was going to say those

words back to him, but instead, he took a step back and

Nicholas allowed his arms to fall.

“I should go to bed.”

“Luc….”

“I’ll see ya later. If you’re here, I mean.”

He turned, moving down the short hall to his room.

Nicholas sighed as he watched the man he loved retreat not

only physically but emotionally.

“I’ll be here, Luc. Get used to that, because I’m not

gonna be pushed away again.”

“NIC….”

“Shhh. No talking, remember? This is all about feeling.”

Any thought to protest died quickly, as Nicholas’s lips
claimed his and Lucas arched into the kiss, opening his mouth
and whimpering when Nicholas’s tongue touched his

teasingly. He could feel a jolt of heat run from his mouth right
to his already aching cock that silently begged for release.

Everything in the world, everything around them faded and
Lucas didn’t want the onslaught of emotions to end as he
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tangled one hand in Nicholas’s dark hair, savoring the way
the silky stands wrapped around his fingers.

Twisting beneath the man he wanted more than he

wanted his next breath, Lucas spread his legs more, lifting his
hips to press his erection against Nicholas, wanting the other
man to understand how much he wanted him, how much he

needed him.

“Nic….”

“Tell me, Luc. Tell me what you want.”

Gasping at the feel of Nicholas’s mouth latching to the
sensitive patch beneath his ear, Lucas thought he would fly
apart.

He had never felt so alive; he had never felt so wanted.

“You. I want you, Nic. I’ve always wanted you.”

The admission felt almost freeing and Lucas wanted,

needed, even more, but as he basked in that feeling of

freedom, something around him seemed to shift. The feelings
of love and desire faded and suddenly, he was cold and

afraid as he opened his eyes to find Nicholas was gone.

Instead, Riley Miller lingered above him, smiling sickly.

“Don’t worry. I’ll give you just what you have coming to
you, Luc. And you had better enjoy it, ’cause no one else
wants to touch you.”

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Choking back a scream, Lucas sat up in bed, blinking as

his eyes adjusted. He realized he was safe. He was in his

room and he was alone.

Raking a hand through his sweat-dampened hair, he

cursed under his breath, knowing he needed to get his

emotions quickly in check. Nicholas was still sitting in his living room and he didn’t want to seem upset when he faced

him. He didn’t want Nicholas to have more cause to pity him, because pity was the last thing he wanted from Nicholas

Demetris.

But what I do want, I can’t have. And I can’t forget that.

The dream he just had was a painful reminder that, no

matter what, he could never give in to his feelings for

Nicholas.

Pushing himself from the bed, he slipped into the

bathroom where he washed his face and gave himself a

moment longer to pull himself together, before going into the living room to find Nicholas on the sofa, watching television.

He had shed his shirt and shoes and he wore only jeans

and socks. His hair was a mess and he looked like a wet

dream come to life.

Shit!

Nicholas looked up at him, half-smiling. “Feel better?”

“I have a headache.”

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“Really? Who knew half a bottle of scotch would do that

to a guy.”

Rolling his eyes at the obvious sarcasm, Lucas sat down

on the far end of the sofa, looking at the television.

“What are you watching?” It seemed like a nice, safe

topic.

“Braves game just ended.”

“They win?”

“Lost six to four.”

Lucas nodded as Nicholas shifted to face him and Lucas

sighed, knowing they were going to have a serious

conversation, if he wanted it or not.

Don’t make an ass of yourself, Luc.

“Have you ever been to Hawaii?”

Thrown by the question, Lucas looked from the television

to the man sitting beside him. It was a challenge to make eye contact when Nicholas’s bare chest was just inches from him and his hand itched to touch the smooth, olive skin.

I bet he tastes wonderful. Salty and sweet. And his

nipples…. I want to suck them ’til he screams
.

Shaking the thought from his mind, Lucas forced himself

to focus on the question Nicholas had asked, but the way

Nicholas smirked at him made Lucas wonder if he had

somehow been projecting his sexually hungry thoughts.

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“Hawaii, Luc? Have you ever been?”

“No. No, I haven’t. Why?”

“We should go.”

He shook his head again. “Go….”

“I went there for two weeks about eight years ago. It’s

beautiful. I’d love to take you there.”

“Nic….”

“We should rent a beach house with a private beach.”

“I don’t….”

“I’d love to fuck you on the beach, Luc. Surrounded by

white sand and blue water.”

Shifting for the sake of comfort as his cock swelled in his jeans, Lucas told himself to stand, to move, to get away from Nicholas and the image he was painting, but it seemed he

didn’t have enough blood flow to his brain to follow that

command.

“Think about it, Luc. The sound of the waves, the feel of

the sun. And you riding me.”

“Nic, please.”

“Oh, I like the sound of that. You breathless. Saying my

name.”

Closing his eyes, Lucas prayed for strength, but he was

pretty certain no one was listening to his prayers when he

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felt Nicholas’s hand in his hair, moving slowly and sensually, drawing a moan from Lucas’s parted lips.

“Five years, Luc. Five long years I’ve wanted you.”

“Don’t….” He forced his eyes open to see Nicholas closer

to him, just inches away.

“I know you aren’t ready yet, but you will be soon. Very

soon, I think.”

“I can’t do this. You know that.”

“I know you want me. I know you love me. I know those

feelings are mutual.”

Lucas shook his head, but said nothing. He didn’t have

the strength to say words they both knew to be a lie as

Nicholas slipped from the sofa. Lucas watched with desire-

filled eyes as Nicholas easily pushed Lucas’s legs apart and arranged himself between them.

“I know you don’t want me to see you, Luc, but I intend

to change your mind about that really soon, so get ready.”

“What…what are you doing?”

“Me? Oh, I’m going to suck your cock, Luc.”

Teasingly, Nicholas brushed his hand over the front of

Lucas’s jeans and Lucas hissed, which made Nicholas smile.

“Looks like you need some relief. Lucky for you, I’m good

at this.”

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Licking his lips, unable to deny that he was painfully

aroused, especially by the sight of Nicholas kneeling between his hips, Lucas realized vaguely that he wanted this and he was sick of denying himself what he wanted.

He didn’t believe for a second that he and Nicholas could

have a real relationship, but maybe there wasn’t any harm in having this.

God help me, I want his touch. Just this once at least. I
need it. I need a real memory of him
.

Mesmerized, he watched Nicholas’s graceful fingers move

to unbutton and then unzip his jeans. Of their own accord,

Lucas’s hips lifted from the sofa, allowing Nicholas the

freedom to tug the jeans down his hips.

He heard himself gasp when the cool air in the

apartment hit his cock.

“And there it is.”

“Nic….”

“I’ve dreamed about this, Luc, but I got to tell you,” he

shook his head, “the real thing is by far better than anything I imagined, and trust me when I tell you I have a very vivid imagination.” He placed his hands on Lucas’s knees, gently

pushing them farther apart, and Lucas sucked in a breath

as Nicholas teasingly trailed fingers up the inside of his

nearly quivering thighs.

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Fairly certain his heart was determined to beat its way

out of his chest, Lucas could only watch, as Nicholas looked up with a smile that was sinful.

Oh God….

Speechless, he watched as Nicholas lifted one hand,

turning slightly, to pluck a piece of ice from a glass that sat on the coffee table.

“Nic.”

“Trust me?”

“Of course.”

That earned him a real smile and Lucas realized just how

much weight those two words carried, as Nicholas sucked

the piece of ice into his mouth. Lucas stared at his mouth, at those full, sensual lips, and he died a little inside because he knew that if they did this, if Nic sucked him off, there would be no going back.